This e-mail made my day. I probably would not have run across it if a co-worker hadn't forwarded it to me. I asked if I could reply to it. I mean, how could I miss out on an oppurtinity like this one. He caps locked every single on of the words he typed. He must have been furious. I'm going to hightlight all the curse words, just so that you don't miss them.
THIS USER ID AND PASSWORD THAT YOU JUST EMAILED ME DON'T WORK.
I KEY THEM INTO THE UPDATES SETTINGS ON THE Xxxxx INTERFACE AND I'M TOLD THEY'RE INCORRECT.
WHY DO ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SUCH A BIG FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS! AND YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR ASSES CHEWED.
EVERY SOFTWARE I BUY HAS TO BE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. MCAFEE WAS. AND SO ARE YOU.
YOU GOT THAT FUCKING POPUP WINDOW TELLING ME TIME TO UPDATE, CAN'T UPDATE, TRY AGAIN, TRY AGAIN LATER, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
GROW UP, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! GIVE US AN ADULT PRODUCT.
GIVE ME A USER ID AND PASSWORD THAT WORK.
BEFORE THIS IT WAS A FUCKING POPUP THAT HARRASSED THE FUCK OUT OF ME TELLING ME I NEED TO REGISTER THE PRODUCT. I TAKE MY VALUABLE TIME TO RE-, I REPEAT, RE-REGISTER. AND YOU TELL ME I WAS ALREADY REGISTERED. WHY THE FUCK BOTHER ME IF I WAS ALREADY REGISTERED?. I CAN TELL YOU'RE GONNA BE A BIG PAIN IN THE ASS LIKE MCAFEE WAS. ARE YOU A SUBSIDIARY OF THEIRS?
THEN, YOU DUMBFUCKS, I TRY TO REPLY TO YOUR EMAIL AT CUSTOMER.SERVICE. YOU WON'T ACCEPT THE EMAIL. THEN, FUCKHEADS, I TRY TO USE THE Xxxxx INTERFACE TO SEND AN EMAIL TO TECH SUPPORT. CAN'T DO IT! SOME KIND OF FUCKING ERROR.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE FUCKHEADS? NO OTHER PRODUCT WOULD DARE BE AS MUCH OF A FUCKUP AS YOU SOFTWARE MAKERS ARE. THEY WOULD BE OUT OF BUSINESS.
I CAN'T UPDATE MY FUCKING Xxxxx PIECE OF SHIT UNTIL I CAN ENTER A VALID USER ID AND PASSWORD. ARE YOU GONNA SEND ME THOSE ITEMS OF DO I COMPLAIN TO HIGH HEAVEN AND THE BBB? IT SHOULDN'T TAKE ME TWO FUCKING HOURS TO DO A HALF HOUR JOB.
AND, YOU BETTER NOT SEND ME A VIRUS EITHER. YOU'RE JUST EVIL ENOUGH TO DO THAT.
GET THOSE RIDICULOUS FUCKING NAG SCREENS OFF MY DESKTOP!!!
THERE'S ONE OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING POPUPS NOW. UPDATE CANCELLED! TRY AGAIN NOW, TRY AGAIN LATER, RECEIVE MY USER ID AGAIN. AND I DARE NOT CLICK ON ANY OF THOSE OPTIONS. BUT WHEN I DO YET ANOTHER MESSAGE WILL POPUP ASKING ME TO REAFFIRM IF I TRULY WANT TO UPDATE. THEN, YET, YET, YET ANOTHER POPUP WILL TELL ME I CAN'T.
YOU LAME MOTHERFUCKERS!
He is a wordsmith I tell you. He has shown us here at work that he can use the word "fuck" and a varied array of permutations of that word, so he must mean business. Here is my reply to his e-mail.
Dear Customer,
Thank you for your kind words. The e-mail is very eloquent. What is the user name and password that you were issued? Please send it to us so that we can test them out on one of our lab machines. And no, we are not a subsidiary of McAfee.
Have a nice day.
I haven't heard back from him yet. I'm waiting, anxiously, with bated breath, for his next expletive-laden opus.
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