Box Office Report - "Cowabunga Dudes!"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The number one movie in the land, is a CG-animated continuation of the movies that we all enjoyed in the early 90's . . . or was it the 80's? I don't even remember. It was so long ago. I don't even know if they still say "cowabunga" in the new one. I didn't watch it. My wife, on the other hand, during a moment of induced weakness, agreed to go watch this on Friday night with a couple of her friends and it left them all in various stages of disappointment. Nostalgia can only carry something so far. Hell, I can't count the number of things I used to love as a child and when I revisit them now, I'm left wondering just what the fuck was wrong with me.

300 - This movie I did watch, three weeks ago, and it continues to make tons of money. It can actually be weighed in that amount. I mean, how much do you think 160+ million dollars weighs. I'm pretty sure it's an unimaginable amount of money. There's only a few people that can tell you how much that weighs, but I'm sure Bill Gates and those Google guys just swim in their money. No time to weigh that shit.

Shooter - "Marky" Mark Wahlberg's newest tough hombre fare does not fare well on it's opening weekend, being that it got beat by a three week old movie where no one fires a single gun, and a movie that stars ninja turtles. Still, number three ain't that bad. If you're in the Special Olympics, where everyone is a winner. So, we can call "Shooter" this weekend's "special" movie. Good going. Do you want a lollipop?

Wild Hogs - Utter shit personified in celluloid form would be a better title for this movie about mid-life crisis white (and one token black guy - mah-tin!) guys taking the "weekend warrior" way of life as they hop on their Harley Davidson motorcycles and . . . apparently, some sort of hilarity ensues. Whatever. Just remember, when you go watch this movie, which has already made 120+ million dollars, you're punishing yourself. Might as well save the ten bucks and give yourself ten lashes. Your mind will love you. Your back, well, the two of you's won't be on speaking terms for a while. But remember . . . time heals all wounds.

The Last Mimzy - What is a "mimzy" and what is it doing in my top five? I know that "Dwight" from "The Office" is in this, but he was also in "Sahara" and you saw how much that stunk. This is the other kid film which opened this weekend that did not have catch-phrase spewing martial artist reptiles in half-shells, so it was expected to make a little money. Still, 10+ million is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you can clean your nose with a "mimzy", if that's what it is used for. Can someone tell me what the fuck a "mimzy" is!?