Waiting For the Punch

I was talking to my wife yesterday about how I was not fondly anticipating today's direct deposit payroll check. I was forced to refile my W4 (I think that's the one) and put myself under "married but with-holding at single rate" so that the federal government would start taking out more money from my paycheck (yay). This way, I wouldn't have to send them money like I did this year. I likened it to someone waiting for a punch in the face that they know is coming their way, but they can't do anything about it. So I'm bracing myself for this monetary whack to my handsome visage. I wake up this morning, and like on every other payday, I log into my bank account online and check out just how small my compensation for the last two weeks of work is going to be.

To my surprise, the government took all of it! Ok, maybe that's not exactly true, but I keep logging into my account and I don't see any new deposits in there. It's definetely some clerical mistake on the part of the payroll department. I remember this happening 6 months ago. The only problem is that I depend on these friggin' payments coming in on time so that I, in turn, can make payments to creditors who are anxiously awaiting for me to miss a deadline so they can tack on a ludicrous late fee. It's a vicious game of cat and mouse.

So, I'm still waiting for this whack that I'm bound to get anytime now. The punch has been delayed, but it's inevitable. I feel like a bitch and the federal government is my pimp, coming around every couple of weeks in his Cadillac and screaming at me "Bitch, where's my money!". He's just not in time this time around. Maybe he's gassing up the ol' gas-guzzler, or replacing the dead goldfish in his platform boots.