Tyra Banks has a Dream

As I sat there (there being my work chair) and watched this video . . . I almost laughed out loud. Not because of Tyra's incessant "me me me my I me" rants, but because she's got a bit of a bulge down there. I'm sure if the resolution on YouTube were better, then we'd probably be able to see the full deliniation and definition of that camel-toe she's sporting. Tyra Banks everyone . . . making granny swimsuits sexy again.

If you're a chubby-chaser.

And like self-absorbed women.

And love chicks with fiveheads (that's like a forehead . . . only larger).

I See London . . .

I see France . . . I see Sienna Miller's underpants. Yes, this is what passes for fashion these days. Not wearing pants, which, incidentally, is a recurring dream of mine (I go places with pieces of clothing missing. You know, shopping but I'm only wearing underpants, 1 sock and a t-shirt . . . stuff like that). This was taken at the premiere of some movie she's in. Something about factories and girl. Could be called "Factory Girl" for all I care. That's not the point. The point is . . . she went out in public, fully knowing that she was wearing granny panties under black lace stockings and decided to call it an outfit. What the fuck Sienna Miller. What do you wear to Church . . . your "birthday suit"? A fucking fig leaf over your naughty parts? At least she's not flashing her coochie like her American counterparts. I'm looking at you Britney and Lindsay . . . but my view is not straying south of the border. I don't want those crotches burnt into my memory forever. One more picture of Sienna, with the slightest hint of camel-toe and crazy. Just look at that expression. It just begs for straight-jacket.

The Emperor's pants? No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

HDH - Bianca Gascoigne

I really had no idea who this was up until a couple of months ago. I don't watch much UK television programming. Mostly due to the fact that I live in the United States, and the BBC can be a pompous bitch sometimes. But, I can't argue the fact that the Bianca Gascoigne upskirt post I had here a couple of months ago has become quite the popular search destination. So, being that I cater (and sometimes pander) to my reader(s), here's a couple of shots of Bianca's other asset. No, not her mental acumen. I'm talking about her cleavage.

It is quite impressive, and a welcome addition to the "Hump Day Hottie" stable I've been building for the past few months. Enjoy the pictures, and let's start focusing on Bianca's northern attributes. I hear her southern parts can get quite gusty . . . specially after consumption of tacos.

TuGMO - Valued Production Values

This video is a little on the well produced side, except for that Adobe insignia. What's up with that? But, it gives you what you want to see. And that is . . . two hot girls kissing, groping, caressing, showing off a little of the panties, and this time around . . . it's not just 19 seconds of bliss. Yes, this one's pushing just past the two minute mark. Please feel free to view it multiple times. Do keep some paper towels handy though. That keyboard should really not be getting any whiter.

Oh, and hey, here's a clever idea. Patronize my sponsored links and banner ads. But don't do it in a patronizing way. Be cool about it. That's my advertising approach of the week.

ATHF Trailer

The Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie is almost upon us. I can't wait to see it. The film itself has gone through a name change, and now goes by the slightly unwieldy "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters" . . . which could be a stab at trying to get a little bit of that Borat audience. While it's a bit stunt'ish, I won't let that tarnish my expectations for the movie itself. I'd pay my ten bucks just to see the flaming chicken.

Yes, that's why I'm in credit card debt.

Musically Inclined Mondays - Cold War Kids

I have to say, this year is shaping up to be much better than last year. Musically that is. The Cold War Kids are helping quite a bit with this task. Their melodic and piano backed songs are all fantastic, and the links below are for two of my favorite tracks from them. You can find their website here. Visit, support, tell your friends about them. Snag these MP3's while my fileden supports them and go crazy. Well, maybe not crazy strapped into a straight-jacket crazy. Or you know what, do whatever you want. If you want to be in a padded room . . . be my guest. But, be sure they're playing this for you. You can also get more MP3 tracks at the website that I listed above.

We Used To Vacation - Cold War Kids
Hospital Beds - Cold War Kids

Vista "Innovation"

I was at the Best Buy yesterday, trying to explain to an aunt of mine the folly of buying a Windows-based PC. So, we were in the laptop aisle, and the store had a couple of Vista-ready machines on display. No prices, because Vista is not released until tomorrow. Actually, funny side note on this. If someone were to actually ring up a computer with Vista installed on it, the Best Buy registers would ring them up with a value of $10,000.00. Yeah, this would be to deter any before the launch sales of PC's with the operating system (OS) in them.

So, back to my observation of the so-called innovations that Vista is packing. Sure, you can put full motion videos of a babbling brook as your background (who cares?) and it all looks "prettier" now. Kinda pretty like a Mac . . . hmm . . . we'll get back to that in a paragraph. But it all taxes your system to the tune of 1 Gig of RAM. To handle the new OS. What are all the people that are still running 256 MB's of RAM or less that we talk to everyday. "Buy a new computer" I guess is what they'll be hearing a lot. Good for commerce. Fucked up for the consumer if you ask me.

And, here's what I'm a little worked up about today. Vista Gadgets. Take a look at these.

It's the ones on the far right of the screen shot. They sure do look helpful right. Nice to have the weather and the time (although, computers already have a clock on the bottom right-hand corner) and other things that tell you about whatever you might want to know. It's nice. It was even nicer almost two years ago when Apple's OS 10.4 came out. It had a little thing called "Widgets". Take a look.

Oh my God (OMG for the cool kids), it's like totally the same thing. Sure, Apple's is less obtrusive, since with a touch of a key on your keyboard then disappear and then come back with the same keystroke. With Vista's . . . they're there unless you turn them off . . . individually . . . what a chore. I'm sure there's a "easier" way to do this, but for the average computer user (or, as they like to call themselves - computer stupid) they're always going to have the "Gadget" just sitting there, taking up real estate on their computer monitors. So, even when Windows clearly borrows (or steals if you want my opinion) from Apple, they don't do it right.

Enjoy your new Vista-ready PC's you dumb fucktards. Remember, those innovations . . . we Apple users have already had for at least a couple of years.

Pre-Historic Shark hits Hollywood

So, this pre-historic shark surfaced this week. I saw a couple of short videos on some news broadcasts which left me with a "what the fuck was that" feeling. I don't watch the news though, so I was not compelled to find out. And then, I ran into this video, which pretty much puts everything into context. This is what the pre-historic shark would be subjected to if its re-discovery were covered by Entertainment Tonight or The Insider. Which is the only way I would pay attention to it.

Girl Fight Fridays - Foxy Boxing

I like the idea behind Foxy Boxing. Two chicks, a ring, let'er rip. But most of the time, the "foxy" is not so much foxy, and more lesbian sans-flannels and Docker pants. Which is why this video, makes more sense to me. Sure, the chicks are not the best looking ones around, and this was probably made in an attempt to be comical (not a whole lot of animosity here), but somehow, it's just what I needed to see this Friday morning. So, there it is. Next week, I'm bringing back the girl street fighting. For now, we end the week on a lighter note.

Smokin' Aces Retro One Sheet

I'm watching this movie tomorrow. Most likely, right after I get out of work in the early afternoon. Just thought I'd post a picture of its more retro-looking one sheet poster. I'm sure you've seen the other, colorful, and more xTreme versions out there. I prefer this one. Much better designed. Apart from that . . . I have nothing else to say. Just thought I'd share. I may review the movie . . . but if I'm feeling lazy . . . I may not. I'm leaning towards the latter.

Paris Hilton Exposed (Nothing New)

Oh Paris Hilton. It's not even the end of January and you've already shown us 2 instances of your nipples. This one comes courtesy of the brand spanking new site ParisExposed.com which promises to expose Paris. Why they would want to do that is beyond me. I'm pretty positive that she's been doing a bang up job at exposing herself already. She definitely does not need the help of a website to do that. What is interesting, though, is that all the content of that site was obtained when Paris forgot to pay a $200-ish bill for a storage locker, of which all of the contents where promptly auctioned to the highest bidder. You can pay $39.97/month to view all of the content (which includes - diary entries, more pictures of sexy (?) situations and rampant drug use). Or, you could just go out the street and look to your left. Paris will most likely be lying on her back, letting a dog hump her face while a crowd of school children gathers around her. She's classy like that.

And yes, that is "Girls Gone Wild" empresario Joe Francis helping her get exposed.

A Closer Look - Optimus Prime

This image was posted over at Aintitcool.com yesterday for what seemed like a second. Then, Paramount sent them a little letter asking them to take it down, and the site, like a good puppy, took them down. BAFW is like the bad, totally untrainable dog. BAFW will pee on your carpet, tear up your couch cushions, and drop a deuce in your slippers. Why? Because BAFW does not care. So, there you go. Oh, and the picture . . . it looks ok I guess. Very robot'y.

Search Terms - Everything but the Kitchen Sink

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Sideboob-Burg - Jessica Simpson

It's been awhile since I've posted a "Sideboob-burg" posting. Maybe women in Hollywood are beginning to wisen up on just what makes papparazzi cameras flash like crazy. And, this is why Jessica Simpson is now walking around with her tata's almost popping out of her dress. You will see in the picture below that we're just a iPhone's thickness (that's pretty thin for the not technologically savvy out there) away from seeing not just an areola, but full on nipple as well.

Interesting Jaime fact: The first actual live titty that I saw, back in the sixth grade, was courtesy of a sideboob. I had seen boobs before on television and print, but I have to thank a loose tank-top wearing classmate for letting me experience full view of a boob. Your early blossoming contributed to my entrance into puberty. And hey, it's not creepy if I was the same age at the time OK.

Simpson's sideboob in question below.

Subliminal Smart-vertising - McDonald's

Man, those geniuses over there at the McDonald's marketing division have come up with a way to make you want to eat their fast "food". Implant flashes of they're corporate logo during Food Network's "Iron Chef: America" that appear for a single frame . . . but leave a lasting effect of "I could really go for some McD's right now" in the viewer's mind. Congratulations McDonald's. That is a great move. Let's just hope that the Lifetime Channel doesn't start flashing "Kill your Husband, praise Oprah!" for a single frame on their quality women's programming. That could cause a problem or two.

HDH - Cortana

This one goes out to all the fanboys. The people out there who constantly look for doctored pictures of Halo characters in compromising positions. Actually, it's just Cortana that they want to see naked. Or taking multiple tentacled penises in every artificial orifice. Yeah, I get a lot of "Cortana Hentai" searches. People are just fascinated by her. Me? I don't know . . . I don't have a thing about virtual sex with imaginary characters. Maybe it's because at my peak of hentai-love . . . I was about 16 or so. Ever since then, if I'm going to look for pictures of people getting it on, I'm looking for real, live-action, non-videogame inhabiting, masturbatory aides. But, don't ever say I don't do anything for you. These pictures are as risque as I could find . . . which is not very.

Sorry baby, I only take Firewire in that port

Keira Knightley Definately Not Anorexic

I don't know why people think that Keira Knightley is too thin. I mean, look at her. She looks healthy, and plump. Maybe a little too plump. Come on Keira, lay off the jelly donuts for a second. But, she's serious about not being called anorexic. She'll sue your ass if that thought even crosses your mind.

The Daily Mail published a photograph of the 21-year-old on a beach, with remarks about her weight, in an article about a girl who had died of anorexia.

Ms Knightley claims the article implies she has been dishonest in denying having any such problems.

In a statement via her lawyers, Ms Knightley said she would also challenge the suggestion that she is responsible and to blame for the tragic death of the teenage girl by setting a bad example.

So, please, stop these outrageous rumors about Ms. Knightley and her "unhealthy weight". As I said earlier, these pictures are clear proof that Keira is all about healthy image. I'm surprised it's not a Christmas ham that's hugging her in the second picture below.

TuGMO - Euro Kiss

Those European chicks are pretty wild. And hey, bonus, one of them is wearing a bikini. It's like a running theme this week. Bikinis are pretty much everywhere. I'm pretty sure the stock market price for bikinis is rising as steadily as this bulge in my pants. So, back to these two. Lot of licking, could have a little more grabbing . . . and the video itself is painfully short. Like blue-ball inducing short. Those friggin' teases.

Biel's Bikini Domination

So . . . yesterday I posted some Jessica Biel in bikini pictures. It's only natural then, that today, there would be more. Why not right? She's on vacation. Has a great body. Makes the mad cash off those "7th Heaven" rerun royalties. So, kudos to her and let's hope she doesn't get involved with a K-Fed'ish man that will totally ruin her for the rest of us. We've lost Britney Spears this past year . . . losing Jessica Biel to that same fate would be almost too much. A couple more pictures below, including one that's all action'y. It even has a little Danny Bonaduce look alike. All he's missing is the Jack Daniels and steroid-filled syringes. The other picture shows more of Jessica Biel's good side, this time, embraced by a good friend who is also fond of bikinis.

"An American Crime" gives British Nannies a run for their Money

I'm pretty sure that the title for this entry pretty much gives you everything you need to know about this movie. It stars Catherine Keener, playing the worst nanny ever. Ellen Page plays the role of POW . . . err . . . I mean child that is being cared for, and James Franco plays white trash that is very preoccupied with monetary matters. The movie is based on a true story, and it's brought to you by the people who made "Boys Don't Cry", another true story that didn't have a happy ending. I'm betting this one doesn't either.

Nipple-Topia - American Beauty?

Some chicks should leave some things up to our imaginations. Mena Suvari is a pretty good example of this. Up until today, I had thought that her cans might have looked ok. Last I saw them, it was in "American Beauty", and I don't remember them looking as conical (and comical) as they do in these topless pictures. I mean, those kind of look like they belong on a just blossoming girl who's going through puberty. Now, that was her character in that movie. Maybe she's stuck in that mindset. She does look awfully young in these pictures. A little on the creepy-young side. Kinda makes you feel like a pervert. Damn you Mena Suvari! Get some rose petals and cover those up.

Jessica Biel's Good Side - Booty Patrol

I love that in the southern hemisphere, it's currently not freezing, so that people like Jessica Biel can take advantage of it and strut around in a bikini for all of our viewing pleasure. And, I have to say, she's not looking as steroid-ed out in these next few shots as she typically does. Not that she's hard on the eyes. Actually, she inspires hard-ons. But, most of the pictures I see of her are during her work-out routines. I'm just not into chicks with rippling muscles. Which is why I don't post those up, and instead, find time to post these up. Jessica Biel's publicist should pay me some royalties. 'Cause there's no publicity, like bikini-publicity. So . . . yeah . . . my Paypal's waiting. Oh, and speaking of her "good side", here's what I was talking about in the post title.


Yes, stare at it and let it dominate your mind. Now, tell yourself that you will go watch what ever movie she's in. It doesn't matter if it's "Robot Jet Fighter 2: Afterburner Love" . . . it'll be worth it. One more shot of her and another bikini'd friend.

Musically Inclined Mondays - Of Montreal

Of Montreal is a weird band to describe. And now that I've seen the music video of "Heimdalsgate like a Promethean Curse", I'm even more befuddled. You can classify them as "indie rock", which is usually where most of these unique acts reside. It doesn't matter though. They are amazing. This video, directed by the Homestarrunner.com guys is all sorts of wacky. Where else will you have a pimp-bear, bedsheet ghost, and a guy in a head to toe unitard interacting. Not to mention his lobster-claw arm. That's another head-trip altogether. In case you want to rock out to this song, I've included a handy MP3 download for you. If you like it, seek out this band and support their upcoming album.

Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse - Of Montreal

Richest Bitches

Forbes magazine posted their list of "Richest Women" of 2006. Here's the top 10.

1. Oprah Winfrey: Net Worth (in $ millions): 1,500
2. J.K. Rowling: 1,000
3. Martha Stewart: 638
4. Madonna: 325
5. Celine Dion: 250
6. Mariah Carey: 225
7. Janet Jackson: 150
8. Julia Roberts: 140
9. Jennifer Lopez: 110
10. Jennifer Aniston: 110

Yea, Oprah Winfrey is worth 1.5 Billion dollars. Closely followed by (if you can consider a paltry 500 million "close") Harry Potter scribe J.K. Rowling. That pact with the devil's working out for you, huh. Martha Stewart comes in a distant 3rd, which goes to show you . . . even an ex-con can make good in America. If they're white. And a woman. And were rich before they went in to prison. The rest of the list is populated by the usual suspects. Most of them are music performers and actresses (or acting musician combos). No professional women. What can we learn from this list? You don't need a fancy degree to make it in this world. School's for fools.

One last thing. I would not fuck a single one of these women, despite their enormous wealth. I'll do pretty much anything for money . . . but putting my penis in any of their orifices is out of the question.

Is Playboy Blind? The Victoria Beckham Possibility

I don't get the Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham appeal. Sure, there was a time when the poshest of Spice Girls was attractive (for a British chick), but that was before she underwent this weird transformation into an overly tanned, zombie looking woman with gigantic robo-tits. That's not just silicon in there. I'm pretty sure there's enough sophisticated scientific gadgetry in Victoria Beckham's knockers to do your taxes . . . and not get audited. Take that H&R Block. So, taking that into consideration, Playboy wants her for a pictorial spread? What? Here's the quote:

The former Spice Girl was today given a glimpse of the opportunities awaiting Britain's most famous couple when they move to Los Angeles this summer when she was invited to take part in a Playboy "pictorial" by Hugh Hefner, the magazine's founder.

Speaking with three of his playmates, Hefner said that he was confident that David Beckham would be a huge success in America when he comes to start playing for Los Angeles Galaxy in August and offered something to occupy his wife while the midfielder starts to earn his promised $250 million (£129 million).

"She should do a pictorial with us. We’ve got big plans for her. I think she’s going to fit in fine."

I don't read Playboy myself. Mostly because the advent of Internet-based pornography makes the publication obsolete. But now, I have a new reason. Seeing a naked Posh Spice would kill my penis. Straight out obliterate it. So much so, than it's wake, I would end up with a vagina and a very serious hormonal problem. My vote is no. No Victoria Beckham in Playboy. One more reason why below.

Girl Fight Fridays - Beach Brawlin'

Bikinis and chicks. Two great tastes that go great together. But, when you add fighting to the mix, it's almost like you've achieved Nirvana . . . minus the shotgun in the mouth feeling. The only disappointing thing about this video is just how short this is. At 22 seconds, while you get a lot of fighting, it could have gone on for 22 minutes and I would have been just as enthralled. It even has a third girl (also in a bikini) come up and undo the top of one of the combatants. That chick knew what the crowd wanted. I think she should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm really tired of seeing that trophy go to really old men in lab coats. If you were to put a stodgy old scientist next to a chick in a bikini, I think you'd know who would win that contest. The world needs more girls in bikinis. Down with lab coats!

Sunshine on the Horizon

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I really like Danny Boyle's "Trainspotting" and "28 Days Later". Heck, I even liked "Millions" and that was a kid's movie. So, I'm pretty excited to see his next movie. "Sunshine" looks pretty amazing so far. Don't let this one pass you up when it comes to theaters.

Search Terms - Pile Up on the Inter-High-Webs

Ah, yes, Thursday has come around again, and it's time to take a look at what you people are looking for. From the looks of it, it's the same collection of upskirt, nipple-slip, and frantic nudity search queries as always . . . with a couple of notables. Like this, for example: "fear of retards" - Google Search. Finally, someone who shares my same outlook on the mentally challenged. And, of course, this one: "Gilmore girls" "Lesbian incest" - Google Search. Who doesn't want to see a mother/daughter naked romp with Lorelai and Rory? Everyone, duh. Just keep the grandmother out of it though. Then, it just gets creepy. And, to finish off this little paragraph, a bit of a shocking search entry. I'm used to people looking for boob-slips, her e-mail address, and even erotic fan-fiction involving her and the cast-mates of the movie that put her in the public eye. But this . . . just seems a little off: emma watson fart - Google Search CA. Someone in Canada has a strange fetish.

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Anne Hathaway brokeback mpg - Google Search
pete wentz sidekick number - Google Search
watson butt - Google Search
linsey lohan's fire crotch pictures - Yahoo Search
emma watson fart - Google Search CA
terri hatcher - AlltheWeb Search
candid nipple - BlogSearch
keely - BlogSearch
"Keely hazell" - BlogSearch
rps about lauren graham - Yahoo Search

Oops, She's Done it Again

Britney Spears needs to get spayed. Who else pops kids out of their vag's every year, on the year? Toothless Appalachian hicks that's who. I guess her family tree might have some roots in that particular segment of the American population. Here is the rumor that's going around the inter-high-webs.

In one widely circulated photo, Spears was shown throwing up peanut butter and reports said she had been drinking, but according to ITW, Spears has been skipping the booze.

"Her dancers were indulging in Malibu rum and pineapple drinks and taking shots of vodka," a witness to a January 14 party at a Las Vegas casino told the mag. "But Britney drank bottled water."

Spears gave birth to her second child only four months ago — but friends point out that she got pregnant for the second time only three months after having her first child.

"I've seen her during the last two pregnancies and she has the same look now," a "pal who sees Britney every week" told the mag. "She's heavier, but that's not it. It's the sparkle in her eye. She always gets that sparkle when she's pregnant, like she's relaxed and happy."

That sparkle might just be the some twinkie-filling she got on her face after devouring a case of baked snacks. I'm just saying. The old Britney Spears is dead, people. Get used to the new "baby-factory" Britney. It doesn't look like she's stopping any time soon.

Jenna Jameson - High Hopes for Bio-pic

Jenna Jameson might be a little on the delusional side. I'm sure it's a case of "1 too many dicks up the pooper"-syndrome. It basically makes people think and say completely ludicrous things. It's great that someone wants to make a movie based on her best-selling book, "How To Make Love Like A Porn Star", but who she wants to play her in the movie might be a little bit off.

"We're looking at Scarlett. She's my choice. I think she's beautiful."

Of course she's beautiful. She's frickin' Scarlett Johanssen. There's no way they could get her for the part. First of all, look at what Jenna Jameson looks like. Pretty much beef-jerky with tits and a gaping asshole. Now, take a look at what Scarlett looks like.


Pretty much hotness personified. And that's not even a good picture of her. It doesn't show off her natural cans. Jenna, I think you need to ground your choice in a little bit of reality. There are plenty of actresses that can look good naked but have busted faces like yourself. Just look around you. You're bound to hit one with your latest co-star's 1-foot pole. And while I would relish in seeing Scarlett Johansson playing a porn star, it would be too much of a stretch for her to play you.

Do Little People "Get Down"?

Is it possible for midgets to "get down" like us regularly, non-height challenged, human beings? They're already down there, how could they get any lower. That's most likely the reason why they're so great at dancing. Now, I don't know if it's some weird Indian special effects trick, but this particular midget looks kind of like a taller Tom Cruise . . . oooh, take that you Hubbard'ite. Sure, his moves are not as great as the other "famed" Indian midget called "Little Superstar", but you can't fault this midget for trying. Plus, I bet he could bang any one of those dancers in the background. He'd need a little ladder . . . but he'd still be able to do it.

HDH - Keely Hazell

There's a pretty high likely-hood that you've never heard of Keely Hazell. That is, unless you read a lot of British magazines. She's big over there. I can see why. But, just 'cause she's not hard on the eyes is not why she's the "Hump Day Hottie" for this week. Nope. There's another underlying, and more homegrown reason why. What is it? Amateur porn. Yes, she's got a sex-tape, that I downloaded and viewed yesterday, which involves some pretty vigorous fellatio and shots of feet. Yeah, maybe they could have worked the angles a little towards the end of the video, but the first half is pretty good. You can check out here, courtesy of Egotastic who's hosting the download. Get it while you can. It's been up a couple of days. And one more shot of why you're going to download.

New 24 Season

I get that "24" is a gigantic show. Everything happens pseudo-real-time, and the show is shown straight through without any interruptions in episode screenings. It has some of the best plot-twists and surprise developments ever put on television, and the cast (with the exception of pouty-faced analist girl) is superb (not suburb as those West Texans would have you believe). So, why do I go into this new season with a bit of apprehension? Last season held me for most of it. I watched damn near every episode and my TiVo-like DVR device worked overtime trying to get all of the shows. But, towards the end of it, I grew more and more tired with every single thing that was getting crammed into the last few episodes. So much so, that by the time the finale rolled around, I was totally uninterested and just tired (borderline exhausted) with the whole spectacle.

So, I have high hopes for this new season, that is getting recorded every time it airs. I've sat through the first 2 hours of the 4 hour season premiere. Loved it when Keifer Sutherland killed a terrorist by eating him. Loved it when pouty-faced analist girl got screamed at by the Bill Buchanan character. Bitch just doesn't know when to keep her nose out of things. I'm liking that Jack's got no family/attachments to think of (as of now) and he can focus on the real threat. Kal Penn as "Agh-met" is a pretty good casting choice, and the suicide bomber getting kicked out of the MTA subway train got my adrenaline pumping.

I'm going to watch last night's episodes this afternoon. Maybe they'll hook me. There's another "surprise development that will change the show forever" that was getting hyped on the upcoming episodes promo that I'm looking forward to . . . with little trepidation. I'm just hoping that it's not too much to process again.

TuGMO - I'd Like a Nipple-Slip with my Chunky Monkey Please

This video, while short, does show much more than anyone would expect from a typical visit to the local ice cream shop. I'm not sure if it makes up for the minimum wage the people working there are making . . . but it would break up the monotony and give those poor ice cream shop workers something to look forward to the next time this tig-ol-bitty'd chick comes around the store. She'd be pretty hard to miss actually. With those cans of hers, they'd be able to see her all the way from the parking lot.

Oh yeah, this video is replacing the Tuesday Girl Make-Out feature. Not forever, just for today. You can see why this is "Tug-worthy" though.

Musically Inclined Mondays - Kick out the Chairs

"Kick out the Chairs", brought to you by James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) and Munk (a chick that likes to say "Oh Yeah") is a fun as hell song. I ran across this a couple of weeks ago and I can't stop playing it. So much so, that my wife is starting to hate it. But, that's not to say the song isn't quality music. I've got an MP3 download for you of it. Click it, share it, tell your friends where you got it. Network a little. You really should get out of in front of your computer. It can't be that healthy to hang out there for prolonged periods of time . . . checking out online pornography. Burn this song to a CD and then play it in your car on your way to 4th Meal.

Kick out the Chairs - James Murphy and Munk

Girl Fight Fridays - Sunday Morning Edition

Yeah, I forgot to post this last Friday. So what. I was busy. But, it's Sunday morning, I'm at the office doing some much-needed overtime (needed by both my bank-account and the company) and I have a little break. Thought I'd rectify the oversight. I did find quite the satisfying 1+ minute girl fight though. These two are really going at it. It's more than just hair pulling. These bitches are punching each other in the face and pinning the other to the ground. Sadly, no tops were ripped off. Oh well, you can't always get everything in one of these.

Nipple-Topia - Lohan Revisited

Lindsay Lohan is diverting attention from her panty-less crotch the only way she knows how. By wearing a completely see-through dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. I wonder if she even knows what imagination is. She probably thinks it's some nation that is populated by the elusive "Imagi's". But, I guess that's good for all of the internet perverts out there. This just fuels the Lohan-centric search fires. Maybe she wants to compete with Britney Spears for the "Most Downloaded Woman" award for 2007. Way to start the competition then Lindsay. What has Britney done so far this year? Hook-up with an "actor"? You're already leading the pack with a nipple-see-through. Keep up the "good work". That prize ain't winning itself. One more picture at the bottom of this paragraph that shows Lindsay just what a dress should be made out of.

Paula Abdul - Master Interview'ee

Does it even matter what sort of intoxicant Paula Abdul is on these days? Whatever it is . . . keep drinking/snorting/huffing/injecting it, because the results are pure gold. Fried gold. The best kind. And not like golden shower great (*wink wink* Kim Kardashian), this kind of gold is the kind that the whole family can enjoy. This is why she's still part of the judging in "American Idol". And how early is it when this particular news-cast hit the airwaves? 8 AM? 9 AM? That's pretty much prime-time morning news-casting time. Abdul is already blitzed off her mind, and there's only a three hour difference. She must have a bunch of Irish coffee in the morning. You know, the one that's flavored with whiskey.

"99 Problems . . .

. . . but a bitch ain't one". And now, we know why. Rapper Jay-Z will smack a bitch down if she runs her bitch-ass mouth. He knows how to control a woman, cause The Lord knows, if you let that woman out of the kitchen and let her get some damn shoes on . . . it's over. That female, only fit for baby and pie making (that's two separate functions . . . don't make me a baby-pie), would turn to the "feminism" wit da quickness. Can't have that. So, dial it down on the "Independent honeys, making moneys" tip, Beyonce, and just be content that Jay-Z is handling your "telephone bills and automo-bills". Here's a quote from her assistant.

I felt that I should expose [Jay-Z] for the ugly [EXPLETIVE] he is. Seems that for a while he’s had a problem with keeping his hands to himself. Now I’ve never seen him just flat out strike [Beyonce], but too many times have I seen him shove and push her. At first I thought that it was just a little horse play thing between the two - but once I saw how embarrassed Bee was to be man-handled in the front of me in St. Tropez - I realized that it was no joke. I’ve been [Beyonce’s assistant] and friend for a while now and I’ve always wanted to say something but I never felt it was my place. He treats Beyonce like she’s an object and not a person.

Don't make him raise his pimp-hand woman.

A Product of her Environment?

All I know about Kim Kardashian is that she and her best friend, Paris Hilton, are connected at the hip. They go everywhere together, do the same things, wear the same clothes, carry the same shiny and ginormous purses . . . and now . . . participate in the same fame-catapulting activity du jour. What's that? Homemade porno. Yes, there is a Kim Kardashian sex tape out there, currently being brokered for sale. The Kardashian camp denies the existence of it . . . but it's probably likely that there is. "Who's she 'starring' in this little home movie with?" you ask. The answer: R&B singer R-Jay, Moesha's . . . wait, I'm sorry, Brandy's little brother. Who, by the way, in what makes this story interesting, takes a page out of R. Kelly's book and ends scene with a golden shower. Look it up on the "urbandictionary.com" if you're not familiar with what that is. It is the classiest of water sports. So, good going Kim. Maybe you can star, along with Paris, in the next season of the "Simple Life". America loves their amateur porn stars.

Venom has a Beautiful Smile

That is, if you're into British teeth. But, regardless of Venom's dental problems, he is going to look pretty friggin' cool in the upcoming "Spider-Man 3" movie due out this May. This toy design confirms just what he'll be looking like, and I have to say I'm digging it.

Dancing with the Transformers Stars

Song and dance numbers are big these days. With the popularity of "Dancing with the Stars" and "So You Think You Can Dance" burning up the television programming schedules, it's only natural that the big Michael Bay summer flick is going to have some dancing in it. And here is Megatron, leader of the Decepticons (aka - the bad guys) doing his best "jazz hands" routine. Either that, or it was supposed to be an "action pose" that does not translate so well in picture form. Whatever the case may be, the movie is going to rock your ass . . . robots in disguise style. With or without dancing.

Kelly Osbourne Shits and Nudity

A couple of Kelly Osbourne news tidbits I've come across while doing my early morning rounds through the gossip rags. This one, doesn't really surprise me. It comes from Life Style Extra, a UK based showbiz something or other.

Daughter Kelly has revealed mother sought revenge on the media by posting her and brother Jack's poo to journalists.

She told Britain's Grazia magazine: "Mum used to make me and Jack s**t in a box, then she'd wrap it up and send it to journalists she was angry with.

She could have just used that internet service that mailed dog poop to your most hated enemies. I guess it wouldn't have the same personal touch as sending your own kids' crap. The other piece of Kelly-news (which, does not involve The Rapture . . . the Biblical event not the cool band) is, believe it or not, much higher on the "OMG that's guh-ross!" scale. Seems that Kelly has some lofty delusions. One of them: appearing in Playboy. Nude. (WTF?)

She says, "I'd go fully nude, but I'd have to have some airbrushing on my tits."

That bit of disgusting news comes from Starpulse who should be collectively ashamed of putting out this sort of filth. Get back to upskirts and celebrity crotch scratching photos. I almost coughed up my lunch. And she has the gall to say she's going to need "some" airbrushing? The only way Photoshop is going to help her look good is if they get the head and body of a different, much hotter looking girl named Kelly Osbourne and take her fat lump of a body out of the pictures and put the substitute chick in there instead.

Joel Madden & Nicole Ritchie - Beach Bummin'

Joel Madden has traded in his teeny-bopper sensation ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff (most likely due to her extra-ordinary weight-loss and now huge chompers) for Nicole Ritchie. He must like chicks with a little extra meat on their bones. I mean, look at that fattie. Hello double-chin. Someone needs to lay off food for a while, now what I mean folks. *wink* Come on Nicole, don't let yourself go now that you've found your troll'ish knight in tattoo'ed armor.

Left 4 Dead

I was pretty disappointed by the fact that "Dead Rising" would not play on my XBOX 360. But, I'm not going to be a cry-baby about it. I don't have an HDTV set, so I probably would not have been able to read the text that looks smudgy on standard resolution television sets. But, a new zombie game is coming down the pipe. It's called "Left 4 Dead", and it's from Turtle Rock Studios. It uses the Source engine for the graphics, and you can check their still-in-construction site here for future updates like game-play videos and character profiles. You know, the standard stuff these sites usually have. If you want to see the first official trailer for the game, head out to Gamespot's page for the game to access a pretty cool video. I just hope this makes its way to the 360. Despite some problems some users might have had with "Dead Rising", it still sold pretty well. Which means there's a market for zombie games on consoles. Get cracking Turtle Rock Studios. Port that shit over so us console players can get a taste.

He-Man Talks about "The Bad Touch"

This PSA from the 80's is pure, unintentional hilarity. He-Man and She-Ra try to do their best to bring kids some information on child molestation. While this is a serious subject, and it's not something that one should laugh about . . . it's fucking He-Man! Come on. This is something one should have seen on one of those "Very special episode" of "Blossom" or "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air". Remember when Carlton got mugged and was in the hospital and he got a gun and wanted to kill his attacker? That's the kind of vehicle that should be tackling this sort of issue.

Ali Larter - Woman of the Year 2007

It might be a little premature to proclaim this now . . . 11 days into the year 2007 . . . but Ali Larter, of "Heroes" fame, just says the right things and looks good while saying them. Check out this quote from Larter.

"I hate pretty-looking boys. I'd rather have a guy with a potbelly than one who's in the gym all the time and watches what he eats." - Ali Larter

It's like she's speaking to every single fanboy who loves that "Heroes" show. That kind of encouragement to stay on the couch is the stuff dreams are made off. Wet dreams. One more picture of Ali below this paragraph. And remember, you fat, pudgy, pimple-faced internets surfing guy . . . you've got a shot with her.

Search Terms - Tech Savvy Pervert Trap

It's a new year, and therefore, the search terms post must return. I would have done this last week, but you know the whole coughing up solid chunks of phlegm was getting in the way. That, and having nasal passages that were strictly dedicated to creating a free-flowing river of hot, white snot instead of actually letting me breathe also made it hard to live . . . much less "blog". But, I'm back this week, posting away at 5 in the morning, thanks to my new and improved work schedule. I come in this early to get out by 1:30 pm. How friggin' sweet is that. But, enough about me. Let's get to what brings you, the pervert sitting in front of his computer, dick in one hand, and the other frantically typing the searches below.

maggie grace bikini paparazzi - Google Search
Edgar Wright's girlfriend - Google Search UK
phlegm in esophagus - Google Search
gymnast pees olympic - Google Search
emma watson nip slip - Google Search
katherine mcphee upskirt - Yahoo Search CA
katherine mcphee slip - Google Search CA
linsey lohan crotch shots - Lycos Search
linsey lohan kids choice awards upskirt - Google Search
peter wentz + crotch - Google Search
accidental crotch photo - Google Search
Bianca Gascoigne no panty - Google Search
"linsey lohan crotch" - Google Search
wrestling wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search
katherine mcphee toes - Google Search
french olympic gymnast pees during routine - Yahoo Search
olson twin eat stripper - Google Search
emmanuelle in space mpeg - Google Search
rachel bilson see trough - Google Search
emma watson-nip slips - Google Search
"Britney without panty" - Google Search
hermione caught drinking underage - Google Search CA
cortana hentai - Google Search UK
papparazi upskirt - Google Search BG
katharine mcphee nipple - Google Search
iceskating nip slips - Google Search
upskirts - BlogSearch
lohan underwear nickelodeon - Google Search
+"sometimes I wish the sun would just explode" +mp3 - Google Search
"Hayden Panettiere" "sexy pictures" - Google Search
"heather McQuarrie"pics - Google Search
morgan webb fhm - Google Search
natalie portman vendetta panties - Google Search
catherine mcphee panties - Google Search CA
"lindsay lohan beaver" - Google Search
figure skating wedgies photos - Google Search
"emilie de ravin rape" - Google Search
rise of the silver surfer - MSN Live Search
cough up chunk of green mucus - Google Search
linsey lohan beaver photo - Google Search
puberty sore throat voice breaking - Google Search UK
amateur blogurl - BlogSearch
oops upskirt - Yahoo Search FR
dominic-evangeline engagement - AOL Search
keira knightley style channel upskirt - Google Search
emilie de ravin screencaps "the hills have eyes" rape - Google Search
nun fellatio - AltaVista Search IT
sharon stone nude basic instinct 2 mpeg - Google Search CA
bynes crotch - Google Search
ciera nip slip - Google Search
Wow Jessica Biel - BlogSearch FR
amy smart - BlogSearch
Pete wentz exposed - Google Search
upskirt topia - Yahoo Search
mariah carrey breasts - Google Search
emma watson nip-slip - Yahoo Search UK
"tickled" "pee her pants" - Google Search
linsey lohan pantyless pics - Google Search
iphone - Technorati Search
"Emma Watson feet" - Google Search
peoples choice awards upskirt pics - Google Search
nipple special - AltaVista Search FR

An interesting constant this week was people's propensity for misspelling Lindsay Lohan's name. Maybe they're taking up after her own recent publicly disseminated e-mails which were filled with misspellings and/or grammatical errors. Way to go Lohan. You are, indeed, an inspiration for younger generations and older ones as well. Also, and disturbingly so, the only Emilie de Ravin searches I've come across involve her rape scene in "The Hills Have Eyes". I had no idea that radioactive mutant forced sex was an underground fetish. Sorry folks, there's none of that here. But do spend a couple of bucks and either buy the DVD or rent it. It's an excellent movie. One of my favorites of last year.

That's enough of that though. I'll be back next week with more. Until then, sorry you couldn't find what you were looking for . . . pervert.

Still Drooling - Apple iPhone in Action

Goddamn it . . . I need this phone. And I need a new computer. I hope I get my settlement money soon, 'cause I totally need some of this cellphone action. Hmm . . . that reminds me, I have to call the lawyers. Anyway, check out this video and drool over just how uncool this phone makes your phone look.

Hot Fuzz Trailer - Americanized

I love me some Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg/Nick Frost action. Not in a gay way, mind you. Those British blokes are funny as hell. And, their new movie, "Hot Fuzz" is coming out this year. If you saw their previous movie, "Shaun of the Dead", then you know what you're in for. While that movie added a comedic spin to the zombie genre, "Hot Fuzz" promises to do the same to the buddy-cop movie. You can find the latest, American trailer, with an introduction by the director and stars of the movie here. Quicktime is required. It's worth the download of the player. I mean, if you don't . . . then you're just being an MS-D-bag.

Paris Hilton's New Year's Resolution

More nipple slips. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. I mean, it's only the 10th of January of the year 2007 . . . and already, those floppy titties of hers are out in the public eye. Someone should stage an intervention for her. But don't invite Britney Spears to it. She'd probably just get drunk and pass out during the first 10 minutes of that. Plus, they're not BFF's anymore. So you could see how this could prove detrimental to her Slut-vention (that's slut and intervention mashed together).

American Idol - Who's the New Katharine McPhee?

With the new season of American Idol looming over the horizon, I can't help but wonder . . . who's going to be this year's Katharine McPhee? Who will America fall in perverted lust with? Who will people be searching for on the internet in futile attempts at nipple slips, upskirts, and pictures of the contestants feet. I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that my advertising revenue jumps 1000% (amount not actually a correct calculation) during the final days of the competition. Why? I don't know. But I'm sure as hell looking forward to it. Whoever it is, I hope to make a quick buck off of you. Why? Because I love money . . . especially money that I don't really have to work for. So, search away America, and click away when you land here, on my humble blog. Sure, you won't find those pictures of a contestant golden showering a random person, but you might find something else that might make you laugh.

HDH - Amy Smart

Ah, the "Hump Day Hottie" returns this week, and it brings Amy Smart into BAFW. She's been in a ton of movies, usually playing the approachable but hot and completely out of anyone's league girl. My wife made me watch that "Just Friends" movie a couple of weeks ago . . . you know, Ryan Reynolds in a fat suit . . . and she was pretty much one of the only tolerable parts of the movie. That, and Anna Farris eating toothpaste. That was pretty fucking funny too. Amy Smart was supposed to star in a show that should have either come out already, or is coming out towards the end of the current television season. The show, titled "Smith", is kind of like last year's "Heist" . . . but with Amy Smart. So, you can see how it is totally original in concept. You can also see her in last year's adrenaline-fueled, and fun as hell movie, "Crank" with Jason Statham. Which, is, coincidentally, out on DVD. It's like some publicist paid me to post this entry . . . ahem . . . ahem. Hello, where's my pimping your client money? Goddamit, Hollywood's a bitch. Anyway, enjoy another picture, this time, in black and white, which makes everything much more classier. And check out her IMDB page here for more Amy Smart goodness.

TuGMO - Pigtails = Sexy

That, and chicks making out pretty much defines the word "sexy". And spank-able. And polishing-the-bishop-able. Basically, anything that one can come up with to describe the timeless act of tugging at one's junk. The video is only 23 seconds, but there's always the replay button you can click on. It's up to you how long you want it to last.

iPhone Dials up my Interest

Well, the time has finally come. The iPhone from Apple is revealed . . . and it indeed does not have buttons. It also does not look like the previously leaked image that can be found in that perma-link there. So, the information was a little off. Who cares, look at that thing. It runs OSX, aka - what Windows Vista wants so badly to be. It's 11 mm thick. That's millimeters. Get metric already. That's 1.1 centimeters thin, or, if you want to use the British measurement scale, it translates to roughly "thinner than anything out there". So, how do you use it? Well, it will have a stylus-free, multi-finger touchscreen interface. It contains motion-sensors to detect orientation. So if you hold it sideways, the display will flip to accommodate you. Automatically senses when you put it to your ear and turns off sound and picture. It connects with your iPod, and syncs with iTunes to show video and pictures and play MP3s. Allows real-time scrolling of music either stored on the phone or through connected iPod. And, it senses ambient light levels and adjusts display to optimum quality. It also gives Jaimes multiple orgasms when you put it up to their ear(s). So, there it is. Who's getting one?

UPDATE!
OMG OMG OMG. This picture is much better than my original picture, and can be found as part of Gizmodo's MacWorld coverage. Thanks to Ryan for bringing that to my attention. This cellphone's like the 2nd coming of Jesus.