Please Report for Re-Education & Guilt-Conditioning

The training process for new jobs can be somewhat of an entertaining process. And usually, it takes about two weeks. I went in for my first and only training day with the FEMA disaster relief company. I felt like I wanted to rip the powerpoint projector off the wall and beat my face in with it. It was pretty much the most boring process I've had to endure within the past few years.

It was a ton of inane information about who FEMA is, and what this acronym (or anacronym as the trainer called them) meant, and what this program did and how to log into this and use the computer phone that. Pretty much simple, basic customer service stuff. I guess if they had the agencies they used for headhunting get them people with CS-experience (like myself) instead of just getting any regular (wo)man of the street . . . training would maybe have been cut in half.

So, the 8 hour day comes to an end at 3 pm yesterday (they had us show up at 6 am) and towards the end they march us into another class's training room so that Human Resources can tell us about scheduling. The start off by saying just how important this project is and how greatful they are to be handling it and how half-assed their infrastructure is . . . these people are literally changing what they say every minute. Case in point. They wanted everyone to start work today. Everyone was to show up at 5:30 am and work through 2 pm. Saturday and Sunday. Well, this was not going to fly with me, in an hour an a half, I'm going to be loaded into a Chrysler 300 along with my family and we're out to Las Vegas for the weekend. So, literally while she's dropping this schedule bomb on us, "Old Yeller" ('cause he was old and wearing a yellow shirt) comes in an whispers something in her ear.

Turns out they didn't need us to come in at 5:30 after all. No, now they are requiring everyone to show up at 4:30 am . . . on both weekend days. Are they fucking kidding me? Oh, but they use the justification: "We'll, at least that's better than not having water for 3 days". And the crowd goes "aww . . . ". I had to use every muscle in my body to not scream out "BULLSHIT!" Seriously, how dare they guilt trip 150 people into being at work @ 4:30 am like that. It's not my fault that Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana. I in no way should be made to feel obligated to sacrifice my weekend plans (which had been in place for months now) because a company made me feel bad.

So I learn that Old Yeller is the guy who will be managing the project. I get a hold of him and explain my situation to him, and he tells me to wait in the hall along with some other people and that he'd be resolving scheduling conflicts. This is done . . . of course . . . off the clock. But fine, I need to speak to this guy or else I won't be able to do this job while my other job leads materialize (which they slowly are . . . the internet giant called me in for an interview). So a crowd of 35 people mob this guy, and I am right up in front. I figure I'm going to get this done with fairly quickly. I was not counting on experiencing the phenomena that I witnessed.

Now, I love black people. I have no problems with them, they're cool and everything but yesterday . . . they displayed a strange behavorial pattern that sort of baffled me and ate up about 35 minutes of my time. I guess it could be a sort of "slavery reparation" mentality where they feel the world owes them . . not just white people, but everyone in the world, for what was done to them in the 1800's and they display this feeling by totally cutting in line in front of people who were rightfully ahead of them. It's weird. This happened 10 - 15 times before I was able to talk to Old Yeller about my scheduling conflict. I just don't understand how these people can do this. Eh . . . who cares in the end. I got out of there and with the weekend off to head out to Las Vegas.

So, wish us luck bitches. I am planning on coming back to Los Angeles rich . . . so all you bastards better be crossing your fingers for me. . . . or else.