Russel Simmons Def Uniform Jam

I had read in some blogs last week that Russel Simmons had agreed to update the McD's uniforms, agreeing to add some "urban flava" to the drab clothing those poor slave workers are using. This, is apparently untrue, as this quote pulled from Yahoo! news confirms:

"Not only is it not true, I am not in talks with them, I'm a vegan! It goes against my principles," he said at an in-store appearance in Vancouver where he is promoting his Phat Pharm clothing line and practising his own brand of hip hop yoga."

He also states in the same article that he doesn't eat anything that runs away from him . . . let's just hope he never meets my dog. He'd run to him, and Simmons might just make a tasty meal out of him. The Squishter does look mighty sausage-y.

The point of this? Don't believe everything you read in a Blog. Most of the time, we're full of shit. Dahra dah dah dah . . . I'm loving it.

Conversations With The Sal - Episode II

03:35PM The Sal: ay man
03:35PM The Sal: u ever watch family guy
03:35PM Me: who doesn't
03:35PM The Sal: i just got turned on to it
03:36PM The Sal: that shows a trip and a half
03:36PM Me: you like fat guys then huh
03:36PM The Sal: lol
03:36PM The Sal: shut up man
03:36PM Me: peter's man boobs turn you on
03:36PM The Sal: ugghhh
03:36PM The Sal: you said it yourself man
03:36PM The Sal: no i didnt
03:36PM Me: (quoting The Sal)The Sal: i just got turned on to it
03:36PM The Sal: wow
03:37PM Me: so, you got turned on to watching that show huh
03:37PM The Sal: ya
03:37PM The Sal: that baby is a trip too
03:37PM Me: i hope you had some moist towelettes on hand
03:37PM The Sal: what
03:37PM Me: or at least some bounty
03:37PM Me: the quicker thicker picker upper
03:38PM The Sal: man u watch tooo much tv
03:38PM Me: yeah, but i don't spooge whenever i watch family guy
03:38PM The Sal: what
03:38PM The Sal: i dont
03:38PM Me: you just said it turns you on
03:39PM The Sal: nevermind
03:39PM Me: this is going in the blog you know
03:40PM The Sal: "turned on to the show" means i just started watching it cuz someone was watching and i happen to be there and i now i will
03:40PM The Sal: get it
03:40PM The Sal: got it
03:40PM The Sal: good

How almost every single conversation I have with the Sal over Jabber turns into some closet homosexual examination of his psyche is beyond me. I just know that it's hilarious making a (inactive) marine squirm. I'm such a bastard to my friends.

El Oh El.

Aguilera in Cat Fight

Looks like Christina Aguilera had a little dust up with a "deranged" fan at a night club somewhere or other (don't really care to research this much). It ended up in her either spraining her arm, or breaking it . . . regardless, that's why she's sporting that oh so chic cast on her arm. Black is the new White when it comes to arm casts I guess. I just want to know how this is going to affect her (alleged) lucrative career of giving hand jobs in the back of an alley. Do you get workman's comp for being a slut? I don't know.

Actually, it would appear that she's trying to tramp-down her look a bit. She's back to blonde, but she's still wearing attrocious looking outfits. I don't mind the jeans, but what's with that top. Ooh, girlfray'n, no you di'int". I swear rich people are fashion unconcious.

Rush Hour 3 in Gridlock

I don't know just who Chris Tucker thinks he is . . . but he's pulling some very diva-ish moves that is slowing down the production schedule of the "long anticipated" (by whom, I have no idea) Rush Hour 3. Here are Jackie Chan's remarks concerning Mr Tucker.

"He wants too much power. The movie company hasn't obliged. He wants final editing rights and the final look at the movie and so on," Chan told The Associated Press Thursday. "He's still a new actor. How many movies has he made? Two movies have already made him very famous and made him a lot of money. He needs to learn slowly."

Now, I don't know about you, but I'd like to personally thank Tucker for slowing down the production. I have no interest whatsoever in watching a third Rush Hour movie, and would hate it if this one joke franchise's third outing made a ton of money at the box office. I have no ill-will towards Chan, I love the out-takes after every single movie he makes. Maybe he could put out a DVD with just out-takes. Screw the movie, just show us you getting hurt, or accidentaly punching a nun in the face. You know this is what we want to see. I'd pay 5 bucks to get that movie from the girl a couple of cubicles down from me.

Woof Woof - Oy Vay!

After taking our Basset Hound, Squishy, to the dog park yesterday, the wife and I are convinced that he is a Jew. Not that he displayed any sort of greedy tendencies, no avarice, and he wasn't sporting a yamakka. What leads me to believe that our Squishster is of Jewish descent (other than his large schnoze) is that he got attacked by two different German Shepherds.

I've owned German Shepherds in the past, and maybe these two were somewhat territorial and ticked off for some reason, but I think their deep down ingrained Nazi breed-brain washing can rear it's ugly head from time to time. Squishy is not an aggressive dog at all. He plays with any living being, and yes, he can be a little overzealous in his displays of affection, but he's an overall well-meaning pup. Maybe he sniffed the wrong ass yesterday, but it really should not have warranted the German Shepherd to bark and chase him away the first time.

The 2nd time was a little later, when the owners of the dog were on their way out. This time, it was totally unprovoked, as Squishy was just hanging out towards the middle of the dog park, and this asshole of a German Shepherd just lunged at him and tried to take a bite off his ass. He managed to scamper off unharmed, so that was a relief. I just don't get why he would be attacked like that. Maybe the other dog had ball envy, I don't know, but it was fairly odd.

This discovery of my dog possibly being Jewish is going to change the way we celebrate the holiday season by the way. We're going to have to give him 8 presents instead of the customary 1 he's been getting for Christmas. I don't know how well he'll do lighting his own Menorah, but whatever, if I have to help him practice his beliefs, then so be it.

Batman Rebooted

Like an annoying PC, it was time for the Batman franchise to be rebooted. That last one with the Bat-nipples and the Governor of California as the villian was a travesty. Thousands of comic book fans bowed their heads in shame as Schumacher pissed all over the franchise with his directorial touches. Years have passed since that, and DC comics (owned by Warner Brothers) has finally put out the franchise saver - "Batman Begins".

Hiring on Christopher Nolan to direct was a relative stroke of genius. Coming from an "indie" background, he would seem like an unlikely choice. "Memento" was a sleeper hit, "Insomnia" might have been flawed, and I bet noone saw "Following", so taken this somewhat unproven entity must have made the studio nervous. What he crafted here was a deep origin story, with the non-action parts actually being much more interesting than the action sequences.

Now, it might seem that I am licking Warner Bro's balls right now, at the very least kissing their cheeks (the ones that the sun don't shine on), but this is the comic book movie of the year. It's so good that calling it a comic book movie might be a detriment to the film itself. With the current crop of these genre films coming out (I'm looking at you Fantastic Four) the future of this already exploited segment of filmed entertainment seems bleak. I really hope that they slow the production of them down and Hollywood can go back to mining a different source.

So, what's good? The writing by David Goyer is top notch when it's focusing on the characters. The stuff with Bruce Wayne and Ducard is golden. Goyer is a talented writer . . just keep him away from the director's chair (Blade Trinity ring any bells?). Christian Bale is the quintessential Bruce Wayne. The duality that the role demands for is serviced beyond what is necessary by his acting skills. Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox is fantastic. The man can't turn in a bad performance though. Gary Oldman's subdued Jim Gordon character is a departure of the characters that he usually plays (The Professional, The Fifth Element), and he nails the nuance that is needed to play the part. Also good is Liam Neeson. Here he plays a sage-like character, not much different than Qui-Gon Jin character he played in the Phantom Menace, but with a layer of misguided and sinister evil that can turn the most righteous of man into a follower of his clan.

The bad? Well, I've never been a fan of Katie Holmes, and her performance here does not make me change my mind. The only good thing I saw in her performance was the ever present NHO (nipple hard-on) her character prominently displayed. The Scarecrow, played by Cillian Murphy (28 Days Later), I think got the short end of the stick. He seemed like a goon, when he could have been used to truly be a terrifying character. Then, we come to the action. The movie was great up until the action set pieces came into play. You have to remember, that Nolan is no action director. He did wonderful work with the character development bits, but when it came to the action, too many quick cuts and hard to follow editing muddled what should have been great action scenes.

It can be argued that the hard to follow action scenes would be appropiate for a Batman movie. You're not supposed to be able to tell what Batman is up to. This is used effectively towards the beginning of the movie, when he takes out the thugs in the pier. And that Tumbler chase scene was just ass. I liked the concept of the Tumbler as a more realistic looking and acting vehicle, and I have no problem with the way it looks, it's just the chase scene was a little more reckless that what the ideal Batman chase scene should be. It really doesn't make sense that a concerned Batman would bust through walls and fly from rooftop to rooftop with a totally terrified passenger that could have a fear induced heart-attack at any second.

For the most part though, this is a very good re-start to the franchise. It was worth the free ticket, free soda, and free popcorn (thank you AMC rewards card) that I spent on it. And the reason this review is up so damn late, is because I was waiting for the movie to get out of that special engagement "no passes" thing. I'm a player on a budget, G-dawg home slice.

Ouch of the Day (7/08/05)

This should be a cautionary picture for everyone. If you're riding something with more than one wheel . . . make sure that at least one of them stays on the ground at all times. I know motocross is a fairly popular "sport" these days . . but who is it popular with? Rednecks. The same NASCAR loving folk. Anyone with half a brain not corroded by generations of inbreeding would realize that "Hey, maybe it's not such a good idea to go flying throught the air on a machine that was clearly not meant to fly". Just a thought though. I do endorse rednecks flying through the air in highly combustible contraptions though . . . it's great for population control, and it might increase their gene-pool. Although, I doubt it. They have more flipper footed, cross-eyes, cone-headed cousins than a Circus Freakshow Convention could ever hope to muster.

How Hot is That?

Yeah, that's pretty hot (conceptually speaking) right there. Kinda makes me want to join the Imperial Army. Screw the force (damn Jedi pansies), just tell me what part of the Death Star this little number resides at. And actually, I'd prefer it if she kept the helmet on. That's the "In a galaxy far far away"'s high tech version of the paper bag. Ha! Now where did I put my Grand Moff Tarkin outfit. I wonder if the wife will mind it if I dress her up like a Storm Trooper. She didn't mind the Catholic School Girl thing . . and she ain't even catholic. So this, being a non-religious based fantasy, should be a little less of a hurdle to get over. I'll have to put this on the list of "things to do".

I'm Only Human

I know it may seem that I am some sort of blogging Man-God . . or a Demi-God at least, but if you noticed that yesterday (Thursday for the calendar-maniacs) I did not post a single thing on here . . then yeah, I missed a day. I had some personal matters to attend to. None of your damn business by the way, so don't ask. And I assure you that the first amendment only applies to myself in this here little corner of the internet.

Actually, the post prior to this one, the one about Bobby Brown, was going to go up at around 11 PM last night, but by some unfortunate click/keystroke, it was deleted near the end of the composing (yes, cause this is an art biatch) process, and I was too lazy to re-type the whole thing. I'm not making excuses. I know I have a loyal fanbase in the 10's . . . . of thousands . . . . I wish, that hunger for the words that I type. Relax, there's no need for Seppukku or Hara Kiri, I'm back. Expect at least one more post today.

Being Bobby Brown . . .

. . . is a fate that I would not wish upon my most feared enemy (of which I have plenty, being so super is really taxing on the enemy front). But hey, looks like Bravo has decided to not air something homesexual related for once. My brain is currently divided as to what my opinion the television show is. Half of it thinks it's the worst crap ever filmed, we're talking worse that the Spice Girls movie . . . and the other half (the sadistic one I might add) loves that someone had the balls to actually put this on television.

I mean, it's Bobby Brown. The opening of one of the episodes had him talking to two middle aged white men and asking them if they recognized him. They didn't, obviously, I think they just thought he was a lazy waiter with a film crew following him around. It's ok though, 'cause Bobby made it a little easier for them by putting his hands behind his back as if they were handcuffed and bowed his head in pretend shame. Then the two white guys were able to tell who he was.

There is not one ounce of gravitas to this show. One segment I viewed had him arguing with a shoe. Yes, he was drunk, but let me reiterate. A SHOE! Not a pair. Just one. "Get off me shoe! Quit following me around!" Granted, the shoe was stuck to his pant leg by some odd reason, but still . . . instead of reaching down and manually removing the shoe, he kept kicking around like an idiot, while the shoe stayed where it was . . . loosely attached to his pants.

In case you're wondering, yes, Whitney Houston does show up, and yes, she is as crazy as you thought she was. She's so damn out of her mind that she makes Bobby seem normal. That's saying a lot. He's close to retarded, but when Whitney's around, he almost comes off as an idiot savant. And she's such a damn diva too. Totally out of touch with the reality that is her long lost fame. Even when a couple of tourists (they filmed them when they were on vacation . . from what? I have no idea) tried taking pictures with her, she flat out declined. Bobby, on the other hand, was extremely happy to take pictures with the one or two fans he's got left. I mean, I still bump that Ghostbusters rap he made, but really, what's he done lately that is even considered barely decent.

I'm starting to think that the sadistic half of my brain is winning out on wether I will continue to watch this. I'm in no way endorsing this program. You'd be way better off watching 30 Days, The Inside, Nip/Tuck, Rescue Me, or any other quality programming . . . I think this will become a guilty pleasure for me. Kinda like The Surreal World. I don't watch it 'cause it's insightful . . . I just want to see what outlandish thing happens next.

Ouch of The Day (7/06/05)

I'm pretty sure that arm is not supposed to be bend like that. Actually, I am damn near positive that something went horribly wrong just prior to this picture being taken. I can't feel much sympathy though, since the guy is a weight lifter, and he's wearing tights. Any man who voluntarily wears tights deserves to have their arm bent in a totally wrong way. Like totally . . . . what am I? A valley girl all of the sudden?

Whatever.

Look at his face though. That's priceless. I hope he's framed this and put the picture over his mantle. It'll serve the purpose of reminding him that he should not always shoot for the stars, or whatever inspirational cliche you adhere to. The point is, people should know their boundries. This guy learned it the hard way. Don't make the same mistake.

Conversations with The Sal

Instant messaging conversations with The Sal almost always take a turn to the humorous (at least for me). We usually type out all communication between the two of us . . . god forbid we actually traveled the 1 cubicle distance to speak face to face. Hey, we have calls to take. Pfft! Anyway, here's today's gem.

12:36PM Me: the friend who works at apple said it would be easy to get me a job there
12:37PM The Sal: how bout me man
12:37PM The Sal: hook it up man
12:37PM The Sal: hahah
12:38PM Me: i know man, how much do you like the sac* area?
12:38PM The Sal: i unno
12:39PM The Sal: i havent really spent to much time up there but it would be good for change of pace man
12:40PM Me: so . . . spending time in the sac area would be a welcome change of pace for you
12:40PM Me: is that what you're saying?
12:40PM The Sal: ohh man
12:40PM The Sal: no man
12:40PM Me: i knew it!
12:40PM The Sal: no playin in "sac" area for me
12:41PM Me: it gets pretty hot down there in the sac area
12:41PM Me: you have to watch out for the warm breezes
12:41PM The Sal: aight man
12:44PM Me: that's going in the blog man
12:45PM The Sal: no man
12:45PM The Sal: i dont spend time in sac areas

El Oh El

*Refers to the Sacramento area . . in case you have been recently lobotomized and need a little help getting the joke . . also, Sac sounds like Sack . . which is were most men keep their testicles. Get it now? Stupid.

Slammed Lil' Kim

Someone should have told Lil' Kim that lying to a grand jury in a case involving a shoot-out would not turn out well. She's headed to prison for a whole year, paying a fine of $50,000 bucks, and will most likely become Big Bertha's newest bitch while inside whatever correctional facility she's being placed in. Sounds good to me, I can't stand to look at her. Even posting that horrid picture of hers is just making my stomach cringe. I don't know why some people find this diminutive troll doll attractive . . . all the plastic surgery and skin bleaching just ruined what as an "ok" looking hoodrat.

But, I bet she learned her lesson. Or will learn it with a broomstick up her pooper while in jail, either way . . Justice is served.

Craving Adoptions

Angelina Jolie, amidst rumors of being pregnant with the illegitimate love child of Brad Pitt, is adopting again. This time, she's adopting an African little girl who's parents were lost to AIDS. Now, I would normally say "good for you kind citizen", but this is Jolie. I don't want to see her in some sort of matronly role . . unless I've been a bad boy and she's handing out spankings . . . er . . I mean . . oh forget it.

She already has one adopted Cambodian child. Adopting third world country babies must be like getting tattoos . . .you can't stop at one. Has she ever heard of the "Adopt a Highway" program? It would end up being cheaper. And seriously, if you saw what she named this poor little girl. What is up with celebrities and picking for their kids outlandish (or unique) names. What ever happened to "Bob" or "Anne". Any day now, those are going to be the new hot/weird names. Once the morons in Hollywood extinguish their source of clever namesakes . . . they'll get back to the good ol' regular names.

Ouch of the Day (7/05/05)

For those of you going through "Ouch of The Day" withdrawals . . . you need to seek help. Professional help. Seriously, you are one fucked up individual if you look forward to the things I post up here for the sake of making people cringe. Otherwise, if you had noticed that I had not posted in anything in a couple of days . . . then you're ok. The reason? I was out of town, and even though I had access to an internet connection with wireless connectivity just like I do at home, I just didn't feel like posting. So what? You gonna make something of it? Fine then, punk. I'll meet you outside, by that tree in the lunch yard.

Anyway . . . while that idiot waits for me to go out there for a rumble . . . you might be wondering just what happened to this guy with the hand . . . or what's left of it. Looks like he was working some sort of a saw, and he slipped, hand went in, ended up looking like that. Power tools are dangerous I tell you. People don't kill people . . . Idiots with power tools kill people. And yes, I am considering a gun a power tool. It gets the job done with power right?

The guy ended up having to get 4 operations to get back to normal. It must have cost him . . . an arm and a leg, bwahahahahaha . . . it was just too easy.

New Ab Workout

I think I'm going to have to start some sort of "Mariah Watch" feature, 'cause it seems that every couple of days . . .she does something completely insane. Like the picture above. I guess it might have seemed like a good idea at the time to draw on some fake abs onto Chubby Carey's midsection . . . but in retrospect, this just seems idiotic. It does remind me of a Strong Bad skit, so in that sense, it is pretty funny.



But everyone knows that Strong Bad is much sexier with his drawn on abs than Mariah will ever be. Just look at him . . . oozing sexuality with an unbridled fervor that drives the chicks wild. That unchecked machismo that makes Tom Selleck's "Magnum PI" moustache look like Ethan Hawke's scraggly pubic chin hairs. I just pray my wife doesn't see this . . . or she might decide to leave me for the cartoony man-god that is Strong Bad.

The Beauty is Beast-less

Shannon Elizabeth files for divorce from her husband of three years. The reason, irreconcilable differences . . . which loosely translates to: "What the hell was I thinking?? I married this? I thought I was picking up a puppy at the pound". Just look at this guy though, I'm not studly myself and I managed to marry a pretty girl, but this guy makes Meatloaf look good . . . and I ain't talking about the singer. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that Shannon Elizabeth will be dating a hunk of meatloaf next just to get over that Cromagnon missing link of an ex-husband she had.

I actually saw the couple when they were still together at the Melrose Starbucks across the street from the Urban Oufitters a couple of years ago. She was trying to hide the fact that she was who she was under a baseball cap. When I saw the guy she was with, I thought maybe it was her scary uncle, the one that will want to tell you a story while you sit on his lap, just as a pretense to give you a "bad touch". Now that I think about it really hard (don't try this at home, you might hurt yourself), it wasn't to try to avoid papparazzi . . . it was to avoid anyone recognizing her and realizing that she had married that lump of walking crap.

Caught the Red Eye

Usually, when people catch the "red eye", it's an overnight flight. For us, it's an overnight drive. What kinda crazy shit is that? Well, I like to live on the dangerous side of life. Plus, there's nothing like coming home from a long trip and sleeping into the early afternoon like today. Good thing I have the day off from work, or else I'd be in a bit of a bind. So, how did this "red eye" car ride come about? Well, I'll tell you.

After being released from the cubicle prison on Friday, the wife and I took a 6 hour car ride up to Sacramento to visit a very good friend of mine and check out the area. Recently, there's been talk about moving up there, greener pastures, better opportunities, you know the deal. We wanted to check out the area he lived in, just to make sure that the sweet job he told me about would be found in an equally sweet area. Our suspicions were confirmed as we were shown around the town of Elk Grove just south of Sacramento. Very quaint, quiet . . . a total 180 degree turn from what Los Angeles is. I think when we move there by the end of the year, it will impact our lives quite a bit, in an extremely positive way.

So, that's that . . Come Sunday night, we felt ready to leave the area, antsy to get back to our bed and away from my friend's couch bed. Not that we didn't appreciate his hospitality, it's just kind of hard to sleep with a metal beam right on the small of your back. Not sure if anyone that reads this has had the extreme displeasure of sleeping on one of those torture devices . . .but the 2nd night there, we preferred sleeping on couch cushions layed out on the floor rather than on that terribly uncomfortable piece of "furniture".

Around 12:30 AM, Monday morning, we decided to hit the road. The car had developed an uncomfortable knocking sound that was, at the time, most likely emanating from the drive train . . but I ain't no mechanic, so my diagnosis is not to be taken without a grain of salt. We stopped to refuel right before we got on the I-5 going south to load up on coffee and snacks. I chose to start the drive with 24 ounces of fresh java . . . nice and hot, and overflowing with caffeine. I was going to need it, since our ride has a manual transmission, and Heather does not know how to drive it.

At about hour 3 of the trip down, feeling kinda sleepy, I decided to pull over into this hole in the wall town that was all gasoline stations and fast food restaurants. I splashed some water on my face, got another 24 ounces of coffee, and made one of the worst decisions of the whole entire trip. We got ourselves a frosty from the Wendy's attached to the gas station. Now, usually . . getting a frosty is a pleasurable experience . . . and we're talking sexual euphamism here as well . . . the process of getting this particular frozen dessert was extremely painful. First of all, there were only 2 employees present, one that spoke english, and one that didn't. Guess which one was the lazy one? Yeah, english speaking whore was the one sitting in the restaurant part, doing absolutely jack shit about extending some customer service. Non-speaking moustached idiot female employee who did not speak a lick of english was (wo)manning the counter. I must have tried 10 times to explain to her that I wanted a medium frosty. Nothing, she kept calling to the other lardass bitch to come over, and she eventually, and reluctantly, decided to earn her minimum wage. She slothfully came around and took our order. Then, we sat around for 10 minutes waiting for this simple "pull a lever and dispense frozen dessert" process.

Only when I was forced to raise my voice (which never happens, I'm a very calm and reserved individual most of the time) at these idiots did they decide to jump to work. English speaking idiot thought that I had said "Medium Fries" . . . how she got that is besides my realm of comprehension. All I have to say is . . . ever since Dave Thomas kicked the bucket, Wendy's has been in a steady decline. Too bad, I used to like eating there on occassion. Anyway, pissed off and tired, I tell English speaking whore "Can I get my money back, I just want to get the hell out of here" . . and do you know what she said? "No". What??!! I once had to send back a bad salad at which the manager of the Burbank Wendy's promptly produced a five dollar bill for and said "I'm sorry it was not to your liking, here's the money back" and this bitch just denied me a refund for a purchase that had not been yet delivered to me?? And then I said "well, you idiots are taking way too long getting my goddamn frosty" and she says "Oh, well, I thought you said fries, so she's making them now". I retort with "Well, even if I had said fries, does it take 10 minutes to make fries? I just want some goddamn service here". 30 seconds later, the frosty was in my hand, and as we left, Heather spat twice . . not just once, twice at what ever papers the fat bitch was working on in the restaurant part of the Wendy's.

Incredible, yes . . . but it did help me wake up. I was too infuriated about that whole process to feel sleepy at all. That, and I noticed we were only 140 miles away from Los Angeles. Less than 2 hours of travel . . at the current rate of speed that I was doing (about 95 - 100 mph) which, by the way, must have knocked whatever was wrong with my car back into place. The knocking sound the car was making disappeared after that stop. Very weird, I know, but I'm glad it's not so prevalent, it seems to rear it's ugly head whenever I make a slight right turn.

We arrived in the Los Angeles area at around 5:45 AM, which is just over 5 hours. Damn excellent time if i do say so myself. Shaved a whole hour from the trip up, and we even made it out here alive. Never underestimate the power of 48 ounces of coffee. And, if you're ever traveling on the I-5 between Los Angeles and Sacramento, and stop at the Pilot gas station with the Wendy's attached to it, make sure to never ever ever order anything from there. For curiosity's sake, you might want to go in there and point and stare at the superbly terrible customer service they offer. And feel free to spit on them. Tell them Jaime sent you.

*Music I listed to while coming up with this entry:
Pulp Song - Stellastarr
Rebellion (Lies) - The Arcade Fire
Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
Radio War - Iron and Wine
The Battle for Straight Time - A.C. Newman
Moody Monday - Damien Rice
Goodnight Moon - Shivaree
Road to Joy - Bright Eyes
Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset - Modest Mouse
Recycled Air - The Postal Service
Bartender and the Thief - Stereophonics
One - Aimee Mann

I'm Getting too Old for this Shit

Today my body has been racked by aches and pains. Why? Extra hard workout at the gym? Long distance running? Nah . . . 3 hours of bowling. Yeah, bowling kicked my ass this week. I feel like I worked out like a beast yesterday, but in reality, I was just kicking back a beer and bowling 4 frames with the rest of the finance department.

Not that it wasn't fun. I had not been bowling in a while, and I think I'm finally getting the hang out putting a spin on the ball like the pro's do. The thing is, I'm trying to figure exactly when I got old. Years ago, I would do any sort of physical activity with no detrimental feelings later on. Now, I run up a flight of stairs and I'm winded. This current state is most likely not aided by the fact that I am extremely out of shape right now . . . despite the fact that I pay a monthly gym membership fee.

But tied to this whole feeling old thing, is me decreasing the number of gym visits per week. I find myself promising to go a couple of times extra the following week, only to do the same. It's a cycle that I need to break, I'm just not sure how. Should I go back to supplements like Xenadrine, protein shakes, and stuff like that to help me get back to the way I felt 6 years ago? And can I even afford to maintain that sort of diet w/supplements. I don't think so. Even going on an Atkins light diet would put too much of a strain on our finances. Eating crap is much cheaper than doing a diet . . sad to say.

So, if you have any suggestions, feel free to comment.

Ouch of The Day (07/01/05)

OLE! I thought the previous bull-related picture I posted last week was painful. That one had the horn up the "torero's" butt . . . but this horn is clearly applying the pressure to the poor man's phallus. I cringe when I see this. I have experienced pain in that area, and I am glad to say that it was nowhere near as bad as what this poor guy is going through. "Oooh, tell us about your experiences with penile pain" is what you're probably thinking right now . . . damn sadists.

Ok, back in the first grade, I was foolhardy enough to tell a hot-headed then friend that his "head is hanging from your balls". Remember, this was the 1st grade, so the obsenity generating portion of my brain was not as developed as it is now. I have no idea why this would have angered this kid so much. Next thing I know, he's kicked me in the nuts with all the force his young legs could generate . . . and I'm out cold. Next thing I know, I wake up to the fondling of my balls by the school nurse. I guess she was checking if they were still in one piece, uh huh. We were both sent to the principal's office, upon which I had to repeat what I had told my former friend.