Japanese Spider-man

While I might have just discovered the utter greatness that is "Japanese Spider-man", it looks like it's been out in Japan for quite some time. I'm pretty sure this is the origin episode, but it's hands-down entertainment that is so bad it transcends terrible and loops its way back to greatness. Superbly more entertaining than "Spider-man 3" if you ask me. But then again, it's hard to compete against the amalgamation of Spider-man, Power Rangers, Speed Racer, the 70's and crazy freaky-deaky over expressive Japanese acting. Check out the video, and go find yourself some more episodes on the interwebs.

Box Office Report - Da Booty

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - The third PotC movie makes a big splash on the big screen as it takes the top spot for the second time in a row, despite a meteoric drop in proceeds. Still, number one is number one right? Those guys at Disney must be shitting bricks made out of solid gold. But, is the movie any good? I don't know. I refuse to go watch this. Fuck-a-pirates.

Knocked Up - This movie did incredibly well this past weekend during it's opening run, making just under 30 million and nabbing the highest per-screen average of any other movie this past weekend. This bodes well for more Judd Apatow helmed movies, which is good. I'm planning on catching this movie tomorrow. Don't spoil it for me.

Shrek the Third - The green ogre keeps making money for Dreamworks, as the movie crosses the quarter of a billion dollar mark this past weekend. I don't know why parents keep taking their kids to see this movie? It looks terrible. Just how many fart jokes are you willing to subject your progeny to?

Mr. Brooks - This movie I had seen trailers for but it did not really interest me much. Kevin Costner is not a big draw for me. But at least he's not directing this one. Otherwise, it'd be 4+ hours long and instead of being a killer, he'd be an American Indian from the future who is trying to stay afloat in an ocean world . . . while pretending to not be a killer.

Spider-Man 3 - It's the weekend of trilogies. Three out of the top 5 are all #3 movies. This one, the first third picture in a series that I saw, thoroughly disappointed me. I don't care that the CG was some of the best I've seen ever in the Spider-Man franchise. I don't care that it ties up loose ends. It just feels like too much movie which spends its time either showing someone crying or meandering in a direction-less plot that feels like a Kevin Costner directed movie.

Opening Weekend Movies - 5/24/07

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - The third movie in the PotC trilogy, the only way to make movies these days it would seem, promises to be action packed with piratey goodness and tons of CG effects . . . which is great if the story were not so ridiculously dragged out. But, unlike the last movie, which resolved nothing, this one might actually wrap things up nicely and finally put the nail in the pirate coffin. But, if this movie does well, and makes "Spider-Man 3" like opening numbers, expect to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: Sneaking into your Wallets" in 2010.

Bug - The other movie that opens this weekend is a bit more on the interesting side. It stars Ashley Judd as a woman that begins to become paranoid that bugs are crawling underneath her skin. Also notable . . . not a single pirate character in the movie. That should be a plus for anyone that is burnt out on that stuff. This sounds like a very interesting movie. Too bad I won't go watch it. A few factors come into play as to why I won't go watch this. One, I'm working straight through Tuesday. Two, the price of movie tickets does not justify going to watch a movie unless I really really really want to see it. And three, we're in save money mode for our upcoming vacation in 5 days.

Indie Recommendation

Paprika - This movie is opening up in selected theaters. A few months ago I posted a rather impressive trailer for this Anime film. You should go watch it. I know that the plot involving a dream detective trying to track down someone who is using a device to invade people's dreams sounds ludicrous, but the animation looks gorgeous and you can almost guarantee plenty of seats available. Check out your local indie theater and enjoy this visual experience.

Opening Weekend Movies - 5/18/07

Shrek the 3rd - More like "Opening Weekend Movie", as this is pretty much the only thing that opens this weekend in a wide release. Screw you independent films. You won't stand a chance at beating this family movie juggernaut. It will make a bazillion dollars. Most likely will take the #1 spot away from "Spider-Man 3", which hardly deserves it. Remember, if this movie does well, you're just planting the seeds for "Shrek 4", which means, you're doing it to yourself America. You sick masochistic fucks.

Box Office Report - Not all the Rage

Spider-Man 3 - Despite a $100 million drop-off in business this weekend, as opposed to the last weekend, this movie still takes the top spot making just under $60 million, proving that people don't read reviews anymore and they like to be subjected to long, drawn-out melodrama sandwiched in between CGI fight scenes. I did not enjoy this movie. It wasn't terrible . . . but there's just so much missed potential.

28 Weeks Later - Zombie movies don't usually end up this high on the list, but just like it's predecessor, this movie is a bit of a small hit. I hear good things about this movie. Analog Medium has a review of it if you're thinking about watching it and haven't made a decision yet. I didn't read the whole thing, because I want to keep myself spoiler free for this one. So, be careful. And you can check out their growing "Encyclopedia Zombica", which keeps growing as they keep watching pretty much every single zombie movie ever made. Those guys are kah-razy.

Georgia Rule - Snooze. Why do women watch this type of crap? It stars three old broads dealing with love. Didn't "Golden Girls" tackle this subject in the early 90's? Or was it the late 80's? And before you say "Wait, it's two old broads and a young one", consider how old and tired Lindsay Lohan is looking these days. Plus, when did her voice get that raspy? She sounds like my grandma on three packs a day. And my grandma is dead. It's that bad.

Disturbia - The "Cult of LeBouef" continues to pump fresh money into this movie, which has outperformed my expectations. Everything this kid touches turns into tween gold. No wonder they got him for the "Transformers" movie. That flick's gonna make tons of cash just on the LeBouef-factor. Fuck the robots in disguise, I just want my "Even Stevens" fix.

Delta Farce - Seriously America? A Larry the Cable Guy movie in the top five? Shouldn't you all be at Wal-Mart of K-Mart, buying denim suits and getting your mullets coiffed? What the fuck is wrong with you? Maybe the terrorists were right. Maybe America is indeed evil.

Box Office Report - My Money Sense is Tingling

Spider-Man 3 - So, this movie made a ton of money this past weekend, and also broke a record set by some pirate movie last year. The third outing in the Spider-Man franchise brought in an unprecedented $148 million to Sony Pictures . . . and the executives at that movie studio are rolling in money like pigs in shit. Did I watch it this past weekend? No. Don't tell me what happens. I'm waiting until it hits the 2 for 1 theater in Pasadena. 5 bucks ya'll. Or maybe I'll see it next weekend, where it will make another trillion dollars.

Disturbia - For 2 weeks in a row, this movie was number one. But it couldn't contend with the box office juggernaut that is the movie currently holding the top spot. But, is this movie good? Who knows. It's got that LaBouef kid. He's charismatic-ish? I'm not going to watch this. Why? Well, I don't watch the Disney Channel and I'm not a tween girl.

Fracture - This movie actually moved up one spot in the top five. Not many movies do that. But then again, it only $3 million this weekend. A bit anemic wouldn't you say? Which is why it gets an anemic entry.

The Invisible - The next few sentences will be written in invisible ink.



Next - So, Nick Cage? What new hairstyle will you be sporting for your next box office disaster? Mullet? Jerry-Curl? Whi-fro?

Opening Weekend Movies - 5/04/07

Spider-Man 3: Wow, the time is finally here, and I don't have any money to go watch this. Granted, I read somewhere that the reviews are mixed, but who cares. The American public does not care about reviews, and judging by the business that the previous two movies made, this will be this weekend's guaranteed top earner. But, it does star Kirsten Dunst, who's snaggle-toothed performance I heard involves singing . . . twice?! Oh Sam Raimi, you're going to end up shooting yourself in the foot if you keep employing that troll in your movies.

Lucky You - This movie could not have picked a worst time to open. I mean, just take a look at its competition. Eric Bana, former "Hulk", and Drew Barrymore . . . who I don't know why she's even famous. This will be the movie that chicks take their boyfriends or husbands to if they're totally pissed at them and don't want them to see something remotely entertaining. So, if you find yourself watching this movie this weekend . . . what the hell did you do wrong man?

Marvel Fucks with My Head

This fucking full length trailer for the second Fantastic Four movie is . . . well, it really makes me want to go watch it. I don't know why. There are better comic book inspired movies coming out this year (or in 300's case, already have come out). I mean, Spider-Man 3 is right around the corner. But, is it just flashy editing and putting in all the cool parts in a tight 2 minute package designed to fool me into going to go watch this? At least, if I go watch this, I go in with low expectations. If it happens to be not terrible, then that could only be a positive, right? Oh well, I've spent more money on dumber things in the past. 20 bucks in June won't break the bank.

If you're not down with the YouTube'y definition of this video (who would) then check out the film's official trailer site here for high definition trailer screens that will fill your screen with what would appear to be greatness.

Grindhouse Official Final Trailer

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. "Grindhouse" is one of maybe two or three movies I'm actually excited about this year. This, along with "Hot Fuzz" and "Spider-Man 3" (to a slightly lesser extent) are what I know for a fact that I will actually pay box office money for. And why wouldn't anyone want to watch this movie. It's got a sweet fake trailer starring Danny Trejo. That alone is worth the ten bucks. That mofo is hardcore.


But it's not just my love for trailers that is going to be putting my ass on the seat there. You see, "Grindhouse" is two movies packed into one. Over 2 1/2 hours of exploitation-style cinematic wonders. Robert Rodriguez's half of the bill, titled "Planet Terror", deals with zombies and Rose McGowan as an amputee with a brand new prosthetic leg . . . that shoots bullets and grenades.


And then, there's the Quentin Tarantino half of the movie, which stars Kurt Russell as a stunt man with a "Death Proof" car . . . if you're in the driver's seat that is. Chances are, he doesn't really let anyone else drive that car. Check out the trailer in Quicktime and Windows Media formats over at this Yahoo Movies page and mark your calendars.

Venom has a Beautiful Smile

That is, if you're into British teeth. But, regardless of Venom's dental problems, he is going to look pretty friggin' cool in the upcoming "Spider-Man 3" movie due out this May. This toy design confirms just what he'll be looking like, and I have to say I'm digging it.