Nightmares Combined

My wife and I have a couple of fears that really don't find themselves populating the same entity at the same time. She's got this thing against midgets. I don't know where it comes from, but she gets the urge to kick them whenever one strays into her line of sight. Thankfully (and legally) I have been able to restrain her long enough for the little person to exit the proximity range of her furious thrashing.

I, on the other hand, have this fear of retards. Sure, they're funny and all . . . but they have the strength of ten men and don't know when they are displaying this super-human strenght. If you're a puppy or a woman with long dark brown hair and you see a guy named Lenny coming at you . . . run!

So imagine my abject horror as I was buying lunch today when I see, strolling into the eating establishment . . . a retarded midget. Holy crap on a stick! Thankfully, I was on my way out and was able to escape the half-strength'd menace. But I called the wife and she said "Holy shit, no way". Yes, I know we're terrible, but you have to understand . . . the fear just grips us, and there's nothing one can do about it. It's like a disease, like alcoholism *snaps beer bottle cap off* you can't fight it. Now, I need to get back to work.