Opening Weekend Movies - 10/19/2007

30 Days of Night - Based on the comic book of the same title, this vampire flick takes place around the north pole, where night can last for 30 days. Essentially making the small town of Barrow, Alaska a vampire smorgasbord. The film follows a small band of survivors, trying to last out the month, evading vampires and the harsh cold. Have I read this comic book? Nope. I had meant to, but around the time that came out, I was way into zombies and vampire stories always seemed a little on the queer side to me. I will most likely not be going to see this, because I already used up my "scary-movie-quota" for the year with "Resident Evil: Extinction". I know, it wasn't even all that scary . . . but you tell that to my wife.

The Comebacks - This movie pretty much parodies every single sports movie ever made. And, if you're into cheap laughs and easy jokes, then this movie will be for you. Everyone else with half a working brain will avoid this piece of crap like avoiding Britney Spears whenever she gets behind the wheel of an automobile.

Gone Baby Gone - If I were older, and more boring (because you can't be boringer . . . I know, because I've tried) I would go watch this kidnapping drama. It has all the right people in it. I'm just not into this kind of stuff right now. Maybe during my pretentious college phase, I would have gone to watch this. But now, all I crave is high end special effects and massive explosions. It's like I'm somehow de-evolving from my once high-brow film tastes. I still won't see "The Comebacks" though. There are limits you know.

Rendition - My wife might want to go watch this. Mostly because she has a giant woman-boner for Jake Gyllenhaal. Don't ask me why. She's a woman. They're hard enough to understand as is. I'm pretty sure this is the other kidnapping movie that is coming out this weekend, but unlike "Gone Baby Gone", this one is on a more international scale. But, I'm still pretty "whatever" about this. So . . . on to the next movie.

Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour - I have never heard of this. Didn't even know it was coming out in wide release. It's about a 17 year old girl who investigates paranormal activity in her small town. Is it a 21st century version of Nickelodeon's "Goosebumps" series? Hell if I know. And hell if I'm willing to find out. If anyone actually pays money to see this movie this weekend, let me know what this is all about. Other than a passing curiosity, I will most likely forget about this movie as soon as I finish writing this blurb.

Things We Lost in the Fire - So . . . what was I talking about again? Oh yes, movies coming out this weekend. Holy shit, is this like the fifth movie I'm writing about? What is up with this. Usually it's just 2 or 3 that I have to write about. But come on, this is getting excessive. And if you think this is just some clever way to take up space because I have no idea what this movie is about . . . then you're abso-fucking-lutely right. All I know is that Halle Berry is in it, and I think Benicio Del Toro. And there is a fire. Something might have been lost in it? Only one way to find out. But it's not going to be me. Because ultimately, I stopped caring about this movie just after I typed the name at the beginning of this paragraph.

The Ten Commandments - An animated, bible-themed movie. I remember watching the original "Ten Commandments" movie, with Charlton Heston. Greatest man alive. When he looked at that damn dirty ape and told him to keep his paws off him. Oh man, was that ever exciting. What? That was "Planet of the Apes"? Hmm . . . that would explain a lot.