Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The number one movie in the land, is a CG-animated continuation of the movies that we all enjoyed in the early 90's . . . or was it the 80's? I don't even remember. It was so long ago. I don't even know if they still say "cowabunga" in the new one. I didn't watch it. My wife, on the other hand, during a moment of induced weakness, agreed to go watch this on Friday night with a couple of her friends and it left them all in various stages of disappointment. Nostalgia can only carry something so far. Hell, I can't count the number of things I used to love as a child and when I revisit them now, I'm left wondering just what the fuck was wrong with me.
300 - This movie I did watch, three weeks ago, and it continues to make tons of money. It can actually be weighed in that amount. I mean, how much do you think 160+ million dollars weighs. I'm pretty sure it's an unimaginable amount of money. There's only a few people that can tell you how much that weighs, but I'm sure Bill Gates and those Google guys just swim in their money. No time to weigh that shit.
Shooter - "Marky" Mark Wahlberg's newest tough hombre fare does not fare well on it's opening weekend, being that it got beat by a three week old movie where no one fires a single gun, and a movie that stars ninja turtles. Still, number three ain't that bad. If you're in the Special Olympics, where everyone is a winner. So, we can call "Shooter" this weekend's "special" movie. Good going. Do you want a lollipop?
Wild Hogs - Utter shit personified in celluloid form would be a better title for this movie about mid-life crisis white (and one token black guy - mah-tin!) guys taking the "weekend warrior" way of life as they hop on their Harley Davidson motorcycles and . . . apparently, some sort of hilarity ensues. Whatever. Just remember, when you go watch this movie, which has already made 120+ million dollars, you're punishing yourself. Might as well save the ten bucks and give yourself ten lashes. Your mind will love you. Your back, well, the two of you's won't be on speaking terms for a while. But remember . . . time heals all wounds.
The Last Mimzy - What is a "mimzy" and what is it doing in my top five? I know that "Dwight" from "The Office" is in this, but he was also in "Sahara" and you saw how much that stunk. This is the other kid film which opened this weekend that did not have catch-phrase spewing martial artist reptiles in half-shells, so it was expected to make a little money. Still, 10+ million is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you can clean your nose with a "mimzy", if that's what it is used for. Can someone tell me what the fuck a "mimzy" is!?
Showing posts with label Wild Hogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wild Hogs. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Box Office Report - "Prepare for Glory!"
Top 5 movies in the nation are as follow:
300 - Finally, something that is great actually comes out on top over all the other shit that is currently being released at your local cineplex. And, it had quite the resounding opening weekend. Like the roar of King Leonidas, this adaptation of Frank Miller's seminal graphic novel opened up with $70 million over the weekend. Not "Spider-Man" numbers, but pretty freaking great for a movie that looked like it was going to be all about the visuals (which it is) but also manages to pack in a story that does not have an ounce of fat on it (did you see those Spartans . . . I need to go on their workout regimen).
Wild Hogs - This is what I was talking about earlier. Crap like this somehow manages to make money. Not that much in comparison to "300", but it still raked in a respectable $28 million which begs the question . . . what were your parents doing this weekend? That's the only rational explanation really. Old people suck at picking movies. I don't care if this had one funny joke. The $28 million this movie made could have been spent on something worthwhile . . . like getting those starving kids off of my late night television programming. God lord, someone donate already so I don't have to see those commercials anymore.
Bridge to Terabithia - This is a children's "Chronicles of Narnia" . . . which was a children's "Lord of the Rings" . . . so, how young were they marketing this too? It doesn't matter though. It made close to $7 million on it's 4th (what? fourth!) week out. I had no idea this was even out. Who cares.
Ghost Rider - This movie is still making money when it should be getting pelted with human feces. I mean, $100 million so far for a movie that is quite possibly worse than the original "Fantastic Four" (Corman edition)? What is this world coming to? Who still thinks that Nick Cage is anything other than a reanimated narcoleptic who yawns his way through his lines. I don't get you sometimes America. Despite the fact that this turd is making more money than it deserves, it does bode well for comic book movies out there currently in the production phases. I just hope that they don't stoop down to "Ghost Rider" level just because they can.
Zodiac - I kind of want to watch this movie, but not enough to have contributed to it's just over $6 1/2 million take at the box office this weekend. I like David Fincher movies, but this one just seems a little on the boring side. Maybe if he goes and makes another Chuck Pahlaniuk book into a movie I'll be there on opening day. Til then, I'm waiting until the DVD comes out.
300 - Finally, something that is great actually comes out on top over all the other shit that is currently being released at your local cineplex. And, it had quite the resounding opening weekend. Like the roar of King Leonidas, this adaptation of Frank Miller's seminal graphic novel opened up with $70 million over the weekend. Not "Spider-Man" numbers, but pretty freaking great for a movie that looked like it was going to be all about the visuals (which it is) but also manages to pack in a story that does not have an ounce of fat on it (did you see those Spartans . . . I need to go on their workout regimen).
Wild Hogs - This is what I was talking about earlier. Crap like this somehow manages to make money. Not that much in comparison to "300", but it still raked in a respectable $28 million which begs the question . . . what were your parents doing this weekend? That's the only rational explanation really. Old people suck at picking movies. I don't care if this had one funny joke. The $28 million this movie made could have been spent on something worthwhile . . . like getting those starving kids off of my late night television programming. God lord, someone donate already so I don't have to see those commercials anymore.
Bridge to Terabithia - This is a children's "Chronicles of Narnia" . . . which was a children's "Lord of the Rings" . . . so, how young were they marketing this too? It doesn't matter though. It made close to $7 million on it's 4th (what? fourth!) week out. I had no idea this was even out. Who cares.
Ghost Rider - This movie is still making money when it should be getting pelted with human feces. I mean, $100 million so far for a movie that is quite possibly worse than the original "Fantastic Four" (Corman edition)? What is this world coming to? Who still thinks that Nick Cage is anything other than a reanimated narcoleptic who yawns his way through his lines. I don't get you sometimes America. Despite the fact that this turd is making more money than it deserves, it does bode well for comic book movies out there currently in the production phases. I just hope that they don't stoop down to "Ghost Rider" level just because they can.
Zodiac - I kind of want to watch this movie, but not enough to have contributed to it's just over $6 1/2 million take at the box office this weekend. I like David Fincher movies, but this one just seems a little on the boring side. Maybe if he goes and makes another Chuck Pahlaniuk book into a movie I'll be there on opening day. Til then, I'm waiting until the DVD comes out.
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