Paula Abdul - Master Interview'ee

Does it even matter what sort of intoxicant Paula Abdul is on these days? Whatever it is . . . keep drinking/snorting/huffing/injecting it, because the results are pure gold. Fried gold. The best kind. And not like golden shower great (*wink wink* Kim Kardashian), this kind of gold is the kind that the whole family can enjoy. This is why she's still part of the judging in "American Idol". And how early is it when this particular news-cast hit the airwaves? 8 AM? 9 AM? That's pretty much prime-time morning news-casting time. Abdul is already blitzed off her mind, and there's only a three hour difference. She must have a bunch of Irish coffee in the morning. You know, the one that's flavored with whiskey.

A Product of her Environment?

All I know about Kim Kardashian is that she and her best friend, Paris Hilton, are connected at the hip. They go everywhere together, do the same things, wear the same clothes, carry the same shiny and ginormous purses . . . and now . . . participate in the same fame-catapulting activity du jour. What's that? Homemade porno. Yes, there is a Kim Kardashian sex tape out there, currently being brokered for sale. The Kardashian camp denies the existence of it . . . but it's probably likely that there is. "Who's she 'starring' in this little home movie with?" you ask. The answer: R&B singer R-Jay, Moesha's . . . wait, I'm sorry, Brandy's little brother. Who, by the way, in what makes this story interesting, takes a page out of R. Kelly's book and ends scene with a golden shower. Look it up on the "urbandictionary.com" if you're not familiar with what that is. It is the classiest of water sports. So, good going Kim. Maybe you can star, along with Paris, in the next season of the "Simple Life". America loves their amateur porn stars.

American Idol - Who's the New Katharine McPhee?

With the new season of American Idol looming over the horizon, I can't help but wonder . . . who's going to be this year's Katharine McPhee? Who will America fall in perverted lust with? Who will people be searching for on the internet in futile attempts at nipple slips, upskirts, and pictures of the contestants feet. I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that my advertising revenue jumps 1000% (amount not actually a correct calculation) during the final days of the competition. Why? I don't know. But I'm sure as hell looking forward to it. Whoever it is, I hope to make a quick buck off of you. Why? Because I love money . . . especially money that I don't really have to work for. So, search away America, and click away when you land here, on my humble blog. Sure, you won't find those pictures of a contestant golden showering a random person, but you might find something else that might make you laugh.