Super-Friends 2006

Now that my favorite regular-people-with-superpowers television show, "The 4400", is done until 2007, I'm going to need to fulfill this gap of missing super-powers'y goodness. NBC seems to have the perfect fall replacement for that cable show I love so much. Their less than imaginative title for it, "Heroes", leaves a little to be desired, but it from the trailer above, it looks like it could be pretty good. Let's just hope we don't end up with another "Surface", which I wanted to like . . . but ended up just being retarded.
Edit:
Here's more "Heroes" footage, cut with that Foo Fighter's song. You get a little more insight into what's going on . . . with an apocalyptic-type reveal towards the end. Kinda gave me goosebumps.

It's That Time Again - Search Terms

I'm thinking Thursdays will be housing the Search Terms post for the forseeable future . . . and yes, I can see the future. It's one of my many talents. What other talents do I have? Well, glad you asked. But since this is not about me, and it's about the search terms, I'm not going to steal their thunder by listing all the things I'm good at (which are encyclopedic in length, I might add). So, here is what's been searched for in the past couple of days. I'm not making any of this shit up. People end up here by looking for the stuff below. Sometimes it's clear how they made it here . . . sometimes, it leaves me scratching my head (which I do really well).

REESE WHITHERSPOON + PAPARAZZI PICS - Google Search GR
Emmanuelle in space - Google Search CL
does emma watson smoke - Google Search UK
nude celeb - BlogSearch
gotan - BlogSearch
emma watson's feet - Google Search
girls kissing - BlogSearch UK
"fashion house" - Blog Search Engine
sharon stone basic instinct 2 nude clip mpeg - Google Search CA
daniel radcliffe naked blogs are for wusses - Google Search
emma watson's upskirt - MSN Search
anna farris breasts - Google Search
"evangeline lilly nipple" - Google Search AU
emma watson boobless and trying too hard - Google Search
fergie wardrobe malfunction - Google Search
ufc "baba o'reily" - Google Search
pete from fallout boy crotch - Google Search CA
lohan dress - Google Search
girl fights - BlogSearch
Emilie de Ravin slip - Google Search
natalie portman panty shot V for Vendetta - Google Search
NCIS - BlogSearch
failure to launch screencaps - Google Search CA
joaquin phoenix interview frog in hair - Google Search
gretchen moll - Google Search AR
katharine mcphee boobs video - Google Search CA
scarlett johanssen "full house" - Google Search
lindsey lohan nickelodeon awards upskirt - Yahoo Search
leg cross oops tv - PeoplePC Search
evangeline lilly smokes - Google Search
nip slips accident - Google Search
steal+upn+veronica mars+wardrobe - Google Search
emma watson MSN address - Google Search
"stephen colbert" - Technorati Search
anne hathaway nude havoc clip - Google Search
wrestling nip slips - BlogSearch
gymnastics + crotch - Google Search BE
"kimberly stewart" "no panties" - Google Search
butt slips - Google Search
colbert green screen - BlogSearch
blogs for wusses - Google Search
portman crotch - Google Search
Emmanuelle In Space: First Contact trailer - Google Search
sia furler animal - Google Search
zero 7 fan hollywood bowl - Google Search

Scientology is Teh Gh3y

If this is what they do in the open, I wonder what crazy things are going down at the Scientology Center on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. You know they have to have crazy orgie parties where Scientology wenches strap on phalluses wrapped with tin-foil and proclaim their love for Xenu while tearing some male ass in half.

Or . . . this could just be a socially akward mishap that happened when they intended to kiss each other on the cheeks (all European style) and ended up kissing each other on the lips. One thing though . . . did they need to slip each other the tongue?

Dun dun dunnN!

*Note - I feel like such a subversive blogger posting shit about Scientology right under the noses of my Scientologist Overlord employers. Tee-hee.

iColbert

I love iPods . . . and I love Stephen Colbert (not in a gay way). So when you smash the two things together (thanks to the "Green Screen Challenge" . . . whatever that may be) you get something that rivals the pairing of peanut butter and jelly. It's just perfect. If you're into PB&J. Now that I think about it, I hate Peanut Butter. Wow, that's quite possibly the worst analogy I've made so far. Fuck it. You get the point.

HDH - Vanessa Minnillo

I really have no idea what this chick does . . . other than being Nick Lachey's new "man-chowder receptacle". Why do we care about her again? She's not bad looking. Is she better than Jessica Simpson? Maybe if you want to carry a coherent conversation. I can imagine talking to Jessica is like trying to reason with a puppy who is hopped up on methampetamines and bathtub-whiskey . . . there's no way that you're not going to get that thing to not pee on your couch. And no, I've never been in that position. I don't usually feed my dog speed and homemade hooch . . . at the same time. Anyway, Vanessa Minnillo is the HDH this week based solely on a suggestion from a co-worker (Mike V.), who seems to be quite taken by her looks. I think. He wasn't very excited when I asked him to help me choose a chick to post this week. Maybe he's not aware of how important and Earth-shattering this post really is. I missed posting this last week and look at what happened to that jetliner that crashed in Kentucky. Yeah. Random coincidence . . . I think not! Here's a couple of more pictures of Minnillo hanging out with Lachey in a black bikini. She stands around like a T-Rex . . . which is kinda of strange.

"Hold that position . . . Forever" - Nick Lachey

Cheap Lunch Hata's

Why can't I eat my cup o' soup/maruchan instant lunch in fucking peace! Does someone have to make a smart-ass comment every time I sit at my cubicle and say something like "Hey Jaime, is that all you eat. When you go home, do you like have that for dinner too?". Listen douche-bag . . . I don't still live at home with my parents like you do. Shut the fuck up. It's called "paying rent". When you don't have enough money to actually buy real food, you fall back on the 30 cents per meal solution.

And then, like 5 minutes later, someone else says "Oh, I smell cup of soup, it must be Jaime". Shut up. I know there's tons of sodium in this thing. What am I, retarded? Are you going to buy me lunch everyday? Mind your own business. And yes, there is more sodium/salt in an actual cup of Cambell's soup than in a Cup of Noodles/Maruchan. Read the god damn labels and quit hating on my lunch.

Fuck! People just make me want to vent so much. Thank god for blogs . . . otherwise, that homicidal rampage would have come and gone by now.

Yeah, I'm a little on the disgruntled side today. You want to make something out of it . . . punk!

Fall is Upon Us - Too Much TV

The new fall season is coming up on us. All the networks are either throwing new shows at us or bringing back last season's favorites. Here's a handy guide to what's premiering or debuting this fall season, alphabetically sorted for your obsessive compulsive pleasure. Or maybe that's just my OCD pleasure. Either way, it's a good way to see exactly what you want. Shows I'm looking forward are bolded. And yes, this means that these are shows that you should be watching as well. Shows that made me wonder "WTF Mang?" are italicized. Why? I have no idea.

According To Jim (ABC) Dec. 6
All Of Us (CW) Oct. 1
Amazing Race (CBS) Sept. 17
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) Oct. 1
America’s Most Wanted (Fox) Sept. 9
America’s Next Top Model (CW) Sept. 20 (only because I think it's a trainwreck of a show)
American Dad (Fox) Sept. 10
American Idol (Fox) Jan. 16
Art of Betrayal (MyNet) Dec. 4
Bachelor (ABC) Oct. 2
Battlestar Galactica (SciFi) Oct. 6
Biggest Loser (NBC) Sept. 20
Bones (Fox) Aug. 30
Boston Legal (ABC) Sept. 19
Breaking Bonaduce (VH1) Oct. 22
Bridezillas (WE) Oct. 8
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) Sept. 24
Campus Ladies (Oxy) Oct. 1
Celebrity Duets (Fox) Aug. 29
Class (CBS) Sept. 18
Close to Home (CBS) Sept. 22
Cold Case (CBS) Sept. 24
Cops (Fox) Sept. 9
Criminal Minds (CBS) Sept. 20
Crossing Jordan (NBC) Oct. 20
CSI (CBS) Sept. 21
CSI: Miami (CBS) Sept. 18
CSI: New York (CBS) Sept. 20
Dancing With The Stars (ABC) Sept. 12
Dateline (NBC) Sept. 23
Day Break (ABC) Nov. 15
Deal or No Deal (NBC) Sept. 18
Def Comedy Jam (HBO) Sept. 10
Desire (MyNet) Sept. 4
Desperate Housewives (ABC) Sept. 24
Dexter (Sho) Oct. 1
Doctor Who (SciFi) Sept. 29
Drawn Together (CC) Oct. 5
ER (NBC) Sept. 21
Everybody Hates Chris (CW) Oct. 1
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) Sept. 24
Family Guy (Fox) Sept. 10
Fashion House (MyNet) Sept. 4
48 Hours Mystery (CBS) Sept. 23
Freak Show (CC) Oct. 4
Friday Night Lights (NBC) Oct. 3
Game (CW) Oct. 1
George Lopez (ABC) Dec. 6
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) Sept. 22
Gilmore Girls (CW) Sept. 26
Girlfriends (CW) Oct. 1
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) Sept. 21
Happy Hour (Fox) Sept. 7
Help Me Help You (ABC) Sept. 26
Heroes (NBC) Sept. 25
Hogan Knows Best (VH1) Oct. 22
House (Fox) Sept. 4
House of Carters (E!) Oct. 2
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) Sept. 18
I Pity The Fool! (TVLand) Oct. 11
Ice T’s Rap School (VH1) Oct. 17
Jericho (CBS) Sept. 20
Justice (Fox) Aug. 30
Juvies (MTV) Sept. 4
Kidnapped (NBC) Sept. 20
King of the Hill (Fox) Dec. 3
Knights of Prosperity (ABC) Oct. 17
Las Vegas (NBC) Oct. 20
Law & Order (NBC) Sept. 22
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Sept. 19
Lost (ABC) Oct. 4
Men in Trees (ABC) Sept. 12
MI:5 (A&E) Sept. 15
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo) Aug. 29
My Name is Earl (NBC) Sept. 21
Nanny 911 (Fox) Sept. 8
NCIS (CBS) Sept. 19
New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) Sept. 18
Nine (ABC) Oct. 4
Nip/Tuck (FX) Sept. 4
Numb3rs (CBS) Sept. 22
The OC (Fox) Nov. 2
Office (NBC) Sept. 21
One Tree Hill (CW) Sept. 27
Prison Break (Fox) Aug. 21
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO) Aug. 25
Rome (HBO) Jan. 7
Runaway (CW) Sept. 25
7th Heaven (CW) Sept. 25
Shark (CBS) Sept. 21
The Shield (FX) Jan. 9
Simpsons (Fox) Sept. 10 (eventhough it continues to disappoint)
Six Degrees (ABC) Sept. 21
60 Minutes (CBS) Sept. 24
Smallville (CW) Sept. 28
Smith (CBS) Sept. 19
South Park (CC) Oct. 4
Standoff (Fox) Sept. 4
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC) Sept. 18
Supernanny (ABC) Dec. 4
Supernatural (CW) Sept. 28
Survivor (CBS) Sept. 14
Talk Show With Spike Feresten (Fox) Sept. 17
30 Rock (NBC) Oct. 11
‘Til Death (Fox) Sept. 7
TNA Impact! (Spike) Sept. 28
Trading Spouses (Fox) Oct. 6
24 (Fox) Jan. 7
20 Good Years (NBC) Oct. 4
20/20 (ABC) Sept. 8
Two and a Half Men (CBS) Sept. 18
Two-A-Days (MTV) Aug. 23
Ugly Betty (ABC) Sept. 28
The Underground (Sho) Sept. 14
Unit (CBS) Sept. 19
Vanished (Fox) Aug. 21
Veronica Mars (CW) Oct. 3
War at Home (Fox) Sept. 10
Watch Over Me (MyNet) Dec. 4
What About Brian (ABC) Oct. 9
Wife Swap (ABC) Sept. 18
Wire (HBO) Sept. 10
Without A Trace Sept. 24
WWE Smackdown (CW) Sept. 22

New Tuesday Feature - Girls Kissing

So, you've gotten through Monday . . . but what do you have to look forward to on Tuesday? Well, if you are a regular reader of BAFW (or the occasional pervert that lands here while looking for naked pictures of Emma Watson), then I offer you "Tuesday Girl Make-Out". It doesn't accronym into something interesting, just TuGMO . . . but I guess that watching chicks mackin' like there's no tomorrow can make you Tug at your junk mo'(more). So, Tu(Tuesday)G(girl)M(make)O(out) works just fine. Man I'm good.

Getting My LOST Fix

While I am not particularly addicted to nicotine, I am addicted to watching LOST, and it's been a very long summer since the end of the 2nd season earlier this year. To tide you over until this coming October, here's some clips from the Hanso Exposed/Lost Experience strung up together (originally 50 in number!) to make a coherent 4+ minute clip that gives a little more insight into the backstory.

Broken Lizard Wants YOU!

Now, granted, I am at fault for not actually going to watch this movie this past weekend like I should have. But, in all fairness, I didn't watch the Marky Mark movie, or any others for that matter. So my wife and I's combined 20 bucks didn't fund another one of the movies that made bank at the box office, while "Beerfest" staggered along with a disappointingly modest $6+ million. So, the guys at Broken Lizard have made an online plea for help. Here it is. It's your turn to do something about this. Change history if you will.

Ladies & Gentlemen,

As you know by now the number one film in America this weekend was MIRACLE 2: MARKY MARK IN CLEATS.

As you probably also know BEERFEST is fucking great. You've seen our comment board, you've talked to your friends, you've probably already seen the movie.

So you're probably asking yourself how did a football comedy beat out a Broken Lizard movie???

Well here's your answer...

It doesn't fucking matter.

What matters now is that YOU keep BEERFEST in theaters so that your friends, and everyone else in the world will get to see BEERFEST on the big screen.

This is a grassroots comedy campaign of epic proportions. We are asking YOU, the fans, to mobilize and get the word out about BEERFEST. Here are 10 things you can do to spread the word:

1.) REPOST THIS MESSAGE
2.) Copy & Paste this message into an email and tell all of your friends to see BEERFEST this week. And then tell them to forward it along.
3.) Blog this message or throw it up on your website.
4.) Send a MySpace Comment to a friend telling them to go see BEERFEST.
5.) Poke a friend on Facebook and then tell them about BEERFEST.
6.) Buy a ticket for BEERFEST, then walk into another movie and tell everyone in that theater to go see BEERFEST instead.
7.) Put the poster up as your default picture on MySpace
8.) Text message all the numbers in your cell phone with "BEERFEST"
9.) Throw a BEERFEST party. Round up your friends, drink some brew, go see the movie, repeat.
10.) When a telemarketer calls you, instead of them selling you something, you sell them on BEERFEST.

The power is your hands people. Visit us at www.myspace.com/therealbrokenlizard and update us with your efforts.

We sincerely appreciate all of your support.

Cheers,

BROKEN LIZARD

www.beerfestmovie.com
www.brokenlizard.com

Box Office Report - Foosball!

Everyone loves an underdog story, specially if it's put out there by Disney. Marky Mark's latest, "Invincible" takes the number 1 spot this weekend, dethroning Will Ferrell's NASCAR opus. "Little Miss Sunshine" keeps moving in the right direction, unlike all the other movies, and actually climbs a couple of spots up the chart to end up in 3rd place. For an indie Sundance favorite, this is one successful movie. "Beerfest" under-performed at the box office, but expect it to achieve cult status on DVD . . . or Bluray . . . or HDVD . . . or whatever the movie industry convinces us to buy in the next 6 months.

College comedy "Accepted" keeps enrolling viewers, in small numbers. It's more like a community college then. "World Trade Center" keeps knocking down towers week in and week out as it lands this week in 6th. "Step Up" kneels into the 7th spot, beating out the long delayed (my wife's actual words - "I could have sworn this came out on DVD like 3 months ago") Outkast movie "Idlewyld". I guess flipping our concept of movies takes time.

The bottom two movies in the countdown, both animal themed, but totally different. SOAP is running out of jet fuel as it finishes its 2nd week in release. "Barnyard" is getting sent to "Puppy Lake", hopefully getting put to pasture for good. Totals in bold green.

1. Invincible - $17,029,000
2. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $8,000,000 $127,684,000
3. Little Miss Sunshine - $7,500,000 $23,024,000
4. Beerfest - $6,500,000
5. Accepted - $6,476,000 $21,118,000
6. World Trade Center - $6,393,000 $55,557,000
7. Step Up - $6,187,000 $50,419,000
8. Idlewild - $5,892,000
9. Snakes on a Plane - $5,860,000 $26,012,000
10.Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $5,433,000 $54,710,000

Hollywood Bowl'ing - Zero 7 & Gotan Project

Last night my wife, her friend (Greta) and I went to the concert that we had shown up a week early last week. Click on the link to see what happened that time. Yesterday, though, we were prepared. After scrutinizing the tickets to make sure that this concert was happening on that day, of this month, and on this year, we headed out to one of the shuttle bus locations outside of Hollywood. Traffic was a bit of a bitch last time, and parking at the LA Zoo is free, so no need for validating nothing.

We got to the parking lot, bought our shuttle tickets from a couple of snobby pricks who didn't even look us in the eyes when they were selling us the passes. They snobbily looked the other way as they counted the money and handed back our change and shuttle tickets. This was kind of absurd, but whatever. We hopped on the bus and found a seat in the back. The ride there was pretty slow, but since we didn't have to worry about driving there, we spent most of the time chatting it up between the three of us.

We get dropped off at the top of the hill, right next to the entrance, and almost hesitantly approched the ticket scanners. We were really afraid that our tickets were going to let us down again . . . but they scanned just fine. We hiked up the hill to our section: P2, row 5, seats 111 - 113. We had a nice view of the whole stage, but I should have brought along my binoculars. But they have these gigantic screens that show the concert, so this was sufficient enough for us that we could not only hear the performance, but see it as well.

The first act up was an Argentine-Swede that plays with Zero 7 called Jose Gonzales. His set was bit on the intimate side, as it was just him and his guitar. He played some great mellow tracks and most everyone dug his performance . . . but a large number of people probably missed a large chunk of it. Being the first one up, the majority of the crowd had not filled all of the 18,000 seats yet. He played about 5 - 6 songs and then exited the stage.

The next band up I have no idea who they were, but they started out strong with a fun number that had a lot of electronic beats . . . but . . . as their set progressed, all three of us became more and more bored with them. They finally killed my interest when one of the guys started crumpling a can of soda, recorded the sound onto his laptop right on stage, then started playing around with the sample and attempted to make music out of it. While this sounds cool in theory, the effects are a little grating on the ears, and I think I began bleeding from the ear canal while this "song" was being performed.

Zero 7, the band we came to see, came out after this unknown to us band. While their music is more on the downtempo side, something that you play while relaxing on a lazy Saturday afternoon, their live show is quite the upbeat offering. Singer Sia Furler (quite obviously inebriated . . . at least) kept dancing around on stage like a displaced 1920's flapper dancer. Even Jose Gonzales, who joined them on stage, almost cracked a smile, which is about as upbeat as he gets. They jammed on stage for a really great set. One little complaint, and this is not band related at all. It's actually directed to the Zero 7'ologist sitting one row behind us. I know you are a fan, and that you probably have dissected every single one of their songs and know them by memory, but . . . please refrain from giving dissertations about every single one of the songs as they start playing. I don't need to overhear a lecture on the song and how you talked to the band members about it and so on and so. It's pretentious and you're a prick for even bringing that shit up. Shut up, enjoy the concert, or stick to dancing around (or on) the handrails.

After Zero 7 ended their set (while it was a full one, we would not have minded a couple of encores), the next band up came out on stage. We really had not heard of the Gotan Project and this is a grievious oversight on my part personally. This band rocked and played beautiful music like I've never heard. They're based out of Paris, and infuse tango with electronica. All of their music was in Spanish, but this did not affect my wife's enjoyment at all. She was very into the performance and we all enjoyed expanding our musical horizons just a little bit further. Another complaint comes out at this point. To the moron sitting a few rows behind us . . . Your empty wine bottle is NOT an instrument and you are NOT a member of the band up on stage. This douche-bag kept "klinking" something against the bottle and tried (and failed) to stay on beat with the Gotan Project. It was a miserable 5 minutes worth of this which mercifully ended when the next song started. People suck.

On the way out, we ran into a friend of my wife's (and Greta's) and his girlfriend who had actually driven to the Hollywood Bowl and parked across the street (14 bucks!). They offered a ride back to the parking lot where we had left my car, and we thought it was a great idea. Until we got in the car and his girlfriend got behind the wheel. All three of us in the backseat experienced "near death-life flashing in front of your eyes" experiences as she navigated her car through Hollywood and then to Griffith Park. While my wife and Greta silently prayed, I couldn't help but laugh at the way this girl drives. I almost dropped down on the concrete after briskly exiting the vehicle to kiss "terra firme". While it was very nice for them to offer a ride so that we could avoid a crowded shuttle ride back there . . . it was one of the most frightening experiences of our lives.

That ends our Hollywood Bowl experience. Massive Attack is playing there sometime towards the end of September. We might head out to the Bowl for that concert. We will make sure that we show up on the right date . . . and that our return trip is made in a shuttle bus.

Megatron - A Face only a Hentai Fan Could Love

The "Transformers" movie is chugging along at a nice pace, with a release date of Summer 2007, so character designs are coming out . . . which explains the sour-puss pictured above. Yeah, that's the redeign of Decepticon leader, Megatron. Nothing like the classic cartoon design . . . which I think had lips if I remember correctly. And before you start giving me shit about robots not having lips . . . let me just ask you . . . have you ever been to Cybertron? Yeah, didn't think so. This design looks more like it belongs in an anime Hentai feature . . . and a giant tentacle cock should be shooting out of that serrated mouth (ouch, that would chafe!). Then there's the weird option of not having him turn into an oversized hand-cannon . . . but rather have Megatron convert into a sci-fi inspired jet (pictured below). So, I'm a little apprehensive about just how it's all going to turn out. But, there are sure to be explosions galore that will melt my brain and make me forget about the designs. Just how putting Scarlett Johanssen in a white body-suit made me forget that "The Island" was just a rip-off of a cheesy 70's cloning movie last seen on Mystery Science Theater 3000. *sigh* I miss those wise cracking robots. :(

Cunt Collision Insurance - Got Some?

I'm getting fucked by a cunt. Usually, it's the other way around. And it's not even in a sexual way. My insurance company (Mercury) is most likely going to side with the cunt that claims that I hit her back bumper while I was parking. The insurance adjustor told me that since she has a picture of my bumper touching her bumper, that it's enough for them to go ahead and payout on her claim.

Which is abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous. If I had indeed (big IF) hit her car, would I have left my car parked in contact with hers? I don't think so. Would my wife, who crossed the street after exiting the car by going in between my car and the cunt's car, had space to walk in between these two cars? Wouldn't my wife and I noticed that we actually struck a car?

My theory is that this cunt had some pre-existing damage on her back bumper and thought it'd be a great idea to get someone else to pay for it. So, she backed up enough so that my car touched hers, and then took a fucking picture of it. Totally staged. I'm so sure of this that it's almost not a theory but a certain fact. I did not hit a car in July while parking. This bitch hit me, and now claims I hit her. She has no witnesses of me hitting her car, just a staged picture.

My insurance company has not made a final decision on this yet. It seems that the initial estimate numbers she got for the repair were wrong (no duh! she's trying to scam them as well) and they're waiting for an updated estimate. In the meantime, the adjustor is going to be discussing this with his supervisor(s) to see if they can still deny the claim. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm sure I'm going to get fucked in the end. He gave me a number to the California Insurance Commision (or something like that) so that I could file a complaint with the way this is being handled.

I wish I had enough money and time to hire a lawyer and take this cunt to court and fight the case. I'm sure that a jury of my peers would side with me and I could collect damages instead of her . . . you know . . . for the deep emotional scarring I've endured from this whole process.

But I won't, because that's not the type of person I am. I am an honest and law abiding member of society and I don't go around trying to take advantage of others. If I have damage on my car, I either pay for the repair myself or I leave it there. Fucking cunt. God I hate Los Angeles!

Girl Fight Fridays - What!

Yesterday, it was all about the love between women . . . and today, it's all about chicks fighting. That's how we roll here at BAFW. We like to pull the paradigm rug right from under ya so you can get knocked on your ass. Like the two chicks on this video. It would have been perfect if the initial pronouncement of "Titties!" from the camera-man would have come to fruition. We almost get there, but the tank-top and shorts stay in place, despite being pulled at quite vigorously by the pants'ed opponent. The one confusing part of the whole video is the way it ends. One of the chicks extends her arms and yells "What!?". I'd like to know just what she's what'ing about. Other than that . . . a decent fight clip.

There's Nothing Wrong With That

I love it when chicks make out. I do have one stipulation though . . . they have to be hot. Sure, that's a completely subjective opinion that changes from person to person. So whoever I think is hot, the next person might not. But I think we are all in agreeance (made up word?) that as long as the chicks making out don't sport fe-mullets and Dockers . . . and aren't pushing 3 bills . . . then we're good.

Alba Dorks it up with Fez

I don't know what Wilmer Valderrama's appeal is . . . but he's banged Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan (when she was hot), and it looks like he's working his "Fez" mojo on Jessica Alba. The apparent side-effect of this is that she seems to get bouts of dorkiness straight out of Urkel's playbook. I'm thinking close proximity to "Fez" can cause a myriad of health problems to pop-up. So, the Centers for Disease Control needs to hop on this crisis before he keeps affecting Hollywood Hotties. It's obviously a little too late for Alba. Too bad *insert sad face here*.

Weightloss - The Poverty Diet

I've lost a couple of pounds lately. Around 10 if you want to get (almost) exact. I really haven't been exercising much to lose this weight. Well, I was doing at least 3 times a week, but then my schedule changed at work and my free afternoons went kaput. I think the reason that is contributing to my current weight loss is not having enough money to keep a fully stocked 'fridge or pantry.

Now, I've gone through this before, with fantastic results. When I first moved out of my mother's house, I had a shitty job which payed me about $1000/month. With rent, car payments, and a couple of credit card bills, I had just enough to live. Sure, the meals were scarce, but I must have dropped like 40 pounds in the span of just over a year. I was on the Cup of Noodles diet at that time.

Then, I started getting better pay, had more money to buy food, and the weight came back. Over the past few years, I've grown complacent with fitness. I got married and I guess somewhere, deep down in my subconcious, I started thinking that I didn't need to put too much effort in the way I look. I had the girl of my dreams, and she'd love me even if I put on a couple of pounds . . . or 30 . . . yeah.

Lately though, the poverty aspect has come up again. We're currently trying to save up enough money for a move, so any extra cash we get goes into the savings. I'm not making more money now than I was at the beginning of the year, but it seems like the bills just keep getting bigger and bigger, which is taking chunks out of our food budget. My wife helps with the bills, working sparse gigs here and there, but we're commited to putting that money into our impending move next month (crossing my fingers).

So, I'm back on the Cup of Noodles (or Maruchan. It all depends on what's on sale really) diet and drinking coffee for breakfast. Non-dairy powder creamer and Sweet & Low . . . because I likes to keep it "au naturel". The hunger pains throughout the day are a little off-putting, and the headaches I've been getting lately (could be increased by stress . . . who knows) are scaring me a little . . . but this extra space around the waistline on my pants is re-affirming. I think I might start working out again to kick up my current weightloss into an unhealthy over-drive.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen. DJ Tanner lived off of ice-cubes for like 2 days before she collapsed at the gym in that one "Full House" episode. I'm at least getting some calories.

Living in the Future - Concert Date Goofed

This past weekend, my wife her friend Greta and I went out the Hollywood Bowl to see a concert. We had (and still have) tickets to go see Zero 7, the Gotan Project, and some guy called Gonzalo something-or-other. This was part of KCRW's world music concert series, and was sure to be a fun Sunday evening.

We pick up my wife's friend and head out to Hollywood & Highland, the shopping center a few blocks away from the Hollywood Bowl. They have 4 hours of parking for a mere 2 bucks w/validation and a shuttle that takes you to and from the Bowl for 3 bucks. We parked, got a small smoothie so that we could get our parking validated, and headed out to the shuttle.

We had all inspected the tickets to know just what time we should get there. We got on the shuttle bus and at first noticed that the crowd was a little different than we had expected. But, far be it for us to question such a thing as a concert turnout because they don't look like us or are in our same age-group. We figured KCRW has a very diverse listening-base and there was nothing wrong.

We made it to the Bowl and walked up the hill a little bit, and as we're getting our tickets scanned, the scanner starts to beep as if there's something wrong with the tickets. The guy then says "Oh guys, this is going to be a great concert, but it's actually next Sunday, the 27th". The three of us look at each other, the look at the tickets, and then should have collectively slapped ourselves on the forehead. We showed up a week early to the concert, on the 21st of August. Now it made sense why the shuttle was not filled with people that fit our demographic.

So, we sat around, and waited for a shuttle to take us back to Hollywood & Highland. We spent a couple of hours there, people-watching and making fun of freaks and the such. We had 4 hours for 2 bucks, so I wasn't going to let that go to waste. Then, we headed back home, dropped off my wife's friend, got some dinner and watched The 4400 instead.

This coming weekend though . . . we are attending the concert. I just hope we don't have another Darwin moment and end up going to the Staples Center instead of the Hollywood Bowl.

Fraud-ed! BofA Drained

So, I logged into my online banking with Bank of America this morning, expecting to see the usual meager amount of money available. I don't get paid much at work, and they are denying raises for everyone . . . but that's a different story. I take a look at my balance and notice that I have $0.00. After purchases made yesterday and online payments that were deducted, I should have had close to $5. Not a fortune, but still in the green.

So I click on the checking link, and notice that somehow $500 was deducted from my account on the 22nd of this month from an ATM in West Los Angeles. I don't venture out to West LA much, and I would have known if I had made a withdrawal that large. So I immediately dial up Customer Service at BofA and file a fraud complaint with them.

They took down all of my information, credited back the amount missing so that I wouldn't default on my online payments and told me that I would get an affidavit in the mail soon along with a new copy of my card. They kept asking me if any friends or family members might have gotten a hold of my card to make such a withdrawal, but I kept re-assuring them that I have held posession of my card at all times and that I keep my pin number in my head.

So, somehow, someone managed to get a copy of my card, or the information and then cloned themselves a copy of my account onto an empty card. BofA put a hold on my account until this gets resolved, so I can't access my online banking to see what's going on, but I plan on giving them a call somewhat later today to check on the status of this.

This sort of thing happened to my sister a couple of years ago. Someone in Utah cloned her ATM and made three (3) $500 withdrawals that really screwed up all of her payments. She got it resolved, but then it happened shortly thereafter . . . again . . . so I really hope that this is an isolated thing and that I haven't been targetted by some haXXor with a grudge. Whatever the case may be, I hope they find the guy/girl with the security camera on the ATM machine and prosecute his/her ass. It's only $500 . . . but it was MY $500 . . . and I want justice!

Weekly Cup of Search Terms

I love the kind of traffic these posts attract. Like flies to 4-day old pork sitting in the summer sun. I'd really would like the maggots looking for this to start clicking on some adverstising links . . . and . . . wait for it . . . possibly buying something? What! What a novel (not the bookish kind) idea. I know, spend some money by patronizing my advertising sponsors . . . and help feed a Jaime.

wedgie spanking – Google Search
sex blogurl – BlogSearch
Kristen Bell pulse nipple – Netscape ISP Search
heath ledger – BlogSearch
catherine mcphee, nipple slip – Google Search CA
Emma Watson – BlogSearch
nickelodeon lindsay lohan panty shot – Google Search CA
natalie portman vendetta panty shot – Google Search
Duff Sisters – Sphere Search
penelope nipple drop – Google Search UK
pee blogurl – BlogSearch
sharon stone opening her legs video clip – Google Search UK
fergie piss – BlogSearch
cortana hentai – Google Search
fat turrets guy – Google Search
was ciera born a hermaphrodite – Google Search
arab blogurl – Google Search
anna farris feet – Google Search
katharine mcphee boob – Google Search
peeing french gymnast – Google Search
nip slip ice skaters – Google Search
shawn ashmore – BlogSearch
figure skating vids wedgie – Google Search CA
evangeline lilly nip – Google Search
wrestling wardrobe malfunctions – Google Search
Lindsay Morgan Lohan panty – Google Search KR
spoiler-lost – Google Search UK
domino+screencaps – Google Search UK
dan/emma fanfic site – Google Search NO
Emily de Ravin: nip slips – Google Search
mariah carey nip slip italy – Google Search UK

Box Office Report - Snakes Roadkilled

For the third week in a row, Will Ferrell's latest comedy keeps the top spot at the box office, with SOAP nipping at it's heels and missing out by a few thousand bucks. I'm guessing that Sam Jackson is getting a little "tired of these mothefucking NASCARs on this motherfucking countdown". "World Trace Center" takes up third, showing that milking tragedies for cash is still a venerable and profitable endeavour.

"Accepted" opens up at #4. It wasn't thoroughly rejected at the box office though. It seemed everyone kind of spread their dough around this past weekend. Not a single movie made over 15 million. Like "Step Up", which steps down to the 5th spot after a surprising 2nd spot last week. This movie's "success" will ensure the future of many more urban dance-themed movies. "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals" seems to be running our of steam as it drops a couple more spots.

Indie-darling "Little Miss Sunshine" makes its first appearance in the top 10 this weekend. It manages to beat out PotC, and expect it to climb up the charts a little more as its wide release keeps opening up on more theaters this weekend. Meanwhile, "Material Girls" make enough money to annoy, but the Duff sisters are not making as much money as the Olson's would . . . so I don't expect many more cinematic outings from them. Which is a good thing. Rounding out the top 10 is "Pulse" which might be scary . . . but who cares, it stars Kristen Bell, who is just riduculously hot. If I had money, I'd go watch that just for her. Totals for this weekend's numbers are back to monochromatic bold white. In honor of the super-whiteness that comes with Nascar.

1. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $14,100,000 $114,686,000
2. Snakes on a Plane - $13,850,000 $15,250,000
3. World Trade Center - $10,800,000 $45,005,000
4. Accepted - $10,112,000
5. Step Up - $9,867,000 $39,448,000
6. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $7,489,000 $45,995,000
7. Little Miss Sunshine - $5,675,000 $12,756,000
8. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $5,012,000 $401,053,000
9. Material Girls - $4,620,000
10.Pulse - $3,528,000 $14,704,000

Teen Choices continue to be Bad

The Teen Choice Awards were aired last night (I think?) and as we all know, teens make terrible choices. Case in point . . . Kevin Federline closing your show with his "hot" new track. So, be prepared to be wow'ed . . . and not in a good way.

Looking for Change

Just what change you might ask? Well, employment change. It seems that every year I am either forced to look for something new . . . or the company that I work for takes a dive south and starts trying to fuck me in the ass when it comes to the treatment we get. Everything was fine here for the first 8 months or so of my tenure at this job. I got a promotion and prior to that, a small raise. I even got the Sal a job here which would have netted me a nice referral bonus.

Then, the shit started hitting the fan. First straw was the way the company decided to hand out the "End of the Year" bonus. Sure, they made a decision on how to do that 3 months after the end of the year, but at least they decided on how to do it. The problem is they decided to give it out in installments. Every 2 weeks (with our regular paychecks) we got these installments. So, any plans I had with that money (XBOX 360, iPod for the wife) went down the drain and instead the money went into the bills.

The next straw that hit the camel's back like a sledgehammer was the termination of all sales bonuses for employees. We had gotten a couple of these every few months and it was a welcome little help. 50 bucks here, 150 there. It was nice. They decided to end that because Sales kept not making their damn quotas. Fucking punks.

Then, the Sal's temperament and general gruffness (which is unique and one of the reasons we are pals) started getting to HR and the higher ups. It didn't help that he was tardy a lot as well. So he gets canned. After the 90 day period. I was supposed to get $500 after he completed that amount of time being employed, but HR came around (before he got the boot) and told me he was still under a probationary period and blah blah blah. So, I kissed the money goodbye.

The list of transgressions towards us continues as the raise the promotion came around with never happened. The executives here deemed it not necessary or that everyone in Tech Support did not do a good enough job to get a raise. Their official excuse is that the sales didn't justify it. So, we're all screwed. Our Retail Tech Support Supervisor (also slated for a raise) actually makes less than some of the regular techs now that he's not getting his raise. This sucks across the board.

So, I called up an old college pal who lives in Sacramento and I'm trying to get a gig up there. This means that I'm seriously thinking (and almost 90% sure) about moving out of Los Angeles to another city. This is a pretty big and scary change for my wife and I . . . but if it means I never have to work for Scientologists or take calls from retards who don't know how to use their computers . . . then I'm all for it.

Girl Fight Fridays - Wrassle!

This week's Girl Fight is not as brutal and visceral as the past couple of weeks. No, this one is a little more sensual, but not in the "candles and a nice Cabernet Sauvignon" way. Just look at those two girls going at it. Putting each other in head-locks, arm-locks and leg-locks. There's also an occassional wrasslin' 69 move . . . and I think even some spanks. But I'm not sure. The only downside is the song that is attached to it . . . but if you are a fan of that kind of crap . . . you might enjoy it.

Nipple-Topia - Penelope Cruz

There's nothing more refreshing than a nipple-slip picture on a Thursday morning. And sure, you might own "Vanilla Sky" on DVD and have seen Penelope Cruz's mosquito-bites (and zoomed in on them like I have), but it's always cool finding these candid "non-acting" shots. Nothing much to say about this really, just enjoy the nipple. Click on the picture to make it bigger as well.

Ledger & Williams Use Sign Language

Heath Ledger and wife Michelle Williams have taken up sign language. No, not what the deaf/mutes use. They write foul language on a piece of paper to create a sign . . . and then they let the papparazzi know exactly how they feel. The added bird-flip is a nice touch. I do wonder if Heath Ledger noticed that he married a 12 year old girl though. I mean, look at Michelle Williams . . . is she really that tiny and prone to wearing ruffles? *Shrugs* This might not be as extreme a method as karate-kicking a papparazzi stalker, but it is quite the humorous one.

Old Habits - Search Terms

You know what they say about those old habits. So, here we go again. The long missing "Search Terms" post is back, making a rare mid-week appearance here on BAFW. Why do I do this? Well, it inadvertently brings in perverts to my site. That, and I like reporting on what people look for when they end up here. Some of the crap that I have seen in the year that I've been running this blog boggle the mind. Today's entry is pretty tame and short, but that's because I'm only listing results that I found today. If you remember, the old entries were compiled over a whole week . . . making for massive posts. This is just a refresher. Maybe it will return as a regular weekly entry . . . maybe not.

Jessica Biel - Sphere.com Search
"nipple slip" - Technorati Search
emma watson naked - BlogSearch
nipples - BlogSearch
upskirt - BlogSearch MX
Katharine McPhee Wardrobe Malfunction - Google Search NL
turrets guy.com - Google Search CA
CATHERINE MCPHEE LEGS - All The Internet Search
natalie portmans got nipples - BlogSearch
kristen bell pulse nipple slip - Google Search FI
emma watson's toes - Google Search NL
emma watson's belly - Google Search
hermione pee toilet fanfic - Google Search CA
sitemeter - Technorati Search
Hills Have Eyes movie clips - Ask.com Search
wardrobe malfunction - maria carey - Google Search IN
vendetta screencap - Google Search
bosworth nipple slip - BlogSearch
"Sharon Stone basic instinct crotch image" - Google Search
gretchen moll photos nude - Google Search
new sickkest c/p hard site - Google Search
hurt cash musicclip .mpeg - Google Search DE
peter wentz hack sidekick Photos - Google Search
maggie grace - BlogSearch
lohan - BlogSearch
video women nude blog - BlogSearch
jaime-model now - Google Search UK
daniel radcliffe nude blogurl:bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - BlogSearch
"emma watson paparazzi" - Google Search PE

HDH - Jessica Biel

Holy crap. I was not looking for Jessica Biel today when making my choice for the "Hump Day Hottie" . . . but one look at these booty pictures taken at "The Illusionist"'s premier made the choice for me. Just look at that. Red beans and rice didn't miss her at all. I know that sometimes Jessica Biel can look a little on the buffed out side, but you can't deny that she's got an a-typical white girl booty. The bodonkadonk on this girl just made me a lifetime (not the women's cable channel) fan. Now, all she needs to do is more full nudity in movies. Not because it's gratuitous. It's for the art of acting. The craft need more naked Jessica Biel. I just hope she doesn't get hit with the current Hollywood Anorexia trend. "Yes, that is junk in my trunk. Thank you very much for noticing."

Posehn - Metal By Numbers

Holy crap. "That guy" Brian Posehn has just rocked my ass with his metal . . err . . ness? I'm not really that much into this type of music, but this guy's video rocked. It had puppies. And his friggin' wife is hot. Like way out his league hot. I do agree that most music out there these days sucks big fat penis. Just look at your local rock stations (KROQ . . . you piece of shit!) and marvel at how the majority of the music that is on constant rotation blows.

Sideboob-burg - Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan once again shows us that she is a fashion maven as she sports what would appear to be a fat man's t-shirt cut to look like a dress. Or a potato sack. I don't know. I can be sure that she most likely spent what I make every paycheck on that piece of haute couture. But, that's not what we're discussing here today. What we're looking at is some glorious side-boob. Sure, Lindsay's titties have had some set-backs in the past. Wether by digital manipulation (Disney) or rapid weight-loss (cocaine), they have not always looked as bouyant as they do in these pictures. So, kudos (or just regular granola bars) to Lohan on bettering herself . . . one side-boob at a time. More pictures below, with an extreme close-up (whoaaa!! Party time). Hey! Get back here with my t-shirt!

Big Brother - UK Tourettes

It seems that the UK version of the show "Big Brother" is shot in an insane asylum. I think that's what the US version is missing. More people that can't control their freak-outs and love screaming into pillows . . . all the while screamin "wankers!" and making parakeet noises. Who needs show writers when you have a chemical inbalance right?

Monday - Nipples!

There's something primal about nipples. I love them. Some more than others though. Sometimes, they can look a little weird (evidenced on "Busty Cops 2"). I am quite impressed by Natalie Portman's set of nipples. I mean, they're busting through that red top like they're alien chest-busters. Sexy alien chest-busters. She might not have the girth that Pamela Anderson sports when it comes to nip-see-through's, but her titties are fighting the good fight.Next up, we got some Kate Bosworth Nipple-slip pictures. Yes, I know that these might have been better seen during her "Blue Crush" or "Rules of Attraction" days . . . but she's still fairly good looking and completely oblivious as to what is going on with her rack. Here's a close up . . . Despite her current almost Nicole Ritchie'ish physique, I'm not all that impressed by this set of Kate Bosworth nipple-slip pictures . . . but, I'll just try to imagine those nips on maybe a cardboard cut-out of her in "Blue Crush". I just hope I don't get confused and super-impose those on Michelle Rodriguez . . . yikes.

B.O.R. - N.A.S.C.A.R.ed Again

It seems the Gods of Ticket Sales are smiling on Will Ferrel these days, as his latest comedy is almost at $100 million . . . on it's 2nd weekend out. This is pretty huge for a non-Disney movie without pirates. "Step Up" steps into the #2 slot with an impressive showing during the weekend, proving that it can shake its money-maker harder than Oliver Stone's "World Trade Center". That one came it at #3 . . . which means the terrorists have won. "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals" has another profitable weekend and bumps it's total take past the 30 million mark. You could say that they can buy the farm with all that money.

"Pulse" opens up at the middle, with a disappointing $8+ million. Did I say disappointing? I've never made 8 million bucks in one weekend. What a weird world we live in. PotC:DMC keeps chugging towards $400 million, don't ask me why . . . that thing isn't even finished. That's like people buying a car with no doors or an engine. "Zoom" opens up with a predictable number. No one wants to see kiddie super-hero rip-off movies. "The Descent" keeps descending, proving that the summer is no place for horror movies. This should have been released in October.

"Miami Vice" seems to be sinking at the box office, but it's made enough money so that Michael Mann can keep adapting his own shows from the 80's. Let's just hope he can branch out and start working on an "ALF" feature film. Think about that one. It would be genius. "Monster House" seems to be getting condemned at the box office. Expect to see it drop below the #10 spot by next weekend.

That's it for this week. Total numbers in a random bold color that I have not chosen yet, but let me tell you . . . it will dazzle!

1. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $23,000,000 $91,217,000
2. Step Up - $21,065,000
3. World Trade Center - $19,016,000 $26,818,000
4. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $10,069,000 $34,085,000
5. Pulse - $8,456,000
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $7,207,000 $392,400,000
7. Zoom - $4,600,000
8. The Descent - $4,600,000 $17,527,000
9. Miami Vice - $4,547,000 $55,112,000
10.Monster House - $3,300,000 $63,678,000

Girl Fight Fridays - Almost not Posted

So, it's 2 minutes til I'm scheduled to leave work, because that's when my shift ends, and I almost forgot to post a chick fight. So, here it is. It's not spectacular, but since we're going to weddings in the next couple of months, it seems a little timely. So, enjoy the bitch-scuffle. And I hope there's some of this at the weddings we're going to. Man, that would be sweet. Not for the people getting married. Their wedding day would be ruined . . . but I'm a bastard and would still like to see something like that.

Spam'ed Again - Incongruity

What the hell is going on here. It's like the Spammers read my personal diary and are aware that I was totally pissed at the fact that I can't fit into my old jeans. So weird. Who is making these goddamned reports? Only two living beings know about this debacle. The wife and the dog. This is gonna get Mexican-telenovela-esque if I don't get answers right quick!

Martin verbalized to me that you seemingly overheard about the reports on getting back into those jeans, my time has been taken up with this therapy, that has been assisting me get lean again. Ernest and me have been on this diet

http://www.eyij.itsourcharisma.org/du/

that has been assisting me with that. social and incongruity to all relative follow us up the cliff and river was now driving it so that it plan had

Or, maybe it's just a randomly generated word Spam trying to take me to a website to buy some diet pills. I don't know. I ain't touching that link.

In Theaters - 8/11/06

Wide Releases

Pulse - This horror movie starring Kristen Bell looks somewhat generic, with the ghosts trying to access your sould through cable modems and apparently washing machines. I know, two things that scare the bejeebus out of me. The young cast will most likely die in succession from ugliest to prettiest, and the super-pale baddies will not prevail in the end. Not a whole lot of movies have the bad guys win these days. Oh well.

Step Up - Another urban dance movie. It seems that every six months the movie studios come out with one. This one is both Banderas-and-Alba-less, and stars a bunch of nobody's that shake their asses to urban beats. It's kinda like porno without the fucking. So, basically, pointless.

World Trade Center - My wife can't stand the trailers/commercials for this movie. I am ambivalent towards it. It's got Nicolas Cage, who can sometimes act, but then again, he also makes trash like the upcoming "Ghost Rider". This movie is directed by Oliver Stone, who if you remember, made the Sal's favorite historical bio-pic: "Alexander". So, expect the Twin Towers to start fucking each other with airplane phallic appendages sometime during the movie's running time.

What? Too soon?

Zoom - Tim Allen will do anything for a buck. Seriously. Just look at "The Santa Clause 3". Well, don't actually go watch it. That's like a crime against your eyes. But use it as an example of this rip-off of both great and crappy superhero movies. Great = "The Incredibles". Crappy = "Fantastic Four". Tim Allen's next project is drinking a cup of day old urine with a puss-wart chaser for $4.57. It won't be filmed, but you'll actually be grateful not to see it.

Limited Releases - (Synopsisesises . . . [wait, that doesn't sound right] . . . provided by Yahoo! Movies. Misuse of word pluralization and complex parenthe-bracketing. . .that's all me baby!)

Conversations With Other Women - A man (Aaron Eckhart) and a woman (Helena Bonham Carter) see each other at a wedding and recall their romantic history.

Half Nelson - An inner-city school teacher (Ryan Gosling) with a drug problem bonds with the student who discovers his secret.

House of Sand (Case de Areia) - A woman is taken to the the sand dunes of northern Brazil by her insande husband and must raise her daughter alone.

Lunacy - A young man in the 19th-century France is taken by the Marquis de Sade to an insane asylum literally run by the inmates.

Poster Boy - The gay son of a conservative U.S. senator falls for an ultra-liberal activist who debates using him for political gain.

The Trouble With Men and Women - A heartbroken Londoner takes some advice to start dating again and meets an alluring French woman.

Halo Director Chosen

It has officially been announced that the director for the upcoming Halo movie will be . . . Neill Blomkamp? I know, you're wondering just who the hell that is. He's done a couple of cool short films and those boss Citroen commercials I posted a few months ago. YouTube's got his work uploaded, but, if you're too lazy to go looking for it, here it is, for your convenient viewing pleasure.

Alive in Joburg


Temp Bot

Star Wars - Next Gen Euphoria

This game-play (I hope!) video of the upcoming next-generation Star Wars game has me salivating more than everytime I open up my cell-phone (wink to a certain someone's body part). I mean, look at the fluidity of the graphics. The various force powers you can use. Using telekinesis on hapless Storm Troopers. I've never been into the Star Wars games. I felt they were kind of lacking in some areas. Let's hope this one is as perfect as it looks already.

Val Kilmer - Rubenesque

Val Kilmer was good looking right? Ladies, please let me know. I've liked him (not that way) in some roles he's had, in which he remained clothed, and never actually knew what his physique looked like. Until now, when I ran across this picture. Let's not even acknowledge the cowboy hat. I think he's pregnant. And he's going to give birth to a large donut. Or maybe he's just holding on to a conjoined twin that never developed past the "gut phase". Yes, there's one of those. I am a medical doctor in my spare time. I know what I'm talking about. Now, let me just review some medical case files (old "Scrubs" episodes) and then I'll get back to posting.

Oh yeah . . . Val Kilmer is fat. He is the Walrus, man.

HDH - Jenna Fischer

I know that name might not pop at you like, say . . . Natalie Portman or Giselle Bundchen, but Jenna Fischer is pretty cute, and she's currently starring in a top-rated NBC sit-com. Some of you might have seen it, takes place in an office? Fischer plays receptionist "Pam" which is at least a better pick than what the British version of the show had. She also had a small part in the great (but underwatched) horror movie "Slither". You should rent it when it comes out. Lots of slime. And, surely to make you excrete other types of fluids is the picture below. Yeah, that's an ass. And it's not a bad ass. Enjoy perverts. Ambien finally has a positive side-effect.

Technical Difficulties

My Apple laptop that I use at home is old. I got it before I got married, and it has survived my wife's accident prone'iness for the entirety of our marriage. But, all good things must come to an end as the display on the thing crapped out on us 2 nights ago. The computer still works fine, but the picture comes across all tinted (in pink and purple) and it eventually gets too blurry to do much of anything on it.

I called Apple Tech Support yesterday (longer wait that our Tech Support) and they told me that my Apple Care Protection plan had lapsed in December and that it was non-renewable. They also told me that fixing displays is quite the price'y operation and that it would cost a hundred bucks more just to get a new MacBook. So, I'm left with quite the connundrum (not unlike tasting your own genitals *wink*). Do I buy a new computer now or tough it out without a fully functional (well, mostly annoying really) display on mine until I get (if I get) a new job that would pay me enough to afford it without having to dip into the ever deepening credit hole I've dug for myself (and lovely wife, never say I don't give you anything!)?

And before the Apple-hata's jump in and start chastising me over my computing choices . . . I'll have you know that I had pretty much no problems during the 4+ years of operation, which is more than what you Windows users can say with your viruses and Windows vulnerability issues. So, go defenestrate yourselves, Bill Gates Zombies.

Bugs Are Cool Man

I saw this on YouTube and thought it was pretty cool. But it did not compel me to create a 3 minute video explaining my cool bug encounters. Maybe it's because I don't smoke as much pot as the guy who felt the need for the rebuttal. Well, here are both videos. First up (above) is the video that started it all. Below, is the fruits of it's inspiration.

Kevin Smith & Superman - What Could Have Happened

This 20 minute video is fairly entertaining if you're into Kevin Smith and comic book movies. Smith is a born story-teller. If you ever have the chance to catch one of his panels at a convention, do so. He can go on and on for hours without losing an iota if entertainment. So, go make yourself a sandwhich while this loads and then revel at what "Superman" could have been if Warner Bro's had left the project in Smith and Producer John Peters' hands.

Philosophizing with Britney Spears

It's not often that someone can make Kevin Federline sound like he's channeling Stephen Hawking (minus the robot-voice), but Britney Spears is not just anybody. I can only assume that this video was shot while they were doing their "Chaotic" UPN show, because Britney is asking to go to a theater to watch "Spun" (which was out on DVD already at the time). Then, she starts smacking tables and acts extremely confused about the simplest things. She caps off the video with a discussion on "time travel . . . speed?", which just might be her brain doing a 360 degree turn and going back to her original desire to watch a movie about meth-amphetamine users. I am obviously not doing the video justice, so just let it load, and let the amazement wash over you.

"I'll Come at you like a" Box Office Result Post

Will Ferrel is unstoppable. Anything he touches turns to gold, which might pose some problems whenever he takes a leak. "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" comes it at #1, dethroning "Miami Vice" (who dropped down to #4) and kicking much pirate ass (PotC:DMC comes it at #3). The inexplicably renamed at the last minute "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals" comes in at #2, teaching kids that masculine voices coming out of typically female bovine creatures is ok.

"The Descent" finds itself right smack-dab in the middle with it's release. I guess more people like to laugh than they like to feel claustrophobia. Go figure. "John Tucker Must Die" continues it's WTF'ish presence on the countdown while "Moster House" disappoints Dreamworks with it's #7 place. It's made a decent amount of money, but nowhere near "Shrek" or Pixar ka-ching.

Another CG disappointement, "The Ant Bully", continues to get its ass-handed to it by other CG-kiddie movies. "You, Me and Dupree" shows us that it is a better movie than the recently departed "Little Man", but then again, anything that is submitted to America's Funniest Home Videos is better than either of those movies, so take that distinction with a grain of salt . . or two. Robin Williams' "Night Listener" opens up at #10 . . . and listens for some audience members, but never finds them.

Total box office takes in NASCAR white . . . to commemorate the race that watches it the most.

1. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $47,000,000
2. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $16,040,000
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $11,011,000 $379,709,000
4. Miami Vice - $9,683,000 $45,740,000
5. The Descent - $8,800,000
6. John Tucker Must Die - $6,050,000 $28,623,000
7. Monster House - $6,000,000 $56,952,000
8. The Ant Bully - $3,900,000 $18,161,000
9. You, Me and Dupree - $3,603,000 $66,782,000
10.The Night Listener - $3,600,000

Girl Fight Fridays - Round 2

Oh man, this is a nice one. There must have been copious amounts of booze and other libations at hand during this backyard party, because there are two sets of fights. The first one involves a couple of blondes, some straddling, a little bit of tank-top tearing and the good ol'fashioned hair pulling. The two even throw in some kicking and punching to the face for good measure. The 2nd fight, and I think this is between a chick and either a really ugly chick or an effeminate long-haired dude is equally brutal . . . and fairly satisfying.

Upskirt City - Ashlee Simpson

Looks like Ashlee Simpson is following in her big sister's steps and is showing a little sumthin-sumthin to her "fans" But, rather than showing her rack through a sheer-top, she's going the Mischa Barton-route and showing us the upskirt coupled with an automobile exit. Nice tighty-whities Ashlee, but you're not fooling anyone. There's nothing innocent about her. It would have been almost perfect (for the average pervert, not me) if she had not been wearing panties . . . or if she had a pez-dispenser tied to her crotch with dental-floss because someone told her that it would be the "punk" thing to do. Because she's such a rebel. Even with her new conformist nose.

In Theaters - 8/04/06

Wide Releases - (Animals, caves, listening and NASCAR. Sounds like one of my normal, non-filmed weekends)

Barnyard - Well, it's the start of a new month and that means that another computer generated animated movie is due. I swear, these kinds of movies were great when just Pixar was making them. I have fond memories of "Toy Story" and "Finding Nemo" but the current crop (including Pixar mind you) of movies just blow goats. Old, crusty, vd-riddled goats. The kind that just drip puss and have rotten flesh . . . which kind of reminds about the Sal's taste in women. ZING! Oooh, how you like me now sucka!

The Descent - I've read good reviews for this movie. I've seen tons of commercials for it. I've even checked out the trailer a few times (a group of hot chicks with British accents stuck in a cave . . . sweaty . . . dirty . . . who wouldn't?) but it still does not garner enough interest from me. I'll most likely get this as a rental and scare the be-jeebus out of my wife with it. You see, playing scary DVD movies for my wife = instant hide-in-my-arms action, which eventually leads to a little of "you're so brave, take me now!" action . . . and everyone involved has a happy ending.

The Night Listener - Robin Williams keeps taking dramatic roles like it's going out of style. When was the last time you saw him in a funny movie? Well, sure, he probably wasn't very funny in it, but the rest of the movie at least had you laughing a bit . . . right? I've seen a couple of movies where he "acted" quite nicely, but from the trailers for this one . . . it just seems like he's running around looking for a boy . . . that wrote something? And Toni Collete is trying to not get him to find the boy . . . because he wrote something? *Yawn*

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - What kind of red-blooded American would I be if I didn't spend 20 bucks to see this year's funniest movie starring one of the funniest men (take that Robin Williams) ever created by this great nation. Well, for starters, I'm not a red-blooded American, but rather a brown-blooded dirty immigrant who is currently in the process of infiltrating your society in an attempt to corrupt your "culture" by replacing all English-language beer ads with Spanish-language ones. At least those are replete with hoochies in short-shorts. Trust me, it's better this way. Oh, and the movie . . . sure, I'll watch it.

Limited Releases (The ones that should make money, but rather, create cult followings. Kinda like Scientology, but without space Airliners and the ghosts of aliens trapped in Hawaiian volcanos. Unlike the Yahoo! Movies, Xenu is a dick!)

My Country, My Country - A documentary about an Iraqu medical doctor who runs as a Sunni candidate in his country's national elections.

Quinceanera - The Sundance Film Fest award winner about a Mexican-American girl, about to turn 15, who discovers she's pregnant.

Shock to the System - A gay private detective goes undercover in a conversation therapy group (wtf?) to find the person responsible for his client's death.

Adminstrating Woes

Just a little charming e-mail from another one of our eloquent customers. This one apparently didn't give himself enough administrative rights on his user profile on the computer and is now blaming our company for his retard mistake.

Dear Sir: I am trying to configure my antivirus program for automatic updates but everytime I try to change the settings it says I do not have administrator priveledges. It is bullshit. I am the only one who uses this computer. My login has my name as to distinguish my profile from others so I may choose to add in the future but I have administrator priveledges. I do not give a rats ass about any computer geek crap. If your software will not let me change the settings because some booger picker software geek had a weird idea (which happens frequently, believe me, I know) then please refund my money for the software and I will go back to that Norton crap.This is stupid and should never happen. Truly Yours, Jackass (name changed to protect annonimity)

You know what is truly stupid and should have never happened? His parents conceiving this mental genius. Someone should walk up to those two (no matter how old they are) and slap them in the face . . . repeatedly . . . I mean it.

HDH - Jessica Simpson

Never has a vacant look in someone's eyes been considered sexy, but Jessica Simpson seems to pull it off so effortlessly. Now, just being retarded-pretty is not justification enough for Jessica Simpson to be this week's "Hump-Day Hottie". No, you see, she's also dumb enough to wear something that is see-through and not wear underwear. So, her folly is our gain, as we get to see the next-best thing to a nipple slip. One more picture after this short paragraph, which is only ruined by the troll'ish looking woman that is escorting Simpson (hopefully to an assisted living retard home). I could have cropped her out like the photo above, but I can't be bothered to cater to your masturbatory needs. Just make sure that you don't whack off and accidentally catch that "woman" out of the corner of your eye during your climax. Just a warning. Don't heed it if you like trolls . . . but then you really should be checking out pictures of Kirsten Dunst.

Horrible SPAM

Most of the time, we get a ton of SPAM in our work inbox. It's usually trying to sell us weight-loss products or fake Rolexes. This particular one was just disturbing as all fuck. Here, take a looksie . . .

This is a confidential message. Please delete it immediately after closure!By the huge demand of our members, We've issued a new sickkest C/P HARD site.Warning, It's really shocking. Real chlLdd v/deo prn! Don't enter if you are pregnant or experience heart problems! ATTENTION: Signup time is very limited. We highly recommend to join this site in a nearest hour before it closed. Registerd members will be provided with a permament members area which is always online.

Who the hell is demanding this type of a website? I wish the person(s) responsible for this particular message were all rounded up and ritually castrated. "Don't shoot the messenger"? Not my policy. If the message is like the one above, I would likely dip the messenger in sulfuric acid.

Nipple-Topia - ATM Edition

No, we're not showing you topless cash machines today, but rather a winner of the Americas Next Top Model . . . or ATM for short . . . and, as I fondly refer to it, the "Ass to Mouth" of television. I don't need to explain myself. Just accept it. So, here she is, Eva Pigford, topless. Not much else to say other than that her Covergirl contract must have run out . . . and they took her shirt. I don't know. It's a possibility. One more picture of Pigford (hehe, her name has Pig in it) looking "fierce" with a couple of ambiguously gay looking fella's.

Box Office Report - Vice Edition

After three weeks of reigning the top of the charts, PotC:DMC has been taken out by "Miami Vice". Hopefully, this was done execution style, with a hollow-point bullet to the back of Jack Sparrow's skull. God I hated the way they handled that sequel. But, it's made 1/3 of a billion dollars so far, so despite my distaste for it, it's an unabashed success. Michael Mann's movie (based on his 80's TV show) did ok for itself, but it's not a huge number really. The other movie that opened this weekend, appealing to the tweeny-boppers out there, probably made it's budget back and then some, with 14+ million. I don't expect this to get past the 25 million mark total, but then again, it should not have made any money at all . . . no matter how attractive the 20-something year olds they got to play teenagers are.

"Monster House" (which I hear is great) stomps on the "Ant Bully", stealing it's thunder as the top CG animated movie this past weekend. "Lady in the Water" flounders a bit in the middle of the list, crossing the 30 million dollar mark, and hopefully, drowning M. Night Shyamalan's future movie career. Seriously, this guy shouldn't be directing episodes of the "King of Queens", much less a feature film. Enough twists!

"You, Me and Dupree" continues to plauge the list, forcing me to write about it. Let's see, what can I say about this today . . . nothing. Fuck it. "Little Man" proves that plagiarizing is the best way to make money in Hollywood. That, and the Wayans' have sold their soul to the devil. Which is why, "The Devil Wears Prada" can wear . . . um . . . Prada. Say what you will about the Wayans'. You can get a great pant-suit when you cash in their souls. Rounding out the list at #10 is "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" which must have been shot on a kryptonite reel, because it made "Superman Returns" go bye-bye for the moment. Below are this past weekend's total numbers, in 80's electric pink.

1. Miami Vice - $25,723,815
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $20,606,578 $358,485,761
3. John Tucker Must Die - $14,276,534
4. Monster House - $11,663,308 $44,035,290
5. The Ant Bully - $8,432,465
6. Lady in the Water - $7,144,275 $32,203,657
7. You, Me and Dupree - $7,106,280 $59,119,020
8. Little Man - $5,124,245 $50,187,262
9. The Devil Wears Prada - $4,673,346 $106,561,887
10.My Super Ex-Girlfriend - $4,096,933 $16,751,286