Microbe-phobes

I don't understand why people think they need to slip into a biohazard suit to go to the bathroom where I work. The bathrooms are constantly cleaned by the cleaning crew (they should be the ones in airtight suits). Despite this, I always notice guys either performing difficult acrobatics to open the door with their feet or wrapping 10 yards of tissue around their hands to avoid contact with the dreaded door handle.

Have we become such pussies that we cringe at the mere thought that there might be bacteria on the door handle to the bathroom? Seriously though, there is most likely bacteria on the paper ass-gasket you sit on when you're taking a dump. Oh yeah, bacteria is everywhere. It's at your cubicle station, on your clothes, in your stomach breaking down the food you just ate, everywhere! Heck, your epidermis is a feasting ground for microscopic mites who eat away your dead skin.

All this microbe-phobia is leading to stronger and more resistent bacterial/viral/etc strains. Thank you to all the morons who purchase the "New and Improved" anti-bacterial soaps who can't go on without their hourly hand-washing. Thanks to you hypochondriacs, we're all going to die a more horrible death at the hands (well, whatever bacteria uses to attach itself to us) of these feared organisms.

But hey, if it makes you feel better, go ahead and gargle with that anti-bacterial concoction of yours. Keep opening doors with your hand wrapped in paper. I'm a man, and I will act accordingly. You clean freaks can all succumb to whatever new mutation is out there for all I care. I'll just shrug off whatever microbial threat comes my way.