Hotel Chevalier Free on iTunes

"Hotel Chevalier" is a prequel short film to "The Darjeeling Limited" that was made available through iTunes yesterday. I can't tell if it's any good, since I just fast forwarded through to get you these screenshots of Natalie Portman's naked butt. Yes, no stand ins were involved. From what I could discern of what I saw, Natalie Portman's character is visiting Jason Schwartzman's character at a hotel in France . . . I think . . . and she brushes her teeth, looks through his knick-knacks, and then they get it on. I did notice a lot of bruises on her, which may or may not be part of the plot. Or she might just be naturally clumsy, and the director, Wes Anderson, did not choose to digitally remove them. I'll have to re-watch this sometime later, when I have some time, but in the meantime, check out the butt below.

"Heartbreak Kid" Scene

"Heartbreak Kid" is the Farrelly brothers latest cinematic endevour . . . and judging from this clip, it seems to retain all of their signature subtlety and class that you've come to expect from the writing/directing pair. If you need a synopsis, this movie has Ben Stiller marrying a seemingly "perfect" girl who turns out to be not so perfect during their honeymoon . . . and, at the same time, he meets another woman who is indeed perfect for him. It's the timeless "Boy meets girl, marries girl, girl lets a rippin' queef loose, boy meets other girl, boy needs to find out how to dump first girl to hook up with second girl" story.

"Who is that guy?" - Star Sighting

Yesterday, while picking up a couple of packages of taquitos at Trader Joe's, I saw a guy going through the aisles, and while I don't usually notice guys at grocery stores, this one I knew I had seen somewhere but I couldn't place him. I knew it was something to do with television, but for the life of me I could not remember what show this guy was on. I turned to Heather as we were walking down the frozen foods aisle and said: "When we turn this corner, take a look at the guy with the black shirt, and tell me where he's from". She looked at me and nodded, and as we turned the corner and made a pass by him, she took a good look at him.

We turned into another aisle, and as soon as we knew we were out of earshot, she turned to me and said. "Yeah, I know that guy . . . but where is he from?!" I replied with an "I know, that's why I was asking you to get a good look at him". We made our way to the register and kept trying to figure out who this guy was. On our way home, which was only a couple of blocks, we kept trying to figure out where we had seen this guy. We knew he was on a show, which we watch regularly, but still, we could not remember. When we got home, we still kept trying to figure it our. Heather even had me scour IMDB's photo archive to see if I could find him . . . but without a name, it's a near impossible task.

I had given up , but Heather's obsessive tendencies took control of her and she went through all the major network's websites, looking at the shows we like while I played a couple of levels of "Halo 3". An hour later, she gave up, fruitless in her efforts.

Later that night, as we were watching the premier episode of "Chuck" or this week's episode of "Eureka", I don't quite remember . . . out of nowhere, it dawned on Heather. This mystery guy from television, this guy we had spent most of our afternoon dwelling on, plays Joey Hendrickson on HBO's "Big Love". The show about polygamists living in Utah, which just had it's second season finale a couple of weeks ago. This totally relieved the both of us, because knowing our compulsive tendencies, we would have totally lost sleep over it. The guy's name is Shawn Doyle by the way, in case you were wondering. And yes, you should check out the past couple of seasons worth of "Big Love". It's a great show.

Halo 3 - Bypassing the Hype

I could have waited in line this past Monday. I could have joined my geek brethren in eager anticipation of the final "Halo" game in the series. But I'm 28 fucking years old. And I had to work the next day. Granted, I don't have to be in until 12:15 PM, but I said "screw it". Today, Wednesday, I strolled into a Best Buy and picked up a copy. No lines. No fuss. Just put down my credit card and picked up the most anticipated first person shooter of 2007.

As far as my first impressions go? I've only played through the first 2 levels in the campaign mode. So far, it's looking pretty promising. I was a bit lost at the beginning, but that's just because I never finished the "Halo 2" campaign. It actually bored me. I played the shit out of the multiplayer, but "Halo 2's" story just felt stale. It seems that Bungie took note, and they have amped up the action and the enemies, which is making for a couple of great levels so far.

This weekend, I will try to join in on that whole campaign that Microsoft and Bungie have going on. That's when I'll jump into the multiplayer. Until then, I'll take my time with the game, enjoy what I can, before I devote entirely too much time to playing with other people over XBOX Live. I'm going to have to buy a case of Visine though. My reticular humidity retention is not what it used to be. I've only played the game for an hour at most and my eyes felt like I had just ended a non-stop 8 hour stretch of playing time. I used to do that back when the first "Halo" came out. Oh . . . if only I still had the eyes a 22 year old.

Meg White Sex Tape?

When I hear "sex tape", there's a list of usual suspects that immediately pop-in to my head. Both Hilton sisters, Vanessa Hudgens, Pam Anderson, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears . . . but Meg White? Of "The White Stripes"? Not so much. But, it would appear that a video has been leaked out on the interweb of her and some guy getting it on. I've seen the 2 minutes and change and all I have to say is, well, it's kind of gross. And, confusingly arousing at the same time. Sure, Meg White is not in great shape, I don't find her to be all that attractive . . . but it's still two people fucking like rabbits. Chubby-chasers can head out to Egotastic which is hosting the video (I don't know why) to experience it for themselves.

Box Office Report - Resident Ka-Ching!

Resident Evil: Extinction - Taking the top spot this weekend, with $24 million, I did not think this movie would do as well as it did. I was expecting a modest box office take in the $10 million range, but it has surpassed my expectations. Which means, maybe when I go check it out in a couple of days, it will not disappoint my thirst for zombies and chicks engaging in acrobatic martial arts.

Good Luck Chuck - I was expecting this turd of a movie to make it to the top of the box office charts, but I guess America just isn't that into Dane Cook. It still raked in $14 million, but I'm thinking it was just people paying $10 to see Jessica Alba's dress ripped off to reveal some cute penguin undies. But they had shown that already in the commercials for this movie . . . so considered yourself suckered.

The Brave One - Jodie Foster's revenge gun porn movie is still hanging in there. It drops to #3 after being the top dog last week. And, it still does not garner any of my interest or attention. Maybe if they had Jessica Alba in penguin undies going on a vigilante streak it would piqued my interest . . . but as it is, I might catch it on cable.

3:10 to Yuma - This western I am actually interested in seeing, but I might just wait until the DVD release. Not because it looks bad, but rather because I am feeling specially lazy lately and I don't want to have to pay for this just now. It's doing pretty well without my patronage, so I'll leave it at that.

Eastern Promises - The commercials for this movie make it seem like a bore. Naomi Watts and Viggo Mortenson just don't have much of an on-screen chemistry going. But, on the flip-side (I can't believe I just used that term), it is directed by David Cronenberg, and his films are always crazy. Just recently he directed the commercially-successful movie "A History of Violence", which also starred Viggo. This one might be great as well. While not waiting for the DVD on this one, I might check it out at the discount theater in a month or two.

Opening Weekend Movies - 9/21/07

Good Luck Chuck - You might be a little confused with the marketing for this movie. When I first saw a trailer for this a few months ago, it was all about Dane Cook and every woman he sleeps with finding their true loves after he slept with them. Which causes problems for him when he falls for Jessica Alba. More recently, the marketing for this switched to Dane Cook falling for Jessica Alba, and the only problem is that Jessica Alba's character is really accident prone. And now . . . they're marketing it both ways. At the same time. So, wether or not it is confusing as all shit, you still should not go watch this. It looks like a turd of a movie.

Resident Evil: Extinction - The "Resident Evil" movies have been a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. They have zombies, and they're based on a video game, but they're not all that great. Definitely not Romero-worthy, but . . . it's still zombies. So, I'll probably go check it out sometime in the near future and then buy the DVD. I don't know why. It is just bound to happen. I have the first two, so I might as well get it . . . right?

Sydney White - Amanda Bynes remakes "Snow White" . . . set in a college sorority, and hilarity ensues? Maybe not. Amanda Bynes movies are for the tween-crowd, which I think I passed up during my early developmental years. I don't also watch the Disney Channel every single day. That, and I'm not a girl, so therefore I am genetically predisposed to not be interested in this movie whatsoever.

Petra Nemcova Upskirt + Cleavage

Petra Nemcova is like a clock radio. She's got two good things going on right now that go great together. Namely the upskirt and the generous amount of cleavage that she is displaying on these pictures taken . . . um . . . who fucking cares where they were taken. It's upskirt and cleavage, at the same time. So, I'm going to quit with the words so you can focus on what's important.

Kim Kardashian's Ass is Filler

No, you read that right. It's not "fuller" . . . because let's face it, if it did get bigger, you'd have to hire a pack of little Japanese tourists to follow her around screaming "Gojira!". No, Kim Kardashian's ass is just filler today. Namely because I don't have anything interesting to post about today, but also because rather than posting nothing, I thought you people would enjoy checking out her ginourmous segmented ass. What's that dress made out of anyway? Adamantium? It's got to be some sort of high-tech fiber polymer just invented by men in labcoats. With scientific degrees hanging from their walls. Because only science can hope to control Kim Kardashian's ass.

Southland Tales Trailer

"Southland Tales" is director Richard Kelly's long awaited follow up to "Donnie Darko", a film I love, but also a film that confused the bejeezus out of me. "Southland Tales" will also confuse you, as you will be able to see after you check out it's trailer page over at Yahoo!. I don't know what it is with this guy and confusion, but they go hand in hand. Despite not know just what the fuck is going on, it does have a pretty big ensemble cast. I could go through all the names in this movie, but I'll just let the trailer do the talking.

Bet you can't spot the Kevin Smith cameo in this movie. If you do, I'll totally high-five you. What . . . you were expecting a prize of some sort? El-oh-El.

Juno Trailer

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Last year I thoroughly enjoyed "Thank You For Smoking", director Jason Reitman's funny look at the tobacco industry. His next film, titled "Juno", deals with teen pregnancy and has a pretty solid cast. Ellen Page (Hard Candy), Michael Cera (Superbad), Justin Bateman (Arrested Development) and many others populate the cast of this quirky comedy/drama which I'm sure I'll be watching when it comes out in theaters. And, even if, for some reason I change my mind down the line, I'm sure my wife will drag me to this regardless. It's looking pretty solid right now, so I don't think it should be a problem. Check out the trailer.

Oscar De La Hoya - Prettiest Girl Ever

So . . . Oscar De La Hoya, boxing champion, is also the prettiest girl in the world. Super classy, unlike all those other Hollywood celebutards like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. Or . . . maybe Oscar De La Hoya is just a drunk idiot who made the disastrously stupid decision to dress himself up in women's panties, high heel shoes and body fishnets. In any case, you can check out X-17's coverage for more pictures, if you are so inclined to do so.


Update - So, these pics might be fake. Check out this page for more info about this whole thing. But my mind is made up. So, no matter what his lawyers might say . . . these pics are totally real.

Vanessa Hudgens and What's-Her-Name Breakup

Vanessa Hudgens and her lesbian lover Zac Efron have ended their months-long committed relationship. Or so it would seem. OK! magazine has some details on the big hullaballo.

According to the source, while Zac was away in Europe promoting Hairspray, Vanessa was at a Hollywood Hills party, where eyewitnesses say she was "all over" her older, not-Zac date. And when someone dared to ask about Zac, Vanessa "threw a fit and said 'don't mention his name!' "After his return home to L.A., the pair were spotted Sunday night driving together in Zac's car, though the mood looked anything but festive.

What I'm thinking is that Vanessa finally got Zac to get "his" pants off and rather than finding a penis in there . . . found nothing but a dark, wet hole. That, or maybe she needed someone who could understand her better. Someone who could give her what she needs. I mean, look at that picture of a panda bear on her wall. It speaks volumes as to just how deep and special she is. Plus, if you were to date her, it's almost a definite possibility (like 2 to 1 Vegas odds) that she'd send you some naked pictures of herself. Or, if you don't want to go through the whole courtship process, you could just Google her ass.

Funny Games Trailer

When your movie is titled "Funny Games" . . . you'd expect it to be a light-hearted romp, filled with actual games that are funny. But, if you're German film-maker Michael Haneke, then funny games for him involve torturing Naomi Watts and Tim Roth with Brad Pitt's cousin or brother or whatever Micheal Pitt is. I hear this is pretty much a shot-for-shot remake of the original, so expect to go through a pretty visceral experience when you go catch this movie. I wonder how many families will take their kids to see this, not knowing about the actual plot of the film.

BAFW Book Club - The Stupidest Angel

Check out my review of Christopher Moore's "The Stupidest Angel", exclusively over at Analog Medium. Those guys love zombies just as much as BAFW loves 'em.

Dane Cook Reaches New Gay Heights

What happened to Dane Cook? A couple of years ago I purchased his double CD comedy album and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now . . . after his terrible HBO road show and his HBO comedy special, I can't stand the guy. It's like he's done a complete 180 degree turn into douchebag land and has never looked back since. I guess if it gets him to star in a shitty movie opposite Jessica Alba, then great. But seriously, this is the latest in painful shits that come out of Dane Cook. Enjoy his single (yes, I said single . . . as in he thinks he can sing) titled "Forward" courtesy of the folks over at BestWeekEver.tv. You can check out their link on the links section on the right hand side of this page.

Vanessa Hudgens Camel Toe

Vanessa Hudgens was spotted recently at a beach, hanging out in a bikini with her lesbian love interest, Zac Efron. What? He's a dude? I thought he was just a really flat lipstick lesbian. Oh well. Anyway, if you scroll past all of these unnecessary words you'll get to what this post is all about. The camel toe. Hopefully, these pictures will not be taken down at the behest of the Hudgens Legal Team, because, while intrusive, they're really not that inappropriate. I would even venture to say that they are "work safe". But who am I to judge. Just as your immediate supervisor if they're OK with you looking at barely legal camel toe action. If they say yes, then right on. If they say no, you better get back to those TPS reports.

Kanye West Whines - Now with Video

A couple of posts ago I posted an excerpt of Kanye's ridiculous diatribe about MTV not giving him the respect that he so self-righteously deserves. Now, you can see it for yourself, courtesy of the "Insider". They bleep out all the good parts, but you can tell what he's saying. I think it's something about his parents not getting him a pony for his birthday or something like that. Children . . . pfft!

You Don't Fuck Madonna, Madonna Fucks You

For once, I feel sorry for Guy Ritchie. That bag Madonna is holding contains something called "The Purple Penetrator". Look it up online. But, if you're lazy like me, then you're just hankering for some 'splainin'.

Strap it on and slip it in!! 6″ dildo with adjustable waist and back strap to fit all sizes. Comes with perfectly positioned vibrating bullett to give the wearer clitoral stimulation whilst pleasuring her mate!

Oh yeah, Madonna is into strap ons. And you know Ritchie is not putting this on in the front. He's already equipped with a actual flesh penetrator. No, this is for Madonna. I'll let your imagination figure out where this toy goes.




In Guy Ritchie's butt.

History Repeats

Did you think it would never happen again? Britney Spears shows off her vagina after her MTV VMA "performance" with a pretty familiar looking upskirt. I feel like I've seen this before. Hmm . . . And I think she was in Las Vegas that time as well. It can't be the exact same thing all over again . . . can it? I mean, who's that stupid. Oh, we're talking about Britney Spears right. It all makes sense now.

Kanye West Whines

I haven't watched the whole of the latest installment of the MTV VMA's as of yet. I've been keeping "crack-head hours" as my wife likes to call it playing video games for the last couple of days, but I did catch Kanye's performance of his latest "hit" single . . . which I liked better when Daft Punk came out with it, like 5 years ago. But, apparently, Kanye did not win many awards. And he was not all that happy about it.

"That's two years in a row, man ... give a black man a chance," said West, stomping around his entourage and directing his comments at a reporter. "I'm trying hard man, I have the ... No. 1 record, man.” It was the latest outburst from West at an awards show. Last year, he crashed the stage at the MTV Europe Awards after not winning for best video

Seriously Kanye, man the fuck up. Your music is pretty much borrowed. It's not bad. Just enjoy your millions of dollars, keep borrowing music to make more money. Who cares about some bullshit MTV award. That channel doesn't even play music videos anymore.

The Hudgens Cover-Up

Wow, the 2nd picture Photobucket decided "violated their tems of service" wasn't even a nude picture. It was the one that had her pulling her panty down a little, but didn't even show a hint of bush. Unlike the first picture that surfaced. She might need to trim a little down there. You know, with like a weed-whacker. But there is still one picture up, which I'm sure will be taken down eventually. I could distribute them all over the internets via e-mail (which works like magic), but who even cares about this 18 year old, Disney Channel starlet who's only claim to fame is being in a couple of musicals? Oh yeah, her lawyers. This reminds me a little of the time that topless pictures from that Jennifer Aniston movie from the full screen DVD version were leaked on the internets. Lawyers were all over that one quick.

It's not our fault that things like this end up here? Why do we have to pay the price? Letting them on the internet should be their punishment. Hudgens took the pictures, then let them loose on the web. Aniston didn't actually have to be topless when they were filming that scene. It's just ridiculous. Fucking pansy shit-heads.

Vanessa Hudgens Nude

Vanessa Hudgens may not be a household name as of yet . . . unless you're thirteen and watch the Disney Channel semi-religiously (or, if you're my ex-Marine younger brother, why does he watch that channel all the time?). In case you hadn't heard, there was this little made for TV movie called "High School Musical", which was a bit on the popular side. All the kids loved it. It was such a ratings monster for the cable channel that they went ahead and made a "High School Musical 2", because one wasn't enough. Now, I'm not sure if Disney will be keeping Vanessa Hudgens around for much longer. We've already seen what Disney did to the "Lost" cast members who got caught with DUI's. What would they do to a newly 18 year old, kiddie movie startlet who went ahead and took nude pictures of herself, that then leaked all over the internets? I'm thinking they'll just have her killed. This is also the chick that is dating the most effeminate guy ever, Zac Efron. I wonder where he was when this picture was taken. Probably looking through her make-up bag for some rad eye-shadow. That guy is so manly.

Oh yeah, this is totally NSFW, so, if you're system administrator comes knocking on your cubicle . . . it's your own damn fault for coming here while at work. You were probably just asking for it. Hope you have a good time at the unemployment line.

Edit: I would have posted this yesterday, but I needed to confirm this chick was actually 18. While I didn't actually do the legwork myself, I did see it posted on another site, and they said she was 18. So that's good enough for me.

Edit #2: As you can already see . . . the picture had to be taken down. Photobucket and lawyers. You know how these things go. But, here are a couple of other non-nude pictures that are perfectly spank-worthy . . . if you're into masturbating to Disney Channel starlets.



Don't ask me to send you the "good" picture. It's your own goddamn fault for being late to the "Vanessa Hudgens is naked" party. Go hang out with all the other nerds . . . nerd.

Halle Berry Knocked Up

After weeks worth of speculation (really . . . people were really wondering for that long?), it has finally been revealed that Halle Berry is pregnant. With a baby? Yes, a baby. Some might think that waiting until you are 41 to conceive a child might be pushing it a little, but when you are as hot as Halle Berry, you have to milk your looks for as long as you can. Now that she's past 40, and there are other hot(ter?) celebrities out there to take her place, she can afford to settle down, raise some children, and eat bon bons all day long. That's what mothers do, right? I am not well versed in the whole motherhood business, but it's kind of like "Married with Children", right? Her model boytoy will take up a job selling shoes while she adopts a bee-hive hairdo and neglects the children. Whatever happens, you can say goodbye to this body. You will not want to see her in a bikini in a couple of months when she starts showing . . . unless you're into that.

Eva Long-toe-ria Strikes Back

I'm not into Eva Longoria. I am of the personal belief that if it takes a small army of make-up artists, waxers, and ear plugs to make this woman bearable . . . it's not worth it. She doesn't have that "looks great when she wakes up" look that I am fortunate to wake up next to every morning. But, that said, she is fairly popular, and she is in a bikini showing an awful lot of camel-toe, from the rear. So, it's only post-worthy because of that. This could be some sort of meta-nouveau-marketing strategy for the upcoming season of "Desperate Housewives". And it's sort of working because I've typed the name of that show in this post, which will end up on a search engine somewhere, therefore raising awareness for that dumb-ass soap that airs when good shows should. You've won this round Longoria.

EDIT: Now, with more butt-crack.

BAFW Weather Update

It's fucking hot. It's not even 9 AM and already my house feels like the inside of a toaster oven. And I have no A/C, so don't even ask why I don't turn it on. The worst part is that I need to catch up on some shows that were DVR'd weeks ago, but this piece of crap Motorola box that Time Warner Cable provided us with overheats 15 minutes after I plug it in. It works great 3 seasons out of the 4. It's a good thing not a whole lot of great stuff is aired during the summer.

So, who's up for an ice age for a change? I hear it should be cooling down here in Los Angeles within the next couple of days, which will be nice. But I'm ready for fall to come around already. This heat is fucking with my television viewing. Not only that, every time I'm out in the living room (AKA - the oven room) I get stuck to the leather couch while trying to watch TV. I fucking hate the summer,

Musically Inclined Mondays - Annuals

The "Annuals" make pretty music. Pretty music that gets you relaxed, and then slaps you around a little when it hits its peak. I highly recommend that you download these tracks ('cause, well . . . they're free) and check out the band. I could go on and on about how I ran into this band on a weekly round-up of free MP3's somewhere and how I thought they were genius and I've been meaning to include them in playlists I make for my car driving pleasure . . . but, well, I guess I have been going on and on. Why don't I stop this, let you get to your downloading (fucking MP3 pirates . . . thank you come again), and then you can go back to looking for naked pictures of your favorite celebrity train-wreck. I know, I'm looking for them too.

Annuals - Brother
Annuals - Bleary Eyed
Annuals - Dry Clothes

Halo 3 on the Horizon

I'm not sure if it's been my recent shift into racing games as being my preferred method of video-gaming, but I almost forgot that "Halo 3" is coming out this month. Sure, "Halo 2" might not have had a truly satisfying story-line, but at least the multi-player aspect of the game kept you awake for many hours on end. Having played the Beta that came with "Crackdown", I have to say that this game, while slightly different in the way it controls, will pretty much do the same thing to you all over again. Check out the rest of these images, and make note of the Spartan III's that make an appearance below. Master Chief ain't the last Spartan after all.

You should read a couple of the "Halo" novels. Just to get pumped up for the game.







Please, wipe up your geek-mess you left next to the keyboard.