Newest and Oldest The Crazies Trailer(s)

I've seen a couple of trailers for "The Crazies" remake. This third one that's embedded into this post seems to be the most effective, while not giving away too much of the movie. The movie is a remake of the exactly titled: "The Crazies", by George A. Romero. Breck Eisner is directing this iteration of the movie and that's Timothy Olyphant in the lead role. The movie is coming out this year, so look out for it. For comparison purposes, I've also included (below) the original's trailer from 1973. See which one you like better.

Trailer vs Trailer: The Taking of Pelham 123

I guess remakes are the way to go when Hollywood runs out of ideas. "The Taking of Pelham 123" was originally made with Walter Mathau and Robert Shaw, but now Tony Scott is making his own version, throwing John Travolta and Denzel Washington on the screen and giving them free reign to chew scenery like there's no tomorrow. Even though the original's trailer has an old school feel to it, I'm willing to bet it's the better movie of the two. Check them out below. OG first, new one 2nd.



The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 trailer

Opening Weekend Movies - 4/25/2008

Baby Mama - Hmm . . . looks like refried shit. Sure, there are some funny people involved in this turd-fest of a movie, but it seems like they're in it for the paycheck. Which I can understand. But, don't expect me to go to your movie if you're just going to dial it in like a punk.



Deception - Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor star in this thriller about a mild mannered accountant that gets sucked into a world of sexy . . . wait for it . . . deception. Despite its lackluster namesake, this movie actually looks interesting. I don't know if I'll be watching it, but it is rated "R". So, there might be a booby or an ass shown. If you're lucky, it won't be a male ass.



Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - Wow. Another "Harold and Kumar" movie. I went into watching their White Castle escapade hopeful that I had finally found a stoner comedy worth watching not stoned (not that I do that anyway . . . ahem). I was fairly disappointed to say the least. When I first started seeing the teaser trailers for their newest cinematic outing, I was instantly repulsed by it. The trauma of the last movie still lingering in my subconscious. But, I keep seeing little bits and pieces of this movie online and in commercials . . . and I don't know . . . I kinda want to see it now. Is that weird. Does that make me co-dependent and masochistic all at the same time?

They even have a red trailer. Maybe they're trying to sweet-talk me into watching it, and then they'll slap me in the face with mediocrity.

Opening Weekend Movies 3/14/2008

Doomsday - I know this movie looks like the height of ridicule, but goddammit, I want to see it. It looks appropriately kick-ass. The characters look like generic bad guys and tough bitches that take no shit from no one, which has all been done in the past. But it hasn't been done well lately. This movie, by the director of "The Descent" (freaking awesome movie) looks like a lot of fun. I'm sure critics are looking to tear this film a new one because it's not "No Country for Old Men"-type stuff, but there is a place for mindless entertainment. This should qualify it as that. Go watch this, turn off your brain, and enjoy.



Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who - I know why they're making this movie. It's just around the time that anyone that read this as a child is old enough to have kids that they want to share the experience with, and being that children nowadays are more receptive to moving pictures rather than books, it would seem like the perfect thing to take your kid to. Plus, it's got a couple of talented people lending their vocal likeness to the characters. It doesn't pull me in, because, frankly, I never read this particular Dr. Seuss tale when I was growing up. "Are you My Mother" was my absolute favorite, maybe because it was more real life than, say, something like "Cat in the Hat" or "Green Eggs and Ham".



Never Back Down - This is like this millennium's "Karate Kid". Except, everyone's buffer and Mr. Miyagi is a black dude. But other than that, pretty much the same thing. New guy in town gets his ass handed to him. He trains with someone that kicks ass but chooses not to fight, and gets the girl in the end after having a big-time showdown with the guy that previously kicked his ass. Looks entertaining, but I'm already watching one mindless thing this weekend. No space for two.

Opening Weekend Movies - 2/29/2008

Semi-Pro - Is there any doubt in your mind that you won't be waking up to this movie Monday being the #1 movie in America? At least the #1 comedy in America. Everything Will Ferrell does lately just ends up being loved by the mass populace. To tell you the truth, while this movie looks like it could illicit a laugh or two from me, it's not enough to make me want to go see it. But I'll rent it when it comes out on DVD, kind of like "Blades of Glory", which I almost rented last weekend. Almost . . . I just couldn't get myself to rent an ice-skating movie. "The Cutting Edge"* just killed the whole sub-genre for me.



The Other Boleyn Girl - Period peaces bore me to tears. But this movie has Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson in it. I'm conflicted. Those are two of the hottest, screen-melting women on the planet. And they're stuck in this movie where they play sisters? Couldn't they be lesbian lovers? Only in a perfect world. Oh yeah, Eric Bana is in this as well. Did I mention that he cinematically beds both of them. Did I also mention that I know hate Eric Bana.



Penelope - Look at how ambiguous the Yahoo! movie page's description for this film is:

Christina Ricci is a woman suffering from a "curse" who sets out to free herself of a life-long bad luck streak and find her true self.

The "curse" is that she has a pig's snout for a nose. I think "Bubble Boy"** is a deeper movie than this. That was another movie about a voyage of self-discovery. But, I guess it could be argued that, even with a prosthetic pig nose, Christina Ricci is still hotter than Jake Gyllenhaal.



*When was the last time you heard of the movie "The Cutting Edge" . . . whoa, hello nostalgia.

**"Bubble Boy" rocks!!

Opening Weekend Movies - 2/22/2008

Be Kind Rewind - Director Michel Gondry brings us this re-imagining of a "The Amanda Show" bit from 8 years ago starring Jack Black and Mos Def. While this movie might have a slightly better production value than the now defunct Nickelodeon children's program, it still is not original enough for me to put up money to see it. Here's the trailer, along with the damning evidence.





Charlie Bartlett - This movie is about a young kid who becomes the psychologist for an entire school. He works out the boys bathroom and he dispenses advice Dr. Phil wishes he could. Does it still make for an interesting movie? Possibly a rental. I'm not sold on it. Thankfully, neither is my wife.



Vantage Point - This movie sounds interesting. An assassination plot to kill the U.S. President seen through 8 different points of view. I hope the execution of this concept is handled well, because it has potential to become rather clumsy and contrived. It still doesn't make me want to go see this, despite it's rather A-list ensemble cast.



Witless Protection - *Groan* What the fuck is wrong with you America. Why do you keep letting this Larry the Cable Guy make more movies? Did we learn nothing from "Delta Farce" or that other movie where he was a health inspector? Fuck this movie.

Opening Weekend Movies - 2/01/2008

The Eye - Jessica Alba stars in this Asian film remake . . . which is exactly how the movie was when it was first made, but now, it's in English, and Jessica Alba is in it. So, if you've seen the movie already, the only thing you'll get out of this is not having to read subtitles. To some, that might be a plus, because let's face it . . . reading's for suckers. Let's go give some nerds wedgies!



Over Her Dead Body - So . . . this is what happens when television "stars" have nothing to do during a writer's strike. These piece of crap movies start coming out. I really do feel bad for Paul Rudd. Why is he in this movie? Making out scenes with Eva Longoria? That can only be good for a minute, then you see the gnome that hides under all that makeup after the scene and it has to turn your stomach. I know it would turn mine. And Jason Biggs is in this one as well. Is he in pretty much every other movie that's coming out? Whatever. Here's the trailer.



Strange Wilderness - Ok. I know this movie looks retarded. I know it's a Happy Madison production, so, in a way, it's meant to be retarded. But I don't care. I dig Happy Madison productions that are lacking in actual Adam Sandler appearances. And this has a ton of people in it that I think are funny. So . . . I'm actually wanting to see this. And yes, the shark laughing bit has been a little over-used in the marketing campaign, but fuck it. That's still not turning me off from this movie.

Opening Weekend Movies - 1/25/2008

Meet the Spartans - Parody movies still keep coming out. Maybe because the humor that they draw upon is basically comprised of cheap shots and sight gags. But, this movie will most likely draw in the younger, teenage crowd. This movie, like the latest batch of parody movies, really stopped appealing to after I finished with high school. Maybe it's some sort of rite of passage. When you're done with regular education and move on to higher education, your taste in movies matures just a little bit. Another reason I might not want to watch this is because it looks terrible. It could go either way.



Rambo - Motherfucking John Rambo is back. Do I even have to say anything else? Other than the movie looks bad ass, even though Sylvester Stallone might need a walker in a couple of years. How old is that guy? He's still friggin built like a bull. The video below is not the slightly pussy-fied version that's been floating around your television screens and before movie previews. This video is the head-chopping, machine gun blasting to bits, jugular-destroying and almost rape video that came out in May of 2007. I really want to see this movie.



Untraceable - This movie has been described as "Silence of the Lambs" for the internet age. That's quite the high praise. But, is it deserved? I don't know. I'm not going to find out until they play it on cable. It ain't no "Rambo" . . . and, this might be a spoiler . . . but from the looks of the trailer, it's Tom Hanks' kid that's the killer. It has to be. I could (possibly) see that from a mile away. Colin Hanks is always the bad guy.

Opening Weekend Movies - 1/18/2008

27 Dresses - Total chick flick. Katherine Heigl plays the forever bridesmaid who finds love with Cyclops from the X-Men movie. I think his name is James Mardsen. I think. The trailer will possibly disclose his name. Who cares. I have zero interest in this. My wife, on the other hand, has a platonic crush on Heigl, and probably will want to see this either in the theaters or on DVD. All I know is that I will eventually watch this movie, wether I want to or not. Hell, if she continues on this Heigl crush, we might even pick up the "Roswell" TV show on DVD. Who knows. Trailer below to satiate your chick-flick needs.



Cloverfield - OMG it's finally here. I love giant monster terrorizing people movies. Almost as much as I like zombie flicks. Which is why, "Cloverfield" is my pick of the week. And thankfully, my wife is fully on board with watching this movie. We're going to check this out tomorrow, after I get out of work (ugh . . Saturday? at work? What the fuck is happening to me?) early, to avoid the crowds. And I hope there are crowds that go see this. J.J. Abrams needs a solid theatrical hit right now, even though he's only producing this movie. The trailer makes it look amazing. You might have already seen it here, but check it out again anyway.



Mad Money - I watched half of the trailer for this movie, and I had to stop myself from shooting the computer. With my imaginary gun. I'd never shoot you computer . . . you're my only friend. Um . . . oh yeah, "Mad Money". Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah (does she have a first name?) and Katie Holmes concoct a plan to steal money that's about to be destroyed in an effort to recycle the money. So, in a sense, it's a chick-empowering heist movie with conservationist undertones. Or, as I like to call it . . . garbage. Watch the trailer and see for yourself.

Opening Weekend Movies - 01/11/2008 (W/Trailers!)

The Bucket List - A movie about dying old men getting their to-do lists in order. Yeah, sounds fascinating, if I were also really old and had shit to do before I kicked the bucket (see what I did there . . . jokes and jokes and jokes). It does have Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in it, so . . . chances are it's going to contain some top-notch acting from these veteran (haha, another old man joke) actors, but it still does nothing for me as far as making me want to watch this. Here's the trailer for the movie. In case it's blitzkrieg-style television ad campaign managed to miss you.



First Sunday - Does Ice Cube do anything other than collect paychecks anymore? And what's with the days of the week being incorporated into all of his movies? Is the sequel (and you know there will be one) going to be called "The Second Sunday"? Ice Cube can suck it. And so can Tracy Morgan, who's also in this movie about a couple of petty criminals trying to rob their local church. I'm guessing that they see the light some time during the movie, and end up not robbing the church. Who cares. Trailer, watch it if you want.



In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - This is the movie I'm getting all giddy about this week. Not because I think it'll be any good at all. I mean, it's a Uwe Boll movie. Notice how they fail to mention that. Nowhere in the marketing for this movie do they try the whole "From the acclaimed director of 'Alone in the Dark' and 'House of the Dead'". No friggin way anyone would see that if that's how they were selling this. Nah, they're using Jason Statham to try to sell tickets to this turd fest. And they should. Statham is doing pretty well for himself. I'm not sure what bet he lost that landed him a role in this, but people should pay to see this just to experience something that is truly a cinematic piece of shit. Check out the trailer.



The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie - What. The. Fuck? Why would they make a movie about pirates that didn't do anything. If I wanted to see something like this, well . . . fuck it, I don't want to see anything like this so I'm not going to waste brain cells trying to conjure up a scenario where I would want to watch this. Fuck Veggie Tales and their Christian agenda. This movie is pissing me off so much that I'm not going to post the trailer for it. Hah, take that, Pirates that won't do anything. What repercussions are you going to bring upon me. Nada. Zilch. Bupkiss. That's what I thought.

Trailers Cubed

I've got three trailers for you today. One, looks awesome. The other, could be awesome. And the third, is downright evil.


This first trailer is for the "Golden Compass" movie coming out soon. It's fantasy much like "The Lord of the Rings" was, but even more fantastical. It's got Daniel Craig in it, along with Nicole Kidman, Eva Green, and Sam Elliot as a cowboy. Hmm, that's a stretch. Oh, it also has talking polar bears, which almost guarantees that my wife will want to watch it.


This next trailer is for FOX's new Terminator hour-long drama debuting this fall. It's called "The Sarah Connor Chronicles", and it stars Lena Heady (the Spartan queen from "300"), some kid as John Connor, and Summer Glau as a terminator. It might be OK, but I know that if I start watching it, and enjoying it, FOX, will just pull the plug on it like every other show I've loved on FOX.


This next trailer comes from MTV, who decided it would be a great idea to make "My Super Sweet 16" into a movie. Fuck them. That's all I have to say about that.