Magical Box Office Kaching

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - This had a 100+ million dollar opening, which is the best for the franchise so far along with setting some sort of record for November. I tell you, these books have made people really really rich thanks to not only sales of the paper version but ticket revenue from the film versions. I just hope people don't start to worship JK Rowling like L Ron Hubbard . . . but then again . . . she didn't write Battlefield Earth . . . so how bad could that religion be really?

2. Walk the Line - I did not know that Joaquin Pa-hoe-nix could sing . . . maybe it's that frog in gnawing its way through his brain. It could be that a byproduct of this happening is him developing a Johnny Cash-esque singing voice. He does pretty well in this . . . and I did not mind getting dragged to this movie by my wife. Sure, Reese Whitherspoon's chin scares me, but it doesn't get in the way of the acting.

3. Chicken Little - I like Zach Braff. I watch his Scrubs show, I dig his Garden State movie . . . I hate that he sold out to Disney. Oh well, a man has to fund his developing hooker habit right. Allegedly of course. And let me rephrase . . . I didn't mean hookers. I mean underage catholic schoolgirls. How silly of me.

4. Derailed - I don't know what's harder to believe, the plot of this psychological thriller or the fact that Clive Owen agreed to roll around in the sack with man-faced Jennifer Aniston and have Xhibit punk him around. Sure, Aniston has a body that most women would kill for . . . but that face. Even GQ recognizes this and named her "Man of the Year".

5. Zathura - Looks like the Jumanji sequel is going pretty much unwatched. It's a shame because I hear it's really good. Even though it has that guy from the first season of Punk'd on it. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll catch this on DVD. The wife doesn't want to go see this because it's a kid's movie . . . but I didn't see her have any problems with dragging me to the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

6. Jarhead - This was a good movie about nothing. I guess you could call it the Seinfeld of war movies. It's pretty fucking funny too, if you don't mind male nudity. Thankfully, the audience I watched it with didn't get all "Ewww" when things like male ass were on the screen. I hate it when that happens. Like they haven't seen their own ass before. Grow up people.

7. Get Rich or Die Tryin' - I really wish that Half'a'dolla would have died trying to get rich. Then, this would be much more interesting. All the good gangster movies end that way. There are no happy endings in gangster movies. Otherwise, it's a joke . . . much like 50 Cent's career.

8. Saw 2 - I have not seen it, so I can't tell you if I saw Saw . . haha, get it. Saw. That's what the French call a "double entendre", and although it sounds kinda like something you would find in a porno movie, it's perfectly safe to use this term around your parents. Specially if your parents are into porn. Then they'll go off to their room and try to do a double entendre. Just make sure you have extra hips lying around for an impending replacement surgery.

9. The Legend of Zorro - The legend should be how it got made in the first place. I would understand if this was made a couple of years after the original, when we were all on a Zorro high. But this movie just looks like it's treading old water. Same with Zeta Jones, who just needs to stick to T-Mobile ads and letting old guys pork her.

10. Pride and Prejudice - This seems to be a sci-fi adaptation of the Jane Austen book . . . because it casts Keira Knightly as the frumpy unkempt sister who nobody wants to marry? Sure, her rack needs a little work (as evidenced by her nude scenes in The Jacket) but she's not ugly. She can't act very well, but that's a different story. Other than that, I have no interest in this movie unless there is hardcore sex in it. Yeah, I didn't think there was either. Pass!