Ryan Seacrest High-Five's a Blind Guy

I guess "American Idol" is back with a new season. I don't watch the show, so I didn't actually see this happen. I actually heard about this on the radio on my way to work a couple of mornings ago. But, here he is, trying to congratulate a blind contestant with a high-five he clearly didn't see coming. . . . Get it? 'Cause he's blind. I would call Ryan Seacrest a giant douchebag for doing this, but he's tiny. Like a bleached (and subsequently spray-tanned) smurf in metro-sexual clothing.

Katharine McPhee Upskirt + Wedgie Pick

Maybe you should start recycling more, or not damaging the environment with your giant SUV's . . . because this upskirt does not come courtesy of Katharine McPhee being a big whore. No, this one is brought to you by nature, who I'm guessing is currently lobbying the pervert constituency to help stop it's deterioration (I didn't even know that was a word). See, it's a gust of wind that conveniently lifts McPhee's skirt to reveal the panties underneath. I don't know how she didn't notice that wearing a dress made out of the same materials they make parachutes out of would be a good idea, but her lack of fashion acumen is our gain.

Not only are we treated to that sight, but we also get to see the ex-American Idol contestant picking at a wedgie, during the whole wind inspired upskirt. It's like two for the price of one. Is it Christmas already? Enjoy the pictures.

No One Likes a Fatty

Um . . . is this woman the devil? This MeMe Roth woman who says that Jordin Sparks, the contestant of American Idol, should not have won because she's fat. But, in the end, America embraced the chance of diabetes over the chance of endless white-boy beat-boxing. It's almost like choosing a BK Whopper over a tofu-burger. I would have (if I watched the show) made the same decision America.

American Sex Idol

I don't watch "American Idol". Not a single season's worth of shows have been watched by my eyes, and I feel perfectly happy and ok with that. That doesn't mean that I won't post videos from time to time of Sanjaya making an ass out of himself and only sticking around because all of the tech support workers in India phone in to vote for his retarded ass. This video above, is Sanjaya-less. It, rather, features a contestant from the second season of American Idol called Olivia Mojica, who made it to the top 24 (I think), but not all the way . . . Um, who cares. She has a sex tape which is described as 40 minutes of hot sex. Check out the video, for as long as it is up and viewable.

EDIT - Yes, it's only playing 26 seconds of the actual 54 seconds for me as well. Don't freak out, it's not your computer. You can also check out this shorter clip courtesy of TMZ.com, which, plays all the way, but has the quality of a VHS tape that was left in the sun for an entire summer.

The Wrong Malakar

I don't watch "American Idol". It's not my cup of tea. But, apparently there's this contestant on it that despite an incredible lack of talent and generally looking like he's just seconds away from a sex change operation is still in the running. Yes, I'm talking about Sanjaya, and I have seen all the clips on "The Soup" and "Best Week Ever" on Friday nights to know that dude is all kinds of untalented. It's obvious that all the talent went to his sister, the weirdly monikered Shyamali Malakar, who had also auditioned for the show, but somehow got cut early on. There are two very good reasons why she should have been on the show, and you initially won't notice that until the magic of slow motion helps you appreciate just what I'm talking about.

Tyra - Breast Examinator

I made a little joke in my previous post dealing with Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs about Tyra and breast exams. In case you are a shut-in who only comes to this website for their news about the world and such (if you do . . . then you're probably a Panda Software employee . . . zing!), then you would have been sitting there, scratching your head wondering what the hell I was talking about. This video above is what I was making a reference to. Tyra Banks cops a feel at Katharine McPhee's boobs. Which are apparently real. I don't know. You can take Tyra's word for it. She squeezed them. But then, she would have to tell you about it herself, and how she overcame obstacles that no other woman in the world could to catch a feel of the American Idol contestants titties. And then, she'd somehow throw in how it's only appropriate that it would happen during Black History Month, and that she she be up there along with Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King.

Fuck you Tyra.

Paula Abdul - Master Interview'ee

Does it even matter what sort of intoxicant Paula Abdul is on these days? Whatever it is . . . keep drinking/snorting/huffing/injecting it, because the results are pure gold. Fried gold. The best kind. And not like golden shower great (*wink wink* Kim Kardashian), this kind of gold is the kind that the whole family can enjoy. This is why she's still part of the judging in "American Idol". And how early is it when this particular news-cast hit the airwaves? 8 AM? 9 AM? That's pretty much prime-time morning news-casting time. Abdul is already blitzed off her mind, and there's only a three hour difference. She must have a bunch of Irish coffee in the morning. You know, the one that's flavored with whiskey.

American Idol - Who's the New Katharine McPhee?

With the new season of American Idol looming over the horizon, I can't help but wonder . . . who's going to be this year's Katharine McPhee? Who will America fall in perverted lust with? Who will people be searching for on the internet in futile attempts at nipple slips, upskirts, and pictures of the contestants feet. I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that my advertising revenue jumps 1000% (amount not actually a correct calculation) during the final days of the competition. Why? I don't know. But I'm sure as hell looking forward to it. Whoever it is, I hope to make a quick buck off of you. Why? Because I love money . . . especially money that I don't really have to work for. So, search away America, and click away when you land here, on my humble blog. Sure, you won't find those pictures of a contestant golden showering a random person, but you might find something else that might make you laugh.