Anne Hathaway - Best Yacht Passenger Ever

Most of the time, when people find themselves on yachts, they spend their time lounging around, working on their tans, and generally not giving the world anything worthwhile. Anne Hathaway is not like that. And I'm sure she should become a role model for all women everywhere. When you're in a yacht, and you're wearing a hot retro-looking bikini . . . why not blow a guy? Do you know just how much that would help the world . . . or just yacht owners? Whatever the case may be, Anne Hathaway is sure as hell shedding her "Princess Diaries" image with risque (so Frenchy) movie roles and personal displays of affection that involve her mouth and a wanger. I say more power to her. The guy she's fellating though, surely doesn't deserve the attention. Look at that putz. He's on the phone?! Someone needs to prioritize.

One more picture of Anne Hathaway and that bikini, which is looking like it's painted on her. Why can't other Hollywood starlets have the same fashion sense that this chick has.

How'd I get on the Filipino Tabloids?

I'm seriously confused. I've been linked before in the past, but this one is just a little on the peculiar side. Sure, they send me a couple of hits with their linkage, but when they do, they refer to me as "Kuya Jaime", which if my experience hanging around a certain asian social networking website a few years back tells me anything, it's a term of endearment that means "Big Brother Jaime". Whatever it is, they're crediting me with finding Pink peeing pictures and Bai Ling "mutant nipol" pictures.



You can head on out to their website by using this link if you speak Tagalog. I know, I help broaden cultural horizons. Where's my Nobel Peace Prize? I'll settle for a discount coupon for spaghetti and fried chicken. The pinoys know what I'm talking about.

Carmen Electra in Bikini - Addendum

Yesterday I posted some Carmen Electra bikini pictures. Today, I'm following up on that topic, not because I am all that impressed by her in a bikini. No, rather, I'm posting this extra picture up because apparently . . . she hangs out with a giant, bikini-clad Amazon. Holy shit, look at that chick. She's huge, but not in a sex line operator way. Or, it could just be that she's normal sized and Carmen Electra is a borderline dwarf. I like the first theory better though. Someone should lock this giant broad up and study her. She might just be a hot, shaved Sasquatch. She could be the missing link . . . or a recent evolutionary leap in human development. I don't know. But we need to divert tax dollars pronto.

New Blog Additions

oIn an effort to keep things fresh around here, there are a couple of new additions that have been made within the last week or so to this blog. I don't know if you've noticed them, but this post should set that right.

Brown Turtle, fine purveyor of quality funny t-shirts has been added to the growing list of business I am affiliated with. You can either visit their website by finding their provocative banner advert on the side panel, or by clicking on the link below.



Also calling BAFW home these days is a widget from Buzzfeed, which channels content to this blog, just in case whatever you find here is outdated or . . . well, just plain boring. There's always something going on in that website, and BAFW had the "Sideboob Buzz" locked down until a couple of weeks ago. Nothing lasts forever though.



Via BuzzFeed

Feel free to use these new things . . . a lot. Specially if it's going to make me money. Cash money. I'm not rich biatch!

Carmen Electra in Bikini - Not Surprised

So far this summer, we've seen a ton of celebrities wearing their favorite bikinis. Some I'd wish they'd never found out about the two piece wonder bathing garment. Others I'd wish they were actually legal. But Carmen Electra is someone I was just thinking about why she hadn't been spotted in one of these as of yet. Until now. Electra never fails to disappoint when it comes to looking sexy. Sure, she's not as young as she used to. And canoodling with Dave Navarro probably left her soul tainted for life . . . but she still looks good in a bikini. And she looks good riding some d-bag's shoulders in a game of chicken-fight. That's not jealousy by the way. I'm just stating a fact.

These pictures were taken in Malibu, and I'm sure there are more, but just how many pictures do you need to stimulate a stiffening of the loins? Yeah, I was thinking three as well.

New Romero Zombie Flick - "Diary of the Dead"

George A. Romero is a zombie movie-making genius. I love it when he takes on the genre and blows my mind with it. His new movie concept, while sounding a bit on the . . . well . . . how can I put it without disparaging a personal hero of mine. OK, I'm just coming out and saying it . . . The idea is "Romero zombies + Blair Witch Project". Yeah, it's a bit iffy, but I have complete confidence in the execution. Here's a couple of pictures from the movie's MySpace page. I'm digging the zombie state trooper.

I'm such a fanboy sometimes.

Kate Hudson in Bikini

I enjoy looking at pictures of chicks in bikinis. But only if the chicks have developed past the point of puberty. Which is why, this Kate Hudson bikini picture is just not doing it for me. She's built like a 5 year old with a pituitary condition. I think scientists should study her. Maybe perform a dissection to see how this could have happened. It's all in the name of science Kate Hudson. Sacrifices need to be made. Plus, it's not like you're "acting" in anything worthwhile . . . right?

Debra Messing Sideboob

Debra Messing, who you know from the old "Will & Grace" TV show, and, if you watch cable, her new show "The Starter Wife", went shopping just a couple of days ago wearing the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen anyone wear. She looks like a whorish version of the Hamburglar. Does she even own a mirror? And, to make matters worse (not sexy), she forgoes the whole "wearing a bra" thing. Which would work, if she had boobs that were worth showing off. And if she were hot. Or, even if she looked remotely like a human being. I think we should come to a general consensus that Debra Messing needs to go away. We might need to get the UN behind this, because it's not just an American issue. It's a global one.

Katharine McPhee Upskirt + Wedgie Pick

Maybe you should start recycling more, or not damaging the environment with your giant SUV's . . . because this upskirt does not come courtesy of Katharine McPhee being a big whore. No, this one is brought to you by nature, who I'm guessing is currently lobbying the pervert constituency to help stop it's deterioration (I didn't even know that was a word). See, it's a gust of wind that conveniently lifts McPhee's skirt to reveal the panties underneath. I don't know how she didn't notice that wearing a dress made out of the same materials they make parachutes out of would be a good idea, but her lack of fashion acumen is our gain.

Not only are we treated to that sight, but we also get to see the ex-American Idol contestant picking at a wedgie, during the whole wind inspired upskirt. It's like two for the price of one. Is it Christmas already? Enjoy the pictures.

Olivia Munn - Takes it All

Olivia Munn, the talented co-host of "Attack of the Show", shows off a new talent in this short video. A talent that makes me feel funny in the pants area. Is that supposed to be that hard? Anyway, there was a longer video of this, but these 26 seconds are the most important, and definitely titillating part of the whole video. Enjoy the slow motion part, and check out that gag-reflex control.

Goddamn . . . I'm so aroused. Where's my wife . . .



In a related video, but probably not from the same airing, Olivia explains her technique.

Britney Spears - Danger at Low Speeds

Britney Spears hit a parked car while parking her own at a Studio City vitamin store. I could say more about it, but the video clearly speaks for itself. Britney is more concerned with the damage to her car than she is concerned about doing the right thing. Which, would include, at least leaving a note for the owner of the car she banged into. I guess she was too busy trying to hold on to her new dog to realize that's what normal people would do. While inspecting the damage to her car, Britney, being the sexy beast that she is (*read into that with sarcasm) decided to give the paparazzi a view of her crotch. Because she's very giving, and devoted to her fan base . . . who want to see this? I don't think she's in touch with what people want to see from her. Which is nothing at all. I know, because I've run scientific case studies for this. In a lab coat as well . . . you know, to make it official.

X-Games gives X-Ouch of the Year

The best part of this clip is the beginning. Best. Slam. Ever. You get to see it again, in different angles (I loved his shoes flying off of him as he impacted), in slow motion. But the middle part is a bit of a let down. I mean . . . walk it off (he does . . . eventually) wuss.

Rebecca Gayheart Topless . . . butterface?

I haven't thought that Rebecca Gayheart has been hot for quite some time now. I think I might have had a hard on for this chick ten years ago, after she quit doing Noxema commercials or whatever and made a jump to television. I remember her from that show "Earth 2", which lasted for about 1 season. Since then, she's been in a ton of other shows, but never for long. Maybe it's a testament to how good she's at it, but lately, as she's been getting older, she's not maturing like a fine wine. More like a piece of pork that was left out in the summer sun. But, topless pictures are topless pictures (you like my logic?), so I'm posting these up. I guess the cans are looking OK, but some of the faces this chick makes while the pictures are being taken make her look like Butthead from the "Beavis and Butthead" show, but hot because of the naked funbags. It's a bit of a dilemma as to how you're going to jack-off to these pictures (I know you're going to . . . pervert), but I guess you could scroll just past the head, and concentrate on the neck down. You gotta do what you gotta do right?

Untitled JJ Abrams Movie gets "Furious" Poster

I am fairly intrigued by this new JJ Abrams project . . . which has something to do with a giant monster . . . thing . . . terrorizing New York. It could be Godzilla, or a cloud of black smoke (wouldn't "Lost" fans just flip out at that one). The working title of this movie is "Cloverfield" and while shooting in New York (pictures below) it's going by the name of "Cheese". Very secretive. I'm just hoping all the build up doesn't just fizzle out and we're subjected to crap. In the end, it could just be a giant, radioactive "Felicity", pissed off because she's not a big star anymore. Trailer after the pictures in case you haven't been to a movie theater in the past couple of weeks.

Deion Sanders - Still Alive and Defending Vick

Deion Sanders is still around? What? OK. I guess him being alive makes more sense than his re-animated corpse digging his way out of a grave and taking a time out from seeking fresh brains to defend a football player in need. But, something about his statement about Micheal Vick (recently found with a dog-fighting set up at his home, complete with a rape-stand for his "bitches") would make more sense if his brain had undergone some sort of decomposition.

Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that. And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You’re probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. Maybe, he identified with them in some way.

All of that is enough to make me cringe because I have three highly-trained protection German shepherds, just in case someone wants to rob my family. Believe me, you don’t want to deal with them. With one German command, our dog Yascho turns into Cujo. And for the record, I live around the corner from the police station, so it won’t take them long to show up and save you from the dogs.

I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out when he knows he can’t win.

It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status.

Yeah . . . that makes total sense Deion Sanders. Thanks for clearing that up. I think it's safe to say that this Micheal Vick fellow is a model citizen.

Hayden Panettiere Bikini Romp

I'm a fan of the show "Heroes" on NBC. It was pretty much my favorite show that debuted in 2006. Which is why I post pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a bikini now. Not because I'm into 17 year olds in bikinis. No way. I'm just a devoted fan of quality NBC television programming. It's "appointment television". Right? Or is this "Comedy Night Done Right"? I don't even know. These pictures are melting my brain. And they're making me feel kind of dirty. Damn you people for making me put these pictures up. Yeah, it's all your fault. I take no responsibility for this. I've seen your search patterns. I know what you want. I'm just catering to your perverted needs. At least that's what I'm telling the jury.




OMG . . . she's running . . . Queue up the "Baywatch" theme music.

Superbad Clip

Why do I want to see "Superbad" so much. It could be just a shitty teen comedy. Maybe it's because it stirs up some nostalgia for shitty teen comedies of the past. Comedies that were not PG-13 and totally pussified. Enjoy this clip, which has some NSFW language (you might want to turn down your speakers in the office a little bit) . . . but then again . . . if you're here already, with all the other posts, then you're not afraid of a little NSFW-action. Fuck PG-13.

Cindy Crawford - Topless Blast from the Past

What's with supermodels from the past getting naked recently? First Claudia Schiffer and Heidi Klum, now Cindy Crawford. It must be some sort of cougar renaissance going on. But, unlike her other two ex-super hottie contemporaries, Cindy Crawford shows us the goods for free. Because she's from America. The land of the free. These pictures were taken by the paparazzi while Cindy was vacationing in St. Tropez, and you can see she still looks pretty good in a bikini. I mean . . . for an old chick. I'm just glad that she's not maturing like a zombie like Sharon Stone is. Yeegh!


But, as people do when they think that no one is watching with a telephoto camera lens, Cindy Crawford decided to go for the "no-tan-lines" look and slipped her bikini top off. I don't blame her. I've got this unsightly farmer's tan. I guess I need to go to St. Tropez to even myself out. Back to Crawford . . . I'm sure there are a ton more pictures out there, but this is really what you're looking for.


Because I'm feeling generous, one extra bikini picture, which makes her husband/boyfriend/piece of man-meat look a little on the tubby side. Haha, suck it in fatty!


*Click on the pictures to make them bigger

Traffic Jam

This is the reason most of the pictures on this site (the ones from Photobucket.com) are not showing up until next month. I don't know why there's so many people visiting and page viewing. Not that I mind. I'm making pennies with their visits. I can afford to throw out my penny-jar thanks to these. Let's just hope it stays like this, but I wouldn't mind it if it went down to it's normal traffic amount, just so that my picture host wouldn't keep throwing hissy fits at me. Thank you Sitemeter for keeping track of these . . . even if I don't remember my user name and password.

Phillipine Prison System

The American Prison System is a failure. Overcrowding. Violence. And it wastes valuable talent on manufacturing license plates and street signs. We should take a look at the prison system in the Phillipines to find out just what needs to be done with our inmate population. Just check out the video. 1,500 inmates, all dancing, in a near perfect choreographed performance of Micheal Jackson's "Thriller". And that's just their practice. I don't know what the actual performance was like . . . but if it was as good as this, then I would have cheered for an encore. That and the inmates pretending to be zombies . . . just classic. What of the fate of the "girl" at the end of the video? Probably gang-ass-raped. But hey . . . sacrifices need to be made to ensure this type of quality.

EDIT - After "Thriller" ends, you can choose from tons of other Phillipine prison inmate dance videos. These guys are teh k00l!

Supermodels from the Past Bare All

I remember when Claudia Schiffer was super-hot. I think I was still in my teens then. But, it's been almost 10 years since I was that young. So, seeing her recent pictures from the French Vogue brings back fond memories. It also makes me want to go back in the past and see her posing like this ten years ago. If only my time machine were operational. I mean . . . I don't have a time machine. What's that? (shh! the Men in Black can never know). Another one of these old supermodels is Heidi Klum, who is also posing naked when she's not busy hosting shows on Bravo. This picture below is from a magazine called "Arena" . . . and you can argue that she's technically not naked. She is wearing high heels. Which is a good look for her. I just wish that they stop here. Ten years from now, when I'm nearing my 40's (holy shit . . . what the fuck!) I do not, absolutely do not, want to see Claudia Schiffer and Heidi Klum in magazines, naked. I don't buy the granny porn mags now, I don't see a reason to buy them then.

Relationships End

I broke up with Picturetrail.com. I just didn't feel like paying 20 bucks a year to host 500 pictures. What does this mean to BAFW? Well, pretty much the first half of this blog's history lost all of the pictures. They're probably showing up as red x's. I had started a picture migration project (or PiMP as I was calling it in my head) a couple of months ago . . . but do you know how tedious that is? I just didn't have the required man power and hours to undertake such a task. So, I let it go. But the posts still have the genius of my written words. That's never going to go away baby.

Photobucket.com is currently hosting my pictures. Apart from being a tad overzealous in regards to the more salacious pictures, they seem to be OK. So far. Sure, their 25 GB's of bandwidth cap/month seems a bit myopic, but I can deal with it.

EDIT - It took about 7 days for Photobucket.com to send me an e-mail telling me that I am getting dangerously close to exceeding their 25 GB's of bandwidth/month. One week people. This should not affect the newer pictures on the site, just the older ones. Once I hit my limit, they'll be back on August 20th . . . for another 7 days if traffic keeps going at the current all time high rate right now. I've had this month, so far, just under 40,000 page views. That beats May 2006's all time high of 35,000. If only all of you people clicked on the ads a little more . . . I could pay for the picture hosting.

Claire Danes slips a Boob

Leave it to a young actress that is currently surpassing her young Hollywood contemporaries in the craft of acting to step it up a notch when it comes to the coveted "nipple slip". Claire Danes, who is probably doing some publicity for an upcoming film called "Stardust", visited the MTV studios (I'm assuming based on the microphone she's holding) and forgot her bra. That led to this opportune shot, in which you can not only see the nipple, but pretty much every single square inch of one of her boobs. Kudos Claire Danes. More Claire Danes boob slip picture. Enjoy it before Photobucket decides that it is violating their terms of usage and replaces it with something boring and not nipple oriented. Fascists.


Thank you Egotastic.com for this down blouse/nipple-slip/boob reveal.

Beowulf Trailer

The trailer for Robert Zemecki's upcoming adaptation of "Beowulf" is up, and from what I can see, it's pretty amazing. Not as creepy as his last movie, "The Polar Express", but it looks like he's getting this whole new Performance Capture technology down. Special attention was given to the eyes of each CG-rendered character to avoid them having a soul-less look. Just take a look at Angelina Jolie and Ray Winstone there. They look damn near real to me. Also starring in this movie: Anthony Hopkins (pictured below), John Malkovich, and Robin Wright Penn. Check out the trailer here, in glorious Quicktime.

Interviewing 101

ABC recently interviewed Holly Hunter about her upcoming TNT show "Saving Grace", and it went a little bit . . . um . . . terrible. If your dream is to become a celebrity interviewer, then do the exact opposite of what is featured on the video above. I don't know who Merry Miller is, but I'm pretty sure that after this was done, she was demoted to toilet cleaner at the ABC studios. And even then they were giving her a break because it doesn't even look like she could do that with any degree of expertise. I couldn't watch the whole clip. Proceed at your own caution.

BAFW Reviews - Afro Samurai

I recently picked up the “Afro Samurai” DVD. This was after I had rented it at the local video store, but the copy of it was so badly mangled that my XBOX 360 could not handle it, and the console’s DVD playback is not all that finicky, so it can usually play DVD’s that have been used and abused. But, what we had seen in the first few minutes of the title were so compelling that we decided to plunk down the cash to actually own it.

So, after the five episodes, my impressions are still ripe with awe and wonderment. I’m not saying this is the best piece of anime out there. But it is ranked amongst my personal top ten. And maybe it’s because it’s not all that Japanese. Sure, the style is, but the storytelling is very Western-ish. And it doesn’t hurt that they got an all-star voice cast for this. You’ve got Samuel L. Jackson playing the titular character (and his weird imaginary companion), Ron Perlman (Hellboy) as the main bad guy and Kelly Hu (Kelly who? She was in the X2: X-Men United movie . . . Lady Deathstrike) also lending her vocal talents.

So, enough about the details, right? Let’s get to the story (I’ll try to keep it spoiler-free). “Afro Samurai” tells the story of a boy who sees his father, the number one warrior, killed by the number two warrior in all the land. This sparks his quest to avenge his father and take his rightful place as the number one warrior. But first, he has to find the number two head-band, or else he can’t challenge his father’s murderer. The story shows us some flashbacks to Afro’s childhood, where he is taken in by a sword master and his clan of children and treated like another member of their impromptu family. Throughout these formative years, we see Afro develop his swordsmanship skills and his search for the mystical head-band that was taken from him shortly after seeing his father’s demise. We also get present time sequences where Afro is on the search for the number one, wasting pretty much anyone who he comes in contact with. His path of destruction is almost cataclysmic in magnitude. The action scenes are top notch by the way. The animation is so fluid and dynamic that it just grabs you by the balls and takes you on one hell of a ride.


Another cool thing about this anime is that even though you’ve got samurais, ninjas and geishas, there are also computers, cell phones and androids mixed in to the atmosphere. This leads me to believe that the setting for this story is on some parallel dimension or alternate universe where these two extremes co-exist. It makes for a very cool contrast and adds flavor to the battle sequences. Especially towards the end, when Afro has to battle an old foe from the past that is now part cyborg, complete with Darth Vader-ish breathing problems, but instead of a black-phallic shaped helmet, he’s wearing a giant teddy-bear head.

The music by Rza is also to be noticed. I’m not all that into the Wu-Tang Clan (gasp! I know, blasphemy), but I like what he’s done with the scoring and also bringing in other rappers in the mix to add another layer of coolness to this project.

An interesting tidbit here as well, letting you know how good this anime title is. My wife absolutely can’t stand anime. She hates it. But, she sat through this and actually enjoyed it. She actually prompted me to buy it when we were browsing through the DVD shelves of our local megalo-shopping-center. So, if it has her endorsement, then it should also appeal to non-anime fans. Actually, this title should appeal anyone who is thirsting for some extreme kick-ass-ery. Not just fans of anime, or fans of Sam Jackson, or fans of action flicks. This is a solid recommended title for anyone that enjoys quality film-making.

*Review also featured on Analog Medium. Great group of guys.

A Reason to Watch "Weeds"

If you don't subscribe to Showtime, then after seeing this advertisement for the show "Weeds", you should place a call to your cable/satellite provider and pay for it. "Just based on this ad?" you ask. Yes. The show itself is great. It's one of my favorites. And Mary Louise Parker is one hot MILF. But the show had a great first season, which only got better on its second season, and this third season should be great as well. Trust me. Watch it.

A Breather

So, work has got me pretty ragged lately. I just came off a 6 week work binge that has left me feeling like taking an early retirement. I'm already looking at convalescent homes where I can spend my golden years. I just need to find one where they can puree my food, because chewing's for suckers. But, that's pretty much why posting is sparse these days. Sure, I try to keep it semi-regular, but some days I'm just too tired or trying to catch up on lost sleep in the morning. But, today, finally, I have a day off, and tomorrow I'm not scheduled either. I just wish there were more interesting things to post about. Everything is "Lindsay Lohan arrested" stories or "Britney Spears meltdowns" this and that. It's played out. Unless one of them actually kills someone, I'm not posting about them.

In work related news, despite having the worst work schedule known to man, I am excelling. I'm currently holding the 4th spot as far as our stats go in the whole customer service center. In previous positions that I've held, being number 4 might not have been such a big deal. With Earthlink, there were probably 45 employees in the department, and when I was working at Panda Software (not Express, I did not work in a Chinese fast food restaurant . . . yet), it was like 10 technical support agents (that was for the entire United States!), but now that I work for one of the biggest companies in the world, being number 4 is a pretty big deal. There are close to 150 associates in my center, and I've been consistently in the top ten. Which is padding my paycheck with bonuses.

And now that my wife is undergoing the training, I'm just waiting for her to hit the 6 month mark so I can get my $500 bonus. I'm such a mercenary sometimes. That's just the kind of world we live in though. Money money money. That's all that is important. I'm getting close to my 6 month of employment, which ends my commitment to Customer Service, so I'm also looking to move up in the company. I'll probably be meeting with someone to coordinate my career advancement within the next week. Damn, that sounds so fucking adult. Don't worry, I won't stop posting. I have noticed that traffic has increased this month exponentially. It's close to 24,000 page views just this month. What the hell are you people looking for? I don't even post the "Search-mania" entries which were pretty much designed to attract hits like flies to shit. I don't get it, but whatever. I'm not turning away free traffic.

So, that's what's going on. I might have a review of "Afro Samurai" today or tomorrow . . . if I'm not too lazy to finish the DVD I bought like 2 weeks ago. 'Til then, I'm going back to sleep. It's almost 8 AM, and I need a couple of hours of shut-eye before I can contemplate on wether I'm going to the gym or if I'm just going to toss money out the window on a membership I never use.

A Reason to Watch "Smallville"?

I tried to get into "Smallville" during it's first season. I really tried to like it, but it just felt stupid to me. That didn't stop the show from being a success, and I haven't really checked in on it since then. It's always playing at the same time my DVR recorder is already busy recording something else. So, when I saw the picture of the chick that's due to play "Supergirl" in the new season (Lisa Vandevoort), it got me to thinking that maybe I should start recording the show. But, I probably won't. Even though this chick is hot, I don't want to run the risk of catching a glimpse of that pug-faced Kristen Kreuk. Why do people think she's hot? Just put a bikini on a pug dog and you can pretend it's your own personal Kristen Kreuk. Just don't do what I'm thinking you'll want to do. I'm pretty sure it's illegal in most states.

Natalie Portman's Magically Disappearing Hand

I could be writing about Lindsay Lohan being arrested for chasing her assistant's mother in her car, while drunk, and with cocaine in her pants pockets, but then I saw this other pants-related picture, and my priorities shifted. I mean, that's a crazy story, but I'm already forgetting all about it when looking at these pictures of Natalie Portman picking at her butt. It looks like those pants gave her a bit of a wedgie, and it also looks like she's not wearing underwear. I'll let that settle for a little bit . . . mmmm . . . . Oh, and in other Portman-related news, don't talk about her nude scenes in "Goya's Ghost", her upcoming movie.

Dudes who were bummed that Natalie Portman didn't take it all off during her pole dance in "Closer" can look forward to "Goya's Ghost," in which she plays a victim of the Spanish Inquisition. "There's a long shot of a nude woman," she tells Movies.com's Jeanne Wolf. But, sadly, she adds, "It's not me. ... You do see some parts of me unclothed, but if they end up on Web sites making it look like I'm nude, I'm going to be really, really angry." And nothing is hotter than an angry Natalie.

The only thing hotter than an angry Natalie Portman . . . is an ass-picking Natalie Portman. Just imagine if she were pissed off while she was doing that. I'd be painting my laptop white.

Britney Spears is Inspirational

While Britney Spears is not busy being America's Super Parent of the Millennium, she also spends her time giving inspirational advice to the paparrazi of the world. Because she's so concerned about their health and well-being, she offers advice like:

"Hey baby, when are you going to get on a diet? Have you ever tried weight watchers, you fat fuck. Why don't you run, you need to fuckin jog, you pussy. Yeah, run, run bitch"

Not much else happens during this video, but that alone is worth the whole 5 minutes of your life you'll never get back.

Pink gets the Party Started

That's a pee party by the way, so you might want to give her a rain check . . . a yellow rain check. Golden shower'ish. Yes, that's what she's doing, at the beach I'm hoping judging from her attire, next to her mode of transportation. Which, surprisingly enough, does not surprise me. What does surprise me is that Pink has to pee in public to actually get noticed by me. Do I have some strange subconscious fetish? I think I'll just leave it that. Now, there is a small chance that the liquid splash marks on the concrete below Pink is not indeed urine. It could be lemonade, that she's trying to dry out with her own farts. Which, when you take into account that we're talking about Pink here, is not all that far-fetched either. I'm pretty sure you can see the stream in on of these two pictures, but it never hurts to cover all of your hypothetical bases. In totally unrelated urination news . . . she's wearing a bikini. Which, falls under the whole celebri-kini pandemonium that's being going around lately.

Paris Hilton up to her Old Tricks

I guess it's only logical to anticipate things like this when you're Paris Hilton. What other possible outcome would you have predicted when she slipped into a bathing suit and went surfing. That's why there was someone there, with a telephoto lens and a super fast shutter speed, to take pictures of this post-jail-time nip-slip. For me, though, I've seen it so much that it's not a special thing for me anymore. It's just Tuesday. I'd rather have her not showing off the nipples at every conceivable occasion, for a nice change of pace. But, can't teach an old dog . . . or bitch . . . new tricks. Expect a couple of more nipple slip incidents this week. After all, it's not even the middle of the week.


And who tries to surf with sunglasses on. Ginormous bug-eyed sunglasses. You're a retard Paris.

Cracked Out Troll Sighting in London

Is it possible for a picture of Kirsten Dunst, looking as "hot" as she does right there, make you want to throw up your breakfast. Because that's what it's doing to me right now. And I haven't even had breakfast yet. Good lord she looks terrible. Who did she con into letting her star in movies. The only movie I'd put her in is "Faces of Death", and she wouldn't even have to die or get hurt in it. Just about 5 minutes of her staring into the camera would be enough to freak anyone out. And look at those sagging mammaries. If you dare.


If only it could be like this all the time, Kirsten Dunst.

Being Popular Sucks

Dammit people. You've exceeded my Photobucket bandwidth! All I can do now is open up new accounts with them periodically to avoid this from happening. The pictures will be back on the 20th when my month with them starts. In the meantime, I'm taking suggestions as to what I can do about picture hosting. Any ideas?