Britons Living in Fear

A new survey was released recently. Apparently, the British are living in the constant fear of . . . wait for it . . . not terrorist attacks. No, something much more insidious and evil. They are living in fear of having their dogs stolen. This is what is concerning them at this point in time. Not suicide bombers, dog-nappers. And who could blame them. Losing your puppy is one of the most heartbreaking of things. I place it right above seeing your grandmother being trampled to death during a stampede of rabbits. Here's a little quote from Reuters:

LONDON (Reuters) - More than a third of British dog owners are worried their pet will be stolen while one in 20 who have lost their four-legged friend think they were victims of thieves, according to a survey Wednesday. Almost half of owners have now had their dog fitted with a microchip because of fears that thieves will strike, the research by Direct Line insurance found.

I can already picture ransome notes written in magazine clippings stating "Give us the cash or we off the pooch". And then the pet parents would send Denzel Washington after the pup-nappers and he'd stick a bomb up their rectums. Hmm . . . I should write this down somewhere and submit it as a script. Hollywood will make anything into a movie these days. And the addition of British accents would make it classier. Like Masterpiece Theater on PBS, but with exploding anuses and packages of severed puppy paws packed in ice.