Friday Night Films - 9/22/06

I know, it's been a couple of weeks since I've taken a look at the opening movies, but it's not like I've been going to the movies a lot lately. Last time I went was for a "Beerfest/Crank". Did the whole "pay for one, slip into the 2nd for free". Might do that this weekend as well. After all, tonight, my vacation starts up. That means a whole week with no blog posts (if I can help it).

Wide Releases

All the King's Men - A lot of big stars in this movie . . . and Sean Penn. Ha! Take that sucka. You're going down like your brother. Oh wait. Maybe that was a little on the harsh side. Anyway, this is a remake of an old Oscar winner. It's about a southern politician that gets corrupted by the "system". I'm not watching this movie. Southern politics just don't amuse me. Now, if we're talking about Northern California's attempt at legalizing marijuana . . . that's a film I'm willing to watch. But this? It's a pass for me.

Flyboys - Ah . . . the ladies love the James Franco. He's so dreamy. *sigh*. Thankfully, he's not assualting us with multiple movies this time like back in the "Annapolis/Tristan&Isolde" movie blitz from a few months ago. I can handle a James Franco movie from time to time. Heck, I own both Spider-Man movies. And I love historical war movies. Most of the time, people concentrate on WWII (one less W and it turns into a Nintendo console), so seeing a WWI movie might interest me. Plus, who doesn't like exploding zeppelins. God I wish I were around when the Hindenburg exploded. That would have been boss. This is a maybe for me. Depends on what the wife says about it.

Jackass: Number Two - You know, I was waiting for "Son of Jackass" to come out. Instead, they made a Number Two. Which is great. I hear the stunts are more dangerous and hilarious this time around. Which is awesome. This movie I actually want to pay to see this weekend. And I think it will make top dollar at the box office. Why? Because America loves its Jackasses. This is a definite watch for me this weekend. Now, I just need to figure out what the "slip into for free" movie we're going to follow this up with.

Jet Li's Fearless - The whole apostrophe-s is confusing me. Are they implying that Jet Lis IS fearless, or that Fearless belongs to Jet Li? I don't know. Should I care. Possibly. This is, allegedly, Jet Li's last martial arts movie. I guess he's going the Van Damme route and will only take dramatic roles. I wonder if there are a lot of openings for short, 45 year old chinese men with a shaky command of the English language in Hollywood. The wife and I enjoy a good martial arts movie, and we might watch this . . . but most likely not. This is another maybe.

Selected Theaters Releases (Descriptions provided by Yahoo! Movies, with snippets of my own commentary . . . because I can).

American Hardcore - A documentary about the early-80's hardcore punk scene, featuring Black Flag, Bad Brains and Minor Threat. *yawn*

Bandidas - Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are two wild west bank robbers fighting a ruthless robber baron who takes over their town. *Salma and Penelope in corsetts = Muy caliente!*

Feast - A diverse group of people trapped in an isolated tavern must fight for survival against flesh-hungry creatures that lay siege. *Are there really any other type of creature than the flesh hungry variety?*

Renaissance - An animated sci-fi thriller about a cop looking for a missing woman and the secret of eternal youth in Paris of 2053. *I bet it does not involve showering regularly.*

The Science of Sleep - A creative guy (Gael Garcia Bernal) whose dreams overtake his reality tries to romance his neighbor. Directed by Michel Gondry. *We heart Michel Gondry, totally watching this.*

It Makes Me Sick

*Disclaimer - I started writing this Thursday afternoon, and naturally, Blogger was down. So if you read something in there that is referencing to yesterday, no . . . I'm not going crazy. I'm not suffering from some psychological malady that manifests itself with time displacement. It only feels like that sometimes. Anyway, carry on with the post.

Anticipation that is. Not knowing if I will get a call back from a resume being submitted. Calling people, doing interviews, and then . . . not hearing a damn thing. It makes me almost crazy checking my inbox throughout the day and seeing nothing but spam in there. I've lost track of the number of times I've checked my friggin Gmail today.

And it seems that having someone referring you on the inside is not working out for me. Why it works for every single other person, I don't know. Maybe it's because I've never relied on that whole "hook-up" way of getting a job somewhere. But I have re-submitted on my own, twice, and have not heard back from the company. Now, any other time I'd brush this off and continue my soul-crushing 9-5:30 job like nothing happened, but this job would have changed our lives. So, this is not something I can just let go.

This just cements my thoughts on how things can go from hopeful to completely fucked up in a very small time-span. I'm mad. Not at anyone in particular. I'm mad because my decision to move forward with this course of action is causing problems. My wife had to put starting college on hold because I was sure I was going to get this job up north . . . and now, every day that passes with no news about it, I can tell that a little resentment is growing within her. Rightly so. It's my fucking fault.

So here I am, sitting in my mini-cubicle, waiting for the next douche-bag client to call so that I handle whatever bullshit problem they're having with their computer. It makes me hate life. The only bright spot is that there's only about and hour and a half left on my work day.

Things are not so peachy-keen at my current job. The HR guy who was trying to get me a $1 raise to offset the $150+/month that my health insurance is going to cost me now that the company decided to go with a "better" plan. Sure, it's going to save them 30 G's, but I'm getting shafted in the process. He told me he was putting in the request for the raise on Monday, and on Tuesday he told me he was trying to find out just how far up the corporate food chain it was going. It's Thursday now, and I've heard nothing from him in the past 2 days. So, in this case, no news is making me think that it's going to turn out being bad news. My already miniscule paycheck is going to end up getting smaller . . . making our lives more miserable (financially at least) than it already is. First, the raise-less promotion, now . . . less money.

I hate this. All of these worries are essentially making me feel sick. I'm not the worrying kind. With me, things always have a way of working themselves out. This time though, I'm not so sure.

Oh, and here is the end result of a job lead that I thought would pay out. Seems like fortune is not shining on me lately.

Jaime:

We have been doing a great deal of interviewing and at this time we have decided to go with applicants we feel are more qualified for the position. Thank you for your interest, we will keep you information on file for future openings.

So, that sucks. Well, the only thing I can look forward to this coming week is vacation time. I was hoping to use that time to maybe go up and interview somewhere so I could come back to work 2 weeks from now and hand in my 2-week notice. Seems like that might not happen anymore.

Search Terms - Can't Stop the Search

I've seen a spike in searces coming in over the past couple of weeks. Everytime someone does something stupid, it seems that people out there just want to gawk at it. The list below should be a clear interpretation of that. Guess who's been doing stupid shit lately. Yes, Lindsay Lohan, who couldn't keep herself out of the papparazzi's lenses if she tried. And you people love it. You want to see her panty-less pictures. The nipple slips. Hell, even the boat that the fake upskirt picture was taken at. Here's a sampling of this week's searches. Again, this is not the whole scope of it, just what I was able to monitor.

lindsay lohan exposed on boat - Google Search CA
lineage2 underwear image - Google Search IT
lindsey lohan no underwear - Google Search
fergie's nipple slips - Google Search IE
linsey lohan without underwear picture - Google Search MX
lindsay lohan exposed shot - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan no panties - Google Search DE
cortana hentai - Google Search
Katherine Mcphee panties - Google Search
"evangeline lilly" "nipple slip" "paris - Google Search DE
http://bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - Technorati Search
lindsay lohan without pant - Google Search CO
kristen bell nipple slip - Google Search CA
emma watson nipple slip - Google Search
lohan panty - Google Search
lindsay lohan no pants - Google Search BR
basic instinct legs mpeg - Google Search NL
"pictures of pete wentz" - Google Search
chemical castration - AltaVista Search
latest lindsay lohan no panty - Google Search
Fergie pissing herself concert - Yahoo Search
gymnast pees - Google Search
lindsey lohan pantyless - BlogSearch
Katharine McPhee, butt - Google Search
Anne Hathaway havoc couch video - Google Search
anna farris slips - NTLWorld.Com Search
lindsay lohan car no underwear - Google Search IE
Daniel Radcliffe Wedgie - Google Search NL
natalie portman vendetta schoolgirl pictures - Google Search
guess watches model seaching - Google Search CA
stewart upskirt - Excite Search
lindsay lohan upskirt coming out of car - Google Search UK
drunk urine - AltaVista Search
busty pictures - BlogSearch
strike blogspot - AlltheWeb Search
emma watson/paparazzi - Google Search SE
Basic Instinct leg cross - Google Search
"the office" spoiler - BlogSearch
"Lindsay Lohan" England car "no panties" - Google Search
Lindsey Lohan Bikini Picture - MSN Search
drunk pissing urine - AltaVista Search
lindsay lohan car exit - IceRocket Search
lindsay lohan's boat fake - Google Search
rachel mcadams upskirt - Google Search
lohan exposed nipple car - Google Search
panties car - BlogSearch
photo blogurl - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan pussy - Technorati Search
"katherine mcphee nude" - Yahoo Search
corsett ghost nude - Google Search
anal AND blowjob - Technorati Search
mandy bynes nip - Google Search
"katharine McPhee" rape fiction - Google Search ID
Rosario Dawson hard nipples - Google Search
lilly allen upskirt nip slip - Google Search UK
kim stewart upskirt awards - Google Search
whitney houston gets skidmarks - Google Search UK
evangeline lilly bra size - Google Search
emily rose screencaps - Google Search CA
pamela anderson's nipples - BlogSearch
fergie porno black eyed pieces - Google Search IT
Natalie portman vendetta crotch-shot - Google Search
gretchen moll bettie page - Google Search
Hostel screencaps - Google Search
upskirt shots and films - BlogSearch
sex blogurl - BlogSearch
gagfactor video posts - Google Search TR
Fah NATALIE GLEBOVA - Google Search CR
rachel weisz nip - Google Search GR
emma watson's legs - Google Search BG
evangeline paparazzi pictures - Google Search
sexygirls without bra - Google Search IN
"jennifer love hewitt nipples" - Google Search DE
olympic upskirt - Google Search FI
snorgtees models - Google Search CA
linsey lohan shaved - MSN Search
amanda bynes nip slip - AOL Search
Search nudepicture - Google Search
rachel mcadams oops - Google Search
"Gwyneth Paltrow" - BlogSearch
nude oops blogspot - BlogSearch
Emma Watson's panties - Google Search
+'Pete Wentz MSN' - Google Search AU
dead rising upskirt - Google Search
doctor visit spank rectal thermometer - Google Search
lindsay lohan pete beaver shot - Google Search
emma watson bare feet - Google Search
jim pam kiss photo - Blingo Search
chris martin coldplay - BlogSearch
Tyra Banks Celine Dion menstrual - Google Search AU
morgan webb nipple slips - Google Search
mrs. federline imprint tank - Google Search
blogspot housewife shaved - Google Search

HDH - Jennifer Morrison

I love "House MD". Besides being smart and often hardcore (remember the testicle burst?) it also has a great cast. And by great cast I mean Jennifer Morrison. Sure, Hugh Laurie has that cantankerous old-man schtick down and the other two guy doctors are cool and all . . . but they don't look like Jennifer Morrison. With the new season of "House" starting up, she should be be reason enough for you to start watching. I mean, what else is on TV at 8 PM on a Tuesday night? Reruns of "Gilmore Girls" (which I would be watching anyway, but they're starting to piss me off because of the lack of hot mother-daughter lesbian action the show sorely needs). One more picture to help sway your opinion on the show, and if you want, you can also visit jennifer-morrison.net for more pictures, videos, etc.
Who wants to play doctor?

Gwyneth Paltrow - Baby Hi-Five

I've given babies high fives before. Never in the face though. I usually try to at least aim for that little hand, or maybe even their tiny feet if I'm feeling playful. But, since Gwyneth spends so much time in England with "rocker" husband Chris Martin of Coldplay, maybe this is how they do it in the UK. You know they do things weird up there anyway. Fries = chips? What in God's (Jeebus) name is that all about?!

Or maybe, she was trying to shield her baby's face from the papparazzi, but suffocation is not usually the best way to do this. Maybe a plastic bag. Yeah, that would work.

TuGMO - Still Life

I am aware that a picture is worth a thousand words . . . but the going rate for a video must be in the millions. But, as you know, the tight-asses here at work (screw you IT) have blocked off access to YouTube, so I can't post videos anymore. But, I found this picture of Jessica Biel (BAFW's new favorite starlet) making out with a female friend. The picture makes me feel a little voyeuristic and naughty, and if I make a mental collage of last week's Jessica Biel posting and today's . . . I can almost make a mess in my pants. Almost.

Office Mega-Spoiler

You watch "The Office". Let's face it, everyone in America is watching this show. And rightly so, it's pretty damn great. Not as great as the British version, but for American television, it's definately TiVo-worthy. So, if you were watching at the end of last season, then you know about "the kiss". Jim and Pam kiss each other at the end of that episode leaving one hell of a cliffhanger. Now, I'm going to warn you. If you keep reading, you're going to spoil what happens. So . . . proceed at your own risk.

In an article found here, the show's producer is talking about "The Office" and other shows. Towards the middle of the article, he's talking about sponsorships that are happening within this series and he lets this bomb drop.

So for an episode of “The Office” that featured a business lunch at Chili’s, he struck a special sponsorship deals with that restaurant chain. On another occasion the wireless company Cingular expressed interest in a special marketing campaign. Mr. Silverman noted that one of the show’s main characters, Jim, was going to be in a long-distance relationship with another character, Pam, so naturally “they’re going to be text-messaging each other.”

So, it looks like Jim is getting that transfer and maybe Pam is getting married . . . or not? At least we now know that they're not going to be together. Which brings up an interesting point. Just how to do you text-phone sex?

Too Much Information

It is in my opinion that my wife is beautiful and everything she does is either adorable or cute. Or sexy. Trust me, my views on my wife are 100% positive. I love her dearly and would never trade her in for anything in the world.

So, now that I prefaced this post with that disclaimer, we're going to get to the issue at hand. Last night, while watching television, she said something that really shocked me. Shocked me more than when I found out at work I'd be now paying $150+ bucks/month for health insurance as opposed to $0. But that's a different story. We were sitting there, enjoying whatever televised show we were watching and she let's this out.

"Oh man, I can smell my period. I don't feel fresh"

I turn to her, wide-eyed, and say "I think that's the most disgusting thing you have ever said to me". We both laughed at that, but for the next couple of hours, I was in a bit of a fog. How could my wife, beautiful creature that she is, say something that would put me off so much.

Now, granted, the woman is a saint when it comes to my particular man smells. She has put up with farts, ball-sweat stench, and an accumulation of boogers on the tub drain. All, without threatening me with a quick divorce. Yes, men are naturally disgusting. I have gotten over the whole period-smell though. I personally, never caught a whiff of it. She took a bath shortly thereafter and came out smelling like something I can't describe due to the lack of estrogen in my system.

But honey, please, don't shatter my view of you with another one of those declarations of un-freshness. It's just too much information. Kinda like discovering that the mall Santa Claus is not actually the real one, but rather a pedophile that somehow slipped through the system and now gets to sit little boys and girls on his crusty and stained lap.

YouTube Blocked - Girl Fight Fridays Stymied

Yes, those bastards over at IT have once again made the brilliant choice to block YouTube. Why? Well . . . they're douchebags and they hate fun. This is why there is no chicks fighting on video today. It's a sad state of affairs, I know, and if my trusty computer would be working properly, I would totally post the promised Friday feature. But I can't tell if I'm looking at pornography or interpretative dance whenever I use my computer (fucked up screen), so I don't want to end up posting an all girl school mathlete competition instead of some good ol' woman on woman whompin' action. Although, come to think of it . . . an all girl school mathlete competition might be a little on the hot side. Specially if it's a Catholic school.

Shake it off. So, yeah, I don't know when I'll get back to embedding videos into my blog. Last time, the block lasted about a month. Hopefully, I won't be working here in a month's time. So, hang tight readers.

Search Terms - Lohan-Dominated

It seems that Lindsay Lohan's exposed crotch is the bee's knee's these days. I mean, just take a look at all those entries of searches looking for that. And for once, they reached (one of) the right spots on the internet. You can check below Lohan's shaved snatch. She's such a classy lady. Anyway, enjoy this week's cup'o depravity. One more post today and I'm out.

Katherine Mcphee's breasts - Google Search
Emma Watson's toes - Google Search
Cortana Hentai - Google Search FR
katherine mcphee toes - Google Search
ciera a hermaphrodite - Google Search
paparazzi upskirt lindsay lohan boat - Google Search
lindsay lohan boat shot - BlogSearch
lindsey lohan without panties - Google Search SE
Lindsay lohan without panties in the car - Google Search CL
evangeline nipple - Google Search
lindsay lohan without pants - Google Search BR
lindsay lohan in car with no panties on - Google Search
lohan no panties kids show awards - Google Search
lindsay lohann pantyless - Google Search
UPSKIRT - BlogSearch
LINSEY LOHAN GETTING OUT CAR DRESS - Google Search
"Lindsay Lohan" blogspot panties - Google Search
lindsay lohan + blogs + no panty - Google Search
+Linsey +lohan +underpants - Google Search SE
gretchen moll - Google Search
Lindsey Lohan/Boat slip - Google Search
hollywood bowl parking - BlogSearch
blowjob - Blogdigger Search
drunk pissing - AltaVista Search
BRAZIL ANAL - Google Search IT
kimberly stewart nipple slip - Google Search
lindsay lohan without slips - Google Search
"gladiator eroticus" + screencaps - Google Search
lindsey lohan beAVER SHOT CAR EXIT - Google Search
rocketdyne - Technorati Search
shooting montreal clip retarded haircut - Google Search
"amanda bynes nip" - Google Search
emma watson naked photos - Lycos Search
nipple blogurl:bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - BlogSearch
drunken nipple slip.com - Comcast Search
topia - BlogSearch
pete wentz interviews - Google Search CA
Emmanuelle in Space - A Time to Dream (1999) Unrated jpg - Google Search TR
"girl make-out video" - Yahoo Search
fergie upskirt - BlogSearch
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
sneeze "green dress" speech "wardrobe malfunction" - Google Search SG
Maggie Grace paparazzi - Google Search KR
photo of Ashanti showing boob on stage - Google Search UK
gangbang olympics wmv - Google Search FR
shaun of the dead upskirt - Google Search AU
Bloodrayne Spike Wardrobe Malfunction - Google Search CA
picture - french gymnast - peeing - Ask.Com Search
CW Premiers on WGN Chicago - Google Search
farris cameltoe - Google Search
rachel mcadams nipple premier - Google Search
"kristin " bikini mtv two-a-days - Google Search

Dead Rising - DOA

I love my XBOX 360. For the most part, I've enjoyed every single game I've played on it. Some more than others. I had heard great things about "Dead Rising", and was eagerly anticipating playing it, and so was my wife. I was fortunate enough to marry a zombie-lover. So, we got the game from Gamefly, and popped it into the console.

At first, everything looks great. The game is moving along quite nicely, and right after the cinematic where the protagonist jumps out of the helicopter onto the top of the mall, the load screen comes up . . . and never leaves. We try it multiple times, and get to the same spot, and nothing progresses past that.

So, we figure it is a defective disk, contact Gamefly, and they send me another copy. We pop that one in, start playing it, and then get to the same spot. Both my wife and I are sitting there, with our fingers crossed, waiting for the load screen to yield the next part of the game.

But, once again, nothing happens! We encounter the same damn problem. I did some checking up online about different problems people had while running this game . . . and they were pretty scary issues. The most benign one referenced the small text style CAPCOM chose to go with, making it very hard to read anything on screen when using a standard definition television. The opposite end of the spectrum of problems was ending up with a completely dead XBOX 360. I even heard guest-host Brett Butler on XPLAY say that it had happened on her 360 as well. So, while not being able to play a game that looks fucking awesome sucks, at least maintaining my console operational is the silver-lining. I'll just go back to playing N3, which I'm still trying to hack/slash my way through.

Jessica Biel - Built for Tossing?

I am . . . umm . . . I need some time alone with this picture. Anyone have a squeegie? I'm going to need to clean my screen after I'm done here. Wow, what a tongue.

HDH - Mary Louise Parker

I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction thing, although, in that picture, those knockers are looking pretty hot . . . but I think it's more the personality that she has that earned her the "Hump Day Hottie" of the week spot here on BAFW. That smile's not hurting either. Mary Louise Parker's the kind of actress you've seen handle serious acting roles in the past with lots of grace and talent. You can see her in one of my new favorite shows, "Weeds", playing a suburban housewife that has to take up dealing marijuana after her husband croaks unexpectedly without any life insurance policy (don't worry honey, mine's taken care off). Despite the grim set-up, it does make for some funny television. Check it out. There's a reason Mary Louise Parker beat out all the "Desperate Housewives" actresses for the award in her hand.

Ninety-Nine Nights: I need a bigger TV

I got N3: Ninety-Nine Nights over the weekend from Gamefly. I had downloaded the demo from XBOX Live about a month ago and had not been all that impressed. The camera angles were a little off and it really did nothing to impress me. Sure, it looked pretty but I didn't think I would like it too much.

I decided to rent it anyway. After all, I was done with PGR3 (505/1000 achievement points . . . try getting more than that) and needed something to play while my wife (who is totally not a nerd, trust me) was digging into "Dead Rising". So, it arrived and I popped it into the 360. From the get-go, you start off with a different character. The one in the demo was kind of slow. Inphyy is one fast motha. She rocks it with a sword and performs all these acrobatic moves that look really sweet. And she doles out the damage like a pro. Her story veers towards the dark side as you progress through it, which is quite satisfying. I'm tired of do-gooders.

Once you go through all of the missions for her, you get to use other characters, and you go through similar missions with them. This, in turn opens up more characters, so in the end you are seeing the conflict from every conceivable angle. This keeps the game refreshing and increases the replayability value.

One of the only complaints I have is the lack of save points on the game. There's nothing quite like going through one of the missions all the way to the boss, and getting chumped by a low blow that kills you. Then, you have to go through the whole mission again . . . and some of these monsters can have you hacking/slashing through hundreds of enemies for a good hour.

Apart from that, there are great cinematics. Awesome lighting effects. Sweet super-moves. And anime-ish chicks in revealing armor . . . or naughty-witch costumes. This is a definite rental recommendation from me. I wouldn't buy it, only because of the total abscense of multi-player modes. Other than that, the game looks fabulous and makes me want to own a plasma television. The game really needs hi-def to get the full effect of how great this videogame is.

TuGMO - Is this 2nd Base?

I've never been very well versed on the whole "bases" business, but I think these two chicks have crossed at least first, and are well on their way to a homerun. It's a short little tease of a video. After all, this is not a pornographic site . . . all of the time.

Drapes & Carpet - No Match

So, another week, another Lindsay Lohan pussy picture. This girl just can't stop herself from wearing things that easily reveal her private parts. Now, unlike last week's entry in the continuing saga that is exposing herself to the public, this one actually looks to be much more on the real side. I'm not making any judgements yet, but this one at least does not look like it belongs to a mummified camel, so it might be the real thing. It's kind of interesting that the thing is bare. It looks like she went the "tile" way rather than having to maintain a more "carpet"ed look. I guess that when you change hair color as much as she does, getting a Brazilian wax just saves time.

Box Office Report - Weak Sauce

Wow, not a single movie with more than 10 million dollars this weekend. Sure, a few of these have made money previously, but the three or so movies that opened this weekend must not have inspired many to seek refuge from the heat in a movie theater. I'm not even going to take the time to even discuss them. Here's the list, with no frills. Not even bolded numbers. I know. That's how disappointed I am.

1. The Covenant - $8,852,458
2. Hollywoodland - $5,926,177
3. Invincible - $5,630,126 $45,500,634
4. The Protector - $5,034,180
5. Crank - $4,904,308 $19,962,812
6. The Illusionist - $4,514,306 $17,963,845
7. Little Miss Sunshine - $4,273,545 $41,494,873
8. The Wicker Man - $4,062,271 $17,433,396
9. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $3,012,596 $142,193,465
10. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $2,715,092 $67,014,342

Scientology - What are your Crimes?

I don't usually post 10 minute long videos . . . but when it comes to Scientology and the kookiness of it all, I make an exception. Now, my personal opinion about this "religion" is that it is a cult. A subversive and incredibly efficient almost borderline criminal organization that has managed to brainwash a lot of people into buying their bullshit. But, that's just my opinion. I'm not trying to sway public opinion. I'm just 1 Blogger. But watch the video and see how the Scientology Acolytes treat this guy behind the camera. It's at least good for a couple of laughs. All it needs is John Travolta making out with a guy and it would be perfect.

Girl Fight Fridays - Nothing Witty; Just Fighting

I'm kind of burn-out today. So, this being my fourth post of the day, I'm just going to let the video do the talking for me. I like the little bit of slo-mo right in the middle. Great little editing.

50 Cent Pulls a Paris

Driving erratically and getting arrested must be the new "it" thing to do for celebrities. 50 Cent just got pulled over for driving his uninsured Lamborghini (living on the edge) erratically by an un-marked police car. He then refused to get out of the car and opted to make a phone call instead (the edge of retardation that is). Who's next? Haley Joel Osmont already flipped his Saturn (blang blang!) and got busted with weed in the car. It seems that no celebrity is safe from getting busted by the cops. Which should make for some great entertainment for me. :)

Making Friends - The Corporate Way

The company I work for keeps making friends all over the place. Just take a look at this client's e-mail. You can almost sense how happy he is, or was, with the product he put on his computer.

I am very upset with your product and it is my opinion that you have designed software that ruins my machine if I choose to discontinue its use or attempt to delete it. This is the highest form of theft I can think of. All companies who employ such practices should be blown to bits. If you believe you are helping yourselves by conducting business that way you are sadly mistaken. This type of crap my work good in the short run, but is no way to keep long term customers. But how naive I must be to believe anyone who does this crap is interested in being in business for any real length of time since you and all of the others are engineering punishment for those who use your product and then wish to discontinue. All software companies should be publicly flogged. This is a SCUMBAG move!!!! If you have the nerve to deal with me I would tell you this personally. If the people who run this dump have any nerve or integrity they would call me personally to get apiece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, to re-cap . . . he wants to have our babies.

Search Terms - Putting out the Firecrotch

You will notice (because I have bolded them) an influx of Lindsay Lohan searches this week. Well, this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone since she "allegedly" had a super-upskirt and showed everyone her ham-sandwhich'y-looking cooter. Or . . . maybe not. That picture is a fake and Lindsay Lohan's vagina does not look like it belongs to an 80 year old woman. Well, actually, it could . . . but we don't know for sure. So, enjoy perusing the list. There are some winners in there.

lohan panty - Google Search
anna farris oops - Google Search DE
"green dress" crotch "howard stern" - Google Search
evangeline lilly nip slip - Google Search
"Emma Watson fart" - Google Search
lindsay lohan boat crotch shot - Google Search
lohan dress - Google Search
adlla - BlogSearch
v for vendetta nipple portman - Google Search
girls kissing - BlogSearch
fergie wardrobe failure - Google Search
deviant clip upskirt - ICQ Search
"pee olympic" - Google Search PL
Lindsay Morgan Lohan panty - Google Search
Katharine McPhee slip - Google Search AU
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Paris Cuffed - Cops Earn Pay!

You know how you're always wondering just where the hell the cops are when you are watching someone being a jackass on the freeway? Like that douchebag that cut you, and 5 other cars, off and swerved onto the off-ramp. Why wasn't a cop around to pull that idiot over? Well, it seems that the cosmos has finally aligned itself and the cops were around when Paris Hilton was driving around, erratically, and then shortly after, arrested her for a DUI. So, justice is finally served. Even though they didn't get her for releasing a terrible CD, they got her for this.

This Just In - Fag Freaks Out!

Ok, so maybe that was a little harsh headline, but it's totally true. Just look at the way this Weather"man" freaks out when he sees a roach crawling across his pants. It's just an insect? And it looks like he might be from Florida, so he should be used to all sorts of giant roaches (even flying ones). The one thing this video has got going for it is that it's pant-splittingly funny. Or maybe that's just my fat ass that split my pants. It's not a coincidence!

Action News!

I don't watch the news because it bores me to the point of slumber . . . but, maybe I should start watching FOX news. I haven't seen a fight this brutal in quite sometime . . . and it's not even scripted (like wrestling). All that's missing here is some gladiator weapons and a couple of trap-doors holding exotic feline man-eaters. And someone in a toga that would give the thumbs up/down to the winner.

Upskirt City - Firecrotch

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Nipple slips - check. Multiple bikini sightings - check. Super-rich boyfriend man-handling you in public - check. Acting out a blowjob on film - check. Exposing your coochie for the world to see was the only natural course of action here. If this wasn't pre-meditated, then it's nature's way of balancing itself out. So, what classy spin will the Lohan's people take here? Heat exhaustion led her to forget to put some underpants on? Possible. Maybe dehydration affected her brain so much that she thought a dress made out of lampshade material would effectively cover all of her naughty bits. I wonder if she'll get an angry letter from Morgan Creek productions now telling her that her behavior is so unacceptable, the only job they have for her now is servicing the movie crew behind the soundstage. Someone give her a hand-towel. She's got a lot of work to do.

TuGMO - Roadside Assistance

This week, the Tuesday Girl Make-Out video takes itself out of the clubs and goes roadside, with a pair of "meh"-looking girls who get into it across the street from a car dealership. I know, the locale is teeming with glamour. These two girls make-out for a good 45 seconds, and the video cuts out afterwards . . . leaving you to wonder just where the night took them. I'm going to ponder that in the bathroom. It's usually frowned upon when I whip out my "pondering-stick" in public. Especially at work. Rules & Regulations . . . pfft! Go figure.

Labor of Box Office Reporting

This long weekend sees the Marky Mark underdog football bio-pic come out on top once again, with a small 15+ million. "Crank" came in at #2, proving that no amount of adrenaline boosting substances can topple Disney. "The Wicker Man" debuted with a #3 showing. Maybe Nick Cage's next inciendary-related movie will do better . . . partly because his head will be on fire. That's always good movie-watching in my opinion.

"Little Miss Sunshine" keeps opening wider and wider, making more money, but instead of climbing up the charts like the last couple of weeks, it's starting to slouch a little. It still did better than "The Illusionist", but granted, it had more screens showing it than the magic-themed movie. One suggestion to boost the proceeds of "The Illusionist" . . . make all of Jessica Biel's clothes disappear. It would be the best magic act ever. "Talladega Nights" is still performing solidly, crossing the $130 million this past weekend. Will it make it to $200? Will it help Will Ferrell achieve "Diety" status? Time will tell.

The dregs of the box office round-up start up with the only CG-animated movie currently out, "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals", which includes trans-gender bovine characters. I know, great all around family fun. "Accepted", starring that Mac-guy, will probably do better on DVD, since you probably need to be baked off of your skull to truly enjoy it. "World Trade Center" is the 2nd movie staring Nick Cage on the B.O.R. and this one might include his head on fire . . . but I think it's mostly stuck under rubble . . . which is fine with me as well. "Step Up" is about to sit this next week out, coming in at #10, and making more money than it ever deserved. Seriously America . . . $58+ million?!

Speaking of money, here is the list, with the totals (opening weekend movies don't get this) in bold yellow. Why? No idea whatsoever.

1. Invincible - $15,206,000 $37,847,000
2. Crank - $13,000,000
3. The Wicker Man - $11,720,000
4. Little Miss Sunshine - $9,725,000 $35,833,000
5. The Illusionist - $8,021,000 $12,081,000
6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $7,700,000 $138,373,000
7. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $6,404,000 $63,593,000
8. Accepted - $5,912,000 $29,422,000
9. World Trade Center - $5,816,000 $63,702,000
10.Step Up - $5,487,000 $58,368,000

Girl Fight Fridays - Wilderness Whollop

I think this is the first chick fight I've posted that was out in the woods. The new setting is a nice change of pace . . . and while these two bitches throw punches like a girl . . . it's still a spirited fight that unfortunately gets broken up. One of the two chicks almost started riding the other one like a friggin horse. One word of advice for all chick fighters out there. Tank-tops will not always hold your breasts in. Think about that before you go out an throw down with a rival. Or not. I don't mind seeing a fighting nipple-slip from time to time.

Ray of Sunshine

I love it when customers take this course of action when contacting us via e-mail. It's almost like flipping someone the bird from a vehicle that is moving in the opposite direction. Totally spineless. I'm sure this cock-sucker wouldn't even look us in the eye if he had any beef with us in person. But, on the "internets", anyone can muster enough courage to drop a couple of "shits" here and there. That's fine though, I welcome all e-mails like this, because I get to re-post them and poke fun at these assholes.

Let's make this easy. Refund my money now, and hope I don't sue the shit out of you for ruining my computer. How the hell can it be so difficult to go from one version of your program to the newer version is beyond me. For the last 2 days my computer has been exposed to every asshole out there. When IS 2007 gets installed, I can't connect to my pop3 server to get or send e-mails. I'm not going to install this piece of shit program again to get which version I have, (you don't even know what you sold me?????), and I'm sure my registry is full of crap now. I expect my money returned immediately.

What most likely happend with Mr. Anger Mis-management here is incompatible software. People are just so scared their 300 dollar PC's are going to become infected that everytime something bad happens, they flip out and start accusing everyone but their dumbass selves. So, thank you mother-douche-bag. You just added another brick to my blog empire.