Fergie has Manly Package

I knew Fergie, the person responsible for ruining the "Black Eyed Peas", was the epitome of butterfaces, but "possibly a man" hadn't really entered into my realm of thought . . . until now. Whatever she's man-handling below her skirt sure looks like something of a phallic nature. Now, not only am I confused by her husband, actor Josh Duhamel, but I'm also feeling a little sorry for him. Obviously, he got more than what he bargained for when he hooked up with Fergie. Maybe he was a total douche in a past life and now he has to atone for whatever he did. In any case, I'm not saying that that's absolutely a penis under there . . . but it sure looks like it. Allegedly.

Fergie Doesn't Understand Ugly-Friend Equation

Fergie seems a little confused about the whole "have ugly friends so that when you stand next to them you look better by comparison" equation. Here she is, trying to look like a woman in a bikini, and she's got a couple of just as fugly as her friends standing next to her. For her to actually look better, she should have found a beached whale that had been sitting around the beach, rotting, for a couple of weeks. Slap a two-piece swimsuit on that carcass, stand next to it, and voila! Fergie would be hot. But as it stands right now . . . Fergie and her friends just look like a rabid pack of butterfaces.

Ends of a Spectrum - Alba vs Fergie

Thursday should be renamed "Panty-day", because that's all that's going on today at BAFW. Not that I'm complaining, too much, but a nice panty flash can do wonders for your morning. Take Jessica Alba for example. There she is, looking pretty hot despite her recent weight-loss. That dress looks like it could cause some problems if viewed from a different angle . . . or if a slight breeze were to come over and blow it away. It's pretty flimsy. Since we don't have the benefit of creating breezes here at BAFW (not yet, but I'm working on it), we do have different pictures of different angles that do show that the dress she is wearing is . . . totally see through.


Now, I know that you were probably waiting to see a picture of her not wearing anything under that dress, but she's no Paris Hilton. The tighty-whities she's wearing are not that sexy when it comes to underwear, but it still is a totally unplanned and therefore voyeuristic experience that you can (and I'm sure you will) spend some time looking at, if not doing other things to yourself. Seriously. God's watching. Here's a shot from behind, that shows the behind.


So, as far as spectrums go, a Jessica Alba panty-flash is as far as you can go when it comes to "good". What could I show you that would be bad? Well, in case you didn't read the title to this blog-post . . . that would be a Fergie panty-flash.

These come courtesy of some movie she's shooting, or whatever. I'm sure the papparazi have not taken up residence in her home, but I do know she tries really hard to be "sexy". Just comes off as post-op trans-sexual to me. I mean, look at that face. I have no idea how her boyfriend, Josh Duhamel, puts his penis in that every time they have sex. It's just unreal. I mean, sure, Fergie has a decent body, but she's the epitomy of "Butterface". You could, of course, cut her head off and that would improve her looks by 100%, but it would not last. Decomposition and rigor mortis always screws things up in the end. And what's up with those panties anyway? What she needs is some "Face/Off" style face transplant surgery, stat! I don't care who's face you put on her. John Travolta or Nick Cage. Anything would be an improvement.

"My Humps" Re-Worked

It's been a long time since I've actually liked anything that Alanis Morrisette has done, musically, but this cover of Fergie's "My Humps" is just to great to pass up. And, there's also a video that goes along with it that shows you that Alanis has a pretty fucking great sense of humor. And, even though she kind of looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt crossed with a horse, Alanis looks better than Fergie performing this song. That's just because Fergie looks like a troll that's desperately trying to hide its penis with a tuck-job. We can all agree on that . . . right? Fergie's a pre-op tranny. I mean, that would explain so much. I was looking for the MP3 to have it along with the video so you can rock this cover . . . but I couldn't find it. Wahh . . . .

Dropping Eaves - Name-Dropping Douche

I was at the 7-11, doing my 4:45 AM ritual . . . loading up on coffee and picking out a breakfast pastry (breakfast of champions) when I overheard a conversation between a guy and the 7-11 employee. It went a little like this.

Guy: This this and that are mine. Sorry, it's been a long night.
7-11 Guy: Sure, no problem.
Guy: (Opens up his trench coat) Do you know this band?
7-11 Guy: (Looks at picture on Guy's shirt) No.
Guy: It's the Black Eyed Peas. They're a rap group. They have a singer, a girl, you've probably seen her in the magazines (he points down to the mag-rack).
7-11 Guy: Um, OK.
Guy: Her name is Stacey Ferguson. People call her "Fergie".
7-11 Guy: Oh, yes, I know now.
Guy: She's a friend from way back in the Valley. We went to school together. I saw her tonight (I think he meant last night . . . but his night was probably just ending) and she recognized me and we had a good time.
7-11 Guy: Oh, ok.
Guy: Yeah, it was fun (around this time I wanted to chime in with a "Hey, did you happen to say hello to her penis" . . . but it's early, and I hadn't had my coffee yet).
7-11 Guy: I like The Beatles.
Guy: Oh, the fab-four. Yeah, I'm going to put on one of their records when I get home. You might listen to one of my band's when we hit it big.
7-11 Guy: Ok, it's going to be . . . .

And then I just lost total interest. This guy is probably going to spend all day today talking about partying it up with the butterface of butterfaces herself, Fergie. And everyone is going to just nod their heads and tell him how "great" and "cool" his experience was. But deep down, I know that at least half of those people will be like me, and just wonder why the fuck this guy keeps going on and on about Fergie. Does he have a thing for chicks with man-faces? Fucking douchebag. It's Fergie. I could go around and tell stories about the time I went to the LA Zoo and saw her in the gorilla enclosure, picking out fleas from a male silverback's fur, and everyone would be "uh-huh, ok . . . that sounds great". Nobody cares.

God I hate people in Los Angeles sometimes.

Upskirt City - Fergie (AKA - Horror Fans Edition)

So, that happened this past weekend during a Super Bowl performance of hers. Fergie shows off her upskirt with pride. Which makes me wonder . . . why would anyone want to see that? I bet you she can run around Los Angeles, skirt over her head and a sign that says "Free Entry - Just Ask" and not one man not-named "Josh Duhamel" would want to park their salami in that death trap.

Wait . . . oh God, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. That's one of the many dangers of posting up pictures of Fergie. I think the camel-toe that is visible pushed me over the edge. I'm going to go scrub my eyes out with bleach now. See you (or not) later.

Spot On - Fergie Is E.T.

I saw this earlier today and I totally had to post it. Thanks WWTD.COM. Sadly, this is not the only Fergie-related piece of news today. She is also saying this . . . .

"I've heard that I've been engaged probably about seven times, and pregnant, but I've never been either. Sorry to disappoint."

Who is she disappointing? Herself? Fans of circus freaks? Evolution? If this is what she looks like I don't think it's possible to imagine what disgusting freak-baby would pop out of her uterus. She probably would actually lay an egg or alien-like coccoon of some sort. I'm still contesting Fergie's claim to humanity. Something that ugly can't possibly be a Homo Sapien.