The Itchy & Scratchy Show - Hilton Edition

I'm sure you remember a few months back the pictures of Jessica Alba diggin deep into her ass crack to retrieve a wedgie while she was at the beach. That, in a way, was mildly alluring, yet scary because the way her hand was up her buttcrack, you know there were skidmarks on that bikini bottom (which would have made millions on eBay). I guess Paris Hilton just loves to one-up chicks all the time as she defies public decency by profusely scratching her vagina while in the audience of poor beachgoers . . . who shortly after witnessing this, had to be rounded up by the Centers for Disease Control to be screened by Hilton's own special blend of airborne STDs.

I'm not sure if having millions of dollars and never having to work a day in her life has warped the psyche of this woman way past the point of no return. Sex tapes, getting her cellphone hacked, drunk driving, and now this? It seriously makes a point against being filthy rich (and in this case, filthy is used with literal meaning). Frankly, after watching this, I don't mind having my 9 - 5:30 job which pays not a whole lot. At least my crotch is itch-free.

So thank you Paris Hilton. You have inadvertently reaffirmed my current standard of living. If it weren't for your disease infested and rightly itchy cootchie, I might still be wanting to be rich and not have a care in the world.