Sexiest Man Alive?

Mathew friggin McConaughey was just named by People magazine the sexiest man alive? What the hell? Last I checked Hans Moleman from the Simpsons and myself were in a dead heat for first place in this contest of beautiful men. That bastard McConaughey must have paid off some of the judges or performed lewd sexual favors to inch ahead . . . get it . . . head. Yes, McConaughey blew the judges in order to win. His name has "ghey" in it, which is l33t for "gay".

So, I guess I'll have to wait 'til next year to claim my glorious crown. Maybe some of you slackers could send in some write-in votes and sway the judges for me. Come on, I can be like that 18 year old kid who won the mayoral race in that hillbilly town in Illinois last week . . . but sexier.