BAFW TV Guide - Guilty Pleasure

I tend to stay clear of reality TV. I do appreciate the value and merit of a well scripted show. For the most part, MTV has been pumping out these generic and engineered shows like "The Real World" and all of those "Laguna Beach" spin-off's. Totally forgettable television if you ask me. And then they went back to the drawing board and created this fantastically terrible but hard not to watch show entitled: "Jersey Shore". In itself, this show is a spin off of a "True Life" MTV documentary, but that's the only place MTV cut corners.

The show is full of self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes. Basically, Italian-American douchebags. These kids are more preoccupied with tanning, fist pumping to house music, hooking up and drinking heavily. And, despite looking like MTV put blinders on when casting, these kids think they're the hottest thing since garlic bread. It's hilarious. I'm currently just tuning in to see how much I can hate these ass-hats. Check your local listings if you want to catch the show. MTV plays it all the time. Since the show just started a couple of weeks ago, you might even get to watch the 2 hour (yes, T W O) season premiere.

Eminem Gets Face Full of Bruno

I didn't watch the MTV Movie Awards this year. Yet. Don't worry, MTV will surely replay it ad-infinitum so I'll get to it eventually. But, from what I heard, this was the highlight of the show. Eminem, noted homophobe, got a little too close to Sacha Baron Cohen's "Bruno" character during the show, and decided the most adult thing to do was get his entourage to swing the comedian around and then storm out of the show. Watch the video, and wait for Eminem's rap response to this. If he's got balls . . . that aren't on his chin! Hey-yo!

Whitney Port Bikini + Nip Slip PIctures = Who the Hell is Whitney Port?

Maybe I'm not doing a great job of following MTV and all of it's reality show spin-offs. Apparently, there's a show on that cable channel called "The City", which is an abortion of the already established and (I have no idea why) popular show "The Hills", which was teenage-birthed by MTV's first televised program about privileged youth: "Laguna Beach". Which, still leaves me wondering: Who the hell is Whitney Port? And to tell you the truth, part of me doesn't want to know. Because, just like in "Scanners", I think my head would explode like a ripe melon if someone sat me down and explained the chronology behind why this girl has a television show about her.

What I'll do instead, is check out these bikini pictures, which come with nipple slip (for as long as Photobucket lets it, so, by the time you read this, there might be a "content deleted" picture where the nipple slip should be . . . early bird gets the nipple around here) because it's the only real way to maintain my sanity. I kinda need that, right?



Click on the pictures to make them, and parts of your anatomy, larger.

Heidi Montag Raps?

Heidi Montag was on MTV's TRL recently (at least, it looks like TRL, who knows, I don't watch MTV much these days anyway), sharing the spotlight with rap star Nelly. So, of course, she decided to drop some rhymes on an unsuspecting crowd and the rest of America, and it went just as bad as you'd expect it to. Even the host of the show described Montag's lyrical stylings as "flowing like a leaky prostate". Heidi did not even get that well spoken burn, as she tried to get a check + for effort. I swear, I can almost ready Nelly's mind while watching this video. He's got to be thinking: "Damn this bitch can't rap, but I'd put her mouth to good use". Anyway, enjoy (if you're into shit like this) the video.

"The Hills" Have Upskirt

Audrina Patridge is one of those chicks from that "reality" show "The Hills", which is kind of like a sequel to "Laguna Beach", and it's totally not fake. Like, for truth and stuff. Who is MTV kidding by the way. From what I've seen, clips on shows like "Best Week Ever" and "The Soup", the show is probably closer to fiction than reality. And it's not always great fiction. But, enough about that, what we have here is actual reality. Audrina Patridge has been caught exiting a vehicle, the sexy way. Upskirt first. When will these people learn. Extreme close up at the end of these words. Because, extreme close-ups are sexy and classy.

Heidi Montag in Bikini, Baywatch Style?

I have never watched a single episode of "The Hills" on MTV. I don't even know what the show is all about. But, apparently, Heidi Montag got famous for being on it, and then getting breast implants . . . so now she spends her days, running around beaches in bikini's awaiting photo-ops and generally not contributing to society. Which is fine if you're into that sort of stuff . . . but it just seems a little vapid for me. Here she is, pretending she's in "Baywatch", running around with a lifeguards flotation device and standing next to one of their vehicles. In a bikini. So . . . yeah . . . nothing much else to say here. *Yawns* Filler can be so boring sometimes.

Kanye West Whines - Now with Video

A couple of posts ago I posted an excerpt of Kanye's ridiculous diatribe about MTV not giving him the respect that he so self-righteously deserves. Now, you can see it for yourself, courtesy of the "Insider". They bleep out all the good parts, but you can tell what he's saying. I think it's something about his parents not getting him a pony for his birthday or something like that. Children . . . pfft!

History Repeats

Did you think it would never happen again? Britney Spears shows off her vagina after her MTV VMA "performance" with a pretty familiar looking upskirt. I feel like I've seen this before. Hmm . . . And I think she was in Las Vegas that time as well. It can't be the exact same thing all over again . . . can it? I mean, who's that stupid. Oh, we're talking about Britney Spears right. It all makes sense now.

Kanye West Whines

I haven't watched the whole of the latest installment of the MTV VMA's as of yet. I've been keeping "crack-head hours" as my wife likes to call it playing video games for the last couple of days, but I did catch Kanye's performance of his latest "hit" single . . . which I liked better when Daft Punk came out with it, like 5 years ago. But, apparently, Kanye did not win many awards. And he was not all that happy about it.

"That's two years in a row, man ... give a black man a chance," said West, stomping around his entourage and directing his comments at a reporter. "I'm trying hard man, I have the ... No. 1 record, man.” It was the latest outburst from West at an awards show. Last year, he crashed the stage at the MTV Europe Awards after not winning for best video

Seriously Kanye, man the fuck up. Your music is pretty much borrowed. It's not bad. Just enjoy your millions of dollars, keep borrowing music to make more money. Who cares about some bullshit MTV award. That channel doesn't even play music videos anymore.

Claire Danes slips a Boob

Leave it to a young actress that is currently surpassing her young Hollywood contemporaries in the craft of acting to step it up a notch when it comes to the coveted "nipple slip". Claire Danes, who is probably doing some publicity for an upcoming film called "Stardust", visited the MTV studios (I'm assuming based on the microphone she's holding) and forgot her bra. That led to this opportune shot, in which you can not only see the nipple, but pretty much every single square inch of one of her boobs. Kudos Claire Danes. More Claire Danes boob slip picture. Enjoy it before Photobucket decides that it is violating their terms of usage and replaces it with something boring and not nipple oriented. Fascists.


Thank you Egotastic.com for this down blouse/nipple-slip/boob reveal.

Trailers Cubed

I've got three trailers for you today. One, looks awesome. The other, could be awesome. And the third, is downright evil.


This first trailer is for the "Golden Compass" movie coming out soon. It's fantasy much like "The Lord of the Rings" was, but even more fantastical. It's got Daniel Craig in it, along with Nicole Kidman, Eva Green, and Sam Elliot as a cowboy. Hmm, that's a stretch. Oh, it also has talking polar bears, which almost guarantees that my wife will want to watch it.


This next trailer is for FOX's new Terminator hour-long drama debuting this fall. It's called "The Sarah Connor Chronicles", and it stars Lena Heady (the Spartan queen from "300"), some kid as John Connor, and Summer Glau as a terminator. It might be OK, but I know that if I start watching it, and enjoying it, FOX, will just pull the plug on it like every other show I've loved on FOX.


This next trailer comes from MTV, who decided it would be a great idea to make "My Super Sweet 16" into a movie. Fuck them. That's all I have to say about that.