Cashing in on Techno-Searching

1. Libby - Scooter Libby right? What'd he do now? Not that I know what he did before . . . but I'm just wondering why he's #1 on a Friday night. Shouldn't everyone be looking for ideas on how to intoxicate themselves better? If you want a suggestion about that . . . try gasoline. Don't huff it, just guzzle it. And then light a match and eat it. That shit'll get you high as fuck. Like high-in-the-stratosphere-high.

2. “Janet Jackson” - I've noticed a lot of searches coming in here looking for the Janet Jackson nude sunbathing video. Why? Oh, I get it. Halloween's right around the bend. People are just looking for something to scare the beejeezus out of their friends. What better way to do this than showing them a 35 second clip of Janet Jackson nude sunbathing and slapping her own ass around. Oh yeah, I've seen the video in question, and I'm still not right.

3. Flock - of Seagulls?? Man, those queers had some great haircuts. Too bad the 80's are over an nobody does that to their hair anymore. The hairgel companies would be making a mint. If I were a mad scientist, I would go back in time to 1979 and I would buy up all the hair gel stock I could find and then, during the height of the hair band revolution, I'd sell it all. Now . . . about that time machine.

4. Forbes - I want to make it to the list one of these days. Not because I like money . . . who the fuck am I kidding. I love money. That's why I'm working overtime tomorrow. Yeah, Saturday . . and Sunday. My wife is going to kill me.

5. RSS - ???

6. Rove - For Halloween, dress your kids up as Karl Rove. All you need is a devil costume.

7. Ajax - This has happened before. Ajax is back in the countdown. Why? Who needs to know about this. It's a friggin cleaning product. You wash your dishes with it. Goddamn college slackers. Wash your dishes if you want to know what Ajax is.

8. “Harriet Miers” - Thank God she pulled herself out of the Supreme Court Judge nomination. If she made it, then I probably could make Pope. And you don't want me to be your Pope. Trust me, two words for you . . . Panty Crusades.

9. Iran - This is the next country we're going to invade right. Might as well, it's easy to just lump in with Iraq. They're spelled almost the same. They don't even have to change the merchandising for that war much from the last one. Assuming someone is making money off the Iraq war that is.

10. Apprentice - Martha Stewart firing someone but not burying their bodies afterwards is just wrong. And Donald Trump not hiring someone to finally get him a believable looking toupee is just ridiculous. No wonder I don't watch this show.