Stick Around

I guess anything could be used as a weapon of pain and ridicule if you are creative enough. This explains why there were two stories about people victimized with crazy/super glue in the Yahoo News webpage. Let's start with the first one.

GREENSBURG, Pa. - A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.

His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.

Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation.

O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged.

"This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," he said.

Wait, who in their right mind would agree to get their balls to your stomach (quite the stretch) and glue your ass shut. The profanity in nail polish I understand, but the other two were definitely not consensual. This story makes me cringe a little, and I've taken it upon myself to get rid of any extra strength glue in the house. That way, when my wife gets mad at me, she won't be able to do this to me.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A Colorado man who had a panic attack when he found he was glued to a toilet seat in a Home Depot restroom has sued the home improvement giant for negligence, saying staff ignored his plight.

Retired electrical engineer Bob Dougherty, 57, said on Thursday he was stuck in the stall with his pants down for about 20 minutes and that two years after the 2003 incident he was suffering from post-traumatic stress, which has triggered diabetes and heart complications.

"I have these nightmares every night where I am locked in this dark room, with no windows, no doors, no fresh air, no route for escape. I wake up in these cold sweats," Dougherty said.

Spokesmen for Home Depot Inc. could not immediately be reached for comment.

Dougherty said in a lawsuit filed last week in Boulder, Colorado, that he thought he was having a heart attack when he realized his buttocks and legs were stuck to the toilet seat in the Home Depot restroom in Louisville, Colorado.

He explained his plight to an employee who came into the restroom but other Home Depot staffers thought it was a hoax and he had to wait until someone else came in to again summon help.

Dougherty is claiming unspecified damages for help with medical and psychiatric bills, for humiliation and for the diabetes he said he has developed as a result of the stress.

"Home Depot not only ignored my plight, they refused my plight," he said. Dougherty said he suspected the glue had been placed there as a prank by three teens seen earlier in the store.

Wow, this guy got post-traumatic stress disorder? Why? Were there bombs exploding all over him? Was this Home Depot located in a trench and had a magical portal back to World War I? I don't think this lawsuit has any validity as this guy is clearly just a pussy. Come on, it was a childish prank. If you want to sue anyone for the "damages" then find the parents of these teen pranksters and go after them. He's picking Home Depot because they have money to satiate his desire to get paid and not have to worry about money anymore. Do you think a big settlement will stop your "night terrors". Pfft. What a pansy.