Spam and Response

Seriously, who falls for shit like this these days anymore. If I thought that free money were out there, ripe for the taking, I would have already quit and would be living the high life with some dead Nigerian empresario's millions. Here's the latest e-mail I got today (twice).

Dear Friend,

I am Michael Jones, I was the credit manager of SNS Bank Laison Office U.K.

I have a proposal to discuss about a late Friend of mine, on fixed deposit
in the bank.

Please contact me through email if you are interested to know.

Thank you.

Regards,
Michael Jones.

If it were a close friend of his, why didn't he just get the money himself or get someone in the fucking UK to run his scam on. He has to contact someone clear across the fucking Atlantic Ocean? Usually, I just dump them in the trash, but today . . . since the douche-bag sent me two, I felt compelled to respond. Here's my tactfully worded letter.

Dear Not-Friend

Mr Jones, I would appreciate if you kept your bullshit e-mail scams to yourself. Not a single motherfucking day goes by without one of your jackass cohorts trying to get me a large sum of money if I just sent them my personal information. Was I born yesterday? I'm pretty sure I wasn't. So quit wasting your time, get a real job, and fuck off. Take this as a notice of non-interest. Go get your fish n' chips on and whack off to pictures of Emma Watson. Asshole.