Opening Weekend Movies - 01/11/2008 (W/Trailers!)

The Bucket List - A movie about dying old men getting their to-do lists in order. Yeah, sounds fascinating, if I were also really old and had shit to do before I kicked the bucket (see what I did there . . . jokes and jokes and jokes). It does have Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in it, so . . . chances are it's going to contain some top-notch acting from these veteran (haha, another old man joke) actors, but it still does nothing for me as far as making me want to watch this. Here's the trailer for the movie. In case it's blitzkrieg-style television ad campaign managed to miss you.



First Sunday - Does Ice Cube do anything other than collect paychecks anymore? And what's with the days of the week being incorporated into all of his movies? Is the sequel (and you know there will be one) going to be called "The Second Sunday"? Ice Cube can suck it. And so can Tracy Morgan, who's also in this movie about a couple of petty criminals trying to rob their local church. I'm guessing that they see the light some time during the movie, and end up not robbing the church. Who cares. Trailer, watch it if you want.



In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - This is the movie I'm getting all giddy about this week. Not because I think it'll be any good at all. I mean, it's a Uwe Boll movie. Notice how they fail to mention that. Nowhere in the marketing for this movie do they try the whole "From the acclaimed director of 'Alone in the Dark' and 'House of the Dead'". No friggin way anyone would see that if that's how they were selling this. Nah, they're using Jason Statham to try to sell tickets to this turd fest. And they should. Statham is doing pretty well for himself. I'm not sure what bet he lost that landed him a role in this, but people should pay to see this just to experience something that is truly a cinematic piece of shit. Check out the trailer.



The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie - What. The. Fuck? Why would they make a movie about pirates that didn't do anything. If I wanted to see something like this, well . . . fuck it, I don't want to see anything like this so I'm not going to waste brain cells trying to conjure up a scenario where I would want to watch this. Fuck Veggie Tales and their Christian agenda. This movie is pissing me off so much that I'm not going to post the trailer for it. Hah, take that, Pirates that won't do anything. What repercussions are you going to bring upon me. Nada. Zilch. Bupkiss. That's what I thought.