The Kid and I

I'd like to think of myself as a pretty temperate guy. Not much gets to me. I keep a cool and calm head during times of crisis and stress. But, I think I have met my arch-nemesis. Who is this person that turns my life upside down and inexplicably creates unbalance in my life? Well, my 8 year old nephew.

It's not all bad all the time though. I like the kid. There are times when he and I can sit around and play videogames and it'll be perfectly OK, but about 90% of the time . . . he's doing something that I find completely annoying. And to top it off, he's spending some time in Los Angeles for the next couple of days. We just got over a visit from family last week, so the peace and quiet that I was expecting this past weekend was shattered by this kid's presence.

So, what happens when I'm around him? I suddenly become eight years old myself and start verbally sparring with him. The only drawback is that my wife, super-nurturer that she is, defends the kid like a mother lion defending her cub from her jackal-husband. "He's only a kid!" she tells me, in elevated vocal tones. I know he's just a kid, but I also know that he knows that most of the time, he can get away with shit because of the "he's just a kid" defence. He's not stupid. He knows. I can almost admire the way he is able to manipulate things in his favor. So I end up being the bad guy, and the kid sits there, smiling like the cute cherub of youth that he is. His innocent facade foils most, but I can see right through it.

So yes, he is my krytonite. I'm pretty sure he is capable of behaving when his parents are around, specially his father. But when he's up visiting, all of that goes out the window and he basically acts like a mini-caveman. And I end up knee deep in shit because my wife gets mad when I verbally defend myself from a barrage of childlike insults. Here's some typical back and forth between the two of us.

Nephew - "Shut up Jaime, I'm like almost taller than you. Stupid."
Me - "Dude, I suggest you look up the word 'almost' in the dictionary before you go around using it all willy-nilly like that".

Nephew - "Whatever, why can't your dog shut up and be quiet"
Me - "I'd ask you the same question"

Nephew - "Your mamma so fat (insert cliched joke here)"
Me - "Did you just call my mamma fat? The same my mamma who lets you use her pool? I wonder what she'd think if she knew that. Let me call her and ask"
Nephew - "Noooo!!!"

It might not be the best way to deal with a child, but I can't help but lash out in self-defence if someone comes into my environment and disturbs the balance. No kid is walking into my house and rude'ing it up just because he comes off as cute when he's doing it. Sorry. I like him, but the nephew dosages have to be at a minimum or else we'll be at each other's throats in no time.

Amendment - Everything seems to have been worked out with one of those "family talks". It was uncomfortable, but I'm glad this is on it's way to resolution. I really hope we can get along . . . the kid and I.