Box Office Results

1. The Fog - Why this movie made it to #1 this weekend is beyond me. While I had a passing interest in what this remake would be like, I instead opted to watch the indie comedy about restaurants that is not listed in this week's list. How sad, it was ok. Just ok. Which is sort of like the food that you would find at a themed restaurant. Ok . . . just ok. Now, The Fog, looks like translucent shit. From what I read at AICN & CHUD, it's an aberration printed on celluloid and if you went to see it this past weekend you deserve leper pirate ghosts chasing you through a dark, and foggy night. Actually, I'd pay 8 bucks to see that kind of action.

2. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - This movie deserves to be #1 right now. It's just such a clever and entertaining little claymation film from the minds over at Aardman Animation. Actually, they need the money right now, since a tragic fire ripped through the warehouse that stored years and years of claymation history. Everything pertaining to the old WG short films and the other projects they shot is gone. So, throw them a bone or two, take your kids, nephews/nieces, hell . . . go to an orphanage and take some of those kids out to a movie. I'm sure that'll qualify as community service, and I hear your court sentence demands you do some of that or it's the slammer for you.

3. Elizabethtown - I don't care if this movie is good. It just feels too much like Garden State. And instead of a slightly deranged Natalie Portman, you get a lazy-lidded Kirsten Dunst and her floppy not-so-fun bags. Blah. I am just waiting for my wife to totally forget this is out in the theaters. Whenever the commercial comes on, I make sure to flip the channel real quick-like so she misses it. I'm a bastard, I know . . . but I am just not interested in this.

4. Flightplan - Seems Jodie Foster's movie still has some wings, securing the fourth spot on the countdown. Oh well, looks like it's making it's descent into the tarmac, where it will park itself with a way more than it deserves box office take, and most likely get itself a sequel . . . Flightplan 2: The ReBookening where Jodie Foster's flight plans . . . are mysteriously booked incorrectly and she's sent to an inconveniently remote location . . . which she can't come back from. If only that were true :( .

5. In Her Shoes - Nobody likes a movie about shoes. Not even when they have Cameron Diaz's feet in them. And I'm sure there are dudes (and women) that would love to fondle those feet . . . if only to not have to stare at her awful acne. Chick flicks make me sick btw, and I hear they're against my religion. So I won't be watching this, because there are enough reasons why I'll be burning in hell already. I don't want to just keep piling things on.

6. Domino - Is her name Domino Harvey? Is she a bounty hunter? I don't know, I couldn't tell from the previews. They made that kind of sketchy huh? How many times did they have to repeat that in those trailers? I think they did it so much that everyone just forgot this came out. Not that it matters much, the review's I've read are pretty much split down the middle on wether this is good or bad. Maybe a rental, I don't know. I have better things to do with my 8 bucks. Like putting out a hit against that cat that keeps jumping on my brand new car. I can get someone to kill a cat for 8 bucks right? Domino Harvey? You up for the job?

7. Two for the Money - What's the one for? Does anyone care? Not much, since the only money this thing's scaring up is about 3 million or so in it's second week of release. But then again, it opened pretty poorly, so the drop off isn't so large. I call out three for the rental, 4 for the HBO, and 5 for the FX special world premiere for this movie.

8. A History of Violence - Viggo is still making money with the Cronenberg movie. It's been hanging around the bottom rung of the top ten for some time now, but it's ok. Kind of like March of the Penguins did last month, this straight-forward movie from Cronenberg has made it's budget back. Maybe if there were weird robotic vaginas and bleeding televisions it could have made a few more million . . . but then it would have been too-Cronenberg. I hope he starts making regular movies after this one was so well received by the critics.

9. Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - All I remember about watching this was how expensive those damn movie pretzels are. 4 bucks my ass? And why was it so cold in the theater. You'd think they were trying to keep some corpses chilled in the theater.

10. The Gospel - I'm going to keep quiet on this one this week. There are two groups that I could piss off immensly . . black people, and GOD, and I'm sure that my un-worked-out ass would most likely get his ass kicked if he said anything mean-spirited about this movie. Ooh . . and what if GOD were black . . . then I'd be double screwed . . by a black deity, which would be about as comfortable as doing a girl in the back of a volkswaggen (wink wink mallrats fans).