Nothing Sadder

In my lifetime, I don't think I've come across nothing sadder than my dog, Squishy, sneezing. Yes, my dog sneezing is one of the, if not the most, saddest thing I've ever come across. Let me explain. He is a Basset Hound, and just the look on his face when he's fine is sad. You can't help but hunker down and pet his head and try to avoid his licking. Everyone loves that dog. People will say hello to him on the street and not look at me at all and then continue on their merry way. So, that's how he is when he's not gripped by a fit of sneezing. When he does, he smacks his face on the ground every single time.

Yes, imagine if you smacked your nose on the ground every time you "achoo'd". Heck, if someone flicks my nose I get that "I need to sneeze" feeling. So, I'm guessing so does he, which leads to yet another sneeze, and another. It's a truly viscious cycle. Sometimes, I notice blood on the ground. He gives himself bloody noses. He just can't control the sneezing fits, and being so low to the ground, he can't control his head and where it comes crashing down on. Whenever I can, I'm out there, to hold his head while he's going at it. But I can't be there the whole time. I have work, a wife to attend to (if you know what I mean *wink wink*) and other things that keep me occupied.

Now, you must be saying: "That's the saddest thing you've seen??". Yeah asshole. It is. Apart from me being extremely attached to my pup (not in a bestialistic way though, perv), I really can't think of anything that I've come across that is sadder. Those commercials with the Ethiopian babies covered in gnats comes to mind, or the wasting away of a loved one by a crippling disease. Those I would assume could be sadder. The thing is, I have not experienced those. My condolensces if you have (I'm guessing not many gnat-covered Ethiopian youths are reading this though).

The good news is that it has stopped for now. Maybe I could get Sally Struthers to start up an Anti Basset Hound Sneezing charity. You could watch the half hour-long infomercials at 4:30AM after a long night of drinking or partaking in your vice of choice. More people could be informed of this terrible plight. There would be stock-footage of various Bassets in different stages of sneezing to tug at your drunken heartstrings. If anything, it could be a form of sick entertainment for the more perverse. This, of course, is only a pipe dream, as I could never hope to afford feeding Sally Struthers during the shoot of the infomercial. That woman (Sally the Hutt?) is huge. She would consume my refridgerator (appliance and all) in a few seconds, and then diva her way out the gig because I couldn't meet her demand for 30 cases of Ho-Ho's and 20 cases of Devil Dogs.

For now, the plight of the sneezing Squishy will go unsolved. That is, unless you the reader can make a difference.

*Music I listened to while coming up with this entry:
Home is Where You Hang Yourself - Her Space Holiday
Half the Fun - Snow Patrol
El Caminos In The West - Grandaddy
True Mathematics - Ladytron
Endless Shovel - Rogue Wave
Just Travelling Through - The Thrills
Y Control - Yeah Yeah Yeah's
Under Pressure - Queen w/David Bowie (not the crap covers that came out this year)