It Makes Me Sick

*Disclaimer - I started writing this Thursday afternoon, and naturally, Blogger was down. So if you read something in there that is referencing to yesterday, no . . . I'm not going crazy. I'm not suffering from some psychological malady that manifests itself with time displacement. It only feels like that sometimes. Anyway, carry on with the post.

Anticipation that is. Not knowing if I will get a call back from a resume being submitted. Calling people, doing interviews, and then . . . not hearing a damn thing. It makes me almost crazy checking my inbox throughout the day and seeing nothing but spam in there. I've lost track of the number of times I've checked my friggin Gmail today.

And it seems that having someone referring you on the inside is not working out for me. Why it works for every single other person, I don't know. Maybe it's because I've never relied on that whole "hook-up" way of getting a job somewhere. But I have re-submitted on my own, twice, and have not heard back from the company. Now, any other time I'd brush this off and continue my soul-crushing 9-5:30 job like nothing happened, but this job would have changed our lives. So, this is not something I can just let go.

This just cements my thoughts on how things can go from hopeful to completely fucked up in a very small time-span. I'm mad. Not at anyone in particular. I'm mad because my decision to move forward with this course of action is causing problems. My wife had to put starting college on hold because I was sure I was going to get this job up north . . . and now, every day that passes with no news about it, I can tell that a little resentment is growing within her. Rightly so. It's my fucking fault.

So here I am, sitting in my mini-cubicle, waiting for the next douche-bag client to call so that I handle whatever bullshit problem they're having with their computer. It makes me hate life. The only bright spot is that there's only about and hour and a half left on my work day.

Things are not so peachy-keen at my current job. The HR guy who was trying to get me a $1 raise to offset the $150+/month that my health insurance is going to cost me now that the company decided to go with a "better" plan. Sure, it's going to save them 30 G's, but I'm getting shafted in the process. He told me he was putting in the request for the raise on Monday, and on Tuesday he told me he was trying to find out just how far up the corporate food chain it was going. It's Thursday now, and I've heard nothing from him in the past 2 days. So, in this case, no news is making me think that it's going to turn out being bad news. My already miniscule paycheck is going to end up getting smaller . . . making our lives more miserable (financially at least) than it already is. First, the raise-less promotion, now . . . less money.

I hate this. All of these worries are essentially making me feel sick. I'm not the worrying kind. With me, things always have a way of working themselves out. This time though, I'm not so sure.

Oh, and here is the end result of a job lead that I thought would pay out. Seems like fortune is not shining on me lately.

Jaime:

We have been doing a great deal of interviewing and at this time we have decided to go with applicants we feel are more qualified for the position. Thank you for your interest, we will keep you information on file for future openings.

So, that sucks. Well, the only thing I can look forward to this coming week is vacation time. I was hoping to use that time to maybe go up and interview somewhere so I could come back to work 2 weeks from now and hand in my 2-week notice. Seems like that might not happen anymore.