Long Weekend Earners

1. Eight Below - A movie about sled dogs, starring Paul Walker? What? Cuba Gooding Jr. was too busy to jump all over this . . . again? Disney rules the top spot with this drooler of a movie, where 8 canines get trapped somewhere in Antarctica with no way out other than to wait for Paul Walker to arrive with his giant head and body warmth . . . or something like that. I haven't seen it. And I'm not going to see it.

2. Date Movie - Boasting that it was written by 2 of the 6 writers that wrote Scary Movie only gets your movie into the 2nd spot. Unfortunately, it has made enough to warrant sequels, which is a bad thing. Too bad, I used to like Alyson Hannigan. She was my nerdy dreamgirl. Now, I wouldn't piss on her if she were rolling around on the ground, on fire, and with a swarm of bees stinging her eyes.

3. The Pink Panther - Why do they keep putting Beyonce in movies? It doesn't help. She's not a good actress. She just wants to pimp a song out to America that has a top grosser movie tie in. It's all about them Benjamins to these people. And do they need more? It's despicable really. That, and this movie looks like turds in a microwave set to defrost. You figure that one out.

4. Curious George - I like cartoons. I like Curious George books. But, surprisingly enough, these two likes mixed together doesn't appeal to me. So, I'm passing on this. I'm not a Curious Jaime about this movie.

5. Final Destination 3 - This is what we saw this weekend. The Sal came along with us. When I asked him to come along, you could have sworn he nutted in his pants. He really really wanted to see this. Did it stack up to the expectations? For us . . . we didn't have any, so yeah, sure. It was a piece of crap. I think the Sal enjoyed it. Personally, I enjoyed the vodka and Battlestar Galactica later that night . . . and I don't even like to drink.

6. Firewall - Surprisingly not about hackers, but about bank robbing, and having to save your family, and getting a really old guy to kick some ass. And he doesn't even have a bullwhip or a short little asian kid following him around everywhere he goes.

7. Freedomland - Sam Jackson as an asthmatic tough guy cop, Julianne Moore as a drug addict mother (again) and a carjacked car with (white) kid still inside in a black neighborhood. Why is this movie not higher up on the list. I mean, it's got a better premise than Crash does, and look at how great that crap movie did last year in terms of award nominations. It even weaseled it's way into my DVD collection.

8. Big Momma's House 2 - 60 million. For the sequel, which really, doesn't do anything new in the way of comedy. Just more fat woman jokes. I hope this is not a barometer for the intelligence and sense of humor of America. If it is, I'm moving to Canada.

9. When a Stranger Calls - Phone calls are scary, specially when they're from telemarketers that want to sell me life insurance. It's like they know something. Like they're trying to cash in on my inpending death. I doubt this movie is about that, but I'm sure it would have made more dough if it were called "When a Telemarketer Calls" because then, more people could relate to the plot.

10.Nanny McPhee - It's hard to find a story these days where the British Nanny doesn't shake children violently. This is one of those. Which makes it infinately dull and boring, because a movie without a shaken baby is just an hour and a half of happiness . . . and that's not the way the world works. Just ask anyone with a job. There is no such thing.