Charming Customer

This is a little e-mail exchange between myself and a customer of ours. I'm coming into it a little late. Previous techs have been trying to get more information on this guy, but he keeps regurgitating the same wrong information expecting us to miraculously find it. It does not surprise me at all that this customer is from the Lone Star State . . . which should have the sub-heading "must have a lone brain cell to inhabit". Fucking Texans.

Good Morning:

This has got to be one of the most incompetent companies I have ever come across.

Everything you have just asked for AGAIN, is in the email thread below, to include my activation code and username - you do not even read your email.

I bought this off Panda Web site. Do you think Texas is anywhere but the United States?

Your company is unbelievable - I can not believe my friends recommended you to me - nor can I believe you have been in business for any period of time.

Read the email thread - I am the customer - I am not going to keep repeating the info because your too lazy to read it the first time.

Sincerely,

Douchebag McSacksucker Sr.

So maybe I took a little creative license with his name. I am, after all, trying to protect his identity.

Dear Customer,

The reason the previous techs keep asking you the same question(s) over and over again is because you do not provide us with any information that we can use to find your account.

>> Username: *he enters his e-mail address here
>> Password is your Subscription ID: *enters a random number here

The information you provided are not valid user name and passwords for Xxxxx. These are automatically generated. The user name alone will always be a randomly generated alpha-numeric (combination of numbers and letters) sequence. If you can find this information, you will be able to log in to your Panda program, and the problem will most likely be resolved.

I thought that would take care of it. I terribly underestimated the power of ignorance though. Please, check the next e-mail from him.

Dear Mr/Ms Me:

Your arrogance in dealing with a customer is outrageous.

You have the audacity to come back to me in a condescending tone when it is your company that has given me the below username and password, not vice versa. It is my money paying you for a service, and you lost my data, in your system and are now asking me for information that I have given you several times, and the same information that your still asking for, when it is throughout the email thread below.

Instead of assisting me with the problem, your asking me to find my username, when I already know my username as generated from your email and assigned to me by your company and again can be found in the extract I copied from your email and inserted in the thread below. I am sending you that email separately.

In summation I might add the title End User Tech support is appropriate as their is NO Support at Panda.

Sincerely,


Douchebag McSacksucker Sr.

Now, I might have been a little on the abrasive side with my last e-mail, but I don't think I was condecending. Here's my response.

Dear Customer,

The tone was not meant to be condescending in any way. You are asking Tech Support to find your information but none of the information that you issued to us matches anything in our database (Name, e-mail address, telephone numbers). It is a pretty hard task for our dept (which handles technical issues . . . not account issues) to go on what you send us and try to help. Your account is most likely not lost, but there is a miscommunication going on here that can’t be faulted 100% on us. Please contact Customer Service between the hours of 8:30 am and 5:30 pm PST, Monday – Friday at telephone number xxx-xxx-xxxx. This dept will help you with this account issue, and find your user name and password.

I hope he calls so he can stop friggin bothering me with his e-mails. I don't care much for Customer Service, which is why I sent Douchey their telephone number. They can have a gay old time going back and forth, on the telephone, how the company is inadequate in dealing with whatever is bothering him. I'm done with douchey.