The Downfall of the English Language Sends and E-mail

It has become crystal clear to me that the people I work with are, for the most part because there are always exceptions to the rule, a bunch of grammatical retards. I got this e-mail in my work inbox (as well as everyone else in the unit) asking for contributions to celebrate a co-worker's birthday. Throughout the e-mail, anything in [] is me doing commentary on the material contained within the e-mail.

One of your co-workers birthday is arrivaling [arrivaling? When did that become a word? Is the new form of departure now departuraling?] soon we planned to celebrate on the 15th of the month. Xxxxxxx loves Popeyes chicken [I like it too, but I'm a vegetarian, so I'm contributing for food that I can't eat], everybody knows that food are expenses [I also know food is expensive], and we can’t afford to feed people that don’t contribute. So in order to make this date a successful one for xxxxxxx we are asking everyone in her unit to give $5.. [not sure why there's a double period there] Again this is for the chicken, cake or cheesecake (her speciality) [which she didn't make, so I think she meant her "favorite"] and etc…Keep in mind xxxxxxx gives to everybody…P.S. If you don’t donate we have to asked you not to help yourself with the food [what? I did donate, and I didn't help myself to the food]… ..Any questios please contact xxxx —ext.xxx & xxx-xxx ext.xxxxx

I x'd out the person's name and extension for their protection, but this e-mail was seriously circulated to every single person in my unit. Furthermore, it was authored by someone that just celebrated working for the bank 30 years. That's longer than I have been alive. You'd think that in those 30 years of service, she would have learned how to write something semi-coherent, but I guess not.