The Sorcerer's Apprentice Trailer

Since magic is all the rage these days, Disney is dipping into the dark arts and pulling "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" out of it's hat. Directed by Jon Turtletaub (who might or might not be turtle'y enough for your turtle club) and starring Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, and Alfred Molina, it doesn't look like it has much in common with the "Fantasia" short that might have inspired it, but it still looks decent enough to watch thanks to super-producer Jerry Bruckheimer throwing tons of money at this project. The trailer looks pretty slick and, despite the presence of Nick Cage, pretty darn good. Check out the trailer in YouTube format, or, for the more discerning trailer watcher, click on this link to take you to the Apple page for all sorts of Quicktime options. This movie comes out in 2010.

Knowing is Half the Battle

Alex Proyas, director of "Dark City", has a new movie coming out next year (I'm trying to forget "I, Robot", but the trailer won't let me). The movie, "Knowing", is about a mysterious sequence of numbers that predict disasters . . . but as they say in the trailer: "What happens when the numbers run out?". Shit, I don't know, I haven't seen the movie yet.

Oh, and Nicolas Cage stars in this movie. But let's not hold that against the film. Nice to see his actual hair in this though. No crazy stupid wigs present.

Box Office Report - Didn't See it Coming

Disturbia - Never underestimate the pull that Shia LeBoef has with the tween crowd. I mean, who cares about him other than all the "Even Stevens" fans who keep watching those re-runs on the Disney Channel. Sure, he's an OK actor. But enough to keep this movie at #1 for two weeks straight? I don't think so. America and I are not on speaking terms right now.

The Invisible - Guess no one was either interested in this or people are just saving up for next weekend, when the first major blockbuster of the year should be released. This rather forgettable mystery was, indeed, invisible to viewers who passed this up.

Next - Nick Cage. When will you learn that it's not the weird haircuts that you sport in your movies that draws in the crowds, but rather the caliber of the stories you're acting in. Take some time to re-evaluate your career man. When a big "action" movie opens up with just over 7 million, that's not even enough to pay for the advertising campaign. I guess he didn't see this coming. Haha, get it, because the movie is about a guy that can see into the future. *sigh* Why do I have to explain myself to you people.

Fracture - Yawn. Isn't it Anthony Hopkins' nap time? Someone get him his puree'd steak and potatoes and an extra thick straw. The man has to watch his "Matlock" for crying outloud.

Blades of Glory - It should be a crime for a movie that looks as ridiculous as this to make over 100 million dollars. But there's no denying the allure of Will Ferrell. That motherfucker's funny. But is he really 100 million dollars funny? I guess America has decided that already.

Special #6 Entry

Hot Fuzz - This movie is performing alright despite the fact that it has those silly English accents and it's been ignored by pretty much the whole of the mainstream American public. We watched this the weekend it opened and had a great time. You should really take your time to find this movie and watch it in the theaters. By the power of Greyskull . . . .

Opening Weekend Movies - 4/27/07

So . . . not a whole lot of posting going on this week, but I have a couple of extra minutes between porno free trailer sites and X Box 360 playing this morning before I have to go to work, so let's take a look at the opening weekend movies.

The Condemned - Let's go over what this movie has. Wrestler? Check. Futuristic-type setting? Check. People fighting to survive? Check. America's infatuation with reality television? Check. So, who's going to go watch this? All of those poor WWE wrestling fans. Vince McMann will be hearing a lot Ka-chings this weekend.

The Invisible - Sort of like a horror movie without any horror, or a mystery movie with no mystery because you already know what's going on. Interesting direction to go, huh? What were the producers thinking when they went into this? I think I'd rather watch "The Condemned" this weekend than this movie.

Kickin' It Old School - Jamie Kennedy is going to so X you if you go watch this movie. I can see it already. You're the only one in the theater and then he comes in, dressed in an usher uniform, with a fake nose on of course, and then you see the camera crews. Serves you right for paying 10 dollars to see this piece of crap that should have been straight to Betamax. Why Betamax? Because they're kicking it old school.

Next - What? The MTW show where people with loose morals go through dates in minutes, actually, they have a countdown. Oh, I knew it was too good to be true. No, this is Nick Cage, with another bad haircut, predicting the future to try to save something. Or someone. Does it even matter? You know this is science fiction when you have Jessica Biel as his romantic interest. Probably this week's big earner. *sigh*

Ends of a Spectrum - Alba vs Fergie

Thursday should be renamed "Panty-day", because that's all that's going on today at BAFW. Not that I'm complaining, too much, but a nice panty flash can do wonders for your morning. Take Jessica Alba for example. There she is, looking pretty hot despite her recent weight-loss. That dress looks like it could cause some problems if viewed from a different angle . . . or if a slight breeze were to come over and blow it away. It's pretty flimsy. Since we don't have the benefit of creating breezes here at BAFW (not yet, but I'm working on it), we do have different pictures of different angles that do show that the dress she is wearing is . . . totally see through.


Now, I know that you were probably waiting to see a picture of her not wearing anything under that dress, but she's no Paris Hilton. The tighty-whities she's wearing are not that sexy when it comes to underwear, but it still is a totally unplanned and therefore voyeuristic experience that you can (and I'm sure you will) spend some time looking at, if not doing other things to yourself. Seriously. God's watching. Here's a shot from behind, that shows the behind.


So, as far as spectrums go, a Jessica Alba panty-flash is as far as you can go when it comes to "good". What could I show you that would be bad? Well, in case you didn't read the title to this blog-post . . . that would be a Fergie panty-flash.

These come courtesy of some movie she's shooting, or whatever. I'm sure the papparazi have not taken up residence in her home, but I do know she tries really hard to be "sexy". Just comes off as post-op trans-sexual to me. I mean, look at that face. I have no idea how her boyfriend, Josh Duhamel, puts his penis in that every time they have sex. It's just unreal. I mean, sure, Fergie has a decent body, but she's the epitomy of "Butterface". You could, of course, cut her head off and that would improve her looks by 100%, but it would not last. Decomposition and rigor mortis always screws things up in the end. And what's up with those panties anyway? What she needs is some "Face/Off" style face transplant surgery, stat! I don't care who's face you put on her. John Travolta or Nick Cage. Anything would be an improvement.

Box Office Report - "Prepare for Glory!"

Top 5 movies in the nation are as follow:

300 - Finally, something that is great actually comes out on top over all the other shit that is currently being released at your local cineplex. And, it had quite the resounding opening weekend. Like the roar of King Leonidas, this adaptation of Frank Miller's seminal graphic novel opened up with $70 million over the weekend. Not "Spider-Man" numbers, but pretty freaking great for a movie that looked like it was going to be all about the visuals (which it is) but also manages to pack in a story that does not have an ounce of fat on it (did you see those Spartans . . . I need to go on their workout regimen).

Wild Hogs - This is what I was talking about earlier. Crap like this somehow manages to make money. Not that much in comparison to "300", but it still raked in a respectable $28 million which begs the question . . . what were your parents doing this weekend? That's the only rational explanation really. Old people suck at picking movies. I don't care if this had one funny joke. The $28 million this movie made could have been spent on something worthwhile . . . like getting those starving kids off of my late night television programming. God lord, someone donate already so I don't have to see those commercials anymore.

Bridge to Terabithia - This is a children's "Chronicles of Narnia" . . . which was a children's "Lord of the Rings" . . . so, how young were they marketing this too? It doesn't matter though. It made close to $7 million on it's 4th (what? fourth!) week out. I had no idea this was even out. Who cares.

Ghost Rider - This movie is still making money when it should be getting pelted with human feces. I mean, $100 million so far for a movie that is quite possibly worse than the original "Fantastic Four" (Corman edition)? What is this world coming to? Who still thinks that Nick Cage is anything other than a reanimated narcoleptic who yawns his way through his lines. I don't get you sometimes America. Despite the fact that this turd is making more money than it deserves, it does bode well for comic book movies out there currently in the production phases. I just hope that they don't stoop down to "Ghost Rider" level just because they can.

Zodiac - I kind of want to watch this movie, but not enough to have contributed to it's just over $6 1/2 million take at the box office this weekend. I like David Fincher movies, but this one just seems a little on the boring side. Maybe if he goes and makes another Chuck Pahlaniuk book into a movie I'll be there on opening day. Til then, I'm waiting until the DVD comes out.