Going Back to the Well

1. “Breaking Benjamin” - This band was in the last edition of Technorati fishing, but then it was in the 10th spot. What difference one week makes huh? Is it bad that I have never heard any of their songs? I don't care. They might as well play polka music for all I care. Just 'cause everyone on technorati is looking them up does not mean that I am at all interested in learning just what this band is all about. Seriously, last week it was "burger king commercial". So that should tell you at what intellectual level the technorati masses are idling at.

2. Ifilm - I Jaime, you film. She Jane, that my monkey Cheetah. So, the #2 (otherwise known around here as the shit search . . . and by around here I mean in my head . . . and by in my head . . . I mean not in my ass, where my wife thinks my cranium is taking up permanent residence) has something to do with films. I love movies. I'll watch anything except for movies starring Julia Roberts. I fear that the gravitational pull that giant mouth of hers has will pull me right through the television and into her belly.

3. Kielle - Kie-who? Oh, she's dead. Ok. See people . . . . live journal kills. And it also smashes puppies like Lenny from "Of Mice and Men". Someone needs to take live journal out by a lake and put a revolver up to the back of its head. Preferably someone named George. Or Gary Sinise if he's available.

4. “Maureen Dowd” - I could go look this name up somewhere and find out just who Maureen is, but who cares. I think she's a reporter? Commentator? Woman? Human? Pfft!

5. “Bush Drinking” - Yeehaw! He's hitting the sauce again huh? Well, just give him a couple of weeks and he'll be snorting blow off the ass of Kate Moss. Which is flat like a mirror, so hey, it all works out in the end.

6. Rita - Hurricane #2 (which around here, we call a shitstorm . . . and by around here . . . I mean I'm going insane) hits the United States with a bit of an OOMPH!Bush is out there with the speed of a drunk driver tearing ass through a school zone. Why not Louisiana Mr. President? Oh, they have more black people out there than white right? I guess that's what Kanye is for.

7. “Demi Moore” - Is she dating Frankie Muniz yet? 'Cause that Ashton Kutcher is getting old. Come on, he's like 25 or something. That's a whole quarter of a century . . . or a 1/5 of Demi's actual age. How does she stay so young looking? Eating the stem cells of aborted baby fetuses of course. They're mm mm good.

8. China - Something tells me this is not a search to find the best takeout place close to home. It must have something to do with the economic giant that China is poised to become. But, who cares, their penises are smaller than ours, so we don't have anything to worry about right? Right!

9. Katrina - Who dat? Oh, it's that other hurricane. The one that flooded the black people who Bush cares not for. And of 'course, it gave us this guy "Looter Dude" . . . it can't be all that bad right?

10. “Kate Moss” - I hear that whenever she sneezes, there's a snow blizzard. What? That's cocaine? Oh, well, let's just hope she . . . blows . . . after the sneeze.