Opening Weekend Movies - 2/29/2008

Semi-Pro - Is there any doubt in your mind that you won't be waking up to this movie Monday being the #1 movie in America? At least the #1 comedy in America. Everything Will Ferrell does lately just ends up being loved by the mass populace. To tell you the truth, while this movie looks like it could illicit a laugh or two from me, it's not enough to make me want to go see it. But I'll rent it when it comes out on DVD, kind of like "Blades of Glory", which I almost rented last weekend. Almost . . . I just couldn't get myself to rent an ice-skating movie. "The Cutting Edge"* just killed the whole sub-genre for me.



The Other Boleyn Girl - Period peaces bore me to tears. But this movie has Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson in it. I'm conflicted. Those are two of the hottest, screen-melting women on the planet. And they're stuck in this movie where they play sisters? Couldn't they be lesbian lovers? Only in a perfect world. Oh yeah, Eric Bana is in this as well. Did I mention that he cinematically beds both of them. Did I also mention that I know hate Eric Bana.



Penelope - Look at how ambiguous the Yahoo! movie page's description for this film is:

Christina Ricci is a woman suffering from a "curse" who sets out to free herself of a life-long bad luck streak and find her true self.

The "curse" is that she has a pig's snout for a nose. I think "Bubble Boy"** is a deeper movie than this. That was another movie about a voyage of self-discovery. But, I guess it could be argued that, even with a prosthetic pig nose, Christina Ricci is still hotter than Jake Gyllenhaal.



*When was the last time you heard of the movie "The Cutting Edge" . . . whoa, hello nostalgia.

**"Bubble Boy" rocks!!

Angela Lindvall Nude

I'm not exactly sure who Angela Lindvall is. These black & white pictures from "Purple" magazine (also something I've never heard of) are fairly artistic and they are enhanced by the fact that Lindvall is totally nude in them. Like, all the way. You can see pretty much everything. She might be some kind of supermodel. Lindsay Lohan should take nudity cues from this woman. She looks stunning compared to Lohan's recent Marylin Monroe homage, where she looks like she belongs in a "Chicks over 40" porn magazine. But, enough cheap shots at Lohan. Here are more pictures of Angela Lindvall.

Adrian Grenier is Generous

I pretty much lost much of my interest in HBO's "Entourage" after last season. That show's all about being and embracing Hollywood douchebagery. So, it doesn't surprise me when I see this video of Adrian Grenier generously giving a homeless street musician a whole quarter and the peace sign. He then shortly offers the cameraman a thousand dollars to buy the tape off of him. But, he doesn't have his wallet. Seriously Grenier? A quarter? You should have told the homeless guy not to spend it all at once.

Jimmy Kimmel is doing what with Ben Affleck?

A couple of weeks ago, Sarah Silverman showed off the video she made with Matt Damon. It was a little parody where she jokingly went on about having sex with Matt Damon. Well, it's time for Jimmy Kimmel to fire back . . . and it looks like his budget was a little bigger than Silverman's. He's got Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Robin Williams, Dominic Monaghan, Harrison Ford, Christina Applegate, Cameron Diaz and that kid that played McLovin in "Superbad". I know there are a ton more people in this that are famous, but I didn't know their names. Enjoy the video.

Brooke Hogan Bikini Bouncing

I'm not really sure just what the hell is going on in these pictures. Except for the very last one. That's how Brooke Hogan transports her pray back to her lair for fornication. I think. She's pretty beast. But the first two pictures kind of confuse me. Is she trying to fly? It's puzzling to say the least. Maybe this is a Hogan family mating ritual. Anyway, enough speculation.



Brooke: Me Tarzan, you Jane

Guy: *Gulp* OK?

February Search Terms

I don't know if you noticed, but there hasn't been a search term post in a couple of weeks. I don't want to have to rely on this type of posting to take up space every week. It's technically a content cop-out, but it drives traffic here like moths to a flame. So, I'm probably going to move it from a weekly schedule to more of an every other week schedule. And it will most likely be posted on the weekends when not much of anything is going on around here.

olsen twins sexy - Ok.Hu Search
Olivia Munn Nude - Google Search
down blouse - BlogSearch
celebrity fakes - Comcast Search
scarlett johanssen's breasts - AOL Search
coke whore - Comcast Search
pictures of jamie pressley - Yahoo Search
oops nipslip - Yahoo Search FR
olson twins nude - AOL Search
jamie pressley - Yahoo Search
Anna Paquin nude in Darkness unrated - Yahoo Search
ciera hermaphrodite - Google Search
nicole kidman - Comcast Search
tv on the radio mp3 - Blogdigger Search
sexy cortana hentia - Yahoo Search
Petra Nemcova - Google Search
"janice dickinson peeing" - Google Search
Emma Watson nude - MSN Search
lindsay lohan beaver - Virgin Media Search
www.totally crap.com nude pics vanessa - Google Search UK
pictures of indian actresses nipples of boobs slipping from bikini - Google Search IN
brendan fehr bet pee pants - Yahoo Search
pantyhose teen - MSN Search
superbad girl in thong - AOL Search
"Kim Ryder" topless - Google Search UK
avril - BlogSearch
french gymnast pees - Google Search NO
downblouse - BlogSearch
emma watson upskirt - AOL Search
heigl roswell dvd - BlogSearch
louise banks "louise banks" model topless - Google Search UK
BAFW - Google Search CA
"the hills have eyes 2 rape scene" - Google Search
COURTNEY CRUZ - AOL Search
nippleslip - Google Search DE
French Gymnast pees - Google Search
down the blouse pics - iRazoo Search
kardashian mpegs - Yahoo Search
beaver shots - Google Search
nipple slip pictures blogspot - BlogSearch
amanda bynes boobs - AOL Search
jessica simpson boob flash - AOL Search
emlie kristine stewart - MSN Search
women & gay - BlogSearch
snake tv presenter upskirt accidental - Yahoo Search
tween swimwear - AOL Search
Ciera hermaphrodite - Google Search

Angelina Jolie is Gay for Women

There's a story going around that Angelina Jolie had a lesbian affair with a production assistant named Misty Cooper while she was shooting the movie remake of "Gone in 60 Seconds". Which sounds great until you see the woman she had the lesbian encounter with. She looks like the kind of woman that would need a paper bag for someone to become intimate with her. Little bit of a butterface . . . That's why BAFW is posting the steamy details first, and then the picture of the woman Angelina had sex with (allegedly).

"We immediately felt the sexual chemistry, and I could feel that she was also giving off a vibe. She looked super-hot, and I really wanted her." Misty said.
One week after their first encounter, Misty realized that "Angie wanted to sleep with me as much as I was so desperate to get her into bed," adding; "You could cut the sexual tension with knife."
(one night in Angelinas trailer) … Angelina was talking about her sex life, she told Misty that she had many girls but none of them were as good as Billy Bob Thornton. Misty responded with, "But you haven't had me." Shortly after an assistant was taking Polaroid pictures of the cast and crew on set, and snapped a couple of Angelina and Misty. As you can see in the photos (see them below), there was some playful groping involved.
After that, Angelina dropped the bomb; "I want you to come to my trailer, get naked, and we'll have more fun and more photos." And although Misty hasn't revealed what happened once they were inside the trailer, she did say this, "Angie has very soft lips."

This makes me believe in my totally unrealistic dreams of scoring with Hollywood celebrities. Women preferably. Because if this woman can bag Angelina Jolie . . . then I'm thinking I can have a good chance with Natalie Portman. Hell, she fucked Moby. Why not.

Opening Weekend Movies - 2/22/2008

Be Kind Rewind - Director Michel Gondry brings us this re-imagining of a "The Amanda Show" bit from 8 years ago starring Jack Black and Mos Def. While this movie might have a slightly better production value than the now defunct Nickelodeon children's program, it still is not original enough for me to put up money to see it. Here's the trailer, along with the damning evidence.





Charlie Bartlett - This movie is about a young kid who becomes the psychologist for an entire school. He works out the boys bathroom and he dispenses advice Dr. Phil wishes he could. Does it still make for an interesting movie? Possibly a rental. I'm not sold on it. Thankfully, neither is my wife.



Vantage Point - This movie sounds interesting. An assassination plot to kill the U.S. President seen through 8 different points of view. I hope the execution of this concept is handled well, because it has potential to become rather clumsy and contrived. It still doesn't make me want to go see this, despite it's rather A-list ensemble cast.



Witless Protection - *Groan* What the fuck is wrong with you America. Why do you keep letting this Larry the Cable Guy make more movies? Did we learn nothing from "Delta Farce" or that other movie where he was a health inspector? Fuck this movie.

The Guests on Tyra are Even Worse than Tyra

I know Tyra Banks is fucking nuts. But, I didn't know the random guests that she has on her show (which I think is about racial profiling) were ever crazier than her. What do you think of when you hear the name "Jose". To me, I don't think of anything. And since when is "Fernando" more "posh" than "Jose". Fucking idiots. Watch the clip.

Lindsay Lohan Pays Homage to Marylin Monroe

Lindsay Lohan decided to honor the memory of one of Hollywood's most iconic stars the only way she knew possible . . . by getting naked and then in front of a camera. Yes, here she poses nude, to the chagrin of many a papparazo out there that would have loved to have taken these pictures from the comfort of a bush. I have to say that these pictures, along with the rest (which can be found here) for the most part look pretty good. Those friggin giant cans she's got photograph well I have to say. You can thank photographer Bert Stern and New York Fashion magazine for these pictures. Now, if Lindsay Lohan could act as well as she can pose nude, I think the Oscar voting committee would have given her a nomination for the acting chops displayed in the movie "I Know Who Killed Me". I know I would have nominated her for the "Best Performance for a set of Cans in a Shitty Movie" category. But alas, such perfect awards don't exist but in my head.

Edit: After a little game of cat & mouse with Photobucket (they keep taking down the pictures) I decided to go back to Picturetrail just to host a few pictures. Their free hosting is fairly limited, and I don't remember them randomly taking down my shit. We'll see what happens.

BAFW Book Club - I Can Read Too

My most recent review of the literary arts is up over at Analog Medium. Check it out, and any other analog wackiness those guys are up to. I hear they post using an old Atari 800 XL computer*. That is, when they're not playing Pac-Man . . . or dare I say, the sexier version . . . Ms Pac-Man. That bow on that yellow circle drives me all sorts of wild.

*Disclaimer - Actual computer used for posting is most likely not an Atari 800 XL . . . they totally must be using a much more sophisticated Tandy model.

Attack of the Franken-Nipple-Slip

I don't know who Jordan is. The only thing I know about her is I'm pretty sure she's from the UK. She's had quite a lot of plastic surgery done. She enjoys standing around with her arms above her head. And, thanks to these nipple slip pictures, her nipples have been sewn on to her boobs. Yes. I know. When will science just give it a fucking rest already. If you click on the pictures (if you dare), they will enlarge and you will be able to make out a discernible stitch pattern around the areola. It's pretty disgusting. I don't know if that kind of stuff fades away with time, I've never had to have stitches, on my nipples or on any other part of my body. One more picture below, still arms over her head, but she's looking in another direction, and that nipple is still looking like a freak of science.

Avril Lavigne in Maxim

Avril Lavigne is once again appearing in "Maxim" magazine, proving that she is a punk willing to sell out to perpetuate sales of her records. That's really the only reason I could think of. She doesn't look like she's having much fun in these pictures. It's a little bit strange that a punk non-conformist (allegedly) would let herself be coerced into doing things like this. It's like getting a vegetarian to eat a nice medium-rare steak so they could save a herd of cattle from the slaughterhouse. So, in a sense, Avril Lavigne is a hero of sorts . . . wait, somewhere along the lines of that metaphor/analogy I lost track of what this was all about. Fuck it. Here are more pictures of Avril, showing us her punk cleavage and whatnot. Pick up next month's "Maxim" or head out to their website for more pictures.

Text'd Miscommunication

I've been having a problem with a referral bonus I should have gotten last month for getting my wife a job at the bank. It's really hard to find help sometimes when you work for an organization this large. If you don't know the right people, it can be hell. I happen to know one of those right people, a unit manager in the Glendale call center, so I turned to him for help. Once securing that help, I text messaged my wife this message.

Me: Hugo is going to help us with that referral bonus.

I got this message back from her.

Wife: Best thing I've heard all day. Unlimited meat coming your way. I'll explain later.

At this point, I'm thinking cool, she's happy that we're getting help with our problem, and somehow she's scored us an unlimited source of meat. Hot damn it's a good day. I reply with this message.

Me: I hope that the meat is cooked at some point.

Then, I get this message from her.

Wife: I'm confused, I don't think you got what I was saying.

And indeed, I did not know what she was talking about. But that message cemented the fact that we were not actually going to get all the free meat we could handle. So I sadly replied with the text message below.

Me: Awww . . . does this mean we don't get free meat?

She didn't reply to that one because a couple of hours later, we were once again together after finishing our respective shifts. What she was talking about was a scenario that someone in her training class had mention involving Brazilian BBQ (I want me some of that now) and unlimited meat. She thought it was funny because her mind is in the gutter. Normally, I would have gotten it too if I weren't so preoccupied with getting my missing money.

Indiana Jones and the Teaser Trailer of Teasing

I have to say, this teaser trailer for the new "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is getting me all sorts of excited in my geek nether regions. Not even tween heart-throb Shia LeBouef can sully this project with his "Even Stevens"-ishness. Even the re-animated corpse of Harrison Ford is doing a great job of looking rather lively. What's that? He's still alive? I thought that was all CG airbrushing and a complexly rigged animatronic corpse. Wow, this movie will be good.

Writer's Strike is Over

Hey America, all those great reality television shows that have been crowding our air waves should start thinning out in a month or two. The Writer's Guild of America (WGA) has finally come to an agreement that they can live with. This means, they're going back to work and your favorite scripted programming should be back in a month or two. Here's some details on what they finally agreed on.

On Feb. 25, writers are expected to ratify a new three-year contract that ensures them a stake in the revenue generated when their movies, television shows and other creative works are distributed on the Internet.

The new contract gives them residual payments for shows streamed over the Internet and secures the union's jurisdiction for programming created for the Web. Yet the new contract falls short of what writers were initially seeking. "It's a good deal but not a great one," said Handel, adding that both sides made key compromises.

For example, writers received guarantees that any guild member hired to create original shows for the Web would be covered under a union contract. But the tentative contract enables studios to hire nonunion writers to work on low-budget Internet shows, giving them the flexibility they sought to compete in the burgeoning world of Web entertainment.

Even though they're not super excited about the new contract their signing, I sure am. I'm abso-fucking-lutely tired of there being nothing good to watch on television. That should come to an end, and I can indulge my eyes and ears with brand new scripted shows. *sighs*

Jesse Metcalfe Eats Fist

It's very likely that if you don't watch "Desperate Housewives" and/or missed the cinematic tour de force that was "John Tucker Must Die", you don't know who Jesse Metcalfe is. But that shouldn't deter you from enjoying the video below of him getting his ass laid out by some dude named "Victor". At least, I think that's his name. All Metcalfe does in this video is take a punch to the face, falls down, and says "What the fuck" over and over again. I guess he might have said something offensive towards Taryn Manning (the chick in the video) or the guy that decked him. Does it even matter though? The video comes courtesy of TMZ.

BAFW Book Club

Proving to the world that I can read books that don't contain pictures, a new review is up over at Analog Medium. Those guys are cool enough to post my random ramblings from time to time out of the kindness of their hearts. God bless those benevolent Analoggers. And seriously, books are the ultimate analog medium of entertainment, so it's a nice fit. Check out my review and the rest of their blog by clicking on their name in this post.

Olivia Munn has a Bikini Complex

Ah, Olivia Munn. I'm pretty sure she's one of the only couple of reasons my wife and I still watch "Attack of the Show". Sure, the show has it's fun moments, but most of them include Olivia, so you can see what the best asset of the show is. Sorry Kevin Pereira, you just don't look like this in a bikini. I've never heard of "Complex" magazine, but I might have to seek this out. I'm not big on magazines, but this would be a nice way to kick-off the creation of one of those scary shrines stalkers build of their subjects. Or, maybe I shouldn't. You can check out more pictures and the interview with Olivia here. There are also more pictures and a couple of videos. Knock yourselves out.

Protect America from Zombies!

You know, I was not a big proponent of George W. Bush taking office . . . but, seeing this video now, and knowing what his stance is on the looming zombie apocalypse, I think he needs to stay in office another 2 terms. At least. He can be the FDR of the 21st century. Think about it. Do you really think Hillary Clinton could kill a zombie? Maybe John McCain . . . that guy is bad ass. The vietcong stuck him in a cage man. And Barak Obama? He'd probably just try to out-dance the zombies. No way. I am suddenly a Republican thanks to this video.

Thanks to the guys over at Analog Medium for making me see the truth.

50 Cent Verbally Smacks Paris Hilton into Tears

50 Cent, a man I don't usually write about because he's pocket change, might be moving up the cool-scale with this video. It comes at the expense of Paris Hilton, but then again, she's the world's punching bag. Deservedly so. But, it serves Paris Hilton right. Why would she crawl onto a stage she's not supposed to be on and start dancing? No one asked her to get up there. When you're stupid like that, you need someone to put you in check. She's just lucky 50 Cent didn't shoot her off the stage. Check out the picture of Paris crying after she got the boot.

Someone hand her a penis so she can dry those tears.

Monday Morning Search Terms

What better way to start the week off with some search terms. OK, I'm only posting these today because I don't have much time to post anything else. I might post some new shit later today after work. If you're lucky.

paparazzi slip-panty athletes - Yahoo Search
kim kardashian - MSN Search
jenny mccartney nip slip - Yahoo Search
jessica simpsons crotch pictures - AOL Search
bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - Google Search
up skirt news readers - Google Search IE
Britney Spears - Accidental Boob Oops Nipslip Flash.mpeg - Yahoo Search
gwen stefani bikini - Yahoo Search
EMMA WATSON EN BIKINI - Google Search MX
hot gwen stefani pics - Yahoo Search
Gwen Stefani camel toe pics - Yahoo Search
penelope cruz faked - Ok.Hu Search
spring break bikini muff nip slips - Yahoo Search
britney's pussy - AOL Search
young girl breast exam - AOL Search
inphyy boob armour - Google Search CA
down blouse - AOL Search
Pot smoking - Netscape Search
see through - Comcast Search
boob slip - Netscape Search
keely hazell - Google Search TR
pictures of jamie pressley - Yahoo Search
blood rayne nude - Ok.Hu Search
boob - AOL Search
"using a remote controlled vibrator" - Google Search
demi moore nudepicture - Yahoo Search JP
Nicole Kidman - MyWebSearch
gascoigne upskirt - BlogScope Search
SLIPS - MSN Search
crotch shots - Google Search
catherine mcphee panty - Yahoo Search

Katherine Heigl's Smoking Down Blouse

Ha! Get it. That's what we call around here a "play on words". Because there's smoking and down blousing going on at the same time. It's not particularly "smoking hot" because I think Katherine Heigl has lost a little too much weight. She used to be a little on the side of chunky when she was on the "Roswell" show, but it was never unattractive. Since then, I think she might be on a cigarettes and not eating diet. But, a down blouse is a down blouse, and you can see what's left of her fat deposits as she beds down to do something or other. I think she's signing an autograph. She does so much for her fans. Signing autographs and revealing a little bit of skin in the process. That's the mark of a star that cares about her fan-base.

"The Beard Growth Project"

"The Beard Growth Project" is up and running. There's nothing hidden in the name. It's just what it sounds like it would be. It's me, trying to grow a mighty beard . . . and of course, I need to document it for all to see on the internets. Check it out when you're not too busy looking for pictures of someone's vagina.

Ellen Pompeo's Nipples Coming Atcha!

I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy", so I'm not familiar with the big hullaballoo about Ellen Pompeo. I remember seeing her in "Old School" playing a single mom, which is not usually sexy. Which might explain why, even though you can clearly see her nipples through this shirt she's wearing, why it's not doing anything as far as turning me on. But, that's just me. I'm a man of discerning tastes. The sight of nipple is not usually enough to get me going. The nipple itself has to be attached to something that I find appealing. But, I know that most people out there are not as picky when it comes to the nipples that they seek out. So, this one's for you guys (and girls . . . maybe). The picture below is a little better, because it shows less face. Just my opinion though. I don't want the "Ellen Pompeo Fan Club" to write me hate mail. It's not my fault that you're fans of a less-than-hot chick who lucked out and got cast in a "hot" show . . . that only women watch. Kudos on the NHO though. Those things are fierce.

Avril Lavigne in a Bikini

So, this is what being "punk" is all about? Having tons of money, wearing a bikini in the middle of what should be winter because you're on the southern hemisphere where it's actually summer, and hanging out in pools. Hmmm . . . that doesn't sound all the way right. But don't tell that to Avril Lavigne. She knows what "punk" is. I mean, look at those pink highlights in her hair. Totally punk. I do have to say that, whenever her mouth is totally shut, she does not look half bad. It's just when she opens her mouth and those vampire teeth of hers come at you that my penis tries to run away. Unless you're into vampires. Which makes you kind of emo/goth . . . and gay. Still, these bikini pictures are here for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.



Ahh! Vampire! Where's my garlic wreath and wooden stakes!

Sarah Silverman is Fucking Matt Damon?

I know it's a parody video, and it was shown on "The Jimmy Kimmel Live" show, who she has been a long time girlfriend of, so it's totally not true. But it's fucking funny. And I can say fucking here, because it's my fucking blog. No need to censor the word "fucking". And who knew that Matt Damon's giant head would be capable of doing comedy? That guy amazes me. That giant head of his is does not make him handicapped . . . it makes him handi-capable.

Opening Weekend Movies - 2/01/2008

The Eye - Jessica Alba stars in this Asian film remake . . . which is exactly how the movie was when it was first made, but now, it's in English, and Jessica Alba is in it. So, if you've seen the movie already, the only thing you'll get out of this is not having to read subtitles. To some, that might be a plus, because let's face it . . . reading's for suckers. Let's go give some nerds wedgies!



Over Her Dead Body - So . . . this is what happens when television "stars" have nothing to do during a writer's strike. These piece of crap movies start coming out. I really do feel bad for Paul Rudd. Why is he in this movie? Making out scenes with Eva Longoria? That can only be good for a minute, then you see the gnome that hides under all that makeup after the scene and it has to turn your stomach. I know it would turn mine. And Jason Biggs is in this one as well. Is he in pretty much every other movie that's coming out? Whatever. Here's the trailer.



Strange Wilderness - Ok. I know this movie looks retarded. I know it's a Happy Madison production, so, in a way, it's meant to be retarded. But I don't care. I dig Happy Madison productions that are lacking in actual Adam Sandler appearances. And this has a ton of people in it that I think are funny. So . . . I'm actually wanting to see this. And yes, the shark laughing bit has been a little over-used in the marketing campaign, but fuck it. That's still not turning me off from this movie.