Box Office Ka-Ching!

I'm always checking box office results. I don't know why I am fascinated by the collection of millions of dollars in ticket sales. Maybe it's envy, since my avant-garde film that shows nightly on my garage door doesn't get many sales (thanks Mom). So here are the ten movies that are making the "cheddar" across the country.

Top Box Office (10/09/2005)
1. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit: Loved this movie. This claymation feature deserves the top box office result for the weekend. I know it's a kid flick, and when my wife and I saw it, we were in the small adult minority present in the theater. But everyone enjoyed it. No one sat there and groaned at the jokes (which were great). Everyone in attendance let Wallace & Gromit take them on a pretty fun hour and a half ride. I enthusiastically recommend you go watch this. Stoned if you want. Or sober . . . whatever floats your boat.

2. Flightplan: Now this is a ride I do not want to board. I just read review after review for this being just terrible. It's kind of strange how it's just been making money hand over fist. Is Jodie Foster acting like a raving lunatic on an airplane really that compelling? Maybe if she's flinging poop. Is she flinging poop? If so, then I'm there . . . ridiculous plot or not.

3. In Her Shoes: All I know from the preview is that there's one "hot" sister (Cameron Diaz) and one ugly sister (Toni Collette) and they share shoes and fungus powder while trying to reconnect with their grandmother . . . who didn't like their mother much. It's extremely yawn inducing fare, but I hear that Cameron Diaz's acne is controlled for the duration of the film, and she walks around in a bikini or something revealing. Good thing my wife scoffed at the trailer, because I did not want to go see this at all. Thanks honey.

4. Two for the Money: This is one of those movies where Al Pacino does a little monologue about something or other that's really lucrative and not many people know about in his raspy tough guy voice. It just seems old. This one's about sport betting. Because all the other cool somewhat illegal dealings have all been covered already. You know what Pacino . . . just retire man. The older you get, the less convincing the tough guy thing gets. I know pre-schoolers tougher than you now.

5. The Gospel: I don't think I'm black enough to watch this movie. Actually . . . it's not that I'm not black, it's just that I am not interested in Gospel. Too preachy. I wonder why . . hmm . . .

6. Tim Burton's Corpse Bride: Necrophilia is cute. You should take your kids to go watch this. And you might want to also pick up that "Future Serial Killer" kit on sale at the gun/liquor store in your neighborhood. Or the "Junior Goth" kit from the Hot Topic. Your child is going to end up as one if he keeps watching those Tim Burton movies. Might as well accept it and get it done with already. I watched this movie by the way, dragged by my wife after I could no longer take the pouts and complaints when I suggested we go watch something good. She was unimpressed by the thing, which says a lot. Tim, stick to releasing one movie per year.

7. Waiting...: This comedy about the food service industry didn't open big like it wanted to. I guess the prospect of checking out Ryan Reynold's chiseled abs is not drawing in the male demographic. Strange huh? I might go catch this in a month or so when it's playing at the discount theater in Pasadena. I just don't feel like paying 10 bucks to see this. I'll feel cheated like everytime I eat at a Friday's.

8. Serenity: The disappointment of the year. This was the movie that was supposed to relaunch the Firefly franchise. Rabid browncoats flocked to this and bought 8 or so tickets each and started handing them out to complete strangers. It should have performed better than 16 million total so far. But it didn't. Oh well. I really liked it, and I hope it does good enough business on DVD to warrant Universal getting a sequel out . . . or at least a direct to DVD feature.

9. A History of Violence: The Viggo is mad. His movie (pretty good take for limited release) will bring his history of violence to you if you don't catch this David Cronenberg movie. Don't piss Aragorn off man . . . he'll totally take you out with a torch like you were a punk ass Nasgul.

10. Into the Blue: Jessica Alba in a bikini should be a license to print money. Or food stamps at the least. But I guess Paul Walker's ginormous head was hogging up too much screen time and the "bounty+hand lotion" crowd just couldn't focus enough to recommend this. Oh well . . . the movie looks like crap anyway. I wouldn't even catch this on "skinemax". Heck, I'd rather watch that Boy Band Zombie movie that they like to rerun on that channel. How could you resist Zombie Boy Band members. Come on . . . you just can't get more evil than that.