Jessica Simpson Upskirts Good Morning America

Jessica Simpson performed some new tracks from her country music album on Good Morning America, and I guess the only way she knows how to sell records is the good ol' fashioned way. By showing some ass. At least that's how I sell my country music albums. She also decided to goof it up by sticking her tongue out like a slack-jawed country bumpkin. She must be trying to connect to the intended demographic. In the picture below, it's really not clear whether Jessica is wearing underwear or not. I'll let you folks decide on that one. My own personal hypothesis is that her manager/father/ex-preacher made sure something like this would happen. Therefore, I think that's all bare ass. But hey, don't be swayed by my scientific findings. It's a free world. Make your own decisions.



Hey look ya'lls, I can be lady-like too!

Jessica Simpson, Fembot?

Because I'm a benevolent blogger, I'm going to help you forget those awful Sarah Jessica Parker photos with these photos of Jessica Simpson, complete with vacant Fembot-ish stares and plenty of cleavage. Is there an actual thought going through that "mind" of hers? She has all the facial features of one of those life-size high end sex doll models, but she looks less engaging somehow. Sure, she looks great, but talking to her would be the equivalent to getting nailed in your intellect's gonads. I need to make myself a sea-chicken sandwich, but enjoy the pictures.

Jessica Simpson Shows Dinner Plates

Jessica Simpson was spotted, out and about, without John Mayer some night ago (do you see the in depth reporting that's going on here?) and it would seem that we, the public, are getting to know her a little bit better. Enough that Jessica Simpson is showing off her dinner plates. Oh wait, those are just her giant areolas. My God they're huge. I mean, some people like eating off of dinner plates, but they just look freakish to me. A boob should have a tea-plate surrounding a nipple. Just my opinion though. And while the rest of Simpson's boobs might look pretty good (bigger is better), her face is looking a little bit on the tired side. I hate to say this, but it might seem that her sister is actually edging her out in the "who's prettier" department. Pictures of Jessica's almost nip-slip, table-ware viewing below.

Sideboob-Burg - Jessica Simpson

It's been awhile since I've posted a "Sideboob-burg" posting. Maybe women in Hollywood are beginning to wisen up on just what makes papparazzi cameras flash like crazy. And, this is why Jessica Simpson is now walking around with her tata's almost popping out of her dress. You will see in the picture below that we're just a iPhone's thickness (that's pretty thin for the not technologically savvy out there) away from seeing not just an areola, but full on nipple as well.

Interesting Jaime fact: The first actual live titty that I saw, back in the sixth grade, was courtesy of a sideboob. I had seen boobs before on television and print, but I have to thank a loose tank-top wearing classmate for letting me experience full view of a boob. Your early blossoming contributed to my entrance into puberty. And hey, it's not creepy if I was the same age at the time OK.

Simpson's sideboob in question below.

HDH - Jessica Simpson

Never has a vacant look in someone's eyes been considered sexy, but Jessica Simpson seems to pull it off so effortlessly. Now, just being retarded-pretty is not justification enough for Jessica Simpson to be this week's "Hump-Day Hottie". No, you see, she's also dumb enough to wear something that is see-through and not wear underwear. So, her folly is our gain, as we get to see the next-best thing to a nipple slip. One more picture after this short paragraph, which is only ruined by the troll'ish looking woman that is escorting Simpson (hopefully to an assisted living retard home). I could have cropped her out like the photo above, but I can't be bothered to cater to your masturbatory needs. Just make sure that you don't whack off and accidentally catch that "woman" out of the corner of your eye during your climax. Just a warning. Don't heed it if you like trolls . . . but then you really should be checking out pictures of Kirsten Dunst.

Simpson Bounces Assets

Oh yes, Jessica Simpson should do nothing but the above action. No singing, no acting and definately no talking please. In fact, I think she should opt to remove her vocal cords all together. Nobody needs to know what's going on inside that "brain" of hers. All we need to know is wether or not she can bounce around in a bikini.

*Note: Ok, so it didn't work. I really wanted to post up the animated .gif, but, I guess you will have to click on the link to go there to check it out. It's worth it though. Thank you Egotastic for making this available to the masses.

Everyone Wants a Piece of Simpson

It seems that everyone in Hollywood wants a piece of the now divorced (or is still in progress, who cares) Jessica Simpson. I've read a couple of reports lately. The first one involves Zach Braff, who just recently broke up with Mandy Moore. He was spotted over at a club called Hyde on the 8th of June consuming copious amounts of alcohol and trying to "get with" Simpson. The next incident involves Jared Leto (who is not gay as a goat . . . don't believe everything you see on AOL) who met up with Jessica at Hyde (I'm starting to see a trend here) on the 2nd of June and managed to get her number. A few days later, they met up at Double Seven, and most likely spent the night banging away. Jessica probably thought they were playing Doctor or something, since Leto probably told her to open wide for his meat thermometer.

So, why is everyone trying to fuck Jessica Simpson? Maybe because she's so dumb that you can tell her that you're part of the FBI, which stands for Female Body Inspectors.

Any man - "It's a government thing Ms. Simpson. We need to inspect your body, including all cavities".
Jessica Simpson - "Well, gee gosh willikers Mr. FBI, do what you gotta do."

It must be that easy.

Simpson to Boobies - DOH!

I'm not sure what to think about Jessica Simpson's new redhead hair style. Specially when her titties look like they do in these pictures. What the fuck is up with that? I mean, didn't she have a pretty full rack a month or so ago? Are boobs supposed to look like fat boomerangs? I've seen many a boob in my time, and never has it looked so floppy and devoid of life . . . outside of a National Geographic pictorial spread that is. Maybe she just joined a tribe of weird Native Americans who all have red colored hair and hunt Buffalo for their juicy wings. Or something like that. Who knows. Anyway, for all the weirdo-jugg lovers out there, enjoy.

Gosh darn'it Pa', not in public!

The Way to Win the War

You want a quick and speedy resolution to the whole Iraq/Afghanistan fiasco . . that venerable mess-o-potamia. Have the government drop millions of issues of the current GQ magazine with the cover pictured above. One look at Jessica Simpson in that red/white/blue bikini flashing the peace sign . . . and the insurgents would finally understand the "American Way" of life. Seriously, if I were stuck in a spider-hole somewhere in Iraq, and one of my unwashed insurgent pals trotted along with this particular issue, I'd gladly put down my AK-74 assault rifle and just give up to the military occupying my nation . . . just so that I could attend a USO show where "Mrs Chicken of The Sea" is performing at. Then I could enjoy some Buffalo Wings (not made from actual buffalos) with her and embrace capitalism while signing up for multiple credit card applications and changing my name from Ahmed to Andy.