The Summer Starts - Opening Movies 6/9/06

Opening in Wide Release

Cars - Pixar's latest offering opens up today, and be prepared to wait in line if you want to see this movie this weekend. With a ton of kids around you. If this scares you, it's fine. It scares me too. All those children, back-pocket tall. They could slip those tiny hands and lift your wallet very easily. Think about all those Dickens books. Just punch a kid in the face if he's dressed up in 1800's garb and standing around behind you. Trust me, that little bastard had it coming to him.

The Omen - And speaking about punching kids in the face, someone should really kick the kid in The Omen in the face, and then grab a folding chair, and crash it over his back until he goes limp. I hear all he does throughout this movie is frown/pout . . . because that is scary. Yeah, and loud sounds are scary . . . if you're 4 years old. You can't fault the movie for using the best marketing ploy of the century, 6/06/06. Wow, it's like they made a deal with someone to get a Tuesday release date. Who could have brokered that deal . . . hmm . . . maybe, wait . . . oh yes, the Devil?

A Prairie Home Companion - Let's get off the subject of beating kids up and move over to the subject of kicking Lindsey Lohan's ass. Why? Well, after working with Robert Altman in this movie, Lohan will no longer work with "no-name" directors. Because she's such a great actress. I say, since she is talentless, next time you see her, just dangle a bag of cocaine over her, just beyond her reach, and she'll probably kill herself because she can't get to it to "powder her nose". I don't think Karl Lagerfeld will mind too much.

Opening in Selected Theaters (Since I don't really care about these movies, all synopsi [or is it synopsises {how many of these can I get away with}, I don't know] come from Yahoo! Movies.)

Agnes and His Brothers - Three siblings, one a transsexual, suspect the cause of their troubled romantic lives is their relationship with their father

Autumn - A French hit man has a crisis of conscience but has to protect his childhood sweetheart who he learns is a thief.

Crossing the Bridge: The Sound of Istanbul - A documentary look through the streets of Istanbul to record the many different musical styles of Turkey.

The Heart of the Game - A documentary following six seasons of a high school girls basketball team, their inspirational coach, and their star player.

The Long Weekend - A workaholic (Brendan Fehr) tries to save his job while his womanizing brother (Chris Klein) tries to loosen him up.