Old Navy Hater

Things I want to do to Old Navy.

- I want to sink Old Navy

- I want to send Old Navy to a nursing home that looks real nice and peaceful when its kids are visiting, but once they leave, the nurses and staff scream at Old Navy, steal its pills to sell out in the back alley, and let Old Navy sit in its soiled Depends for weeks. Old Navy's kids would just shake their heads in disbelief while Old Navy complained about the treatment.

- I want to turn Old Navy into Soylent Green.

- I want to chase Old Navy through a futuristic city and shoot at it with lazers. Then, we'd get into a chase on an egg'y looking monorail. But, unlike Logan's Run, Old Navy doesn't get away.

- I want to tell Old Navy that I'll be over at 6pm, but never show up. Instead, I'd go behind its back and shop at Urban Outfitters.

- I want to decommision Old Navy and then cheat it out of its Veteran's Benefits. That way, Old Navy would have to live on the streets, all dirty and haggard. People would look at it and wonder why Old Navy is not in a shelter, while it screams about some crazy Retail Wars.

Fuck you Old Navy. You know where to stick that performance fleece.