I thought I would be tougher. It's just a month before I can talk to her again. Not a big deal, but as I saw her pull away in the passenger's seat of her father's red pick-up truck, I had to choke back some tears. I know this is going to lead her in the right path. It's the right thing to do, the way she was living her life might very well have ended up in her not being with me much longer anyway. She was not happy. Nothing I could do for her would change that.
She needs this I keep telling myself. Time away so that she can get away from that shit that's destroying her life. Time away from all the temptations, bad influences and wrong choices. I'll be able to talk to her in about a month, that's 1/12 of a year, 30 days, not an eternity. It will feel like one though. Sleeping alone, eating alone, walking the dog alone, living alone.
There are meetings for people like me. People dealing with the same hardship. Seeing a loved one do this to themselves. I don't know if I'm strong enough to go to one. And if I do, I'm pretty sure I will keep to myself. Not share this pain with anyone. I think I will be living a somewhat hermit-ish life for the short term but forseeable future. Just me and the Squisher.
When she returns, she might be a changed woman. Different from the way she is now. Feeling a lot better about herself, her outlook on life, with a newfound positive attitude, and ready to continue our existance together. At least I hope so. There's nothing that I want more than to see her happy. To see her kick the habit. To see her.
Look at me, emotionally dumping on you people. Fuck it. It's my blog. I can do whatever I want in here. If I come across as a wuss, it is my right to do so. Besides, look at the title on this thing. I fit right in. 30 days man . . .
I miss my wife.
*Music I listened to while coming up with this entry:
Changes Are No Good - The Stills
Untitled 2 - Sigur Ros
Sleeping Pills - Her Space Holiday
Getaway - Stereophonics
Not Even Jail - Interpol
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3 comments:
You going to 1 of those meetings would help her immensely. While you don't realize it, there may be things you can do to help, or knowledge others who have gone through this have for you. I don't think you have to talk at those. Everybody feels awkward & doesn't want to go.
A healthier you helps her be healthier. I've been where she's at, she can make it. I hope & pray everything works out for her & for you too.
Sorry man. At least you wil have the "internets"
I know the feeling but its for the best my man. Nothing wrong with emotion either. Hell even a Marine gets choked up every once in a while.
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