Bounty of Information - Client E-mail

I don't know why we try to provide support for people anymore. All of our clients are almost retarded and they have no business being 10 meters from a working computer. The government should just dispense those toys that you pull the cord on, the arrow spins, lands on a barnyard animal and then makes the noise and it should call it a computer. These people won't know the difference. Take this e-mail for example.

You better fix this problem ASAP If you don't fix this I will contact the federal trade commision and the BBB. fix it now!!!

What are we supposed to fix? Usually, when a client e-mails they will at least give us a small nugget of information to get us going in the right direction. This one, on the other hand, has opted to take the mysterious route to tech support. Like sending us an ambiguous threat letter is going to help fix the problem. I swear, it's either barnyard sound computers or I'm buying a shotgun and some shells and taking care of the problem myself . . . if you know what I mean.

*Addendum - Since I'm posting up e-mail here I thought I might as well post up this snippet from a SPAM message we received. It was actually addressed to me, which is good . . . because I love shit like this.

kind as to play back the last speech about the artifact. Coming up. After some clattering and high-pitched voices whizzing by our aged guide sounded forth. Discarded. Gone from Paradise. Non-existent. Men have no need of

I know it's incomplete . . . I am scratching my head as well, wondering just what it is men have no need of.