Sharon Stone is a Zombie?

Wow. When did this happen? I thought that Sharon Stone still looked relatively OK considering her advanced age, but right now, looking at these picture, it looks like she just clawed her way out of a coffin that was buried 6 feet underground, and is looking for some fresh brains to satiate the hunger inside her. Maybe it's make up for a new movie she's starring in. Whatever it is, someone needs to put this old bitch in a nursing home and away from the public eye. Or, just turn her into Soylent Green. Who cares. The point is . . . she needs to go away.

Opening Weekend Movies - 6/29/07

Live Free or Die Hard - This movie technically opened on Wednesday. Which totally throws me off. Why do they keep doing this. You can expect that almost all of these summer blockbusters will be opening up on weird and random days. Like "Transformers" . . . which used to be set for a Wednesday release, but now is opening up on Tuesday. Whatever. So, this movie, what can you expect? Old Bruce Willis and the Mac Guy go after some bad guys that are both threatening the nation and someone in Bruce Willis' family. Yippi-ka-yay motherfuckers.

Ratatouille - My spell checker hates this movie title. But, the latest Pixar studio release looks great. Much better than "Cars" did a couple of years ago. Or was that just last year. I don't remember. I think it was so bad that it gave me selective amnesia. This one, looks like it's back on track to "Incredibles" and "Monsters, Inc" greatness. Good luck finding a theater that isn't packed with kids when you go watch this though.

Evening - And this movie wins the "Chick-flick" of the week, since no other chick flicks are coming out. You'll find yourself in this movie if a)you're a woman or b)your woman dragged your ass to this because she's tired of seeing explosions or animated characters. Just think of it as a 20 dollar nap.

Hayden Panettiere Goofing Around

There's been a lot of Hayden Panettiere coverage recently. The girl just keeps doing goofy things. If she's not making out with her TV dad, or licking statues or having her friends spank her ass for money, then she's wearing storm trooper helmets (talk about your geek fantasies) and enjoying body painting in the backyard. In her bikini. Um . . . when does this chick turn 18 again? All of this coverage is making me feel a little bit on the dirty side. Oh well, remember that I do this for you, my loyal (or just accidental) readers.




Now, if we could get her in the Princess Leia metal bikini . . . that would cause Star Wars geek-gasms. When she's 18 of course.

Hayden Panettiere Does More Stuff

Hayden Panettiere, the indestructible cheerleader from NBC's hit show "Heroes", likes to party and have fun just like any other young Hollywood girl . . . but, I think she might be having a little too much fun. Licking butts on statues and having her friends spank her ass for money is not something I did when I was under the age of 18. Yes, she's not even legal yet. So, put that penis away pervert.


Well, at least she's not on the crack-cocaine . . . yet.

Brooke Hogan Continues Being Ladylike

A few weeks ago, I posted some ridiculous pictures of Brooke Hogan performing at a concert (if you could call her performances "concerts") wearing something just plain retarded. Being a failed history major myself, I know that history tends to repeat itself, which is why Brooke Hogan is at it again with the weird legless jeans . . . but this time, she changes it up with fishnet stockings and a vest. It's like she's ready to go out to the President's Ball. But, don't tell her dad I said anything about this. The last thing I need right now is Hulk Hogan knocking on my door, looking to kick my ass. One more picture below, with a little camel-toe action. If you have the stomach for it. I think Brooke straddles the fine line between chick and dude.

Nipple-Topia - Demi Moore

Demi Moore isn't all that smart. With her advanced age, I think she might actually be going senile. Just look at these pictures that were taken as she was trying to get away from the paparazzi. Maybe she forgot that she was wearing a see-through shirt, without a bra on, and then decided that she put the only thing that would cover her old knockers, over her head. Nice move with the jacket there Demi. Why don't you just take your pants off while you're at it and wrap that around your chest as an impromptu brassiere? Sure, you're now showing off your underpants (if you're wearing any) but everything else is covered. And the paparazzi are left wondering just where Demi Moore went off to. You can thank me later for the genius idea.

Box Office Report - Almighty Dollars

Evan Almighty - Because people like crap, and Steve Carrell, it doesn't surprise me at all that this movie made it to the top of the pack this past weekend. It doesn't look all that funny to me, so I won't be watching it, but Steve Carrell's a nice guy. I hope it makes more money, for his sake, so he can move on to bigger and better projects.

1408 - I don't think a Stephen King movie has made this much money in recent history. This particular story I'm not all that familiar with, and it seems a little on the hokey side. But, it does look creepy enough to raise my interest. I'm just glad they didn't go the "made for TV" route with this one. I've always liked Stephen King stories, and if this one does well, it could pave the way for my favorite Stephen King yarn that is getting the big screen adaptation to make some nice cash. I'm talking about "The Mist", which should be coming out within the year. I hope. Look out for that one, and go watch this one while you're at it.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - I'm getting conflicting views on this movie. On the one hand, I've read that it is terrible. They get everything wrong. On the other side of the argument, they acknowledge the things that went wrong, but also praise the things that were right so much that it is recommended. Whatever the case, it's coming up on $100,000,000, which is pretty good for a movie these days. But, it still does nothing to make me want to go see it. That whole initial trailer-frenzy that I went through a few months ago has dissipated. I might catch it on HBO when it comes out on cable.

Ocean's Thirteen - Another sequel I'm not all that interested about. Summer is currently boring the shit out of me. Nothing comes out that I'm really jazzed about. Yeah, I just said "jazzed". This movie just looks like it's beating a dead horse. We got it after the first "Ocean's" movie. The second one felt like it was treading water. And the third one . . . I don't know, is there even any more water to tread on?

Knocked Up - This movie, I do encourage everyone to go see. It's already a financial success, but it still deserves more cinematic love from audiences all over America. This movie is better than "The 40 Year Old Virgin". That's saying a lot, because that movie was great. Don't wait for video or cable. Watch it now, then buy the DVD (or Blu-Ray or HD-DVD . . . whatever format you want) and then watch the movie on cable. You won't be disappointed.

Hayden Panettiere Affectionate with TV Dad

I'm a big fan of NBC's show "Heroes". I'm also a big fan of Hayden Panettiere's character on the show, the indestructible cheerleader. Which is why, seeing these pictures of the filming of season 2 of the show, are kind of making me feel a little conflicted. On the one hand, the show does need a little more steamy scenes. Superhero action is great, but if that action happened between the bedsheets, you'd triple your viewership. But, the producers of the show might have taken that idea a little too far. From the looks of these pictures, it looks like Hayden's character "Claire" is making out with her TV dad. Sure, it's not her actual father on the show, he just raised her from the time she was a baby, but it's still wrong. Kind of like Woody Allen fucking his adopted daughter wrong.


And, I'm not sure why I didn't notice this earlier. Either the actor that plays her TV dad is a giant, or Hayden Panettiere is a borderline midget. Anyway, the kiss in question is below.


I can't wait for this show to come back next fall season. Hopefully, minus the hot daughter on adopted father action.

Jessica Biel in GQ

Jessica Biel is in the new issue of GQ magazine. In a bikini. Running around, sitting down and lying down on rocks, and pretty much looking hot all over the place. I guess she's promoting the new movie she's starring in, I forget the name of it, but it's got Adam Sandler and Kevin James pretending to be gay for some firefighter pension plan benefits. Sounds ridiculous to me as well, but if it means that Jessica Biel is going on a promotional bikini tour in support of this movie, then I'm all for it. I'm still not going to watch the movie though. But at least, she's got my attention.

Pussycat Dolls Nip-Slip

I'm not a big fan of the Pussycat Dolls. I don't wish my girlfriend were hot as them. I mean, look at the one on the right. Do you want to lay in bed next to that circus freak? The main chick (Nicole Scherzinger, standing on the left) is the one that, if any, I would not mind seeing a nipple slip of. But, it's actually the weirdly plastic-faced Carmit Bachar that's showing the nipple in the shot below. Why? Because Pussycat Dolls are all about being classy. And weird looking. And just all around whores. They're like Bratz Dolls, but all grown up. Think about that when you're wanting to buy your little girl a present and you are walking down the doll aisle at your local toy store. If you buy your girl Bratz Dolls, there's a high likelyhood that she'll be doing this when she's older.


You've been warned.

Evangeline Lilly Flips for Papparazzi

I guess it would be extremely annoying just to be famous and have countless photographers trying take a picture of everything you do . . . all the time. Evangeline Lilly is feeling that right about now. These pictures were taking while she was at an airport, just trying to travel like normal people, when the paparazzi started chasing her around with their high-powered camera lenses and flash photography. It's only natural that she would flip them the bird. If you look at the pictures below, you can actually see her starting to mouth the words "Fuck You". But it's totally understandable. Especially if you're as adorable as Evangeline Lilly. Anyone else would have been considered rude. But not her. *Sigh* Oh Kate, you could blow up my house any day to make it like a gas leak.

So You Think You Can Dance Bai Ling?

Bai Ling shows us some of her dance moves, or rather, lack of total fucking rhythm. The highlight of this little video is when an actual midget approaches her, and suddenly, she dances semi-normally. But then again, how normal is dancing with midgets?

Box Office Report - It's Clobbering Time-ish!

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Yes, despite looking just marginally better than the first movie of this franchise, this movie managed to stretch it's way into the top spot for the box office numbers for the weekend. But, it doesn't look as spectacular as other comic book inspired movies, like last month's "Spider-Man 3". It didn't even make half as much as that movie made. But, it's a win for Marvel. Let's just hope that they can start putting out good comic book movies instead of shit like "Ghost Rider", this movie, and "Spider-Man 3".

Ocean's Thirteen - Last week's number one gets bumped down to number 2, but that doesn't mean it's not making a ton of money still. Although, I wonder, with so many big names, just how much money does this movie need to make before it covers just their salaries. It's made just under $70 million so far. I just would like to know how much they payed Al Pacino, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined.

Knocked Up - I'm really happy to see this movie performing as well as it is. Even though it's never held the coveted "#1 Movie in America" title, it's still going strong in it's 3rd week of release and closing in on the $100 million mark. I believe it even outperformed "Ocean's Thirteen", being that it only made $2 million less than that movie but it was being screen on a considerably less number of screens across the nation. Well done Judd Apatow and crew.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - What more can I say about this movie . . . other than it has made $250+ million for Disney, which they will most likely use to fund another crap-tacular movie. Most likely an animated one, based on this movie, because they need to milk this dead horse for as long as possible. Whatever. Does anyone even care about Jack Sparrow or any other character in this story?

Surf's Up - And profits are down. Maybe this will teach Hollywood that we're finally sick and tired of the fucking penguins. Give them a rest. Make a motherfucking manatee movie. Change it up people. Just because one idea worked, a couple of times, doesn't mean that it will forever. Even the penguins (the real ones not the CGI'd ones) on your promos for the film groaned about another penguin movie being released. If your advertising campaign is tired of the genre, it's time to move on.

3:10 To Yuma Trailer

It would seem that the "Western" is making a comeback. James Mangold's (Walk the Line) "3:10 To Yuma" looks totally badass and ready to pull a six-shooter on your ass with this trailer. It's got pretty much all you need in a western. Plenty of gun-play, gritty characters, and a posse willing to kill a whole town to get their boss back. It stars Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Gretchen Moll and Peter Fonda.


From what I can tell from the trailer, the story revolves around a man of the law (Christian Bale) that is responsible for transporting a wanted criminal (Russell Crowe) to Yuma so he can get on a train to get transported to the place where he will be executed for his crimes. But, as previously mentioned, his posse won't be too keen on that idea, and the shit hits the fan.


Check out the Yahoo page currently hosting the trailer for the standard version of the trailer, or the HD Apple Quicktime version (the one I got these screencaps from . . . 720P is huge!).

Opening Weekend Movies - 6/15/07

Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Otherwise known as FF2:RotSS for us Hollywood insiders. We like to abbreviate everything. I'd like to abbreviate the word "abbreviate" actually. But, on to the movie. FF2:RotSS is the sequel to the deeply flawed Fantastic Four movie, and everyone's back for seconds. The only difference between this movie and its predecessor is . . . well, this one actually looks half-way decent, which in comparison to it's barely mediocre first installment, is definitely an improvement. Will I go watch it . . . probably not. It's kind of hard to sell the wife on something like this when the memory (or, some might say, terror) that the first movie left is still fresh in her brain. I'll wait for cable on this one.

Nancy Drew - This is based on the popular (to girls at least) series of books starring a teenage super-sleuth (but where's Carmen San Diego?) who uses her wits to solve crimes . . . or something. Is this going to be watched by anyone other than pre-pubescent girls? Probably not. It's not even interesting enough to find out what the plot of this movie is.

DOA: Dead or Alive - I'm really glad that the producers of the DOA movie thought that the general populace would be too dumb to figure out its abbreviated title and maybe confuse the movie with something else. It's that same high regard for the American movie viewership that precipitated this movie's production. Let's recap . . . this is a movie based on a video game that is famous for having great tittie-jiggle graphics rendering engines. Hmm . . . you know what. I don't need any more explanations. I'm already buying my ticket.

Psych! I'm not 15 years old. I bet you totally didn't see that psych coming huh. Dude, you just got psyched. When was the last time that happened to anyone.

Petra Nemcova Topless

So . . . this what gay guys do with super models? They put some weird pants on them, wrap a lasso around their heads, and scribble shit on them and call it fashion. Not that I don't appreciate a topless woman, it's just that the whole body scribbling confuses me. It looks like she might have fallen asleep during a party and people just started drawing all over her. I'm still waiting to find her sharpied on moustache and a foot long penis drawing on her arm. Note to fashion designers: Thanks for the tits, but work on your fashion sense. Seriously, this is ridiculous. One more picture of Petra Nemcova, doing one of her "fiercest" turns . . . ever. Fierce!

Britney Spears Upskirt - Not Surprised

It doesn't surprise me that Britney Spears would be seen showing a little upskirt action these days. Someone has to fill the void that was left behind when Paris Hilton went to jail . . . got out of jail . . . and then went back to jail. Those orange jumpsuits are not conducive to upskirt action. But, here she is, again, showing us what she's got. Thankfully, we can't see her destroyed vagina parts in this one. I'm almost thankful that she's wearing underwear in these pictures. After seeing her nipple slip yesterday (just scroll down a couple of posts), I was about ready to quit blogging forever. There's only so much one can take before they start suffering from Post Traumatic Britney Flashing Disorder.

Gay Bomb Proposal

The military is ridiculous. I'll let the video do the talking.

The BAFW Payback for Previous Britney Post . . . Post

I don't know what NUTS magazine is. Well, apart from knowing that it is a magazine. And I don't know who Michelle Marsh and Lucy Pinder are. Famous? Where? And naked much? Whatever. I'm making up for assualting your eyes with that awful Britney Spears post. Enjoy.


This one has words. You know, for you to read when you're done checking out the titties? Oh, who are we kidding. You're probably not even reading this.


And here they are again. Wonder if they have some tissues to help you wipe up.

*Thanks to Egotastic.com for the pictures and more importantly . . . . the memories. *sigh*

Britney Spears Nipple/Butt Flash Combination

You know, a couple of years ago, getting a glimpse of a pre-Federline Britney Spears nipple flash would have been a welcome sight. Now? Not so much. She's a fucking car wreck, so when things like this surface, it's so wrong that I can't take my eyes off the pictures. I could revert to clawing out my eyes, but I like, totally use them all the time. So, the only thing that will erase this from my short term memory is either psychotherapy . . . or drugs. Or a combination of both. More pictures below. You can send your medical bills to Britney Spears.






Funny . . . that's the face I made when I saw these pictures. My facial reaction was followed by me vomiting a little in my mouth.

Sexy and Not Sexy

It's Tuesday morning, officially the most unsexy day of the week, so I thought I'd post up some pictures of Carmen Electra doing a strip-tease at the Spyke TV Guy's Choice Awards to bring some sexy into your computer screens. But, that's not all. I am also posting up the opposite of sexy, so you can truly appreciate the better half of this post. Never take things like this for granted. Enjoy every sexy moment as if it were your last. But, enough with the quasi-inspirational jargon. You want more pictures.

Carmen Electra should bend over more often. It is really one of her best . . . assets.


But, enough with the sexy. We're moving over to Uma Thurman now, who some people find attractive. I don't know why. But here she is, in the weirdest bikini I've ever seen. And I used to watch those MTV Spring Break "The Grind" episodes in the mid-nineties. I've seen some weird bikinis. Just what is going through her mind when she put that on?


The cast is the only normal part of the picture. It's pretty bad when you can say a fractured arm is highlight of a beach snapshot. Uma Thurman, work on your beach fashion. And your face.

Box Office Report - "The Nose Plays"

Ocean's Thirteen - It does not surprise me to see that this movie is taking the top spot this past weekend. I mean, it's pretty much got every single great Hollywood actor in it. It's just a great combination when it comes to making money. But, I'm still holding out on actually watching it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - I am boycotting this movie as well. Just because it pisses me off that this movie has already made as much money as it has. It really shouldn't have. The last one wasn't even entertaining. Plus, that whole "every single pirate vs. the evil trading company and octopus face" just seems straight up boring.

Knocked Up - I did watch this movie. I did love it. I'm glad it has made over 60 million because these people need to keep making these types of movies. Quality comedies that aren't hindered by a PG13 rating.

Surf's Up - This is the kind of movie that makes me want to see penguins extinct already. What's next Hollywood . . . Penguins doing their taxes? Penguins acting raunchy? Oh wait, that one has already happened. Let the penguins rest. Move over to polar bears. Anything.

Shrek the Third - More like "Shrek the Turd". This is what's wrong with movies these days. This movie looks absolutely terrible, yet . . . it's made a ton of cash already. And Dreamworks won't stop churning these turds out unless you, as a viewing public, quit going to these movies. Just how many Shreks and Scary Movies do we need? Fuck you for making this happen.

30 Days of Night Trailer

30 Days of Night is a great comic book (which I have yet not read) from Steven Niles and Dark Horse comics which is getting the big Hollywood treatment. From the looks of the trailer, it's looking pretty good. Disregard the vampires wearing trench coats and this just might be the vampire movie of 2007. Not that there are many others coming out this year with that particular subject matter . . . but you know what I mean. This is from the director of "Hard Candy" which came out last year. A movie that I loved because it was ballsy as can be. I mean, how often do you get to see a teenage girl faking castration on a pedophile just to fuck with his head. I will definitely try to drag my wife to go see this when it comes out. I just have to convince her that the vampires are actually zombies.


Get your download or streaming action on over at the IGN website which is currently hosting the video. I would host it, but it's a pain in the ass to upload. Besides, why take up my bandwidth when you can take up theirs . . . right?

Opening Weekend Movies - 6/08/07

Hostel II - Torture porn gets a new addition to its fledgeling genre with the sequel to last years' Hostel, and this one is still directed by Eli Roth. I guess he likes to find new and inventive ways to slice and dice young Hollywood starlets. This particular entry focuses on chicks who are vacationing in Europe, rather than guys . . . so you know, it's totally different man. Go watch it. Just don't take your kids like the family that took theirs when I went to see the first one.

Oceans Thirteen - Not officially a third movie if you look at the title, but since the new millenia is the time of the trilogy, this third movie in the George Clooney/Brad Pitt/Matt Damon/everyone else who is cool in Hollywood right now, comes out this weekend. It should make a decent amount of cash. Even if it ends up being subpar to their last two films. Will I go watch this? Possible. But there are better ways to waste 20 bucks these days.

Surf's Up - Ok . . . it's a penguin movie. I know there have been some already. But this one is CG animated. Like "Happy Feet"? Fuck no. This one has the penguins . . . are you ready for this . . . surfing! And it has a chicken. None of the other penguin movies had a chicken in them, right? So you can see now that this is totally an original idea and everyone should go . . . "flock" . . . hehe . . . to this movie. See what I did there. I used an avian term because we're talking about birds to describe how you should all amass and go to the movie. That joke is as original as this movie is.

Jericho Emerges from Network Ashes

If you remember, a couple of weeks I posted a link leading to an online petition to save the CBS show "Jericho". It looks like the outpouring of support for the unfairly cancelled show has yielded favorable results, as CBS is ordering 7 episodes of the show for mid-season of 2008. And it might not end there. This is what CBS has to say about it.

To the Fans of Jericho:

Wow!

Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard.

As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of “Jericho” for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more “Jericho,” we will need more viewers.

A loyal and passionate community has clearly formed around the show. But that community needs to grow. It needs to grow on the CBS Television Network, as well as on the many digital platforms where we make the show available.

We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks.

At this time, I cannot tell you the specific date or time period that “Jericho” will return to our schedule. However, in the interim, we are working on several initiatives to help introduce the show to new audiences. This includes re-broadcasting “Jericho” on CBS this summer, streaming episodes and clips from these episodes across the CBS Audience Network (online), releasing the first season DVD on September 25 and continuing the story of Jericho in the digital world until the new episodes return. We will let you know specifics when we have them so you can pass them on.

On behalf of everyone at CBS, thank you for expressing your support of “Jericho” in such an extraordinary manner. Your protest was creative, sustained and very thoughtful and respectful in tone. You made a difference.

Sincerely,

Nina Tassler
President, CBS Entertainment

All you have to do now is watch and this show will continue to air and the stories that were started will be shown. I can't wait for this show to come back. Despite a couple of sappy show endings towards the beginning of the season, this show got real good real fast.

Kim Kardashian Ass Domination Tour Continues

Celebrities are pretty retarded most of the time. Near celebrities, like Kim Kardashian, that seem to redifine the term "attention whore" with every action they take, are even more so retarded. Case in point, these pictures taken as she was leaving a restaurant. Why would she start posing like she's an extra in a Bettie Page photoshoot? Or maybe she's about to pop-a-squat and pinch a loaf right there and then while waiting for the valet to pull around in her car? I don't know. I'm not Kim Kardashian, or crazy enough to relate to her. What I do know is that she's taking great pains to make us notice her ass . . . and it's becoming a personal pain in the ass to write about her. I mean, we just saw her sweatpant'ed ass just like a couple of days ago. We get it. You have junk in your trunk. Can we all just move the fuck along?


And why is she hanging out with her hot grand-mother? What? That's just a regular aged friend with a granny-face? Ooops . . .

Paris Hilton vs Legal System

Remember that 45 day jail sentence that Paris Hilton was handed down due to being caught driving her car on a suspended license? Yeah, the one that got cut down in half for "good behavior". Good behavior that really had not been performed because the sentence was reduced before she even set foot in jail. Ok . . . well . . she's free! After serving 3 fucking days in prison, Paris is out and on house arrest because she was having panic attacks and suffering depression and was having alleged suicidal thoughts. Doesn't that pretty much describe most of the jail population? Why don't we just let all of those fuckers out too . . . right? They can move in with Paris Hilton. She'd have a ball . . . or a couple of thousand. And about half that many penises. But seriously . . . when is Paris Hilton not happy when she's surrounded by a multitude of cocks and balls? Right?


UPDATE - She's going back to jail. In tears. Hooray!

Gyllenhaal Exposes Mamaries

Maggie Gyllenhaal was caught in public breastfeeding her child . . . and it's not as sexy as I would think it would be. It's probably the child that is suckling her teet for sustenance that kinda turns it off for me. They are some pretty looking knockers, but too bad they're currently being used for lactation purposes.