Sexy Gollum? No, that's Ashley Olsen

So, I don't know what makes someone pose for the camera looking like this (to the right), but it's probably the water in Mexico. This must be some weird variation of Montezuma's revenge. She was probably chewing on some ice (because you know how much the Olsen twins love calories) and has been diarreahing it up for 5 days straight . . . which, by the way, is a great way to lose weight . . . and now can't help but walk around like this. Her butthole must be on fire. Which is why, in the picture below, she's trying to get a sea-breeze to cool it off. That's really the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. And since I have a PhD in Knowing it All, I think you should go with what I'm telling you. I can't be wrong, specially if the reader is a woman.


Head on out to The Superficial, who's got a ton of pictures of this. More so than I am willing to swipe from them and post here.

I See London . . .

I see France . . . I see Sienna Miller's underpants. Yes, this is what passes for fashion these days. Not wearing pants, which, incidentally, is a recurring dream of mine (I go places with pieces of clothing missing. You know, shopping but I'm only wearing underpants, 1 sock and a t-shirt . . . stuff like that). This was taken at the premiere of some movie she's in. Something about factories and girl. Could be called "Factory Girl" for all I care. That's not the point. The point is . . . she went out in public, fully knowing that she was wearing granny panties under black lace stockings and decided to call it an outfit. What the fuck Sienna Miller. What do you wear to Church . . . your "birthday suit"? A fucking fig leaf over your naughty parts? At least she's not flashing her coochie like her American counterparts. I'm looking at you Britney and Lindsay . . . but my view is not straying south of the border. I don't want those crotches burnt into my memory forever. One more picture of Sienna, with the slightest hint of camel-toe and crazy. Just look at that expression. It just begs for straight-jacket.

The Emperor's pants? No, I have no idea what you're talking about.