Box Office Report - Easter Suck-day

Blades Of Glory - For the second time in a row, the Will Ferrell/That guy from "Napoleon Dynamite" ice-skating movie takes the top spot. While there are funny people involved, it's not something that appeals to me. But, nevermind what I think America. Go watch this while other movies that deserve this spot flounder and end up making it harder for true quality films to be released instead of cookie-cutter crap like this.

Meet the Robinsons - Speaking of cookie-cutter crap . . . what's the recipe for semi-box office success these days? Oh yeah, sub-par CG-animated pieces of shit like this movie. Has Disney officially killed it's hand-drawn animation studio? All that talent that brought us such classic animated films like "The Jungle Book" and "Bambi" has turned into a Pixar knock-off. Why did Disney even buy Pixar? They should just let them handle the CG, and they should return to what made Disney . . . well, Disney.

Are We Done Yet - This is the most surprising debut of the weekend. What the fuck kind of world is it that we're living in when the sequel to a crappy Ice Cube movies opens with 15 million dollars. Are pigs flying? I looked outside my window right now and Los Angeles hasn't frozen over. So why people . . . why did you all collectively decide to go watch this instead of the next movie on the list.

Grindhouse - I made it a point to go watch this over the weekend. Sunday at 4:30 pm, in La Crescenta's UA theater ('cause I had a gift card), the wife and I went to go watch this. There were probably 20 other people in the theater that could easily seat over 400. All film geniuses like us. And then, for the next 3+ hours we were in cinematic bliss. Everything from "Planet Terror"s stylized and splashy gore to "Death Proof"s energetic and raw car chases/crashes was perfect. Even Tarantino's often wordy written word came through just right. And, both films had great "get the fuck out!" moments. I don't want to spoil anything for you, since, taking a look at their 11 million dollar opening weekend, you probably didn't watch it. Shame on you. It is your responsibility to watch "Grindhouse". Otherwise, it's just un-American.

The Reaping - Now this is more like it. Crappy theological-themed movies of the month always go after the good stuff. Not that I have any ill-will towards this. As far as movies dealing with supernatural biblical mumbo-jumbo, this looks way better than that Exorcist prequel that came out a couple of years ago (pick which version, because there were 2). But, Hillary Swank kind of kills it for me. Now, put Angela Lansbury in that role and she would definitely get to the bottom of it. In one hour. Just in time for my early bird senior citizen dinner. I like to digest while I watch my "Matlock".

Opening Weekend Movies - 4/06/07

Are We Done Yet - Well, this is a title that really applies while watching Ice Cube in the sequel to "Are We There Yet". Which, in it's own right, was the "Citizen Cane" of our generation, dontcha' think? I defy you to go watch this movie this weekend and to not look at your watch and wonder if this movie is done yet.

Firehouse Dog - OK, I don't know if Hollywood got the memo, but it's officially the year of the Pig, not the year of the dog. So, why is this movie, along with the "Underdog" movie coming out? I mean, is there really a demand for canine-fueled movies that have contrived plot points and story lines that would only make sense in the attention deficit disordered mind of a dog? Is Ice Cube also starring in this?

Grindhouse - This is the movie to watch this weekend. I mean, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez working together . . . again? Does lightning strike twice? Apparently yes. I am making a point of watching this on Sunday. The Lord would have wanted it that way. And by "Lord", I mean Danny Trejo, who has a starring role in a fake trailer that is (or should be if the MPAA didn't cut it out) running between "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof". Oh, and this cover of "Rolling Stone" magazine should also entice you to watch.


The Reaping - The only other competition to "Grindhouse" this weekend caters to the fans of religious based "thrillers" and lovers of Karate Kid part 4 stars. Yes, Hillary Swank stars in this movie where the Devil himself (not Sanjaya) haunts the bayous of Louisiana bringing with it plagues and Biblically-flavored oddities for our protagonists to ignore up until the end, when they will find their faith and overcome the forces of evil. Oh, did I spoil the ending? Did you think it was going to end any differently? Is Ice Cube in this one as well?