Road Rage - Justified

People at work tell me that they can't picture me being anything other than mellow. Something about my monotone voice. I told them that they haven't seen my road rage in action . . . and too bad they weren't around today in Pasadena around 2:30 pm. Let me explain what happened. My wife and I were on our way to breakfast (yes, at 2:30 pm) and we were understandably hungry. We were waiting for some people to turn left on Arroyo from Colorado Blvd, and the light was green and no one was coming from the other way. So, this prick not moving started to piss my wife off.

So, as soon as we get moving, I pull up next to the car (a piece of shit Camry) and I roll (not really, there's a button for that) down the window and I let out a "Fuck you!" accompanied with the classic flip of the bird. And I speed off, but . . . we get stuck next to the same car at a red light. So, instead of ignoring their piercing stares, I decide to roll down the window. This is how the calm and rational conversation went.

Me: Hey, fucker, ever thought about getting a driver's license? Think about driving better much!"

The driver, who was the father I'm assuming, just sits there and nods at me. I think I might have scared him, but his punk ass teenaged son thought I'd be a good idea to direct words towards me.

Teenaged Douche-bag son: Hey, shut up man! I'll get my homies up your ass!
Me: What? What was that dick. Up my ass? You have gay homies?!
Teenaged Douche-bag son: Shut up man.
Me: Whatever queer.

Then, the mother started getting into it a little bit, but I was done fighting with an entire family from my car to their car, so I drove off and we lost them after they didn't make the red. What was my wife doing during this entire tirade? Laughing her ass off. Most women would have sunk down into the seat in shame, but my wife is supportive like that. What a woman. Which, I think might have pissed off the family, because not only was I cussing them out for being a bag o' dicks . . . there was someone laughing at them the whole time.

We made it to IHOP and had a great breakfast/lunch.