Happy (?) New Year

Yeah, I've been lagging on the posting lately. Why? Who cares. It's the end of the year. I should have some soft of "Best of" list, but lists are teh suck. Or teh gh3y. I'm not quite sure which. Enjoy the last days of 2006 bitches . . . 'cause you'll never get them back.

Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer Teaser

Can it be? An actual teaser trailer for a movie that I was not particularly awaiting with open arms that has changed my mind. Completely? I was not a big fan of the first "Fantastic Four" movie. But, there is more great action in this minute and a half of footage than in the whole running time of the first movie. So, maybe this will improve on the previous cinematic incarnation. Or, this could be the only good scene in 2 hours worth of crap. Either way, it kicks all sorts of ass. And the Silver Surfer looks pretty damn cool.



Prepare to be amazed here if you have Quicktime. If not, then you suck as much as the first "Fantastic Four" movie.

E-mail and Grievances

I got an e-mail today at work from a coworker who happens to read my blog. He/she (to maintain anonymity) took offense to a comment that was on a post that was directed towards someone else that I work with . . . a certain PC doctor's (or candy-striper if you ask me) whose then absence from work for a prolonged period of time due to "illness" was causing me a lot of stress. I think I had made a mention that his juniors were not working as hard as they should, and then I got this e-mail in my inbox today.

Jaime, if you have something to say about me or my work ethics, please take it up with me and my manager and not the entire world on your blog. I don’t appreciate being called names or being slandered on someone’s blog.

Now, here's the comment that he/she is having a problem with.

(G)et your ass to work. Your wonder twins are not doing a lick of work. They keep taking breaks to go to liquor stores and/or coffee shops with their BFF's.

A couple of things that I'm having a problem with here. Sure, I called him/her a "Wonder Twin" . . . but not which one? Maybe it was the one that turns into a bear or an eagle instead of the one that turns into a bucket of water or a letter opener. Secondly, the entire world is going to be looking at this? That might be a little bit of an exaggeration. Even if someone from Germany were to happen upon that particular blog post, they wouldn't even care because it's not a post about shize-movies starring a drunk Hermione from the Harry Potter movies. So, relax, the whole world is not in on it. Thirdly, the guy the post was directed to is your direct superior, so . . . in a round-a-bout way, I was taking it up with your "manager". And lastly (I'm pretty sure that's a word) . . . I don't mention any names, so how are you being "slandered" if no one knows it's you. And how do you know that I am talking to you now. It could be . . . someone else. That's the beauty of anonymity. I respect your desire to not be "slandered", but who's going to know it's you . . . unless you see something in that comment that has some semblance of truth.

Get over it. I don't see Britney Spears getting pissed off at the fact that I posted her upskirts on my blog. If you want to be mad at me, then go ahead. It doesn't bother me. But realize that I don't make shit up. I speak, or in this case, type my opinions that are based on some fact. I'm not going to make a big deal about this. I'm going to let it go. I don't want to keep having to use my 15 minute breaks to post explanations as to why I do the things that I do. You're an OK guy/girl. But I'm not apologizing for what I type.

Christmas Loot

Christmas speaks to my materialistic side. I don't have a problem getting presents. I love them actually. This year, my wife and I set up a budget so that we wouldn't get into too much trouble with bills and the such. Here's what I got.

Reading Material - She sure knows what I like. She got me all 4 Halo novels and a couple of trade paperback comic books (100 Bullets vol 9 & Fables vol 7). I have already gone through the comic books, because I'm a bit of a nerd. The books I will begin soon.

Viewing Material - Superman Returns (Widescreen), V for Vendetta (Widescreen) and Lucky Number Slevin (Widescreen) DVD's. The first two I had seen, and she got for me because they were comic book movies. The third one is something I wanted to watch but never got around to because of time constraints and/or monetary issues. But, now I have a chance to watch it. It looks good.

Wearing Material - Boxer briefs (cause I like it snug) and crew socks (no tubes for me) and a t-shirt with John Cleese and a famous quote from a Monty Python movie. Some warm gloves were also given to me as part of my stocking stuffer.

High-Tech Toys - An X-Box Live Vision Camera, a wireless 360 Controller with a Play and Charge kit and a 1 Gig USB thumb-drive. Pretty much everything I hinted at for the past couple of months.

Stocking Stuffers - This was my first year of doing stockings . . . and I failed miserably at it. My wife, an accomplished pro at it, did much better. A couple of the things listed above were put in my stocking, but in addition to that, a few pounds (yes . . . pounds/lbs) of chocolate and other candies, a little Buddha organizer and a card game.

So, while I didn't get any flat screen televisions and the such, I think I did pretty well. I got some gift cards and cash/checks from other family members which helped me buy "Gears of War" yesterday. I still have some cash left behind from that. I might go out and buy me a fancy electric razor. They one I have is dying on me. Not sure what else I might buy myself, but I know for sure I'm going to let the malls die down a little before venturing into them. While I like sales, I don't like the crowds that will be swarming consumer establishments around this time of the year.

Girl Fight Fridays - Have a Muddy X-Mas

While there is no malice and wishes of clawing another bitch's eyes out in this video, you can't deny the inherent fun that is watching two bikini'ed chicks rolling around in the mud. Why don't they show this on prime-time television? It would be more popular than Lost or Desperate Housewives. Not as touching as Extreme Make-Over: Home Edition . . . in the heart dept . . . but definitely more touching in the groin-area.

Calling all Mac-Addicts - iPhone?

While I'm not big on cell-phones (why do they work everywhere except your own home?!), this leaked, potential design for the long-rumored iPhone is intriguing. I mean, no buttons? Is it as big as a Nano? What gives? It looks much nicer than my current LG cellphone, but just how much is Apple expecting its rabid fan-base (I include myself in that category) to pay for this? So many questions. I'll be making a phone call this weekend. Part wishing someone a merry X-mas, and part information gathering.

The Donald Throws Down . . .Verbally

Mental note - Never get into an argument with Donald Trump. His hair . . . brilliant. His business practices . . . outstanding. His choice to keep Miss Universe on the job . . . commendable. Watch your (fat)back Rosie O'Donnell. He's coming for you.

Bonus?

A couple of minutes ago, as I was plucking away at e-mails from customers who can't figure out just how to make their computers work with their anti-virus program(s), I heard some "thank you's" and some "great work this past week". A group of higher-ups was walking around the dept, stopping at each mini-cubicle that we inhabit for 8 hours of the day, and giving something to the tech support employees. I'm thinking that it's got to be something not sucky. Maybe a small token of their appreciation for a year's worth of hard work and triumph over adversity time and time again.

When they got to me, I had no idea just how small that token was to be. Five Dollars. American. Five 1 Dollar bills were handed to me, by the manager of our entire division, with a big smile on her face, and then she thanked me for a great job. I looked at her, and holding back, using every little bit of restraint possessed by my being, I uttered the words "thank you". They went on to the next lucky individual and I sat there, on my chair, looking at this money that was just handed to me.

As soon as they left our office, everyone pretty much looked at each other and either started laughing, or started making jokes about how they'd hit the big time. I personally made a crack at how I can send my (non-existent) kids to college now. I mean, it is 5 dollars. This gesture symbolizes just how out of touch this company is with their employee-base. We do our work every day, for pay that is not equal to the amount of effort that we put into it . . . and this is what they do? Forget about approving the raises everyone that got a promotion should have gotten a couple of months ago. No, we're giving you poor, downtrodden motherfuckers 5 dollars . . . so you can almost buy yourself a lunch today.

Gee, thanks. I'll try not to spend it all in one place.

One of Those Days . . . . Again

You know, as the week progresses, my thoughts of murder keep getting more prevalent. I swear I could kill someone right now. Might be you. Watch your back. But seriously, why do I keep talking to the same morons. Customers that just don't get the "NO FREE PHONE SUPPORT" that is in their service agreements. Customers that when asked "Can I have your client number", they respond with "Do you mean my user name/password/social security number/height & weight/size of my last bowel movement?" NO MOTHERFUCKER! Your client number. I am speaking fucking Chinese? Do I look like Rosie O'Donnell. I could have sworn there were no "Ching-chongs" in my question to you . . . fuck-hole.

And it's only Wednesday. It doesn't get any better than this until the weekend, which is still a painful 2 days away. I'm not sure I can make it. I've felt like this before, and I have been able to make it, but today . . . I'm not so sure. While I'm typing this I can see the phone queue keep accumulating calls. And I know that every single one of those calls will be some stupid motherfucker that has no business anywhere within 100 yards from a computer. These people truly need take a trip back in time and hang out with Neanderthals . . . because spending some time with their intellectual equals might be a welcome change of pace for them. I know it would be a welcome change of pace for me . . . because I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.

*Sigh* Rant over. Jaime has been fully vented. Anger levels dissipating . . . but they're still there. Next call determines wether I kill one of the wonder twins or not.

Early Halo 3 Footage

I was just cruising around the Gamespot website and I came across a link that said something about some behind the scenes video from Bungie. I thought it'd some boring technical discussion on how they're pretty'ing up the next Halo game. Then, as I was watching it, I started getting interested in how they are reworking the Brutes, and then they show some pre-liminary animations of how the behave and they follow it up with early footage of the Master Chief taking them on. Just check out the video here and then curse yourself in anticipation of this because we probably won't see a release of this game until Fall of 2007.

New Transformers Trailer

Holy shit. Micheal Bay just blew my mind. I don't know if there's much that I can say here about this trailer. Other than it kicks copious amounts of ass. Metallic ass, which is the hardest of asses to kick. I'm still trying to pick up my jaw off the floor. More than meets the eye here

Britney Spears - Fathead

Do you all remember when Britney Spears was attractive? I remember those days fondly. Back when Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears would battle for my masturbatory actions. Sigh . . . good times. But now, Britney's looking like this, and Aguilera looks like a whorish Betty Boop. I guess change is bad. The funny thing about this though, is that I'm not alone in not liking the new Britney Spears. These pictures are from a Laker's game she went to, where the crowd, after seeing her visage grace the Jumbotron, boo'ed her and she actually got up and left the game. That's grand. I would have gotten over my hate of organized sporting events if I had been in attendance, as I would have, and gleefully, joined in on the public boo'ing. One more picture below. Despite her fat-head, the cans are looking decent.

I hope that's a diet Pepsi, tubby

TuGMO - Beer is a Gateway Drug

A gateway to girls macking like there's no tomorrow. Look at these two go. I love it how beer always leads to either one of these results. The chicks either want to claw each other's eyes out, or they want to love and grind each other. There's no in the middle when chicks drink.

BAFW - Truant Officer Edition

You know who you are. You cocksucker. You're not at work and we're all paying for it. And on a Tuesday when you know we're understaffed already. What the hell kind of a "team-player" are you? And even though you take 1 call per hour because of your fondness of remoting into a customer's computer, that doesn't mean that our workload is light. We're fucking dying over here. And tomorrow, you'll stroll in at noon (if you do decide to show up) and smile at us and joke around like the last couple of days never happened.

You know what . . . Fuck you. And your PC doctoring ways. Don't even ask me to plug your site on my blog mofo. God I'm so pissed off. Here's a New Year's resolution for you. Show up to work more often.

Unless your intestines are leaking again. In that case, get well soon. But that's the only reason why I would show any degree of sympathy towards you. We're stuck here breathing the poisonous mold. So should you. Jack-hole.

Happy Holidays - Now with Bonus Eye-Swelling

When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel bad. Kinda great actually. Well, for a Monday, I'm guessing that not wanting to kill the world (maybe just South America) qualifies as great for me. I get some breakfast, nothing out of the ordinary, get washed up and dressed, and head out to work.

One hour into it, I have to take my morning whizz. After doing so, I'm looking at myself in the mirror (who could resist really . . . not even me) while I'm washing my hands, and I notice something not quite right. The area just below my lower eyelid looks a bit on the puffy side. Like some sort of allergic reaction. It looks like bee-stings actually.

So, I head back to the office. You know, the one that has the rampant mold problem that is being handled by the one air purifier and I show both my supervisor and manager (who, by the looks of it, are having a pretty terrible time themselves . . . minus the eye swelling). They ask me to walk over to HR so I can be their poster boy for what's wrong with our office. I march my steadily swelling ass there and, of course, they're all in a product meeting.

I tell my supervisor that I'm going to take a quick ride to Long's Drugs to get some Benadryl'ish medicine. Maybe the anti-histamines can bring the swelling down. I get some, take it, and now that I'm sitting here . . . typing this, my head feels all swimmy. But my eyes still feel swollen. I haven't check them in a bit, because I haven't had to take a leak yet.

I don't know why they haven't fixed the problem yet. They had a whole weekend to go in there and fix this shit up. I had to miss work on Friday and I used up my last sick day of the year then. If I have to go home today, because of this eye-swelling condition, I'm most likely going to be out a day's pay. I don't want that. And while I might get the day off paid, that's like wishing I won the lottery when I don't actually play it. We're talking longshot here. These are the people that give out promotions and then don't give raises for said promotions. Take that into account.

Blunderton Incorporated

I'm pretty sure that's who I work for by now. It's totally not the name of the company that signs my paychecks every 2 weeks, but it sure feels like it. Why? Well, we've been having this slight problem with leaks and a funky smell in our office that has been present for . . . oh, I can't even remember when it started. Complaints have been sent out to HR, some more complaints . . . and get this . . . even more complaints. But nothing, until today, had been done about it.

Apparently, we have a bit of a mold problem. A mold that we have been breathing in for the past couple of months (at least). This mold makes us feel like shit warmed over. Everyone has itchy eyes, sore throats. Some of us have upset stomachs. I'm no doctor (despite what my Tijuana School of Taco Medicine Diploma says), but these symptoms sound a bit on the serious side. I guess, today, some of the higher ups came in and experienced what we've been enduring for some time.

They even saw us wearing these surgical-type masks. Things one would wear while clearing asbestos in a white, plastic jumpsuit. They came in, sprayed some Oust (I know, wtf!) and promised us an air purifier. Which is, great and all, but that's like putting a band aid on an artery that has been busted wide open. And to top it off, today, to try to stop the proliferation of the mold, we had to turn off the air conditioning.

I know it's December. I know it's officially either late fall or early winter. This should not have been such a big deal. But, it's been unusually hot this year. Global Warming. That Al Gore was right. So, no air conditioning combined with about 25-30 PC's, and a room full of servers equals the tech support dept feeling like the inside of an oven. That's why they handed us the surgical masks. So they could turn on the A/C to cool down the office.

I'm just hoping that they'll take care of this quickly before tech support decides to file a class action suit. Which we should have done already . . . but we're so beaten down and shat upon here that we get used to the hardships. Wether they are environmental (moldy office) or workload related.

The cutest thing our employer did though was put this little box-fan next to the door in an effort to freshen up the joint. They first pointed it outwards so that it could . . . in theory . . . suck out the crap air. We turned it around and made it point inwards so that some fresh fucking air could come in. But you should see this thing. It shakes like a chihuahua on crack-cocaine. I feel like walking up to it and kicking it to put it out of its misery . . . but it's the only thing currently pumping in fresh(ish) air into the office.

Bananas - An Instructional Video

I'm not sure what Kirk Cameron, of "Growing Pains" fame and Jesus' BFF, is trying to prove in this video. Is it that God created bananas, or is it an instructional video on how to properly give a banana a hand-job. Look at the hand motions the "expert" uses. And he even gives us a looksie at his "oh" face. You know . . . this Christianity thing might not be all that bad. Ladies, ya'lls need to take a look at this. For Christ's sake.

Dreaming's a Bitch

I had this strange dream last night. In it, I kept getting accosted by my past sexual conquests. These chicks would follow me around and throw themselves at me in an effort to get it on. Now, before you get any silly ideas . . . it's not like it was a giant crowd of women that was looking for me. I can still count the amount of women I've made it (I know, classy) with using both my hands . . . and a calculator. Ha! See what I did there. Feel free to slap your knee at any time now. Go on. I'll pause the story until you get it out of your system.

So, back to the dream. I keep trying to fend off these women, who won't take no for an answer. I tell them that I love my wife, that there's no way that I'm going to cheat on them, and that they're just wasting their time. But they're relentless. They keep coming after me. Pleading their case for sex with me. Suddenly, I find myself cornered by this number of women I would need a calculator to tabulate and they're ready to pounce. . . and I wake up.

I immediately look to my left, where my wife is sleeping, and I sigh with relief. She's laying there, sleeping like an angel, and I couldn't be happier to be next to her. Of course, she then proceeds to turn towards me and I get a left hook to the chin. But I don't mind. I fall asleep next to her, the slight tingling of the punch to my face reassuring me that she's there, and that she's the only one I want to be with.

HDH - Ali Larter

Since last week's Hump Day Hottie is part of the cast of one of my favorite new television shows, "Heroes", I thought I'd continue the trend and throw up a couple of pictures of one of the other stars of the show, Ali Larter. She's been around for some time now, and I most fondly (and fondingly'ly) remember her from that one scene in "Varsity Blues" where she's wearing the whipped cream bikini for Dawson. Man, that was hot. She hasn't really hit it big since then, mostly taking small roles in movies and now, finally, she's getting one of the leads in pretty much the best show not named "Battlestar Galactica" this season. One more picture of her, not looking overtly sexy like in the small picture to the right of this paragraph.

TuGMO - Futon Fumbling

Ah . . . chicks making out. When will this get old? I don't know. Never possibly. You know why? Everyone can appreciate girls kissing girls. It's something that is completely natural. If my wife were to make out with a chick (preferably as hot as she is) I would not consider it cheating. I'd consider it record-able material for her and I to review later on. What? For scientific purposes. Get your mind out of the gutter for penis in vaginas's sake. You people just can't stop (titties) thinking about sex.

My New Favorite Band

These kids are fucking awesome. Look at how they shred on those axes. And the tiny head-banging little girl. She makes all of these nu-rock pussy mall-punk wannabes look like giant vaginas. This is what hard rock is all about. Nevermind that there's a fucking Pikachu on the mic. That just makes it cooler, without having to rely on ironic tight t-shirts. I don't think I've seen something rock this hard since I looked in my pants earlier *wink wink*. Should I be making these kinds of jokes when there are kids in the video. They'd be cool with it. You know why? They're not pussies like those Fallout Boys or 30 Seconds to Mars bitches.

Full 300 Trailer

The trailer for one of next year's most kick ass movies is out on Yahoo, and . . . it's awe-inspiringly jaw-dropping. I know, just like hanging out with me in person, this trailer elicits fits of euphoria and your eyes actually orgasm. What am I wasting your time with words when you could be checking it out. You're in for one wild night.

Opening Weekend Moving Pictures - 12/08/06

Wide Releases

Apocalypto - The movie I want to watch this weekend, and I'm not quite sure why. I had an equal ratio of yawn to wince when I was watching "The Passion of the Christ", but that's just because that was an hour and a half of torture-porn. This one . . . sounds kind of fun. An ancient Mayan chase movie. Complete with gaping wounds, ritual sacrifices and a crushed skull or two (wouldn't be a Mel Gibson movie without one, right?).

Blood Diamond - Leonardo DiCaprio in a movie where he does an accent. Hmm . . . it can't be as bad as Brad Pitt's Irish accent, right? This movie does have Jennifer Connely. She is pretty friggin hot, despite anything my wife might have to say about her. She's such a "hay-ta". Also in this movie is Digi-mon Honsou . . . which somehow managed to clear his schedule of Saturday morning cartoons and collectible card battle games to also put in a strong performance. What? His name is Djimon? Whatevs.

The Holiday - Ah, the obligatory chick-flick of the week. And, it's holiday themed. A two-fer. What a bargain. Too bad it looks totally bland, despite the participation of Jack Black. I think he just signed on for this movie to kiss Kate Winslet. I don't blame him. She's looking pretty ok after dropping all of that "Titanic" weight. Haha, that's a double-entendre. This blog can get pretty intellectual sometimes.

Unaccompanied Minors - Kid flicks. You have to have them at this time of the year. Kids are getting out of school for the winter break. They have to do something during the day or they'll just take up the crack-rock. So, unlike other times of the year, I'm not totally hating this movie. I'm not watching it, but, I realise it is good for the kids not to do drugs. McGruff the Crime Dog would be proud of me.

Girl Fight Fridays - Backyard Bumpin'

It seems that, every time you get a bunch of white people in a backyard, something like this happens. What the fuck white people? Can't you all enjoy your Pabst Blue Ribbon and Coors Lights and not get your bitches into fights? Not that I want it to stop. Otherwise, what would I post on Fridays? This fight is pretty good . . . if you can see through some of the pixelated video. I think I saw some upper cuts in there. Definitely saw some hair pulling, which is the standard for girl fights. So, yeah . . . enjoy the fight.

Search Terms - Organized for your Viewing Pleasure

I'm comin' atcha strong this week. Look, everything is broken down into categories. Like the good ol' days. I figure, if I concentrate my mental efforts on doing this (somewhat menial) task, then I won't have to kill anyone. Bloggin IS therapy.

Britney Spears & The Toxic Vagina Tour Searches
Britney labia - Google Search
britney window pantyshot - Google Search
paris britney lindsay beavers - Google Search
britney spears pantyless totally crap.com - Yahoo Search
britney spears yahoo - Technorati Search
britney spears panty picture - Ask.Com Search
britney spears crotch shot no panties photo – BlogSearch
britney without panty phtos - Google Search
see britney spears pussy exposed - Ask.Com Search
linsey lohan britney spears no underwear pictures - Yahoo Search
Britney exposed crotch free photos - Google Search
"britney upskirt pictures" - Google Search CA
google/britney pantyless - Bellsouth Search

Lindsay “Can I get some Attention” Lohan Searches
lindsay lohan no panty pictures - Google Search
lindsay lohan beaver pictures - Google Search CA
crotch shot "lindsey lohan" - Google Search
Lohans nip slips and upskirt - Google Search
pictures of linsey lohan with no knickers on - AOL Search UK
Lindsay Lohan picture + without underwear - Google Search PH
lindsay lohan pantyless uk - Google Search
paris hilton. linsey lohan no underpants photos - Yahoo Search
"Lindsey lohan" and "panties" - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan beaver shot - Google Search
lindsay lohan=boat picture - Google Search
lohann snatch - Google Search
lindsay lohan moon's nickelodeon - Google Search

Pedophiles Delight – Emma Watson Searches
Emma Watson exposed pictures - Dogpile Search
Emma Watson/paparazzi - Google Search
emma watson nude - BlogSearch UK
Rare Emma Watson Pictures - MSN Live Search
emma watson nip slip - Google Search
Emma Watson crotch shot - Yahoo Search
Emma Watson In Bra - MSN Live Search CA
"Emma Watson's feet" - Google Search
emma watson nude – BlogSearch
emma watson's butt - Google Search
emma watson's thong - Google Search
emma watson breasts – BlogSearch

Big Beaver . . . Brother’s Bianca Gascoigne Searches
bianca gascoigne upskirt shots - Google Search UK
bianca gascoigne knickers - Google Search UK
bianca gascoigne video - Google Search PT
bianca gascoigne video clips - Google Search UK
bianca gascoigne beaver - Google Search UK
pics pictures upskirt pussy "Bianca Gascoigne" -porn -"hard -core" - Google Search DE

Bond Girl Searches
eva green nipslip - Google Search UK
eva green mpeg - Google Search
eva green nipple - Google Search TW
eva green nipslip - Google Search UK
eva green upskirt - Google Search DE
eva green + sex + wmv + the dreamers - Google Search UK
mpegs of eva green in the dreamers - Google Search

Famous Ladies of Searching
jessica alba ass - Dogpile Search
penelope.cruz - BlogSearch
ashanti nip slip - Google Search DE
fergie nipslip - Google Search
gretchen upskirts - Google Search UK
fergie nip - Google Search
ciera hermaphrodite - Google Search
McPhee Nip slip - Google Search
Katharine McPhee sexy pictures - AOL Search
Emilie de Ravin rape clip video - Google Search
penelope cruz pics - BlogSearch
Ciera crotch shot - Google Search
"mischa barton upskirt"out of car - Google Search
early Jessica alba mpeg - Google Search UK
catherine mcphee pix - Google Search
Eva Mendes Wallpaper - Ask.Com Search
"kat mcphee" "big butt" - Google Search
mischa upskirt - Yahoo Search
"Kyra Sedgwick" loverboy mpg - Google Search
"morgan webb butt" - Google Search
paris hilton "no panties picture" - Google Search
Cameron "Diaz's feet" - Google Search BR
morgan webb upskirt - Google Search
gretchen moll bettie - Google Search
ana de la reguera nude - BlogSearch
ashanti hermaphrodite - Google Search
Katherine Mcphee upskirt wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search
katherine mcphees bra size - Google Search
vanessa minnillo nipple slip footage - Google Search

No one in Particular Searches
french gymnast pees - Google Search
TV PRESENTER UPSKIRT - Google Search
Upskirts without panties - Google Search IT
www.totally crap.com - Google Search
exposed crotch photos - Bellsouth Search
free papparazzi upskirt - Google Search UK
nipple slip, oops, gallery, picture, photo sets - Earthlink Search
tv presenters oops pictures upskirt - Google Search UK
upskirt panty-less "no panty" "Oops" -porn -"hard -core" - Google Search DE
wardrobe slip-ups' photos - Google Search
pics pictures upskirt "panty less" "crotch" -porn -"hard -core" - Google Search DE
"see trough" - BlogSearch
schoolgirl poonani - Yahoo Search UK
drunken upskirt - BlogSearch UK
danish upskirt - Google Search FR
wedgie slip fr - Google Search
nip tuck porn star - MetaCrawler Search
wrestling wardrobe slip - Google Search

Video Killed the Search Star
"underworld evolution sex scene" - Google Search
Basic Instinct cross legs - Google Search UK
screencaps underworld evolution - Google Search FR
matt kim video - BlogSearch

Dudes and Climate Searches
hot - BlogSearch
"cisco henson" - Google Search
birchum cranberry sauce - Google Search AU
Turrets Guy.com - Google Search

Seeing Red

Oooh . . . I am so pissed off right now. I can't really say why. Just know, that I'm probably going to kill someone today. Yeah, I can see homicidal rampage in my near future. And not just people. Anything that gets in my way. Flowers . . . stomped. Kitties . . . skinned alive. Puppies . . . well, not puppies. I love those little fuckers. But people in general is who I'm hating right now.

And, there's a chance that I'll get home and play some Gears of War and this utter rage that is building up inside of me will just dissipate, and I can breathe a sigh of motherfucking relief.

Small chance.

God I hate everything right now. It doesn't help that people keep calling in and being complete assholes every other minute. I swear. It's "Get a phone call from an Asshole" day. No one told me. If I had known, I would have blown my brains out this morning and forgone the whole festivities.

Wii Side-Effects

Sony should use the video above as an anti-Wii promotional campaign. It'd be like those dirty political ads you see around election times. Their slogan should go something like this:

"If you get a Wii, you might as well give up on life. PS3"

And, they can, of course throw some doll babies that come to life and exploding Rubicks Cubes. I think this video would be enough though.

Lohan Writes - World Misses Upskirts

Well, Lindsay Lohan wrote an e-mail about something or other. I don't really know what it is all about because halfway through it, I got the sudden urge to play Russian Roulette. So, read at your own risk. And don't mind the grammatical and spelling mistakes that she makes along the way. She is, after all, a great influence to the younger generations (what is she talking about . . . fetuses?).

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she's done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.

But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I'd really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I'm willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to 'these people' trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I've lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn't hurt to ask. So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

It is kind of surprising that she was able to work a BlackBerry. She was probably multi-tasking at the time. Man, those little things come in quite handy when you're downing Red Bull & vodkas and feeling up every male specimen (animal included) in a ten mile radius.

HDH - Hayden Panettiere

I don't know why people look fervently for pictures of Emma Watson. If I were a pedophile, I'd totally be looking for Hayden Panettiere pictures. The 17 year old actress currently starring in the hit NBC show "Heroes" is . . . I have to say . . . pretty hot. And even hotter when they put her in her cheerleader outfit. Not to mention that she is indestructible, and therefore, destined to be a virgin for her entire life. Just think about it. The hymen breaks, and then, because of her regenerative powers, it grows back. So, every time someone puts it to her, it's like her first time. Think about that one as you check out the picture below.

Seriously speaking though, I love the show she's in right now. Way better than "Racing Stripes", the last cinematic gem that featured Hayden Panettiere. I mean, I didn't watch the movie . . . but how good could it have been? Although, if you think about it . . . that movie has Hayden riding a zebra that is voiced by Frankie Muniz, which should be reclassified as a horror movie. Right? Oh well.

TuGMO - Costumed Make-Out

What this video lacks in length it makes up in hotness. I mean, look at the costumes these chicks are wearing. Wow, how come I never trick or treated with these skanky ho's. Oh well. So, celebrate Halloween in December with these two chicks. I don't have much more to say. My brain's fried. Four techs here at work are out today, leaving only three techs (myself included) to man the phones and one on e-mail. So, it's pretty stressful. Don't expect to see many more posts from me today.

Hot Fuzz Trailer

Yeah, it seems that today, Sunday, is all about trailers. A whopping two (2) for the day. I hope you can all find the time to check them out. This particular one is for a British movie called "Hot Fuzz", which is brought to you by those blokes that brought us "Shaun of the Dead" a couple of years ago. Remember that Rom-Zom-Com? Well, it looks like they're putting their comedic spin on the buddy-cop movie like they did with zombie films. And the result . . . well, I'll let the trailer speak for itself. With its own British accent. Everything just sounds better with an accent.

Fire two guns whilst flying through the air here. Oh, and download Quicktime. Seriously, it's free and it beats the pants out of Windows Media Player. And yes, in case you are wondering, in that screen-grab . . . that's star Simon Pegg drop-kicking a granny. You have to go watch this movie.

Host Trailer

"The Host" is a Korean movie some might catch during its release here in America . . . but chances are, you won't. Not enough kicking and punching I'm guessing. What this movie does have is some pretty fucking cool monster action. And, of course, tons of Koreans getting eaten by said monster. Check out the trailer for it on the link below. Quicktime required, because, as you know . . . it pwns your eyes.

Tentacled Action here

Girl Fight Fridays - Better Late than Never

It's Sunday, I know. And I know how to use a calendar. But, a co-worker asked me to pick up her shift today because she was going on vacation, so I started my weekend early which is why I didn't post this until today. Now that I've made the appropriate excuses, enjoy this short fight. Despite being short, it does kick some major ass. And not just because the asses involved are, indeed, major in size . . . but because of the sheer fierceness that these two behemoths possess.

Fantasti-whip

I'm not a big fan of the first "Fantastic Four" movie. I thought it was crap. Sure, it was better than "Daredevil" and "Punisher" combined, but is that something you really want to be proud of? So, as I look at this picture from the upcoming "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" movie showing the Fantasticar, I can't help but feel just a little bit of the "who cares". I mean, sure, it looks cool . . . and seats three apparently. Poor Ben Grimm. Looks like he's going to have to walk to the fight scenes. But, no matter how cool this thing looks, it's most likely going to end up surrounded by so much crap, bad acting, and a story that makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever, that it's not going to justify the price of the ticket. And don't tell me that Jessica Alba is worth the price. Look at her costume. Sure, it's skin tight, but also covers up 90% of her body.

Danish Speed Traps

Wow, those friggin Danishes (?) have done the unthinkable. Well, maybe the unfathomable. Ok, just outside of my wildest dreams. It looks like they have recruited a bevy of topless "bikini" speeding enforcers to help cut down on the rampant speeding that the people of Denmark are so fond of. Now, this video might just be a joke. I mean, one of the officials goes by the hilariously subtle name of "Bent Koch Hansen". So, while this might not be entirely true . . . I does make you wonder if this type of stuff would happen. In a perfect world. *sigh*

Search Terms - The Keywords to my Success

I wish. While these keywords attract perverts like flies to rotting pork, it still does not make me enough money. But, I continue to do it. Why? I have a soft spot for pervos. Don't get any funny ideas though. That soft spot is nowhere near my crotch. So yeah, here's this week's list.

hermaphrodite ciera - Google Search
"Katharine McPhee"+"butt" - Google Search (I didn't know my readers were into math)
pictures of emma watson in her underwear - MSN Search
gymnast pees - Google Search
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
french gymnast peeing - Google Search (what happened to the German delegation?)
"katherine mcphee" juggs - Google Search (what about her liquid-carrying containers?)
portman schoolgirl pic vendetta - Google Search
basic instinct spread legs - Yahoo Search (now you want to see the movie spread its legs?)
lindsay lohan crotch slip - Google Search
katherine mcphee panties - Google Search
Lohan panty-less - Google Search (isn't that just a regular Tuesday?)
britney picking a wedgie - Google Search (was that wedgie on a donut?)
emma watson nip slip - Google Search
howard stern show tina fey transcript - Google Search
peter wentz underwear - Google Search
"linsey lohan" and peek - Yahoo Search
clipping of crossing/uncrossing legs scene of Basic Instinct - Yahoo Search IN
Lindsay Lohan Crotch Shot - Google Search
upskirt pantyless - Google Search
Morgan Webb FHM - Google Search
Mary Louise Parker - BlogSearch
fergie nip slip upskirt - Google Search (the upskirt was the nipslip?)
Katherine McPhee Nude Pics - Yahoo Search
slither nip slip - Google Search
Lindsay lohan's beaver kids choice awards - Google Search (I'm betting it wasn't one of the Angry Beavers)
"Black NASCAR Racer" - Google Search
"linsey lohan" underwear - Google Search (I don't think she owns any)
lindsay lohan nickelodeon - Google Search
"jenny Pee" - Google Search DE
kimberly stewart upskirt - Google Search
bianca gascoigne no pants - Google Search (I'm sure she owns at least a pair)
meryll palmer myspace - Google Search (who?)
reguera see-through - Google Search PR (she's transparent?)
nip slip video - Google Search
videoblog+hot+upskirt - BlogSearch FR
Ana de la Reguera oops - Google Search (and clumsy?)
crotch wmv - BlogSearch
tina fey transcript - Google Search
Pete wentz Cock pictures - Netscape Search
figure skating wedgies pictures - Google Search
britney upskirt pictures - BlogSearch DE (mother of the year)
linsy lohan no underwear picture - Earthlink Search (even the pictures of Lohan are not wearing underwear)
britney spears panty shots - BlogSearch (they go along with the vodka shots she does)
panty paparazzi photos britney crotch - Google Search
rachel bilson "the last kiss" mpg - Google Search
www.totally crap.com.galleries britney spears pussy shots - Yahoo Search ES (the Spanish get really specific with their searches)
katherine McPhee's sexy stomach - AOL Search (bulimia = sexy abs)
turrets guy video clips - Google Search
britney upskirt picture getting out car - Google Search
uk nip slip - Google Search UK (does that come with a side of fish and chips?)
fergie nipple slips oops shots panty photos - WOW Search (the only wow here is that someone actually wants to see that)
Havoc ann mpeg - Google Search JP
britney spears nude photos apparently panty-less crotch to the paparazzi - Yahoo Search
Search Britney's crotch shots - Google Search (what're you going to find in there anyway?)
britney's crotch shot exposed - Google Search
eva green - BlogSearch
google britney crotch shots - Google Search
"Underworld Evolution sex Scene" - Google Search
lineage2 Hentai - Naver Search
hot emma watson pictures slip - Google Search
spears upskirt car no underwear - Google Search
bianca gascoigne wardrobe malfunction - Google Search UK (I think that wardrobe was functioning pretty well if you ask me)
arabic sex blogurl: - BlogSearch
fergie's crotch shots - Google Search
spears labia - Google Search (more like people want to run a spear through her labia . . . a flesh spear)

Ultimate Food Fighters - Matt & Kim "Yeah Yeah"

I just recently heard this song on MP3 as I was pirating around the internet, trolling for new talent to keep my brain engaged while I answer e-mail from retarded customers. So, naturally, when I came across the video for it, I thought . . . "cool, I love this song". While it might not be as well choreographed as that OK Go video from a couple of months, this one feels a little more on the fun side. I mean, where do you have a band get pelted with various food items for half of the video, only to follow that up with them getting body slammed by people in food costumes. I specially liked it when the chick gets body-checked by the giant banana . . . because it reminds me of how my giant banana body-checks my wife every night. Hey, I can't help it. It just flops over and smacks her all over the place. That's not spousal abuse . . . it's love baby.

HDH - Eva Green

Bond girls are hot. Hump'ably hot. This is why Eva Green is this week's "Hump Day Hottie". This actress is not all that well known here in the states, but if you have seen Bertolucci's "The Dreamers", you would already be a fan of her. Reason: She's not afraid to do nudity. And that is, after all, the mark of a great actress. Of course, if that actress is Kathy Bates, then you have to do anything possible to keep her clothed, but Eva Green can get away with it. Mainly because she looks the way that she looks. Too bad the newest Bond movie has been getting slaughtered by the CG Penguin movie. People should check that movie out more. If not for the action, then for the sexiness that just oozes out of this chick. One more picture below.

Upskirt City - Britney Spears *Now with more Labia!*

I really don't know what is going through Britney Spears's mind (or whatever is filling the space inside her cranium), but she really has to start thinking about wearing some underwear. It's just a thought. I mean, specially when she's getting out of cars. She must be in some sort of competition with Lindsay Lohan to be the celebrity that flashes her vagina the most possible without the aid of night-vision lenses. I'm thinking the culprit of this whole Spears "Labia-gate" is her new BFF Paris Hilton. You can see her on the picture below (along with Spears's vag'). Or maybe it's the Underpants Gnomes. Who knows. All I know is that enough is enough.


Although, I have to say, it is nice to see that everything seems to be clean down there. From this angle at least. Can't verify the cleanliness of either her chocolate starfish or her t'ain't. And frankly, that air of mystery is something I want to keep.

TugMO - Blowing Beats Kissing

Wow, this is an interesting video. No sound, but who needs that. Just keep telling yourself it will ruin your concentration. Concentration for what? Ha, you keep that to yourself buddy. I found this over at good ol' YouTube marked down as "Beach Babe Blowjob" and, even though it is deceptively named . . . it doesn't make it any less sexy. I have to say, I do prefer this kind of subtle, unknowingly erotic type of video than something that is overtly, and obviously supposed to entice erections. This is kind of like watching a college volleyball match or the state cheerleading finals on one of those cable channels you never knew you had. Which, gives me an idea. A cable network entirely dedicated to girls, in bikinis, inflating things. Either with good ol' fashioned lips and blowing . . . or with stiff, and hard to work air-pumps that make thier jubblies jiggle. That's something I'd TiVo for sure.

Upskirt City - Britney Spears

Oh dear . . . I think I actually miss "Cheetoh-inhaling Britney Spears" rather than "Partying-like-a-whore Britney Spears". I mean, she's had two children in the span of less than 2 years. That vagina must be stretched out beyond anything one could imagine. No matter how much a body can recover, she must be able to pass a watermelon through that without even giving it a thought. And I'm not talking one of those tiny watermelons everyone loves these days. I'm talking a huge 20 pounder. It seems that ever since Britney Spears broke up with Kevin Federline, she's embraced her inner whore. Last week it was a panty-shot. This week, it's a fully shaven vag' picture. What's next? She bends over, her pants drop (if she's even wearing them), and we catch a glimpse of anal beads dangling from her poop-chute? Where do you draw the line Spears!

Momentary Stupidity

We all have those moments when we're not as smart as we should be. Just recently, while my wife and I were listening to some MP3 tracks I had downloaded, she turns to me and asks:

"Which one is Chi-town? Is that Detroit?"

I was a bit dumb-founded by her question. How did she get Detroit from Chi-town? I told her it was actually Chicago, and then she immediately realized what she had done. It's this self-realization that can humble one more than taunts or ridicule, so I left it at that.

I am personally not immune to this phenomena (although, since my brain IS superior to most, not as often). Just this week, I was headed to the restroom at work which you need a key to access. I dipped into my jeans pocket and pulled out my keyring. Then, I grabbed my keyless entry remote for my car, paused, and clicked on the unlock button. I totally expected the door to the bathroom to open up. A split second later, I realized what I had done and hurriedly selected the bathroom key and slipped into the restroom . . . hopefully un-noticed.

Anyone else suffer from this?

Search Terms - Triptophan-Delayed

I wasn't at work or at home for much of Thursday (while I was conscious at least), so I didn't have time to put this up. But, since I'm at work, and well into minute 19 of my first 15 minute break, I thought I'd post up the weekly Search Term post. New and improved with clever (eh, kinda) witticisms provided by yours truly. In case you're having problems finding these, go take a ride in a short bus (hint - the italicized phrases are mine).

natalie portman butt scene professionals - Google Search (wasn't she 12 when that was filmed?)
heather las vegas dance - BlogSearch
pirates of the caribbean keira knightley hard nipple - Google Search (just one huh?)
Emma Watson nip slip - Google Search
gymnast crotch pictures - Google Search
"anna farris oops" - Google Search
ciera transvestite - Google Search
french gymnast peeing - Google Search
upskirts blogspots - Google Search CA
playgirl magazine photos - BlogSearch
nip slip while sleeping - Google Search
Emma Watson's wardrobe malfunction, picture - Google Search
Ana-L lost - Google Search
Ciera hermaphrodite - Google Search
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
Blogs are for wusses - MSN Search UK (cheerio mates!)
mischa barton upskirt - Yahoo Search
Morgan Webb's Legs - Google Search (I hear she's got two of them)
"ashanti thunder" - Google Search CA
emma watson panty shots - Google Search
girls fight - Google Search DE
cortana nude - Google Search (BAFW loves sexy, uninhibited AI constructs)
daniel radcliffe hairy nipples - Google Search (They don't call him "Shaggy Radcliffe" for nothing)
hermaphrodite ciera - Google Search
Lindsay Morgan Lohan underwear - Google Search KR
"Mary-Louise Parker" - BlogSearch
hot emma watson exposed - Google Search IN
morgan webb fhm - Google Search CA
cortana hentai - Google Search
emma watson's feet - Google Search (someone should add "smelly" to this search)
courtney love - BlogSearch
pete wentz cock pictures - Google Search
song aerie CW - Google Search (like, OMG!)
Lindsay Lohan's behind bared - Google Search (I wish it had been beared . . as in mauled by a bear)
revealing pictures of emma watson - Google Search
cortana erotic - Google Search
emma watson butt - Google Search UK
Sharon Stone crossing her legs-photo - Google Search
drunken upskirt - BlogSearch UK
Hentai Cortana galleries - Google Search
katherine mcphee oops - Google Search
"car no underwear" - Google Search (Car bra's are expensive. Not everyone can afford them. Don't judge.)
transcript of tina fey on howard stern - Google Search
Hentai - BlogSearch
tina fey legs - Google Search (Again . . .I hear she's got two of them)
Katharine McPhee nipple - Google Search CH
EMMA WATCON - Google Search GR (wtf?? Watcon? LOL)
lost "long con" recap - BlogSearch
"emma watson" socks panties - Google Search
"kimberly stewart" upskirt - Google Search UK
triplekiss emma watson - Google Search (Hopefully with Voldermort and Dumbledore . . . and they're all speaking in Dutch. And there's a donkey present. *drools*)
rachel bilson peed - Google Search (Everyone does it)
Halo+Cortana Sexy Pictures - Google Search
keira knightley "bra size" - Google Search (is there a negative cup size)
"fashion house" screencaps - Google Search
boob blogurl - BlogSearch
emma watson wardrobe malfunction - Google Search UK
morgan webb oops - Google Search
morgan webb nip slip - Google Search
"kimberly stewart nude" - Google Search
Penelope Cruz - BlogSearch
nude little schoolgirls - WebCrawler Search (The "nude ginormous schoolgirls" genre is not as popular. Go figure.)
nude "Rhada mitchell" - Google Search DE

Girl Fight Fridays - Turkey-Free Edition

I was, actually, looking for chick fights that were happening around a Thanksgiving dinner, or maybe involved some turkey legs being used as weapons. But, alas, that was not to be. Instead, I found this little fight which starts off with a little spitting and beer dousing, and escalates to some pushing and pulling of hair. The one sweet hit that ends the fight, of course, doesn't happen until the end, but it does make up for the couple of minutes when the two chicks just tug at each other's upper garments. I think the one that got punched might have actually been crying.

The Shift of the Damned

Yes, I am working, the Friday after Thanksgiving. Sure, it's double-time work, so I'm getting paid 16 hours worth of pay for 8 hours of work, but right now, I'm feeling like I might be a masochist. I should be in a triptopham induced coma right now, or, if I were crazy enough, shopping. But no, us little people that need to make a living have to work today. Heather had it pretty bad though. Since getting a job at a major, nationwide electronics retailer, the Black Friday histeria has hit her across the back like a bat. She had to be at work at 4:30 AM to get ready for the doors to open at 5 AM. Yeah, in the fucking morning.

And you would not have believed the line (that is, if you weren't this morning in line) that was present when I dropped her off at 4:15 AM. Easily 300+ people. The line had started to form yesterday, at 2:30 PM, so these people had bypassed the copius consumption of fowl meat and candied yams so that they could save . . . what . . . 100 bucks off a digi-cam? Almost 15 hours of waiting in the biting November cold is not worth that to me. Specially, since the weather just did a u-turn and instead of close to 90 degree weather, the temps have dipped at least 20 degrees in the last 2 days. So, those people were most likely enduring temps in the 40's overnight. It was 50 degrees in the morning when I headed to work, and that was at 7:45 AM.

So, yeah, back to my current plight. There's a few of us here, who are sacrificing their 4 day weekends for extra cash, and we are facing a mountain of e-mail from Wednesday and Thursday . . . and today. What the fuck are all of our customers thinking? Can't they just back away from their computers and give us a friggin break. And I just heard the phone go off, so that means that we're also taking calls. Fan-fucking-tastic. I'm not answering my phone. Screw them. I was told that this would only entail responding to e-mail. I'm not losing my sanity because morons can't work their computers right.

Anyway, here I am, sleepy as shit, and wishing that I could either be in bed, or playing Gears of War (awesome). I guess that's what I have to look forward to tomorrow, since Heather will be working another 8 hour shift, fending off consumer-zombies seeking new and inventive ways to deplete their wallets and pocketbooks.

HDH - Penelope Cruz

I've never really liked Penelope Cruz. Until now that is. I don't know why my I previously had nothing but disdain for the Spanish actress. Maybe it's because her face (at the time) looked extremely chihuahua'ish to me. Or maybe because a certain Tom Cruise pretended to actually be sexually involved with her. The taint of Scientology is deep. But, looking at these pictures from the Pirelli calendar has changed my mind. She looks pretty good in these. And pretty naked, yet tastefully covered. I also like the B&W photos, since it makes everything look so artistic and high-brow (I mean, look at Courtney Love's recent pictures). So, this is why Penelope Cruz is the "Hump Day Hottie" this week. One more picture below.

TuGMO - Liquid Courage

Mike's Hard Lemonade (or tea, or whatever pussy beer these chicks are drinking) finally comes in handy as these chicks, who look like they're still in high school, start kissing anything with lips. There's a triple kiss (which should be counted as a quadruple kiss since the guy that imposes himself on it is huge), some underage boob-grabbing, and even some straight make-out action. And yes, this is America's future. No wonder every other country in the world is surpassing us as far as the educational level of their progeny. Our kids are too busy drinking and making out.

SPAM of the Month

I don't check my bloggedjaime@gmail.com account too much, because, on the rare occassion that I get fanmail, it always goes to my other account. Which is fine. I don't care. This inbox has become a spam-repository, which can yield some really funny results from time to time. Take this e-mail for example.

Do You Want to Possess the Whole World?

Would you like to have scars after penis enlargement surgery? If you not, you should consider trying Penis Enlarge Patch. Penis Enlarge Patch will make you dick so large you will be able to park a car on it.

First of all, why would having a big penis give you the world. Lord knows I don't own anything sizeable (apart from my car . . . in 4 years) and I can barely hold my junk in my jeans. And who would actually park a car on their Jaime-like proportioned penis? I don't care how big a penis is. You just don't park cars on that stuff. Anyway, this is the "SPAM of the Month". Check back in December for (possibly) a Christmas-themed spam e-mail that I am hoping involves videos of elves gangbanging reindeer while Santa Claus practices his space-docking techniques with Mrs. Claus.

Courtney Love - Birthday Suited

Last I saw Courtney Love, she was looking very very very bad. Like, beached manatee with a bottle of rum stapled to one of its flippers bad. And now, these pictures from a British fashion magazine have surfaced, and I have to say she's not looking half bad. I mean, sure, her funbags have gotten a little on the droopy side, but that's understandable. She's no spring chicken that Courtney Love. You can head out to see more of these pictures over at Manny's Babes, a blog dedicated to, what looks like, babes. Good thing he didn't put up any pictures of Love from a couple of months ago. Otherwise, the title of that site would be pretty suspect. As is, including her in the site is not too far-fetched. One more shot, for the perverts who love their full frontal nudity.

This Message Endorsed by George W. Bush

Hmm . . . there's something off about this particular 12 second clip of our President mangling a civil rights legend's name. I mean, this ain't no "nucular" pronounciation slip up. He actually calls Dr. Martin Luther King "Dr. Meth King". Not just any kind of of King. A Meth King. Well, he was from the south . . . but I'm not sure he spent a whole lot of money on diet pills and cough/cold medicine he could cook up into some tasty, heart-beat raising methampetamines.

Oh wait, meth is not good. It's actually terrible. Fucking G-Dub. Douchebag.

Tina Fey Tells it Like it is

Here's a little excerpt (in transcript form) from an interview that happened on Howard Stern's Sirius (thanks Dr. Blogstein) sattelite radio show. It's pretty fucking great and insightful as to how the rest of celebrity-dom views Paris Hilton.

Howard Stern: What is Paris Hilton like?

Tina Fey: She's a piece of shit. The people at SNL were like maybe she'll be fun, maybe she won't take herself so seriously. She takes herself so seriously! She's unbelievably dumb and so proud of how dumb she is. She looks like a tranny up close.

Howard Stern: Was she bad on SNL, was she hard to deal with?

Tina Fey: She was awful. People never come in and say "I'm not doing that." So, this guy Jim Downey wrote a really really funny sketch, it was supposed to be Lorne Michaels just finding out that she had a sex tape and telling her she couldn't host the show because SNL has standards... So she was like "I'm not doing it!" and refused to come out of her dressing room. Also, you would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle.

Howard Stern: Did she give you ideas for sketches?

Tina Fey: Yeah, she wanted to make fun of all the girls she hates. She was like "I want to play Jessica Simpson, I hate her." She would come in the room and say "you should do a show about Jessica Simpson because she's fat."

Howard Stern: What was the bet you guys had going about her?

Tina Fey: The cast had a bet if she would ask anyone on the cast anything about themselves, you know like how are you? where are you from? anything. I think Seth Meyers won because at one point, she asked him if Maya Rudolf was Italian.

So, Paris Hilton is pretty much hard to work with, has the sense of humor of a freshly gutted fish (and probably smells like it between the legs as well) and has crackhead hair that falls out in clumps. I knew there was a reason I liked Tina Fey.

Girl Fight Friday - Sidewalk Stomp

Ah, it's Friday again, and what better way to kick off the weekend than seeing a couple of bitches fighting on the street. I defy you to find a better way actually. Go on, find it. You know you can't, huh. So just sit down, watch the fight, and cry yourself to sleep tonight . . . knowing that someone on the internets just punked your ass into submission.

Search Terms - Upskirts All Around

This is a short list because I neglected checking what you people were looking for this past week. I know I must have missed some gems, but here's this small snapshot of this week's searches. From the look of it, everyone's turned into an amateur voyeur and upskirts are actually highly sought after if the percentage of upskirt searches can be extrapolated over the whole week with some sort of prediction matrix computolator (sorry if I'm getting too technical). But, I don't have my Texas Instruments Scientific Calculator on me . . . so I'm going to assume (and yes, I will run the risk of making an ass out of U and Me) that it is so and call it case closed.

Now, where's my monocle.

lady blogurl - BlogSearch
emma watson anorexic - Google Search
oops Nickelodeon - Google Search PL
morgan webb fhm - Google Search
mariah carey mtv not wearing panties - Google Search MY
guys pubes - AltaVista Search IT
lindsay lohan wardrobe malfunction nickelodeon - Google Search
emma watson nip slip - Google Search UK
nipslip - AOL Search
"rachel bilson" nude "last kiss" mpeg - Google Search
emma watson upskirt - Google Search UK
rachael weiss upskirt - Google Search
lindsay lohan panty shot - Google Search
Television Snake Panties - Google Search NO
stories "clothes malfunction" - Google Search AU
cortana hentai - Google Search
basic instinct 2 wmv - Google Search
"emma watson" panty - Google Search ZA
"Emma Watson upskirt screen grabs" - Google Search CA
kimberly stewart upskirt - Google Search
kimberly stewart nude slip - MSN Search
bb sam crotch upskirts - Google Search UK
french gymnast peeing photo - Google Search
mtv nipple slips - Google Search
kimberly stewart motorcycle - ASK.com
"kimberly stewart" motorcycle underwear - Google Search
cortana nude - AOL Search
video runway oops models pantyless - Google Search
sexy blogurl - BlogSearch
Olympic Nipple Slip - Google Search FR
mary louise parker - BlogSearch
katharine mcphee-nude - AOL Search
public upskirt blogspot - Google Search
Maggie Grace fake nude pics - Google Search NZ
drunk pissing - AltaVista Search
upskirt beavershot - MyWay Search
gretchen moll - Google Search
natalie portman "schoolgirl image" - Google Search
goldenshower blogspot - Google Search CA
natalie portman panties vendetta screenshot - Google Search
hermione peed her pants - Google Search
gymnast crotch photos - Google Search
hermaphrodite ciera - Google Search
split pants - AltaVista Search

Phishing Perpetuating

Here's the latest phishing attempt I have received, through Careerbuilder mind you.

Job offer
Dear Jaime
We have found your resume at careerbuilder.com.

We would like to suggest you a position of a Transfer Manager in our company.The task of the Transfer Manager is to process payments between our clients and our company via bank checks.
The job is related to remote Internet operations.
Every payment order will be accompanied with detailed instructions. It's a commission based position. We guarantee that you get 10% of each processed payment.

General requirements:
- Ability to create good administrative reporting;
- Prior customer service experience is a good benefit, but not a must;
- Willingness to work at home and take the responsibility to set up and achieve goals;
- Honesty, responsibility and promptness in operations;
- Effective interaction with customers;
- Familiarity to online work, Internet and e-mail skills;
- 3-5 hours per week

Salary: $600-$1200 per week

This job will allow you to:
- Efficiently work at home;
- Get additional extra time;
- Achieve financial independence without having tofollow the standard working day schedule (only 1-3 hours per day);
- Develop high self-respect and esteem.
- Become able to share time and money with others less fortunate than you;

Current Vacancies: 5

If you are interested in working with us, or if you need more information, you can contact me directly at my personal email address.

I'll need your full name, telephone number and mail address so I can send you the contract and other paperwork necessary to get started. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.
If you agree with our conditions - feel free to sign the contract, send it to me and get ready to start!


If you want visit our website click here

Too good to be true? Yes, actually, I had a run in with this particular type of "work at home" scam a couple of years ago, and actually fell for it. It wasn't really detrimental to me, and it cost me 5 bucks and a lesson well learned. Basically, what they want some sucker to do is deposit a fraudulent check into their checking account. It will take 5 days or so to clear, and then you need to remove the amount (minus your "commission") and send it to them via FedEx.

I should have known better, but I was naive back in the day. This time around, I'm a little more prepared for this.

Parking Oppression

While doing my weekly "Tuesday-Wednesday" musical parking spots routine, I started thinking to myself . . . why is it that the higher-ups don't have to do this? I realize that there is a limited amount of parking available in the building that I work at, but if anyone can afford to spend $3.00 for daily parking at the lot next to the building, it would be them. They're the ones that have the big fat salaries. Why can't they concede the free in-building parking to the little man (or woman)?

Why? Because doing this would rob them of their sense of self-importance. They make the highest salaries around based on the almost oppressive business practices that they impose on us "grunts", so why should they park where everyone else parks. This would not do. And it would not please Xenu (yeah, "those people" run this business).

So what is the "Tuesday-Wednesday" shuffle all about? Since I don't make as much money (raise you say? Ha!) I can't afford to use the parking lots adjacent to the building, so I have to use street parking. Which is free, but is 2 blocks away. No biggie. The only problem is that, on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, the City of Glendale does street cleaning from 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM. So one side of the street is unparkable for that period of time . . . unless you want a $45 dollar ticket. On these days, since I get into work at 9:00 AM, I put 50 cents into one of the parking meters on the lots next to the building, and then at 10:00 AM, I run downstairs, hop in my car, and park in one of the freshly available parking spots.

It might not seem like much, but after a year of doing this, it starts to get a little on the tedious side. Sometimes I am fortunate enough to find a busted meter and parking is free for the day. Those times are becoming more and more sparse. And since I somehow make less and less money the longer I work for this place, I don't see myself indulging in a full day of lot parking anytime soon. *sigh* I hate working here.

TuGMO - Rising Sun Edition

The Japanese sure do love their barely legal schoolgirls in little sailor uniforms. I don't know why. I do know that, despite these chicks not being all that, something about this scenario is mildly arousing to me. And since I have such discerning tastes, to the rest of you, it should make you salivate and reach for a tub of your favorite lubricant. It's got to be the knee-high socks. Whatever it is, enjoy the short clip.

BAFW TV Sherpa

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BAFW TV Guide

I love watching television. I just get lost in intricate storylines and plot twists and I revel in it. Below, is a list (incomplete I'm sure) of television shows I'm currently enjoying. I've broken them down to Must Watch and Might Miss. I record them all on my TiVo'esque DVR recorder.

Must Watch

Battlestar Galactica - This show is hardcore. The re-envisioning of this sci-fi classic show that SciFi is putting out every Friday is superb. Everything from the characters, to the drama, to the moral issues that are brought up and the subtle parallels to what is happening in real life outside of the television show are on point. The action scenes are sparse, but that's because this show does not rely on flashy CG graphics (although they're there) to carry the weight of the show. No, this program relies on the strength of the stories being told and the ability of it's actors to pull off these scenes. Best show on the SciFi Channel. I can't believe that this is the same network that put out "Mansquito".

Lost - I know it's in hiatus until February. But damn that was on hell of a cliffhanger last week. It left me salivating for more (just like the Kate & Sawyer sex scene). Some people might complain that this show throws out too many questions and doesn't deliver on answers. I can see that. But it's all about the mystery and the feeling that if we keep watching . . . we might eventually find out the whole picture. Or we might not. And I'm totally ok with that because it's that good of a show.

Jericho - Post-apocalyptic flavor with a down-home country feel. I was a little iffy with this show after the 2nd lack-luster episode, but the show has started to pick up the pace. If you saw last week's episode, then you know that there is action. And there's this whole hidden conspiracy with the new people in town that moved in just 2 days prior to the apocalypse. This is a good show that just keeps getting better. So good indeed that it got a full order of episodes this season . . . something crap like "Justice" can't claim.

Heroes - This show has got me geeking out hardcore. Everytime I watch this show, I have a big smile on my face. It IS like a comic book on television. It's interesting, and the characters have some cool powers that are not being overexposed too soon. It's got a whole "Year One" feel that DC does so well along with Marvel'y superpowers that kick ass when you see them actually working. Plus, the "Hiro" character is a hoot. Yeah, I just said "hoot".

Medium - This show is starting up again this week, and I couldn't be happier. Not that I was anxiously awaiting its return, it's just that it won't be conflicting with "Lost" for a while, so, I can watch it. I don't know why they made the move to Wednesday. "Medium" would make a pretty great follow up for "Heroes" on Monday nights. But the peacock has got that "Studio 60" thing on there . . . which I hear is aight. This is another favorite of my wife's, who needs me to watch it with her because it scares the pants off of her. Whenever my wife's pants are scared off . . . I have to be around. Opportunity knocks, you have to answer *wink*.

Gilmore Girls - I'm still remaining faithful to this show. Not because the writing got better after that Paladino woman left (and it hasn't) but because I'm still waiting for a Rory on Lorelai lesbian incest romp. That, and the whole "Aerie Tuesdays" feature that the CW has going with American Eagle Outfitters is so unintentionally hilarious that it demands my attention every week. My wife checked out of this show this season because she claims it got stupid. It remains my "girly guilty pleasure".

CSI - Classic, great, inventive and diorama serial killer makes this one of the best seasons yet for CSI. I don't watch the Miami & New York spin-offs because . . . well, how many crime proceedurals can one watch in a week? This season there seems to be a storyline connecting all of the episodes which is a nice break from the self-contained episodes I am used to. What with the Diorama killer still on the loose and Greg's continued legal problems after he ran over one of those Fannysmackers, it just makes for good TV.

Best Week Ever/The Soup - These two shows make me laugh every week, and it's something that anyone who loves celebrity gossip should watch. The Soup feels like the more guerilla of the two, with BWE being the more polished of the two, but they both deliver great, insightful comedy.

Adult Swim - I could write individual entries for "Aqua Teen Hunger Force", "Robot Chicken", "Metalocalypse", "Squidbillies", "Frisky Dingo" and "Harvey Birdman" . . . but I'd be saying the same things over and over and over and over and over (snap out of it) again. They're all 15 minute gems that must be shown more appreciation.

America's Funniest Videos - After you get through the fact that you are watching a show hosted by Tom Bergeron, then you can begin to enjoy this collection of funny clips. I can't get enough of it. It is way better than the "Saget" years, and there's no annoying "Americast Funniest People" follow up hosted by Uncle Joey (or, as he's lovingly referred to in my heard . . . Uncle Douchey). I especially love it when I see little kids falling over and old people falling down like bowling pins. God I love watching bodily injury happening to other people.

Might Miss

The Nine - My wife likes this show, which is why we record it every week. This has that whole grand story that you learn a bit at a time, and since Lost is currently occupying that slot in my brain, I don't think I can dedicate too much time to it. Not that it's bad, it's just too much for my brain.

Nip/Tuck - This show was great last season. This season though, it all feels like too much. From incest, to babies with lobster-claw hands, to Rosie O'Donnell, to midget-love affairs . . . I checked out of this early on because I couldn't handle the ridiculousness that the show has dived into. The Scientology-based episodes were kinda funny to me, but that was about it. My wife still watches it, and we still record it, but every week, she always questions herself as to why. She must have a masochistic streak.

The Simpsons - This last weekend's episode actually made me chuckle a couple of times. This is a feat that it has not been able to do for quite some time. I don't know what happened to "The Simpsons", but 5 years ago, it was in it's hey-day. Now, it feels old and tired.

Family Guy - If you're surprised that this fan-favorite is in the "might miss" category, then you are more of a moron than I thought. The truth is, Family Guy was at it's best before its initial cancellation. Maybe it's because I was much less mature than I am now. This cartoon relies too much on pop-culture references, and while this was funny the first couple of season, much like "The Simpsons", it has gotten tiresome. It doesn't help that it's on the same night as "American Dad", a show that I absolutely hate, and pretty much does the same damn thing but with "different" characters.

That's all for now. I'll probably follow up with more BAFW TV Guide installments in the future. I'm almost positive that I have neglected some great television shows. Drop me a note in the comments section and let me know what you're watching. It might be one of the ones I watch but forgot to mention. You can be my blog-Ginko-Biloba