You Gotta Pimp That Child . . .

Britney Spears is a classy mom. She just sold the rights to the first pictures, baby birth video, and so on all starring her newborn, to OK magazine for a few million bucks. Way to go Britney, put the little tyke to work before he becomes a lazy redneck chain smoking latch on waste of human space. At least the baby can say "Hey, I made over 3 million bucks in my first week of life, what did you do buddy?".

Who wants to see a Britney birth video though. I mean, sick. I don't even like to see regular people birth videos. The gush of afterbirth is a sight that I do not want to see again. I'm still traumatized from my high school health class when they popped in that video into the classroom VCR.

Not that I have anything against kids being born. It's just a messy affair, and I don't like messy too much. And you know that Britney's video will be messy. I mean, come on . . . she walks into public restrooms barefoot. You know she's not hygenically-minded at all. She probably had twinkie wrappers and ho-ho boxes strewn around the room while Federline used the room as a big ass ashtray. I'm surprised the kid hasn't contracted a deadly bacterial infection already just by being in their combined prescense.

I just hope the kid doesn't grow up all pissed 'cause his parents took all his child star money. We already have one Gary Coleman. We don't need another one.